Mr. S£im Citrus

Damn; I think this is the first time in about five years when no Kings players made the All-NBA first, second or third team. Dark days ahead...

Hey bookerman, we aren't still waiting on a match are we? Not after the "absolutely no extensions" ultimatum?

Horseshit! Battleground was, IMO, the best PPV we've done since G4, and was sure as hell better than whatever RP garbage was ranked ahead of it.

That should be obvious; he thinks he can beat you...

Buck should get Mike Jones; now he's hood...

Like we have room to talk...

Thanks Ejiro, for providing a perfect explanation for something that I tried and failed to articulate months ago, which is basically that Toxxic, as a heel, is too un-heel-like for his own good.

You shittin' me? Danny wrote that? Huh; and here I'd always thought of him as having a more anemic sense of humor than even me...

Ohh... "cravate." I thought that you'd said "cravat," which is something that I don't even associate with wrestling at all...

Spurs in 6. 7 if Duncan can't go. 5 if Johnson can't go.

That's because Plots > Spots, unless I'm doing the spots. Then, Spots > *.*, 'cuz WC = ratingz! OMGWTF IAMZ BEINGZ G00D WITH MATH N STUFF!!!!!!111 Seriously, though, what was our rating for Battleground?

Well, I can't access Word from this computer, so no HOLT tonight, but at least you get this garbage: ================== Danny Williams eats too many Strong Style Ribs and raw sushi before bedtime... Something I can't imagine Danny writing himself... is nevertheless quite funny, if a little disturbing; I don't really keep up on the world of Puroresu, but the thought of Stan Hansen being so over with Japanese fans that he could spit a "gallon" of chaw on a reporter, and they'd pose for the other reporters like it was the greatest thing ever amuses me... And a whistle that summons the re-animated corpse of Giant Baba? This must have been written by Drea, because I can't imagine anybody else being able to come up with something like this without consuming massive quantities of many different mind-altering substances. Very entertaining opener, if it ends up being a little out of place with the tone of the rest of the show. Funyon is multi-talented Not much to see here; interesting choice of an "Anthem." Other than that, see my last comment from the first segment. Toxxic says stuff... Toxxic is interviewed by Ben Hardy, who asks him for comment regarding how he slapped Melissa Fasaki up... Toxxic, in his own cheeky way, says something that basically amounts to "the bitch had it comin'." Toxxic then goes on to compare Ejiro to Johnny Dangerous in the "huh?" moment of the evening... Apparently, England thinks that Ben should try to put Jet out of business, or something... IL, Spike and the newb get into a little 3-way action... King starts off making a Freudian slip, and then trying to play it off; cute... I'm a little curious as to how IL ran all the way down the ramp and caught two guys off-guard, when he's not all that fast to begin with, but that's just a minor peeve... Rodgers channels Naitch, which seems an oddly poor choice for a hardcore match to me, and then assaults IL with plastic cutlery... IL seems uncharacteristically to be more successful against the Cruiserweight Spike than against the Hardcore Rodgers... IL turns the tables on his opponents when they whiff on a chair spot that's so cool that I intend to steal it some time soon... IL wins with an Evenflow DDT on Spike, and I can't help but notice that IL has a very... unorthodox way of portraying his character... Pretzler says stuff... Pretzler hates WC because his free-wheeling, high-flying style spits on the legacy of wrestling, and I think I've heard this one before... drops a few names, and then questions Aja Kong's sexuality... tells an uncomfortable story about how he pisses Dr. Pepper, or something... talks some more shit, and then runs like a bitch when WC finds him; good stuff... The Mak takes on the Dean Mak comes down to the ring in Oakley's, and I still shake my head at that... I asked one of the kids who works for me, and assures me that he is up to date on "what's hood," and he says that the brothers in the hood don't wear Oakleys, so I don't know what's up with that... Mak and Hawke are honored with STREAMERS~!, because you can't have a show in Japan without STREAMERS~! King rubs one out as he marvels at Hawke's technical expertise... Mak tries to turn it into a brawl, but a wrestling match breaks out, anyway... they go all quick-covery and stuff, until Hawke finally takes control with a lariat... Hawke does mad crazy arm work, and then King makes a bad Cutthroat pun... In what I can only presume is a satire of puro, Mak does a remarkable delayed no-sell of a backdrop driver, and manages to kick Jay in the face before falling back down; man, Hogan matches would have been hella more entertaining if have done that every once in a while, to mix it up. In fact, he should have done that at Wrestlemania 5; no-sell Macho's elbow, hulk up, hit the Big Boot, and then collapse... Eddy Long delivers the count in Japanese; apparently the fact that neither the wrestlers, nor the referee, nor the show the match is being broadcast on are Japanese is important... Strangely enough, every time I read the count going on, I kept having flashbacks to the first grade, when Mrs. Johns taught us about Japan; we learned how to count to ten in Japanese, and even sang a "kilifish" counting song. We also learned how to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in Japanese, although I couldn't remember the words to save my ass... We had a little party in class where we drank tea and ate rice crackers; we even gave a little production in