Clusterfuck Card!

[Guest Suicide King]

CLUSTERFUCK 2004

AN SWF PAY-PER-VIEW EXTRAVAGANZA!

Sunday February 1st, matches due at 8 pm!

Live from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio!

Theme song “Only the Strong" by Flaw!

 

FEATURING…

 

"The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs. The Wildchild

in a Ladder Match for the ultimate cruiserweight bragging rights!

 

These two men are undoubtedly among the finest athletes our federation has ever produced. Each man has been challenged by the Commissioner to examine themselves and the other to see if they could answer who was the superior cruiserweight. Well, each man came to a slightly different conclusion to say the least. Their roads have led them to this point, where the issue will be decided once and for all. But what is the mysterious incentive that the Commissioner has promised to the winner?

Rules: Suspended above the ring is a locked briefcase to which only the Commissioner possesses the key. The winner is the first man to retrieve said brief case. There are three and only three ladders at ringside, two regular sized ones and the Jeff Hardy skyscraper ladder. Use them as you see fit.

Send to: Suicide King

 

Sacred vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix

face off! Two champions enter, and one unified champion will leave!

 

Landon Maddix became the first and final SJL Unified World Champion this past week in this very arena. As promised, the SJL champion will have his chance to face the SWF United Stated Champion, one very upset Andrew Blackwell! It seems that Mr. Blackwell had his heart set on entering the Clusterfuck, but this upstart and the "powers that be" have conspired to keep him from the World Title! Maddix has his work cut out for him as he faces one of the most decorated champions in SWF history. But Maddix has been shown to have hidden reserves of skill and character, and Blackwell must face the very real possibility that this "n00b" can take him to the proverbial cleaners! And the winner will be the first ever USJL unified Champion!

Rules: Standard singles match, except that there will be a single unified champion at the end. This means that the title can and will change hands on a DQ or a count out.

Send to: realitycheck

 

Twenty SWF Superstars

THE CLUSTERFUCK BATTLE ROYAL!

 

Entry order:

 

1. Michael Craven

2. Mike Van Siclen

3. Manson

4. Dace Night

5. "The Notorious" John Duran

6. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

7. Aecas

8. The Memphis Eel

9. Jacob Helmsley

10. Xero

11. Stryke

12. Insane Luchador

13. HVT

14. "Coyote" Coy West

15. Jimmy "The Demon" Liston

16. Todd Royal

17. Janus

18. Alan Clark

19. Johnny Dangerous

20. Charlie "Grappler" Matthews

 

 

The annual melee for it all has once again returned! And that winner will have a prize sweeter than any other… a title match on his terms! Will a veteran win it? One of the new JL prospects? Craven has been punished with #1, and Matthews rewarded with #20. Stryke has wagered his very career in this his third Clusterfuck! Will the big man Thugg, here in his first CFuck, win? The winner of this event is marked by destiny it seems. Who will be the next to join the ultimate group of SWF elites?

Rules: Duh. I'm sure I need to explain these, but I will anyway. Two men begin in the ring, and another will join them every two minutes. A superstar is eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and having both feet touch the floor… when three competitors are left and all the contestants have entered from the back, the match will change to Triple Threat rules in which the first pin or submission will win! Once you are eliminated you will be escorted to the back by a phalanx of refs. The Unnamed's legal advisor and indeed any non-participant are barred from ringside. The entry order is unknown except for the ones listed in the description.

Numbers 1-7 send to: Grand Slam

Numbers 8-14 send to: chirs3

Numbers 15-20 send to: realitycheck

 

Each man will select two matches which will then be sent to: Suicide King, who will determine the ultimate winner!

 

And the Main Event…

 

"Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. Va'aiga

in a final end to an unholy rivalry!

 

A long and storied friendship, followed by a violent and troubled hatred... jealousy has festered in the big black heart of the Maori Badass, consuming what used to be a mutual respect between himself and the leader of the Unholy Trinity. Danny is no one's fool though, and if the only way to stop this threat is to face it down then he'll be damned if he lets mercy or friendship cloud his judgement. He will need all his skill and righteous rage to defeat the Boo Yah tonight. At least each man's stablemates will be exhausted from participating in the Clusterfuck...

Rules: All Japan rules. Basically there's a 20 count instead of a 10 for countouts, and they each get a second who won't be getting involved. And they get pretty, pretty streamers.

Send to: Suicide King

Edited January 27, 2004 by Suicide King

[Guest Suicide King]

SJLers, please put your stats in the SWF thread. You too, Memphis Eel.

[Secret Agent 0]

Is the rule that one can not eliminate themself still in effect, and no DQ for the triple threat?

 

On a side note: I'll bet Janus is already done.

[muzz 0]

Rockin' Card once again, should be very memorable.

 

I'm pullin' for a JL'er to surprise everyone and snatch the Fuck.

[Guest Suicide King]

You can eliminate yourself if you so choose. and triple threats are by definition no dq.

[janusd 0]

Is the rule that one can not eliminate themself still in effect, and no DQ for the triple threat?

 

On a side note: I'll bet Janus is already done.

Jeezus Johnny, give me a few minutes. I just got online.

[Guest Suicide King]

And while I am here, I will also be booking the card after CFuck. If you had a match that was scheduled for it via storyline, please PM its details to me as my brain is porridge now.

[Rawknight 0]

It's not a New Japan match.. it's an All Japan match, and yes that makes a huge difference.

