Ask Milky.

[Nighthawk 0]

It is true that you can't get experience without a job, and you can't get a job without experience. I hate mainstream employment. I have a job which is ok, but I really think I should be doing porn. Not acting in it, directing it and so forth. I just think I'd be really good at it. But how do I get started, with no experience, other than taping myself fucking my various attachments?

 

Now that Ashley Blue and I are friends, I should probably ask her.

[luke-o 0]

Or just sell the tapes of you fucking various women?

[Twisted Intestine 0]

If I can get my hands on some good steroids, will you form a wrestling tag team with me?

[Guest SLT]

i'd like to hear as much DXM stories as you feel like sharing. it's a facinating drug.

[Bruiser_Brody_ 0]

My Girlfriend has big big tits, she lets me suckle, grope and molest them at will. She gets super moist. My dick doesn't move. Why do I have such stage fright? Why must I have ED? Why is my generic viagra failing me? Why can't i calm down and focus on what needs to be done!!??? AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

Are you gay? If you have seriously considered this and you aren't, that is terrible. Answer one: If this girl really loves you, she will take the time, try different things, and find what you need to get it up. Answer two: Name bran Viagra. If it fails, sue.

 

Not gay...mentally whipped

 

Viagra it is!

[Failed Bridge 0]

from the sounds of it you're just placing yourself under a ton of pressure. Stop thinking about it so much, go down on her and then just fuck her.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Anxiety actually does cause ED. Trust me, I know. A sad mood causes a sad penis.

 

Which is why smoking weed can lead to tremendous boners- no anxiety whatsoever, and you've got all that breathing going on, and low blood pressure. Just chill.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

What are your views re politics?

[luke-o 0]

What are your views re politics?

 

Resident Evil politics?

[justsoyouknow 0]

It'll stop hurting someday, right.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Someone kill luke-o.

[BUTT 0]

Didn't Milky say once that he voted for Bush?

 

 

Soooo Dave, what are your thoughts on the works of Jim Steinman?

[Nighthawk 0]

I am staggeringly apolitical. Remember, I'm a nihilist. You know what that does to politics? Kills 'em. I did vote for Bush in the second election, primarily as a joke. People despised him so much I thought it would be funny to point and laugh and say "I PUT HIM IN THE WHITE HOUSE!" Go to Hell, America! Fuck you.

 

Jon, is this about that ex again? You're better than that.

 

I love Jim Steinman, and I would die for him.

 

Problems with computer. Updates may be infrequent. But I will do them.

 

As for DXM stories, I will be populating my myspace blog with stories about fucked up shit. Watch!

 

[Failed Bridge 0]

Someone kill luke-o.

why that's not a question

[Bruiser Chong 0]

Will someone kill luke-o?

 

[Nighthawk 0]

God will, eventually.

[Sideburnious 0]

What's the best question you ever answered?

[Nighthawk 0]

It was about drawing. I have, indeed, posted many recent myspace blogs about crazy shit I've done, and I mentioned how I was in Outward Bound for a while. And someone read it and asked me "What were you doing in Outward Bound?" And I said "Well, drawing a lot." And they were like "Really, I totally never knew you drew." And I said "No, I pretty much don't anymore." And they said "Why'd you stop?"

 

This was why:

 

*cutting a little bit about drawing tattoos for people*

The other important thing I drew there was a picture of one of the girls who worked there. She was a very pretty blonde girl, and so of course everyone talked about the degrading shit they wanted to do to her. I really felt bad. I mean, this was a girl who really wanted to help us, she had devoted her life to it in fact, and all we can say is how we want to piss in her mouth and blow out her asshole? That's not very nice. But I didn't know how to communicate these things when I was 17, to other 17 year olds, so one day when we were having our "quiet time" she was sitting across from me, under a tree, reading. And I drew a portrait of her sitting there under the tree, reading.

And I showed it to her, and she seemed genuinely touched. She understood what I meant by it, because she obviously knew about how everyone talked about wrecking her, and all those things I wanted to say but couldn't, they were there in my drawing. That's why I love art, because it communicates things you can't say in words. And I didn't want to tear the drawing out, so she made a copy of it.

Then, the other guys there saw it. And I had to say, "Uh yeah, it's not finished." And I changed the tree she was sitting under into a monster and had her sitting on its tongue. They loved this, but I did that strictly from peer pressure.