front of the whole school. Miyoshie Brown did a little performance while we sang the "Sakura" song; she had a crush on me... I wonder what she's doing now... Anyway, Mak wins with the Franchise Tag... yeah. Toyota Mitsubishi vs Samsung Nintendo! Pretzler starts things off with a cheap shot, and they roll around for a while... Buck no-sells the Indy Stand-Off~! Which reminds me: the opening bell rang awfully late into that match, didn't it? Buck takes control, but Pretzler turns the tables when Buck stops to pose... Pretzler steals Rodgers' bit and channels Flair, and we learn that King is loaded off the sauce... Pretzler escapes from the Buck-Wild Ride, and I still flinch every time I see that in writing... Buck powers his way out of the Snowflake Clutch, and the two take the fight outside... where it stays, as the ref counts both men out. E.F. Hutton Says STUFF~! Ejiro channels Triple H and proclaims that it's all about the RULE~! He's going to strip Toxxic naked... or something... Say What?! Minor quibble #1: The last TLC match was at Battleground 2003; At FTF '03, I wrestled Jay Dawg in a cage, and Johnny was UA... Maddix tries to CHEAT TO WIN~! before the match even starts... Griffon and Manson don't take kindly to that, and channel Demolition as they put the beatdown on Cortez, before Maddix decides to dive outside of the ring from the top of the ladder... the next big highspot comes when WC knocks down Manson and both members of Martial Law outside the ring with a corkscrew plancha... Manson eats a chair to the face outside the ring, via a baseball slide from Cortez, who then hits him flush a second time... Cortez dumps Griffon over the top and out of the ring to stop a supeplex on WC, only to try to hit one himself, but Johnny makes the save, and Cortez eats a Dangerous Drop... Maddix backdrops WC onto the ladder... Maddix, in the words of Jesse Ventura, hits Johnny with a slingshot suplex, "only he leaves out the suplex," and RUNS into a chairshot from Manson... Wild and Dangerous agree to help Martial Law out with a chair-assisted Collision Course on Archie Griffon... But their fingers were crossed... WHAM! Both men run into chairshots! Highspot #3 (sorta) comes when ML turn the tables on Johnny, and Maddix hits the Goomba stomp off the ladder...Cortez counters a Manson whip into the Hollow Point... but inadvertantly knocks him into the ladder, which sends his own partner flying... Minor quibble #2: WC wears braids, which, strangely enough, are not the same as dreadlocks; dreadlocks are much thicker, and usually longer... sweet spot where Johnny pulls Maddix off of Griffon's back, as he was attempting Crash Landon, and hits him with a neckbreaker onto chairs... Highspot #4 comes when Megan Skye runs into the ring to give ML another ladder, and Cortez procedes to hit the Urban Assault on WC from across two ladders... Manson and Griffon 3-D Johnny through a table, and you had to see that coming... WC apparently bleeds, which would be Minor quibble #3, but I'll let it slide... Maddix low-blows WC, and then hits a senton splash from the top rope to the floor, through a table, onto Griffon, for Highspot #5... We go straight to the Big Finish~! as Cortez DDT's Johnny off the ladder, Maddix pushes WC backwards off the ladder, then pushes Manson and his own partner off the second ladder, with Cortez flying all the way out of the ring for Highspot #6, and Maddix takes the belts to finally win Tag Team Gold. RUUUUUUUUUUULE~! I'm curious: who are the Number One and Number Two contenders? Toxxic tries to end the match right away with the Fingerpoke of DOOM~! But Ejiro no-sells, and breaks the little fucker! Ejiro gets downright uncouth with Toxxic's hand, taking the fight outside the ring, and hurting it something awful... Toxxic briefly takes control, but Rule goes right back to the hand, and you just don't see psychology like that anymore... Toxxic finally takes control when he reverses a whip into a drop toehold, and then discovers all kinds of fun ways to dish out punishment without using his hands... Toxxic hits Rule with a headbutt, which only makes him Hulk up, or Fasaki up, if you weeeel... Ejiro piledrives Toxxic, and he doesn't die, proving that we are, in fact, in Japan, and not Memphis... Toxxic takes over again after backdropping Ejiro outside the ring, and ends up applying a cravat to Fasaki, which is apparently something entirely different from what I thought it was... Toxxic hits the Rude Awakening twice, and goes for a third, but Ejiro counters... Ejiro sends Toxxic outside the ring, and stomps a mudhole in his ass, but has to put him back in the ring before he can walk it dry... Toxxic lures Ejiro into the corner and stuns him with a kick, and follows with a European uppercut... He punches Ejiro in the face, but remembers to sell the hand, like a good punk should... He lays in some elbows and kicks, until Ejiro kneecaps him... Toxxic counters a slam and hits the Underkill for... the first near-fall of the night??? Shitty moonsault gets two... Toxxic goes for the headbutt again, and this time Ejiro sells, so he hits a few more, and then hits a DDT... for two... TSS gets 2.9... Toxxic goes for the Intoxxication, but can't get the lift... Screaming Elbow... Ejirocution... and Rule's going for a chair! "Tiger Kivell" snatches the chair out of Ejiro's hands, but as he goes to put it back outside the ring... it's the Memphis Chain~! But it's still not enough... Cobra Crossface gets the decisive victory, and Ejiro becomes the first former Champion to regain the title after taking more than a year off... except for one small problem: Ejiro ain't quite done... Well, at least we lost the tag titles to a good match. Two thumbs up.

