SWF Smarkdown Comments

[Sly 0]

Boo... Toxxic is sent back to the swelling midcard.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Congrats to Zack, Dace, Sly, Mike, Landon, Tom, and Kibs. In that order.

 

 

More indepth comments later.

[Cuban Linx 0]

Yay losing. Despite finishing about 1000 words under the word limit i was relatively happy with my match, but at least i actually showed seemingly for the fist time since the Eisenhower administration.

 

Zach's match looks to be quite good from first glance, as soon as i get a chance i'll be eager to read it along with the rest of the show, something i've been neglecting to do lately.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

Yay losing. Despite finishing about 1000 words under the word limit i was relatively happy with my match, but at least i actually showed seemingly for the fist time since the Eisenhower administration.

 

Zach's match looks to be quite good from first glance, as soon as i get a chance i'll be eager to read it along with the rest of the show, something i've been neglecting to do lately.

To be honest Stryke, I think that what you DID write was actually better than Zach's match (which was also very good)... and you should really consider showing more often. That said... when it comes down to it, you really just can't get a match going in 2800 words, no matter how well it's written, and it felt just plain short. But seriously -- the writing is fab. PLEASE show more often. You really could soar up the card if you showed some consistancy.

 

...ANY consistancy.

[Dace59 0]

My usual stuff will be up in about 10 hours when I'm back from school and it's been written up.

 

But congrats to all the winners right now.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Congrats to the winners...which is about all I have time for, except to say...

 

W00T~! G0LD~!

[Guest Suicide King]

Hey guys. I just wanted to take this opportunity to apologize to Toxxic and Silent for having to pass their matches on to someone else. I was (and remain for another day or so) too sick to mark. I try not to do that as a matter of policy, but it seems like Z (who was kind enough to pick up my slack) did a fine job. He's no Suicide King, but I think he'll be ok.

[Kaertos 0]

I also have a little apologizing to do. I am sick as well, in fact I am thrilled that I have DVR because I fell asleep about 20 minutes into Raw last night and didn't really wake up until about an hour ago. Thus, I am sorry.

[Guest Aecas]

Only brief comments I'm afraid and they would be congrats to everyone who won

 

Oh yes and thank you to Mike for raising the dysfunctional team bar another notch for us

 

Oh yeah and one note Mike, my music is Amon Amarth's "Death in Fire" now not Dead Skin Mask.

[Toxxic 0]

Opening promo - Nice words from Danny, effective too. And I'd have really liked to go one-on-one with you. Maybe some other time.

 

Cortez vs Stryke

Good match and decent pacing. I like the little dynamic that's being set up where it's fairly obvious that Cortez is far more of a tweener in Sunset Boulevard while Van Siclen is bsically a full-fledged heel now. To my eyes the paragraphs are a bit too long and unbroken, and Comet calls Bobby Riley "Bobbo" and bit too often since he's usually fairly formal, but that's more a quibble over style than content. Some of the descriptions are a little flat in that they seem to describe what's going on without actually "feeling" it, but that's such a damn vague criticism that it's of virtually no use. Overall it's good, and big up to Zack for his first solo win!

 

Dace vs Crow vs Stryke

STOP PUSHING TOXXIC! Love it. Obviously you can see from the start that this is Dace's work. Annnnnnnnnd... decent brawling, I like Riley's comment on how Dace brings a chair while Spike and Crow are wrestling... and Spike smack the shit out of the other two for a while. Hmm, whatever. And eliminates Crow! Oh dear. But in the end the inevitable happens and the High Priest of Horrorcore has his way. i will say that a couple of Dace's sentences didn't make grammatical sense but for a brawling tablefest you can't fault it.

 

Austin Sly vs Insane Luchador

I mark for Sly, by the way. And I LIKE the interplay between Comet and Riley, even if Comet is a little rude for Mr Family Values. And I really, REALLY bought the Austin no-show there, so i was pleasantly surprised with the whole ambush thing. He pulled out a couple of surprising endings to matches, now we have a surprising start. Things can only get better.

 

Alan Clark vs Jacob Helmsley

Not all that much to say about this one. Perfectly good match, although i have seen Clark write better. Jacob got a flurry of offence in, Clark makes his face-in-peril comeback, it's all good.

