TheBostonStrangler

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, AUGUST 16TH, LIVE FROM THE AMERICAN WEST ARENA IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER!! WHEW!! (5:00pm PCT, 8:00pm EST; check local listings) SIX-MAN MAIN EVENT OF DOOM!! The Masked Man, Mike Van Siclen, and Todd Cortez vs. Andrea Montgomery, The Birdman, and Justin Bowers ~ Wow. Is this zany or what. Masked Man/MVS/Cortez is something that I just don’t want to get into right now, but to say the least, there are several possible directions that this match could go in, and no matter what, someone’s feelings are bound to get hurt. On the other side of things, the Birdman delays his Hardcore Title shot in order to team up with Andrea here, as well as… Justin Bowers? Huh, how the hell did he get into the Main Event? As I said, zany. Rules: Normal six-man stuff. Two men in the ring at once… count-outs/DQ’s are in effect but not heavily enforced… we just throw everyone together and hope that it doesn’t turn out to be too much of a clusterfuck. Word Limit: 7000 Marker: chirs3 SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE WACKINESS!! ”The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Sean Davis w/ Special Guest Ref: “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins Tom Flesher has what Spike Jenkins thinks he rightfully deserves. Male genitals. But on another note, he also has the SWF Cruiserweight Title around his waist. That also slightly ticks off Jenkins. That said, seeing as how this fed is ALL ABOUT being FAIR… we’re having Tom do battle with Jenkins’ tag partner, and making Spike the guest referee! MAD WILD CRAZY MADNESS~! Rules: Well, we’ll just see what Spike’s definition of “rules” is. Spike can write if he wants to. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: Grand Slam SUBMISSION MATCH!! OH MY!! Landon Maddix vs. Ace Lezaire ~ Hrm, only one man will continue to impress us higher-ups here in the SWF after tonight, and the other won’t just lose… he’ll tap out. Rules: No DQ’s. No Count-Outs. But in order for a man to win, he must make his opponent tap out INSIDE the ring, and in the center, to boot. Rope breaks can’t be enforced, really, but if a man taps out and he’s touching the ropes, it means jack-shit, so it’d be smart to apply your Crazy 8 Indian Venus Fly Trap Death Lock Mach 4 or whatever you’ve got up your sleeve as far away from the ropes as possible. Word Limit: 5700 Marker: Kibagami RECOVERY MATCH!! Dace Night vs. Johnny Dangerous ~ Both men lost their respective Lockdown matches, which is a downer, but tonight, they’ll both be given the chance to get back on track!! A win here for Johnny would be particularly impressive. Up until his loss on Lockdown, he was on a semi-roll and on his way to the SWF upper-card… and what could possibly help him continue that roll more than a clean win against the fed’s resident Hardcore King? Rules: Standard. How boring. Word Limit: 5500 Marker: chirs3 USJL TITLE MATCH!! “The Corona” Vladimir Everheart vs. Manson© ~ Vlad won a shot at Manson’s title on Lockdown. He cashes in immediately. Fighting is fun and all, but fighting for GOLD is an entirely different shindig. These two are out for blood, and the USJL title. Now kill each other already. Rules: The usual batch. Word Limit: 5500 Marker: Thoth HARDCORE BOUT!! Jamie Drazon vs. Candace ~ Candace is deadly. She is beautiful. She is young, talented, and has two men escort her wherever she goes. So far here in the SWF, she’s undefeated. Her entrance theme is even a David Bowie song, for Christ’s sake. Yup, you could easily say that Candace is bound to go far here in the SWF. So what should we do for her second match, you ask? PIT HER AGAINST THE HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKING GOD JAY DAWG JAMIE DRAZON IN A HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKING MATCH AND WATCH HER BLEED!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DIE, CANDACE, DIE!!!! …*cough* Sorry. …Uhm, make us proud, Candy. Rules: There are none. Deal with it. Word Limit: 5000 Marker: Thoth FOUR-MAN THREE-PHASE ELIMINATION MATCH!! Ryan Dustin vs. David Cross vs. Edward James vs. Nathan Xavier ~ Floundering wrestlers a-go-go here, as far as I know. A win for any of these men (especially Cross or Xavier, the n00bz) could bump them up a notch on the SWF card. Rules: Alright, this is how this shit goes down. Four men start out in the ring at the same time. Disqualifications and Count-Outs are in full effect. One man is eliminated by being disqualified, pinned, counted out, or by submitting, and he returns to the backstage area, leaving the three remaining competitors behind. At this point, the count-outs rule is dropped, and wrestlers can be pinned anywhere in the arena. Once one more competitor is pinned, leaving two men left, the disqualification rule is dropped. So with the last two men left, there are no rules, and they’re free to roam about to bludgeon each other with aluminum bats or whatever. Perhaps a bit complicated, but eh, I was bored, and I’m sure you’ll survive. Go at it, boys. Word Limit: 5000 Marker: Suicide King OPENING SINGLES MATCH OF DEATH!! Ced Ordonez vs. "Grand Slam” Mark Stevens ~ Your standard singles match to start out the show. Except this one has an ex-referee and Bemani Cross Wizard against a former world champion and hall of famer. You don't even want to know what the line is down in Vegas. Rules: Standard-osity. Word Limit: 4000 Marker: Kibagami

Don't worry, it's been taken care of. Toxxic/Chris Wilson/El Luchadore Magnifico vs. Thugg/Axis/Jamie Bjork has been put onto the card.

