SWF Olympians I

[Bruce Blank 0]

The Olympic Ice Stadium, Turin Italy

 

A lone trumpet plays the Olympic theme in the background as the camera pans across the hockey rink where the Olympic Ice Hockey tournament is about to take place. There are no fans in the stands, no players on the ice – it’s all quiet.

 

Then the quiet is broken as the Russian National team takes the ice for a practice session. As the highly skilled team skates around to warm up their starting lineup is displayed on TV screens all over the building

 

A. Ivanovitch

T. Ivanovitch

O. Ivanovitch

M. Ivanovitch

S. Ivanovitch

K. Ivanovitch

 

After skating around for a moment or two they all stop and stare at the entrance as their opponents are making their way to the rink. In the dim light it’s impossible to make out the faces of their opponents but unlike the Russians these guys aren’t wearing hockey helmets but are instead wearing these black “lone ranger” style masks, even the guy that seems to be wearing a different mask underneath.

 

A big brute of a player quickly adjusts his Calvinball jersey as the 6 men skate onto the ice and take their positions ready to play against the Russian National Team. When the captain of the team skates into the center circle we read the words “Luchadore Magnifico” across the back of his Calvinball jersey.

 

The referee drops the puck for the face off. A. Ivanovitch quickly snatches it, but a second later El Luchadore Magnifico has slapped his opponents hockey stick out of his hands and then takes the Russian captain down with the fastest “Dia de los Muertes” this side of the Rio Grande

 

*CRACK!!*

 

T. Ivanovitch stops dead in his tracks, surprised by the sight of his captain being bounced off the ice, then a moment later he’s surprised as Ghost Machine V2.0 tackles him into the railing and quickly sets him up for a pile driver

 

*THUD!*

 

A cracked hockey helmet rolls across the ice.

 

The Russian’s speed star O. Ivanovitch blasts past both ELM and Ghost Machine as he takes the puck and races up the track, sadly for him he didn’t expect Jay Hawke to take him down with the Chop Block of DOOOOOOOOOOOM!! Before showing him just who the “man” is by applying the Wing Span on the Russian as he presses Ivanovitch’s face into the ice.

 

With 3 down the remaining Russian players try to signal each other to get the hell out of there but unfortunately for M. Ivanovitch he’s struck in the gut with a hockey stick, doubling over in pain. With the Russian in a vulnerable position Todd Cortez digs in his skates and builds up speed before targeting Mr. M

 

RIOT ACT PLUS ON THE ICE!!

 

S. Ivanovitch looks down and sees that the puck is laying at his feet and quickly takes off towards the opponent’s goal, he quickly ducks a hip check by Ghost Machine, swerves around a Jay Hawke defensive move and heads straight for the goal

 

Only to be struck across the chest with a barbwire bat by Team SWF’s goalie, the big Bruce Blank who’s smoking a cigarette and wearing his cowboy hat on the ice.

 

“Now that’s how you defend a goal – bitch!”

 

Down to one player K. Ivanovitch knows he’s in trouble – but it’s not until he hears someone tugging on a rip cord that he knows just how much trouble he’s in.

 

*K-chunk!* *K-Chunk!*

 

*VRRRRRRRMMMMMRRRRMMMMMRRRRMMMMM!!*

 

K. Ivanovitch looks up in horror as the shadow of a man with spiky hair and a very familiar gardening tool falls upon him.

 

“Njet, Njet Nie Parne graessmaskin!” (”No, no not the wheed whacker”)

 

*VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMRRRRMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM!!*

 

Cut from the scene to a shot of pristine, white ice

 

That’s quickly splattered with blood as the unfortunate Mr. K screams.

 

SMARKTMARKS WRESTLING FEDERATION

“Our Olympians don’t play games”

 

© SWF 2006

[Bruce Blank 0]

I used to love the old WWF ads they would run now and again (one starred Razor Ramon that always cracked me up)

 

And with me being bored I whipped one up that plays off the winter olympics.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Only Scandanavians care about Winter Olympics.

[Bruce Blank 0]

well at least it's not Cricket so it's got that going for it

 

and on a side note: Danes suck at the Winter Olympics so it's not that I "care" as such about the actual Olympics

 

which is why I thought of the SWF version of the events

[Guest OKCoyote]

We kick ass at curling, too.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Curling is a full contact sport in the SWF *thumbs up*

[muzz 0]

Cricket is awesome.

 

Crusen, I need backup.

[Toxxic 0]

Cricket is only awesome since we kicked you arse in the Ashes.

 

(yes, i know it was a fluke. At least I'm backing you on the 'cricket is awesome' stakes)

[devo 0]

Cricket's great. I watched quite a bit of it when I visited London, and wish someone here in the States would broadcast the sport.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Oh dear God!!

 

so many people, so very deluded, so very sad.

 

but at least it's not Football (European version)

[Vasarian_Brandy 0]

Cricket's great. I watched quite a bit of it when I visited London, and wish someone here in the States would broadcast the sport.

 

Oh, I'm sure some ESPN channel or another will pick up on it.

 

I know I saw a Cricket highlight on a Sportscenter Top Ten segment recently, so...

[Toxxic 0]

Bruce, you can shut your face about football. It rules in a semi-rulish way. Just cos your country won't win the World Cup there's no call to be a spoil sport.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

I don't know anything about soccer, but supposedly we got fucked.

 

*shrugs*

[Vasarian_Brandy 0]

I've actually been able to get into soccer a little bit.

 

I blame FIFA Soccer 2006 from EA Sports.

 

But I refuse, -refuse-, REFUSE to call it football.

 

That is not football.

 

NFL, NCAA, the Arena League.

 

That's football.

[crusen86 0]

Cricket is awesome.

This is true. Bruce, it appears you're the one who is deluded.

 

And Fury, you think a that grid iron, a game where the ball hardly ever touches any feet, is more appropriate called football than the game were it hits almost nothing but feet? That makes sense.

[Justice 0]

Cru, you think cricket makes sense. Shouldn't that immediately disqualify you from any logical argument?

[Guest OKCoyote]

I think all of them are ridiculous.

 

Of course, I only watch baseball...

[crusen86 0]

Cru, you think cricket makes sense. Shouldn't that immediately disqualify you from any logical argument?

Ah, but your mother.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Bruce, you can shut your face about football. It rules in a semi-rulish way. Just cos your country won't win the World Cup there's no call to be a spoil sport.

You shut your face about a sport that's not only boring but usually attracts fans who thinks a fist to the face is a way of communications.

 

did I mention it was boring?

 

22 guys and an inflated pig bladder they run around after nudge with their feet for lord knows how long

 

yup boring

[muzz 0]

Bruce,

 

My biggest flaw... that I just can’t shut up at times

 

Now might be one of those times to change that. :-)

[Vasarian_Brandy 0]

And Fury, you think a that grid iron, a game where the ball hardly ever touches any feet, is more appropriate called football than the game were it hits almost nothing but feet? That makes sense.

 

As it should. (Nods)

 

Seriously though, it's just the issue that I've grown up with the NFL and such being called football, and that other game is called soccer.

 

I'm a stubborn cuss like that.

[Toxxic 0]

I think it's alarming that I'm agreeing with Crusen and Muzz on virtually all counts here. Including about Judge's mother.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Bruce,

 

My biggest flaw... that I just can’t shut up at times

 

Now might be one of those times to change that. :-)

I'd argue that... but that'd be counter productive