 

Mike Van Siclen vs Aecas

A Shining Wizard will NOT nearly knock Aecas out, especially not at the start of a match. Guy is as tough as nails. i'm not sure that for someone with Strength 8 that MVS would count as a "huge weight" either. And... you know, taking off Aecas' boots is really, REALLY cheesy. The guy wears fucking New Rocks, they take an AGE to unlace. Overall, this match has a better flow to it than Aecas' but it's rather self-indulgent and (in my view) slightly inaccurate. The interplay between Comet and Riley is GOLD~ however.

 

MVS Promo

Hey, people are cheering Johnny! Go Johnny!

 

Coy West vs Landon Maddix.

How many times do I have to tell you people - MADDIX IS GOLD~! Brilliant match with some very funny comments littered throughout. Especially about soccer. And Maddix even takes off Coy's RUNNINGWORDSINTOEACHOTHERONACLOSEFALL. i love it. RESPECT your new champion, bitches.

 

Tom Flesher vs John Duran

Great match. It was obvious from the outset that Duran was jobbing because he was made to look so good... but a great match, and Duran standing up in the Wet Cement and then hitting a Northern Lights was really nice. Big up to Taamo, even though he was the obvious choice to win.

 

Kibagami Promo

Short and to the point, although I didn't say that Kibagami and Silent aren't the same person on the night I beat him, I said that on Lockdown. Hey ho.

 

Me vs Kibs

OK, i'm going to try not to be petty here since I actually think it's for the best that Kibs won. But... I'm a little miffed at the lack of my full entrance since the "Prepare To Be Proved Wrong" thing IS Toxxic. And I don't do the "X", that's Cortez. That aside - the opening sequence is very good, and the chain wrestling owns what I wrote. I'm not exactly sure what a Gedoh Clutch IS... but it didn't work anyway, so hey. The submission stuff is good too. Hey you know what? The onyl time Toxxic EVER does the Rock City Drop is when someone else writes him. i haven't even used it yet. Which for a Sig Move is pretty bad, and why it's about to be replaced. Oh, I don't think I've ever used a knife-edge either, but hey, that's a minor detail.

 

Overall, I'm not annoyed at all about being beaten by that match. I will agree with what Z said to me in chat that I thought my finish was better, but Kibs overall product did the business. And so Toxxic goes down to pinfall for only the second time. I'm gonna have to work harder, it seems.

 

Great show overall, and I'm so looking forward to Kibagami vs Danny.

[Dace59 0]

Comments:

 

Really nice opening promo, with Danny taking a very true and differenty way of promoing. Unlike me and maybe a few other people. I'm not surprised he's bringing in "The Man" storyline, or setting up both Toxxic and Kibs as good chellengers for the title. Just the sort of thing we need from a champ.

 

Opening match starts off face, as the Baseball Slide Dropkick durring the cross kissing is a nice heel spot. The ever used duck lariat transistion, tad thin on desc, but fast paced and flowing. Maybe feels a little thin on commetry over all. Like most opening stuff, it's back and forth without much selling, and a lot of missed moves for transistions. The moving from spot to spot is at least fluid, if not good. Still, at leas the DDT reversal looks good rather than just being used for a rest. I'm not personally keen on not showing every pinfall and the ending of the match... because picking things out just adds that extra touch, to me anyway.

 

My match... it's my usual current work. Someone else needs to comment on that really.

 

Nice little quips to start off the next match, keeps things going. It's all Sly's usual soild, good stuff. I do like the touch of the heel faking off the match and trying to leave, works to build Sly's character. And that leads straight to a bait and switch (havent seen good one of them in a while). Sly's pulling out some nice ideas here, like IL being able to get a spin kick, but is still selling the chair shots and so get's clotheslined down as soon as Austin is back up. It's a more measured transistion that just spin kick and stalling. It breaks down into more spots towards the end but the rolling DDTs to parralell the chair shots from the start. The action and desc is still soild as ever, and Sly is using new ideas and improving his basic work, which is a good thing.

 

The Book of Clark... well, we all knew it would happen sooner or later. Clark and Jacbo works just like Sly/Luchador, fast crusier work with good writing. Little more in the terms of selling from the bumps. Feels frantic and fast from all the quick covers early on. Mostly spot to spot moving, but the writing keeps it interesting. Lots of clothesline transistions, but at least it keeps a theme and keeps both men moving for the quick spots and falls. Definatly a crusierweight match and a fun, fast read. Maddix coming out at the end is a nice build to the USJL title match coming up.