Regardless of my status as Batman, a quick note: I will be at the Red Sox game tonight, so I won't be back until sometime between 11PM and midnight. I'll arrange the show right after that, then make up a card for you ingrates. Remember to send all booking requests to me, and if there's anything you guys are looking for, just let me know. The more, the merrier. Oh, Z, send me a roster. Because if you don't, I'm going to book with a much smaller roster (aka GOdrea vs. Tom 8 different times).

You can't fire me! Because I am................ BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I don't think I'll be doing that.

It is convenient to have a nice list like this. Plus, it's interesting just to see all the moves that people are using as finishers right now. And on the note of what people had been saying: Only one person ever kicked out of the Boston Massacre, which was an elevated Death Valley Driver (gorilla press slam into DVD). The only kickout was Erek Taylor kicking out in our retirement match. That Taylor thought he was so good...

Yay for being #2! Now all I need to do is kill Dace Night, and things will be perfect....

Man, it's interesting looking at the difference in the World Title between 2003 and 2004... In 2003, there were a total of six titles changes, and seven different champs: El Luchadore Magnifico, TNT, Tom Flesher, Thoth, Strangler, Tom again, and Ejiro on the last show of the year. After just over seven months in 2004, we've had 9 title changes already, and 8 different champions: Ejiro, Danny, Va'aiga, Matthews, Duran, Danny (again), Kibagami, Danny (AGAIN), Janus, and now Toxxic. Here's hoping for the World Title to continue the trend that Janus started and to jump around less towards the end of the year. I know that a certain Brit is hoping the same.

Here's an idea: - Let's say they do the title change at Summerslam, thanks to an Edge heel turn. Earlier in the night, have Edge drop the IC strap to Batista in the three-way between Edge, Batista, and Jericho. Then, the IC strap is onto a new champ who needs a belt to really establish himself as a legit threat, rather than a giant bodyguard. - Now, you have HHH continue his feud with Eugene, have Edge feud with Benoit, send Jericho after Randy Orton (use the battle royale as the impetus for the feud), Kane and Michaels feud, and bring back Shelton Benjamin to feud with Batista. That means that the No Mercy lineup is: - Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho, World Title - Chris Benoit vs. Edge - HHH vs. Eugene (probably some kind of gimmick here) - Shawn Michaels vs. Kane - Batista vs. Shelton Benjamin - Random tag match - Random women's match - Another random singles match (Matt Hardy vs. Christian?) That seems like it takes care of most of RAW's problems. It lets Jericho regain a little credibility with a World Title program (and should make Orton look good in the process, since Jericho can go), it keeps Benoit out of an IC-title feud, it makes Batista look better, gives Benjamin something to come back and do, and Edge gets to look great in the ring again. The HHH/Eugene feud might be dragging by then, but they'll come up with something to work it along for a bit. Honestly, that lineup doesn't look bad, and it fits into the way that the WWE wants it to work out.

*Laughs at the old geezers who are 9th and 12th on the list* I'm 16th and 18th on that list. I be a spring chicken, yo.

Andrew W.K. is gonna be there? Dropkick Murphys + Andrew W.K. + Bad Religion + Rancid + Pennywise = BADASS. The only two bands I would have liked to see added are Green Day (who played this thing all the time) and Flogging Molly (would one more show have killed them?). Still, that's one hell of a bill.

I vaguely remember Crowe's old EZBoard and that fed he had. Wasn't it something like two people co-writing matches, and the winner was the one who contributed the better segments? I don't remember what it was called, though. MAN, that was a long time ago.

Damn misleading nicknames. And for pointing out the ignorance of an SWF legend (in his own mind only), Toxxic and a partner of his choice will job to the greatest tag team that never wrestled a match in SWF history: The Boston Librarian Open Source. The Information Superhighway! Fear the Dewey Decimal Drop! Cower from the Blue Screen Of Death! The Information Superhighway is upon you! *stops doing cocaine* Ah....much better.