 

Rules are simple. 20 counts instead of 10 counts on ring outs. Va'aiga and Danny are allowed seconds who will NOT be gettting involved. There will be streamers. Anything else is just designed to pull me and Danny into writing a specific style of match (well to pull me into it, Danny writes puroey stuff anyways)

 

And what this all signifies.... wait for MY build up promos

[Cuban Linx 0]

I'm liking it alot. This should be a super PPV, and i've got no work until after the match is due so i'll have no distractions in writing this one. The entry order even worked out to allow me to do a few things i wanted to do, so i'm as excited to write this one as any match i've been in.

 

I'm the first person to be involved in three Clusterfuck's, so here's hoping the third time really is the charm.

[Crowe 0]

A strong PPV card. I especially look forward to the opening match, should be a very interesting and exciting encounter.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Ha! I was right about Danny/Va'aiga... I was wrong about the inclusion of such wrestlers as Xero, Eel, and Liston being in the 'Fuck.

[hhh6294 0]

Sweet...

 

 

this should be hella fun to write. Good luck everyone, and here's hopin for a decent showing of the 'Fuckers!

[Ace309 0]

There will be streamers.

 

Thank god.

 

Well, not much to say about this card except it's damn exciting. I like to think that WC and I have that whole "main-event caliber guys fighting for pride" vibe going on, the JL consolidation continues, the clusterfuck itself is always entertaining and the main event should be streameriffic.

[Guest Goodear]

I'm saddened by The Memphis Eel's stats because its all 'Face/Heel: His name is The Memphis Eel, you figure it out' and I'm all well that makes it sound like he's a heel ... but I can't imagine anyone booing the Memphis Eel! I CAN'T! NO! NO! NO! Screw you Frosty, his return shall be glorious if I have anything to say about it!

 

I really don't though.

 

Cfuck is going to be real interesting considering the talent and the seeming lack of the bigger names since like 5 of them are off doing other stuff! I would say Grappler would be a favorite but I fear that being number twenty will hurt the guy since he won't be able to work his own character for 80% of the match. HVT is the biggest name, but as busy as he normally seems to be, I can't assume that he is goign to have time to do 20K worth of word smithing. I would even post myself as a favorite but I'm still working out some kinks with Coy! So I'm going to have to say that a SJLer will SHOCK THE WORLD! Especially since they make up half the thing and will have more experience with those characters. KINKY FUN GOODNESS!

[The Amazing Rando 0]

we only make up 40% ... and I think most people are rooting for IL

[HVilleThugg 0]

Coyjiro Fasakest....uhh, yeah, that's the best I can come up with...

 

I assure you, I have reserved plenty of time to write this. So, you can go back to saying that I'm the favorite to win.

 

Da "loves being conceited" H

[WrestlingDeacon 0]

Ejiro, in your heart the Eel can be whatever you want him to be. He is magic.

 

And in case it wasn't clear to some, the Eel just isn't a random body. I will be writing a match as the Eel and if I win (big if there) I will be returning on a full time basis as the Eel. Someone needs to host that swank Eel banner that Va'aiga made up for me. I might be needing it.

[Guest Goodear]

Now Xero... he's a random body.

[muzz 0]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

... I like to think that WC and I have that whole "main-event caliber guys fighting for pride" vibe going on...

Don't tell Duran...

[Guest Goodear]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

Like what? 2100 K is almost a minimum as far as I'm concerned (750 words ~ two minutes * 28 entries) and if you've gotten that far... hell, might as well go as long as you feel like.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

28, Ejiro? whaa?

 

750 * 18 = 13.5K plus an extra 5-6K or so for the beginning of the match and the stuff after #20 enters.

[Guest Goodear]

I'm retarded. I mutliplied it by 28 because of the Royal Rumble.

[muzz 0]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

Like what? 2100 K is almost a minimum as far as I'm concerned (750 words ~ two minutes * 28 entries) and if you've gotten that far... hell, might as well go as long as you feel like.

Something like 16 - 18 Thousand. On one hand, you don't want people going completely overboard, but you also want a level playing field.

 

Or 20+, because I'm being unreasonable.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

Like what? 2100 K is almost a minimum as far as I'm concerned (750 words ~ two minutes * 28 entries) and if you've gotten that far... hell, might as well go as long as you feel like.

2100 K? Wouldn't that be, like, 2.1 million words?

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Screw IL, Mike's going to take it all~

[muzz 0]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

Like what? 2100 K is almost a minimum as far as I'm concerned (750 words ~ two minutes * 28 entries) and if you've gotten that far... hell, might as well go as long as you feel like.

2100 K? Wouldn't that be, like, 2.1 million words?

Craven's been hard at work since last year's 'Fuck.

[Guest Goodear]

I'm dissapointed that there's not some sort of word limit on the 'Fuck.

Like what? 2100 K is almost a minimum as far as I'm concerned (750 words ~ two minutes * 28 entries) and if you've gotten that far... hell, might as well go as long as you feel like.

2100 K? Wouldn't that be, like, 2.1 million words?

Do I need to reassert that I'm an idiot? Because I will.

 

 

OMG I'm slowly becoming my character SWEET MERCY CRAP!

[Rawknight 0]

Lookie - A Tractor Pull!

[Guest TheAntipop]

I could've won it if King wasn't purposely holding me down (if ya know what I mean).