 

Ahh, Hardcore goodness now. A little flash of history to remind everyone about the backstory to the title. MVS just ends up being a focal point for Aecas' anger, as well he should be. The usual little man having to run rings around the big man to stay alive spots and reversals broken out. Stripping Aecas' boots off when the floor is covered with glass is really heel, a nice little touch to the hardcore action. And works to keep the action turn from side to side. Some of the commentry is pretty fickle, but very funny and goes along well with the action. Janus spoils everyone's fun to raise the fued even more, and Mike just gets fancy to take the win. Mmm build up.

 

Mike runs his ego and demands a tag title shot with W&D no longer being around. And Johnny comes out to get some revenge for for Wildchild and beats the hell out of Mike.

 

Now we're ready for the USJL title match. History is abound in this one as well, with the House of Todd battling the Way Ward Sonds and Coy taking Todd out of action. Maddix tries to use his speed advantage, but brawling with it gets him cut off, playing up the character differences from the start. And we have the now character personal spot of Landon rolling to the outside to see Megan, so he once again brings the game plan of recovery time and breaking his oppoents flow. Playing off Coy/Todd at the PPV with the side headlock early on as well. And that moves straight into using side headlocks to set up the attack of Landon's legs and some very nice, (UK centric), imagry for it too. A little heel play to a low blow spot, so Maddix has the down time to sell the leg work before trying to move to offense. Maddix is maybe hitting the ropes too soon/fast, but it the knee work hasnt been that over played yet. Maddix switches gears to try and get the submission, which leads straight into more play off, as Coy slaps on the STF. Unfortuntly, it goes to a big wrestling logic gap "If you have someone in a hold and their tapping, but the ref is distracted, why the hell don't you keep the hold on till something breaks?" Still, it links with Maddix's usual heelsih back up to again the advantage, so at least it fits. Not that keen on the flashy ending the goes against the knee work, but hey.

 

Hmmm, overbooked submissions match....It's a Flesher mathc, so we have all the usual descritive and commentry goodness along with the jokes. Duran comes out beating the hell out of Tom, so he still looks strong as past matches have had him do so. And Tom show's he's on the defensive road, having to out wrestle Duran on the mat and bring his skill to bear. The starting rush is the two styles smashing against each other and trying to win over. Basiclly back of forth stuff with all the meaning there can really be crammed in there. Shifting the heat focus from the crowd to Comet and Riley works around the Heel/Heel situation very well. It's a good story of Flesher out wrestling Duran where he can, but getting out powered in other places, and the two differen styles taking lead at different points. It's what most back and forth stuff tries to do, but doesnt manage a lot of the time. It's nice to see Tom putting over stuff about the up coming matches between me and him without breaking flow. Duran goes for a knee scrape combo but it costs him, and Tom goes on to out move him for the advantage. Duran makes come back on strenght alone, but Flesher is picking a body part, so it gives him an edge. In the end, Flesher's skill and history of powerbomb counters pay off. Showing that Duran had all the power, but he didnt focus it and lost. Usual great stuff.

 

Little hype promo just to get the main even ball rolling along.

 

Openning stuff to dig up the past between Kibs and Toxx, get the ball rolling even faster. Big evil heel opening attack from Toxxic, trying to keep ahead of Kibs and deal all the damage he can quick. And Then Toxxic just shows off, going with the character and just pissing off the grumpy Kibagami. Much like Flesher/Duran, Toxxic can feet with his bigger skill (Speed) but Kibs can just out work him and bring him down with his power. Kibs is just being a classic dick and beating the hell out of Toxxic's arm to start with. It's only lucky speed counters that keep Toxxic alive in the match so far, showing the huge gap between them in styles and power. Kibs continues to work the arm, being the pressure on, and Toxxic goes back to speed reversals again to stay in the game, keeping the flow going. Toxxic goes on a run of speed actions, now knowing one at a time wont be enough, again playing off earlier action, but it's still not enough to match the Man in Kibagami. So in the end, Toxxic has to go back to the rapid surprise roll ups as he just cant take it to Kibs in a fight as the whole match has shown. A huge wave of strikes from the grummy vet almost kill Toxxic, but Kibs is out of focus as so gets caught with a desperate counter. The SSLD should have been all, but Kibs makes like Toxxic and rolls out of the ring to recover from it. Again the fast roll up ALMOST works for the young Toxxic, but almost isnt good enough. He tries for his last ditch, wounded lion finisher, but he can't bring it to the table to even have a hope. In the end, Toxxic's flying struggles are all he has to fight Kibagami, but they lead him straight into his head. Demonstar, it's over. Big rapid fight of an ME to cap the show off with some awesome action.