Also, when I first met the girl I was with for three years, when it was still long distance and we hadn't met, she wanted me to send her some of my drawings. And, I swear I am telling the truth, I sent her a bunch of drawings of girls being killed by masked lunatics. As we later got into blood play and at her request, I fucked her wearing a hockey mask, and she also told me she had sexual fantasies about me killing her (though this took a lot to pry out of her, and she cried) this sort of makes sense. But I really just wanted to sketch her sitting under a tree. Why am I somehow not allowed to be nice to people?

Also, when I got there and fucked her friend's sister, she asked me if I drew, and I said "Yeah, I do actually." And she said "Wow, that's awesome! Yeah, a lot of guys draw now, I think that's cool." And I said "Really? Well, guess I'd better stop then." She seemed shocked and appalled that that was my reaction, but I really pretty much did. I never drew again. Not literally never, I did some occasional things, but I stopped pursuing it, and it was no longer a hobby.

 

I said "Hm. I never knew that." I do learn a lot from opening myself to people. So my decision to stop drawing was an allegory for my hatred of the human race.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

If you have artistic talent, don't stop. I'd KILL to be able to draw more than just stick figures! You have the ability to, but won't do it because "alot of other people do it"? Well, sure alot of people draw. But I know very few people who draw well. The kidn of people who actually have it in them to let a part of the inner soul out in their work. By the way you described the drawing of the woman under the tree.. I think you have alot in you to get out. And humanity might some day learn a thing or two from your work. If not humanity, maybe just a few select people who see it and are touched. Like that girl under the tree was.

 

But, whatever, it's yours to do or not do what you'd like with.

[Nighthawk 0]

No, I think I probably will. Even saying it made me realize I have no reason not to, which is why I singled that out as my favorite question. When I stopped it was likely more about depriving myself of something I liked. I wasn't born hollow and nihilistic, I was made that way. I've found something of a balance though. As such, I've been expressing myself a lot more lately.

 

I have been drawing some tattoos for myself. Maybe I'll just keep going.

[Bruiser Chong 0]

How is it some guys just seem to naturally draw women even with great looks going their favor? I've got a buddy from high school who's like this and subsequently, seems to know every hot-to-attractive girl in the tri-city area. I was chatting with him briefly at the bar tonight and within the span of four or five minutes, no less than three great looking girls were literally throwing themselves into his arms. He knew them all, but you get what I'm saying.

[The Niggardly King 0]

He has the right energy

 

Hey Milkman, how do I become a better man? Or pursue my dreams of becoming a big entertainer?

[justsoyouknow 0]

1) I'm drunk.

2) Milky, thanks for the advice.

[Guest Vitamin X]

So my buddy captain america crashed at my place and then we met up with this one girl who looked familiar. I saw her a few days at work, she's supposedly an electrician at my school. But she's like, 21 (yeah they hire cheap student labor instead of getting actual people). She's pretty cute, and she smoked me and my buddy out. She rides bikes and stuff downhill like I do (actually she SKATES downhill, which is badass).

 

Her name is Talena Sword. Isn't that a fucking awesome name? Should I tell her to go into porn? She's short, blonde, and has a pretty nice ass. And is it just me, or is white girls with ass really a phenomenom?

 

EDIT: I was realllly buzzed when I did this post, so I'm surprised it came out coherent. And when I said smoked out, I meant marijuana. Although I wouldn't have had a doubt she would've "smoked us both out" in the blowjob sense either. We encountered her with tears running down her face earlier, after the guy she had been hanging out with last night took her to a gay club and ditched her. Is there anything wrong with a (supposedly) straight male going to a gay club? Nah. Is there something wrong with taking a girl you (supposedly) like there? I think so. Talk about insecure, you purposely take a chick to a place where guys won't hit on her. And then ditching her!

 

Well, I'm glad he did, because it worked out for me.

[Nighthawk 0]

How is it some guys just seem to naturally draw women even with great looks going their favor?

