Okay, you're nominated for an Oscar, right?

[Guest Random Question Asker]

You are an actor/actress (although I don't think there are too many females here) and you are the star of an acclaimed (by critics and fans) film. There is a lot of talk that you will be receiving a Oscar nomination this year.

 

So the big day comes and they announce the nominees:

 

 

They announce your name as one of the nominees and you're excited.

 

Over the next few weeks everyone is talking about the Oscars and they are predicting out of the five nominees you will be the winner. USA Today, Roger Ebert, the millions and millions posters on Rotten Tomatoes all say that you are the fan favorite to win.

 

So Oscar night comes and you attend the event with a full smile. After letting the press take pictures of you for 45 minutes, you walk in and take your seat as the show begins. You laugh at the hosts jokes even though half of them aren't funny at all. You sit through pointless awards. Finally three hours, and two minutes into the event, you're category is next.

 

Presenting the award is none other than:

 

 

Harrison Ford

 

He announces one of the nominees and a clip is shown of that person's work. That person gets a light round of applause. He announced the next nominee...who also gets a light round of applause. Then he announces you and you receive a big reaction after your clip is shown. Your applause lasts the longest. They announce the next two nominees who also get light applause.

 

He then takes the envelope and slowly opens it and he says "And the winner is..." He looks down at it and smiles and then looks back. Your adrenaline is rushing, you know it's gotta be you.

 

And the winner...the winner is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOT YOU!

 

One of the other nominees stands up and walks to the stage because his name was called.

 

Despite being the fan/critic favorite - you have lost.

 

What is going through your mind?

 

What do you do? What do you do?

[starvenger 0]

What do you do? You milk the fucking nomination for all it's worth, is what you do. Hey, if The Bodyguard can do that (both were for original song from a movie) so can you.

[2GOLD 0]

Strangle Sean Penn. And if I won? Strangle Sean Penn. Either way, whole lot of strangling of Sean Penn.

[Guest guerillagenius]

Go to some after parties, then go home and sleep on my giant pile of CASH!

[Hawk 34 0]

realize that "Academy Award Nominee" is just as significant in terms of marketing, when Cuba Gooding Jr can call himself "Academy Award winner".

 

Shrug it off, hit the parties and do the hollywood circuit. Use the nomination and attention gained from the hype to get the bigger pay-day on the next film.

[the max 0]

Try to console myself by having sex with Scarlett Johansson.

[Vyce 0]

Try to console myself by having sex with Scarlett Johansson.

 

That's my answer. Well, not necessarily with Scarlet, but if I'm losing, someone's going to get fucked for that. And I mean literally.

[Ravenbomb 0]

I'd think "at least I've got my screenplay nomination I could win still"

[Guest Vitamin X]

I'd think "at least I've got my screenplay nomination I could win still"

 

^^^ Excellent response.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I'd wonder aloud who the winner slept with to get the award.

[CBright7831 0]

Stomp my foot, stand up, and accuse the Academy of racism against whites.

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Bumrush the stage and claim that my movies are for the kids!

[Epic Reine 0]

Look as happy as possible since the camera likes to pan on the losers' faces after the winner is called. After that, go to the back and have a fucking tantrum.

[Robert 0]

I'd mouth mother-fucker when the camera pans onto me. If it's Sean Penn, I'd probably strangle him like what everybody else would do. It depends on who wins though, if it's a guy I like I'd probably shake his hand if I got the chance. Then the whole have sex with Scarlett, so that I don't go on a drunken bender.

[2GOLD 0]

Well after the show, I'll throw myself into a Vanity Fair threesome with Scarlett and Keira. You know, Keira is going to need consoling after losing as well. Sean Penn strangling and a VF after party in my bed.

[Vern Gagne 0]

Cry like a baby. On camera, in front of billions around the world.

 

Either that or pull an Owen Hart at the Slammy's.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I'd definitely go accept the award anyway, and say what an honor it was to lose to such an acclaimed actor as (insert name here, likely Sean Penn). I'd just make a complete ass out of myself, and then maybe blame alcohol and enter rehab or something.

[naiwf 0]

Clearly the answer is not JUST to sleep with Scarlett, but to videotape it and "lose the tape" so that your name becomes half of the most searched terms on Google. That way you end up fucking a star, the world has proof that you did it, AND as a bonus you end up upstaging the fucker who beat you for your award.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Think about the amount of scratch I have in the bank and somehow find a way to go on with my life.

 

Oh, and start talking bad about Republicans in the after-parties; that way I'll have a leg-up on next year's awards.

[JST 0]

Strangling Sean Penn. Tell me more.

[haVoc 0]

I'd find Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight and punch her right in the cock sucker.

[Downhome 0]

Personally, I'd sign up to various message boards just to ask this same question.

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Would the room start spinning too?

[Brett Favre 0]

Jump the award winner with my posse.

[Downhome 0]

Would the room start spinning too?

 

 

With much defecation.