 

Great work people, keep it coming.

Oh, and is any of this lot actually any help to people?

[Dace59 0]

I'm not exactly sure what a Gedoh Clutch IS... but it didn't work anyway, so hey

 

Set up like a Steiner Recliner Camel Clutch, then then lean forwards. So the attacker is kneeling on all forwards, their legs over the opps arms. The opp is doubled over on their neck, shouldered pinned to the mat. It's in Smackdown games somewhere.

[Zack Malibu 0]

While I'll admit, I haven't had much chance to scour the whole show, I just want to comment on the comments made about my match thus far.

 

When I write, I tend to let things flow, and sometimes find myself getting far too many ideas for one segment/spot/etc. and try to fit it all in somehow. Usually I'll always find some way to work it in later (at least in my OAOAST matches) but here in matches with a word limit, I feel I have trouble deciding what to do/keep. Most of the time I take out the commentary and quips from the announcers, although that leads to a drawn out match with lots of description but no room for reaction.

 

Glad I won, and I was impressed with Stryke's take on our match in the "Losing Matches" thread. I know I'm still learning to adjust to this style, which is different from what I'm used to. I can appreciate the constructive criticism so if anyone wants to shoot me a pointer or two, it couldn't hurt.

[Secret Agent 0]

Well...I was hoping for more of a reply to my promo than "MVS promo" go Johnny, go!

 

I am wondering if I got my point across of what I was trying to do, which is basically that after losing his closest friend and partner in the SWF, Johnny has basicailly been pushed over the edge. His ferciousness intensified, and reverting back to the fighting that he is at home with. Over the weeks leading up to this I have tried to downplay Johnny as a secondary figure to Wildchild in hopes of basically unleashing him now. Anyone care to tell me if I hit or missed it?

 

Thanks, and I'll comment on the whole show when I get home later tonight.

[Toxxic 0]

Johnny: Yeah it worked.

 

Go Johnny Go!

[Ace309 0]

Your SWF SMARKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT

with Tom Fleshmussen of the Burning Hammer Tape … Review.

 

Danny Williams Works The Stick

… and it looks like he cut a promo in there somewhere, too.

- Jesus CHRIST is Williams over. For a roid-raging monster who’d eat your baby as soon as kiss it, that’s incredible. He acknowledges that he can’t promise he’ll be a great champion, naming several of the greatest champions ever, and the Suicide King. Also notes that he doesn’t have Crossover Appeal quotes>, and suddenly we’re dealing with World Champion Bennet Brauer. And… Williams promises to defend the World Title as long as he’s able. I believe that’s what Nietzsche would call “A miserable tautology,” although, while Nietzsche was pietzsche, Sartre was smartre.

 

THE CARD~!

- Time for a complete unnecessary CAPITALIZATION AND TILDEBANG~!

 

“Debunked at Snopes.com” Todd Cortez vs. Stryke

- Cortez powerwalks down the aisle, and he’s putting his back into it tonight. Something about this guy just makes me think he’s a little swishy. I mean, I’m not saying he flames, but I think he set off the sprinkler system on the way to the ring. Stryke catches him with a baseball slide to start off, then continues the assault with a flurry of punches. Uh, guys? No bell yet…

 