 

A lot of it, in my case, wasn't natural. I can naturally write, to some extent (that being, whether it's worth reading or not, I can scrape together good papers without doing outlines or shit.) because I read a lot. And I can draw because, to a certain extent, I like to immerse myself in art. I read a lot of comics and like to go to museums and the like, and I also briefly flirted with grafitti culture, when I was friends with these Mexican guys who were into that. Also, I had something of a mentor, a German guy I knew who was a cartoonist (this never went anywhere, because A) it's a hard business to succeed in and B) His shit wasn't funny. He wanted to be like a newspaper cartoonist. Looked good, but conveyed nothing. Of course, shit like Family Circus looks bad and it isn't funny, so who know). He taught me some stuff. And gave me a few books about technique that did help. Books about drawing technique, I recommend a series by this dude Jack Hamm. It's concise, but valuable.

 

Hey Milkman, how do I become a better man? Or pursue my dreams of becoming a big entertainer?

 

It's about staying true to yourself. I'm a really very happy and fulfilled individual, although I do wish I had a girlfriend, and this started when I absolutely stopped caring what anyone thought. You are you. Embrace it.

As for being a big entertainer, I think that's about going out there and doing it. You'll fail a thousand times, but you must try. If you have a voice, somebody will hear it.

I'm really seriously wanting to do stand up comedy now, so I'm just going to go do it.

 

1) I'm drunk.

2) Milky, thanks for the advice.

 

1) I feel way less guilty about drinking after watching a Doug Stanhope bit about how more high school kids are doing drugs, but it's ok. Who better to do drugs? What are you going to fuck up so bad you can't bounce back from? Getting an F? So fucking what. You're not going to forget your kids at daycare. You're not going to blow your mortgage payment.

I also have very few responsibilities. I have no wife or kids. I could theoretically blow my rent money, but it's not coke... it's booze. It's pretty cheap these days.

2) You are most welcome.

 

Her name is Talena Sword. Isn't that a fucking awesome name? Should I tell her to go into porn? She's short, blonde, and has a pretty nice ass. And is it just me, or is white girls with ass really a phenomenom?

 

Yes, it is. I love porn, but it's not for everyone. I actually like how respectable porn has become, it's getting sort of ok. I actually think wrestling is now lower than porn on the seedy business totem pole. There's lot of goofy amateur shit where god knows what goes on, but actual porn? If she has the right mindset for it, totally. And phenomenon as in rare? No. Phenomenon as in really good? Yes.

[At Home 0]

Milky, I don't think I'm an unattractive person, per se, but I'm always set back by my inability to make a move. If I'm talking to a girl, I'm constantly worrying over saying the right thing and going over a million different things in my head. How do I get over my fearfulness?

[Bruiser Chong 0]

I believe your signature holds all the answers.

[Ravenbomb 0]

You seem to enjoy pissing people off. How far would you go to piss people off?

[At Home 0]

I believe your signature holds all the answers.

As soon as I posted and saw that, I went off a-laughing.

[Nighthawk 0]

Milky, I don't think I'm an unattractive person, per se, but I'm always set back by my inability to make a move. If I'm talking to a girl, I'm constantly worrying over saying the right thing and going over a million different things in my head. How do I get over my fearfulness?

 

I actually had/have this problem too. I got over it by totally overcompensating. I'd say anything, like just straight up asking them if they would be interested in being gangbanged, or one time I took a girl out and when we were alone in my car, I told her "The only reason I get any women at all is because of who I am... a rapist." That's a Rodney Dangerfield line, but I discovered that nineteen year old black girls don't know anything about Rodney Dangerfield.

So now, I don't go around saying that crazy shit, but if I have to say something I'm nervous about, I can do it.

My other advice is to try to stop thinking about them as girls and think of them as people. Be friendly with them, and once you have that natural conversational chemistry, they will give you signals about when it's the right time to do what.

Remember, they like you just as much as you like them. If a girl can't get a guy to come on to her when she wants to, that's her problem as much as his.

 

One of my stand up bits I'm writing is about a rape date, as opposed to date rape.

 

You seem to enjoy pissing people off. How far would you go to piss people off?

 

The other day I bought crack, threw it over my shoulder, and said "Guess what, I don't even smoke crack dumbass." Yes, I wan reenacting a Mr. Show bit. That was kind of out there. I think short of killing or raping someone, there's not a lot I wouldn't do. I wouldn't be GG, cause that's a lifestyle choice, but he is my hero. I also have collection of shirts which I got to wear to pro life demonstrations. Not just one, I have to choose from a few. I have, I think, seven shirts with the word fuck on them. Just yesterday I was telling my friend I needed to be more blasphemous.