MAIN EVENT TRIPLE THREAT, WORLD TITLE BOUT, TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS Janus© vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher© vs Toxxic - Hmmm....I'll pick Tom to take this one. I know he wants to take ELM's record down, and he's gotta win this to do it. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street© vs Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman - As much as I really want to pick GOdrea and Birdman....ah, screw it. Go Andrea! Go Birdman! WIN WIN WIN! TRIPLE THREAT NUMBER ONE CONTENDER BOUT; SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night - Most likely Dace. However, I could definitely see Ace pulling off a big upset. SINGLES MATCH ICTV TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix - Landon's gonna take this one. There are laws about Johnny holding legitimate title belts. Time to enforce those laws. SINGLES MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT Manson© vs "The Icon" Max King - Hmmm....tough call. It's great to see a revamped Manson, but I've liked what I've seen of King....I'll go with the champ to retain IF he writes, which he better... HARDCORE MATCH HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Martin "Big Country" Hunt© vs Sean Davis - These two I know very little about. So I'll go with the big dude to retain his title. Big man pride and all. SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Munich - I'll take Ced here. Because Ced can play DDR on Munich's SKULL! SINGLES MATCH ??? vs Candace - I have NO clue who Candace is. Therefore, I gotta pick my boy ??? MALL BRAWL V Austin Sly vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart vs Edward James vs Petey the Irish Penguin vs Ryan Dustin vs ??? - My heart says Petey, but my brain tells me, once again, NEVER to pick against ???. I'll take ??? to win his second match of the night, and challenge Galatea's record down the line. BONUS PREDICTION: Z dies of an anime overdose, and Grand Slam has to come back....to post the show. Gripping, I know.

Birdman + GOdrea = OWNAGE

So....this is a card. ..... .............. .............................. +1

I'm going to the last show, which is the 10th Anniversary show they're doing in Foxboro. The lineup seems to be pretty impressive so far (I know the Dropkick Murphys said they were planning on playing it, as were Rancid and Pennywise), and there are supposed to be more showing up. Basically, I just wanna see what happens, so it's worth going with a friend or two.

Someone should slap a beard and a wig on Vin Diesel and make him into Strangler.

I beat Spiderman 2. Go me.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs Toxxic (Special Guest Commentator: Janus) Hmmm......no contest after Janus lays both their asses out. ICTV TITLE BOUT LANDON'S DISGRESSION STIP Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© vs Johnny Dangerous - Landon. TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street©* (Todd Cortez & The Masked Man) vs Spike Jenkins & Sean Davis * = Not 'official' champions - Spike CANNOT have another title. Go 42nd Street SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night - Dace to win the match and our hearts SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Alan Clark - Go Petro the Clown! FATAL FOUR WAY USJL TITLE #1 CONETENDERSHIP "The Icon" Max King vs Munich vs vs Manson vs Ced Ordonez - Hmmm...I'll take Ced. Benami Cross Wizards 4 Lyfe! HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Ryan Dustin© vs Martin "Big Country" Hunt - I don't know either of those people. I'll take the champ to retain. SINGLES MATCH The Birdman vs Andrea Montgomery - Go Andrea! GOAT for president! SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart - Vladimir Everheart....that name sounds too gothy and so forth for my likings. I'll take the nice, vanilla name of Edward James.

I say you no-sell it. I no-sold a car, and look where it got me. No-selling anything and everything will make you lots of friends, help all your storylines, and make you more attractive to women. I mean, Ash did that all the time, and he's knee-deep in internet women.

RIDICULOUS DEBUT AGAINST TWO ESTABLISHED VETERANS!! Munich vs. Manson vs. Rob Gilbert NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO BOUNCE OFF OF LOSS BY FIGHTING A MAN IN A PENGUIN SUIT!! Heath Black vs. Petey the Irish Penguin ~ I refuse to pick against the penguin. NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO CONTINUE WINNING STREAK BY FIGHTING FORMER REFEREE!! Max King vs. Ced Ordonez CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE DEFENSE ALREADY?? CRAAAAAZY!! Martin “Big Country” Hunt vs. Austin Sly© HARDCORE TITLE SHOT CASH-IN!! Ryan Dustin vs. Mike Van Siclen© #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!! “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. Toxxic ICTV CHAMPION IS IMMEDIATELY SENTENCED TO DEATH IN BOILER ROOM BRAWL!! Jay Dawg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© TOM CASHES IN ON TITLE SHOT… JANUS SUSPENDED… FIGHTS JOHNNY DANGEROUS INSTEAD!! “The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Johnny Dangerous ~ Note that Tom is the only person who wasn't listed last that I picked to win a match. Tom, if you betray my trust, so help me god, you will PAY.

Dace, don't you even DARE suggest that someone use the Press Slam DVD. The Boston Massacre shall live forever! And my biggest point with finishers is that it should be a move that isn't in anyone else's moveset, with very few exceptions. You don't want to be writing a Fallaway Slam, for example, as your finisher if three other guys use it as a transition move. Make sure to try and be unique to the fed with your finisher. It's cool to use old finishers (except for mine, of course), but don't be blatant with the ripoffs, and don't use moves others are already using. It'll just create problems down the line.

The following people would be good: - Chris Wilson (I don't think he's been mentioned yet) - King - Mark - Axis - Neilsen (also a real wildcard) - Judge and/or Ejiro - Mak Francis (He'd be a good face PBP guy, IMO) - Erek Taylor (good heel wiseass commentator)

I declare every match is hereby contested under bra and panties rules unless specifically stated otherwise.