Ah, there it is. And we open with a pretty basic striking sequence. Cortez isn’t useless yet, and he’s pretty much bringing the workrate despite not being quite used to the Chicago style. Stryke’s not useless anymore, and he’s BRINGING THE OFFENSE~! Granted, it’s not GOOD offense, but at least he’s bringing it. Snap suplex opens things up, and Stryke follows it up with a legdrop (SHADES OF HULKAMANIA, BROTHER~!) for 2. Barely into the match and already we’re seeing the torn-shirt spot, as popularized by Bill Hearford against Tom Flesher. More chopping, and then the Urban Legend no-sells one and throws another one back! Chop chop chop from both guys until Cortez blocks a chop (chop blocking?) and fights back with… more chops. Maybe this kid IS learning the Chicago style. Stryke’s chest is starting to look like ground meat, so Cortez tosses him into the corner and does the ten-count-punch spot, then goes for a monkey flip but gets shoved off. Stryke goes for an elbow, Cortez moves, does some flip-floppery and hits a standing moonsault for 2. A little more jockeying for position, and Cortez goes for a headscissors, but gets dumped on his face. Christ, Riley and Comet are terrible. Is Riley screwing King’s little brother or something? Stryke hits a back suplex, and goes for the pin but gets small packaged for 2. Cortez sets up the Urban Assault, but Stryke elbows out of it and comes up with a sleeper. Cortez milks it, going up and down before doing the elbow counter (SHADES OF THE 80S, BROTHER~!) and making Stryke hit the sleeper drop. Stryke goes for a legdrop, but misses and eats an enzuigiri for his trouble. Poor Stryke. Some fighting on the outside after Cortez does the fakeout pescado spot, and Stryke is PISSED. He’s all, “You don’t fake me out! You’re a damn rookie!” Goes for the chair, but the ref interrupts it. (BOO!) and Cortez ends up waffling Stryke (BOO- wait, who’s the heel here?) and gets 2. LOW BLOW FROM DOWN UNDER~! and Stryke takes control. Street Dreams gets countered, and Stryke goes for a superplex, but Cortez hooks the ropes and then shoves him off. Stryke rolls through and knocks Cortez off the top in a goofy sequence, then hits the Facelift for 2. Cortez is really getting over here… he counters a facebuster with a DDT, and we have a double count. I go get a Pepsi, and when I come back Cortez is covering and gets 2. Cortez looks for the Urban Assault to end it, but Stryke goes for the jumblies again with a Manhattan drop. He tries to follow up with the pumphandle piledriver, but Cortez counters into the street dreams, and Stryke taps. Cortez, despite getting over as a face late in the match, keeps the hold on for a few more seconds after. Lots of flip-flopping, but this one was almost more transition than match.

**

 

Tables Match: Dace Fucking Night vs. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. Crow

- The crowd’s got wood, and who could blame them? Sexton Hardcastle’s reffing for no apparent reason… who’d trust this man with their safety? Not I, and definitely not fellow BHTRer “Cracker” Chris Belcourt. Spike Jenkins eats a double Yakuza kick to start off with, and I get the feeling Spike’s getting bullied tonight. More double-team offense against HSJ, and the crowd is definitely behind it. Crow hits a baseball slide on Spike while he sets up the tables, and I think that’s our move of the night. Spike gets some token offense, but Crow DDTs his way out of it. What a Xero. Crow and Dace fight it out, and it’s somewhat Bonzo Gon – damn it. I’m breaking character here. Crow sets up an Evenflow Moonsault on Dace, but goes through himself and boy does he look stupid. Spike hits a Magnum Driver on the chair, and I REALLY hope Dace has good insurance. I thought Crow was done after going through, but I guess he’s too GOFF to give up~! Apparently, he’s juuuuuuuuust goff enough to stay in it, but not enough to stay in after taking a BACKDROPPAH~! through the table from Spike, and Crow’s gone.

 

Comet wonders aloud how history’s going to come into play, which usually means they’re manufacturing some. Wait, no, they actually HAVE met before, Damnation in a Box back in the JL. And heeeeeeeeere come the thumbtacks. Dace takes the first bump, and ouch. That man’s not going to be able to move. Spike takes control, and gets the fans behind him (two things I never thought I’d be able to say). Dace takes it back with some elbows (SHADES OF MISTUHARU MISAWA, BROTHER~!), and Spike eats a Tiger Driver through the table to end it. Pretty good gore, and they got rid of the goth early.

*** for Spike continuing to learn how to work, Crow throwing around some aerial stuff and Dace bringing the usual goodness.

 

Cruiserweight #1.5 Contendership: Insane Luchador vs. Pretty Fly For A Sly Guy

- Sly gets on the stick and says he’s not wrestling tonight, because Alex Zenon told him to recuperate from his ass-beating last week. Hey, didn’t Sly used to have a singing gimmick? Rickmen calls his bluff and chases him down outside the ring, then eats a chair as he goes through the curtain. Sly continues administering the savage beats with the chair, and, uh, guys? No bell yet.

 

Ah, there it is. Sly covers for 2, then for 2. He jaws with the ref a bit, and man does the crowd hate this kid. Riley, meanwhile, is gayer than ever. Austin tries some more stuff, but eats a heel kick, and somehow hits Rickmen with a clothesline to avoid giving up control. More offense, and IL tosses him to the floor. Careful, gentlemen: We have a GENERIC CRUISER MATCH on our hands! Back in, and headlock from Sly gets shot to the ropes and caught with a suplex. Austin begs off, but … wait, Austin begs off and Rickmen keeps attacking him? Who booked this crap? Everyone knows when the heel begs off, the face is supposed to let him go and then take a low blow. Come on, people, get your heads out of your asses!

 

*ahem*

 

Rickmen hits four rolling DDTs, and gets 2. The fans are firmly behind IL, and he keeps the beatings on as he goes for a HIGH RISK MANEUVER~! The attempted diving rana gets dodged, but IL lands on his feet. Turns around and eats a superkick, and then Austin hits the Sky Surfer for 3.

* 1/2 for perfectly acceptable wrestling.

 

Crusierweight #1.5 Contendership: Alan Clark vs. Jacob Helmsley

- Why aren’t either of these matches being conducted under cruiserweight rules? Good old Matty Kivell’s working this one. Collar and elbow starts this one off, and Helmsley takes control. We’re building up in a classic monster-strength wrestler vs. speedy cruiser match here, which is odd, since Helmsley isn’t much of a monster. Clark reverses a spear into a sunset flip for 2 and follows up with a superkick. Kicking sequence ends with Helmsley taking control with an Evenflow DDT, then getting 2. What ever happened to the one-count? Clark gets dumped with a NORZERN RIGHTS SUPREXAH~! for 2, and Helmsley’s doing waaay to well to get the duke here. Alan rolls out, and BASEBALL SLIDE #3 of the evening by Jacob Helmsley, our lumbering monster for the night! Clark does a weird skin-the-cat spot on the guardrail and Helmsley takes a dive onto the grass. Helmsley recovers, though, and punches Clark, then rolls him in for 2. Helmsley, ably playing the part of Yokozuna, hits a belly-to-belly out of the corner for 2. Man, he’s just getting fatter and fatter as the match goes on. Clark sits up, and Jacozuna’s all, “Noooope, you don’t get up till I tell you to!” and boots him back down. He lifts him up for a superplex, but Clark blocks it twice. Jake suddenly loses 400 pounds and jumps up for a hurricanrana, but gets caught on Clark’s shoulders. Clark falls forwards, and it’s the ACCIDENTAL POWER BOMB~! And we’ve got the double 10-count. Jacozuna’s back to his 500-pound self, as he gets up before Clark does and covers him for 2. Clark’s up again, and once again the two of them lock up. Clark really recovers quickly, as he’s able to get the upper hand over the former sumo grand champion by tripping him up, then kicking him in the face! Then, he sweeps the arm out from under Helmsley, which stuns him long enough to hit the Rolling Stone shooting star press for the 2. Clark hits a leg lariat, and wow, after taking a beating the whole match and not having a transition per se, Clark’s really taken control somehow. He lifts the 750-pound Jacozuna off the mat for the Final Curtain, but Helmsley flips out of it and counters with a DDT for 2. Jake whips Clark to the ropes and Clark ducks a clothesline, then hits his third superkick of the night. Clark, the adrenaline incredibly overriding his ability to sell, hits a lariat of his own, and then goes for an asai moonsault (SHADES OF ULTIMO DRAGON, BROTHER~!). Helmsley rolls away, and then takes control with some Irish whip offense and a Canadian backbreaker. Clark fights like hell to escape the monstrously strong Helmsley’s grip, but all his efforts are in vain.

 

Wait, no. He gets out.

 

He falls down and hooks Helmsley for a neckbreaker, and we’re AMPED~! Clark finally sells something, and he’s the new king of the delayed sell. Wait, that was it. He’s on the top rope and hits the Encore for 3! Clark celebrates after the bell, but here’s Landon Maddix to spoil the parade. No fighting, though, as Landon’s up next.

* for a spotty cruiser match where Jacob Helmsley’s an unstoppable monster, but only kind of.

 

SWF Hardcore Gamers Championship: Aecas vs. Mike Van Siclen ©

- Wait a minute. I WAS PROMISED MADDIX! Ugh. There’ll be letters on Applewhite’s desk in the morning. Jefferson Harding is reffing this one, and it’s nice to see the SWF employing someone so clearly learning-disabled. Aecas opens it with a clothesline, and MVS is on his back. Uh, guys? No bell yet.

 

Guys?

 

GUYS?!

 

Harding’s counting the pin, so apparently we’re not too worried about it in the hardcore setting. Aecas gets 2. He whips MVS to the ropes and drops to one knee for a spinebuster, but gets his just desserts for telegraphing it and takes a Shining Wizard. He gets 2, but Aecas throws him off hard. Van Siclen takes the momentum and hits Aecas with a WHEELKICK~! MVS follows up with a split-legged moonsault, but no cover. MVS whips Aecas into the corner and attacks him, then pimp-smacks him. He’s all, “Hey, tell your wife she was good…” Then he whips him to the ropes, clearly hoping to hit a backdrop for the “… in teh BUTT,” but Aecas clubs him. Canadian backbreaker, and wow, who booked these two matches back to back? It’s like the same match, only this one’s got weapons, theoretically. He faceplants MVS over the top rope, and holy shit! MVS eats grass on the outside! And it’s time for LIGHT TUBES~! This segment brought to you by your local power supplier. MVS, in his bloodied state, still manages to kick Aecas in the ass onto his hands and knees with his head under the ring, but declines to sodomize him. Instead, he opts to… untie Aecas’s boots, and throw them away.

 

Um.

 

This does make sense, though, as Riley explains that Aecas can’t very well walk around in the shattered glass barefoot. MVS steals Comet’s seat and goes to attack Aecas, who’s playing Jacob Helmsley to a tee with the pipe and everything. Aecas boots MVS’s chair, though, and sends him to his back in the bed of glass. Both of these guys are getting absolutely shredded. I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THIS!! Aecas tries to power bomb MVS into the glass, but takes a rana into two glass tubes instead. MVS then, for some reason, hides a foreign object in his tights in a hardcore match. He counters a lariat into a crucifix for 2, then follows up with a bitchslap… no-sold. Bitchslap #2… no-sold. Bitchslap #3… no-sold. And Aecas is PISSED~! He whips MVS to the corner and hits the avalanche, then slashes his throat! He goes for the Executioner, but here’s Janice to spoil the fun. MVS gets dumped like a sack of potatoes, and it’s STARE-DOWN TIME~! Janice knees him in the gut, then… holy crap! Power bomb over the top rope and into the glass! MVS looks around, hits a slingshot sin aerial and gets the 3! He retains, and without even hitting a baseball slide.

No rating for this. It wasn’t wrestling, it was attempted murder. Christ, I hope someone picked the glass out of these guys.

 

And here’s Mike on the mic!

- HA! I slay me. Anyways, Mike’s claiming credit for Wildchild being out of action, but here’s Johnny Dangerous to defend his friend’s honor! Johnny administers the savage beats to MVS in Wildchild’s name, which is impressive and all, but, uh, can’t he pick on someone who hasn’t just nearly been killed? Still, the fans are eating it up, and Johnny’s looking a lot more focused on avenging Wildchild.

 

USJL Championship: Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix vs. “Wild” Coy West ©

- FINALLY, I get me Maddix. Good old Ced Ordonez working here, and this is a dream match. Landon opens this up by protecting himself, ducking out of the ropes, but when Coy gets pushed back, he eats a forearm! He follows up with a flurry, but West hits a forearm of his own to take control. Landon rolls out to have Megan Skye’s Breasts examine his mouth, but apparently he’s okay. Back in, and still stalling until Coy smacks him. Landon staggers, but comes back for a rolling elbow that misses because if it hit the match would be over. Coy slows things down and locks Maddix up into a tight headlock that blossoms into a mat sequence that ends with him attacking Maddix’s knees. Coy drags him back up and goes through the same sequence. This time, Maddix tries to counter with a flying headscissors, but Coy throws him off and he lands on his knees! This match is great – it’s like sex, except West is having it! West is just destroying Maddix’s knees, and there’s an excellent bit of implied banter about soccer that no one else caught. West whips Maddix to the ropes, but the knee gives out! Good lord, Landon’s selling like he hit his head on the refrigerator, running to get under it when West turned the lights on. Coy grabs Maddix… but takes a low blow! Maddix tunes up the band, and holy crap is there workrate in this match. He hits the superkick for 2. Maddix follows up with a bulldog, then attempts a swanton but misses! Coy’s up, and he hooks the leg and plays to the crowd. Stack by Coy gets 2, and then Maddix sees he’s been faked into a slingshot! Landon catches himself and goes for Crash Landon 04, but Coy counters with a Manhattan drop! Belly-to-belly gets 2. They trade offense, each man countering out until Maddix gets a pumphandle stretchamajig! Dear god, that looks painful. Coy fights his way out of it, though, and ends up on top with an STF! Maddix starts tapping, but Ordonez is being distracted by Megan Skye’s Breasts! Coy, being all southern and gullible, releases the hold. Landon gets a “perfectly legal” choke, and when Ordonez turns back around, Coy’s completely out of it. Maddix hits the Drug of Maddixion, a shooting star legdrop, for 3 and the belt!

*** ½ for a great match with a screwy finish.

 

Steel Cage Submission: Tom Flesher vs. John Duran

- Unfortunately, I got rumbly in the tumbly right about here and got up to make some Kraft Dinner. By the time I got back, Flesher had won, so I can’t rate it.

 

Silent is anything but, on the stick

- Denies that Silent and Kibagami are different people, and I don’t think Toxxic likes where this is going.

 

SWF World Championship #1 Contendership: Toxxic vs. Nathaniel Kibagami

- And SILENT is in the building! Missile dropkick from Toxxic opens things! Um, guys? No bell yet.

 

Ah, there it is. And Toxxic does the Catalogue Pose to taunt Silent. Toxxic stomps the neck, and we have a hair-assisted Irish whip. Silent reverses it, but eats a spinning heel kick for his trouble. Fast forward to the end, because although this is a great match, I’m just too tired to recap or rate it. Kibs wins with the Demonstar! And that’s all, folks!

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Sorry...I got a little confused in the match order listing, partially because for some reason me and Coyjiro seem to always be back-to-back in the card listings. The one time I'm wrong.... yeesh.

 

And yeah...i definitely have wrote better...but I was trying in vain to just produce for this so I could get to the championship match, where I am planning to write my ass off and hope for a miracle.

[muzz 0]

Dace and Tom deserve medals for great comments. Top job.

[Toxxic 0]

Dace's are great in terms of writing anlysis, Tom's was just funny. And good, and a hell of a lot of effort. What I want to know is what happened to Maddix doing the holt report?

[King Cucaracha 0]

Dace's are great in terms of writing anlysis, Tom's was just funny. And good, and a hell of a lot of effort. What I want to know is what happened to Maddix doing the holt report?

I got lazy.

 

Hell, I'm less than 24 hours of near enough failing my Maths AS course and I'm still lazy.

 

W00t~! at match of the night from Flesher anyway.

[Dace59 0]

Maths is a bitch. I have 4 exams coming up as I'm resitting 3 to try and get the B i need for get into Uni (Doing Stats, Mechnics, Pure 2 and 3)

 

Pure 2 being the spawn of satan in a bad way.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Maths is a bitch. I have 4 exams coming up as I'm resitting 3 to try and get the B i need for get into Uni (Doing Stats, Mechnics, Pure 2 and 3)

 

Pure 2 being the spawn of satan in a bad way.

Well, I SHOULD have three. But I have coursework due in tommorow final chance, and I haven't finished it, and have no chance of doing so. To be honest I'm bricking it thinking about what's gonna happen about it.

 

Not to mention being destined to fail my Computing (hard as hell), and my only realistic chance of passing being English.

[Dace59 0]

How much of the coursework have you done man? Most of it can be done in a night... if you really try.

 

Computing isn't that bad. The 115 page coursework that's considered small is bad.

[King Cucaracha 0]

A couple of pages. But I'm totally clueless to the entire working, so to be honest it's not worth the time trying to understand. So I've basically given up. I haven't understood it for months. I'm not going to in the hour I have left on the computer.

 

It's not the end of the world I guess.