You mean like USA vs. the world? But that would mean that WC would have to play for the international team...

Eh, McGuirk looks pretty attractive in that pic on the barhopper scale . . . she just has a goofy smile. Duggan looks atrocious. The "Barhopper Scale" must grade on a curve, then... Nobody knows who the guy on the left is?

Well, I'm going to put Cortez on the team, anyway, based on the thinking that if refusing to drink would put him off the team, it'd have to put WC out, too. Anyway, here's my proposed lineup; it's entirely possible that I'm thinking too hard about this: 1. Wildchild - CF 2. Landon Maddix - RF 3. Manson - 2B 4. Li'l Buck - DH 5. The Boston Strangler - 1B 6. 'Grand Slam' Mark Stevens - 3B 7. Archie Griffon - LF 8. Bryan Rodgers - SS 9. Danny Williams - C Pitchers: Starting pitcher - Jay Hawke Starting pitcher - Johnny Dangerous Relief pitcher - Spike Jenkins Relief pitcher - Insane Luchador Closer - Mike Van Siclen Bench: Sean Davis - 1B Mak Francis - OF Todd Cortez - OF Ced Ordonez - OF/SS Ejiro Fasaki - 2B Judge Mental - C John Duran - 3B Alan Clark - OF/SS

More like you hope we never reform Justice and Rule... Yeah right; more like you and Ejiro decided to pull a Shawn Michaels and "lose your smile" before you could do the job...

You'd better hope that you can talk Johnny into retiring then, because if we get the belts back, all we have to do is defend them successfully once, and that record's history... and you've still never pinned me, young'n... Seriously though, big ups on finally winning the Tag Titles; I think that puts you one belt short of the cycle, doesn't it? Personally, I would have much rather seen Royal stick around long enough for the House of Todd to win the titles first, but that's just because I marked hard for that team.

Who the hell have you been talking to? Kings Fans didn't even think that we would beat Seattle; I mean, most people felt that the Sonics were the team that we had the best chance to beat, but that doesn't mean that we actually thought we could win.

Definitely center field. And Toxxic should bat second if WC leads off; he strikes me as a contact hitter.

Congrats to Martial Law on winning the Tag Team Titles... we'll be back, though, so shine those belts up nice for us... Since I'm not booked for Smarkdown, I'll probably do an extended review and/or HOLT report tonight (my time) or tomorrow (my time). And I think Johnny and I now own the dubious distinction of having lost more TLC matches than any other team in SWF history. Meanwhile, somewhere in Australia, Muzz dances a jig, knowing that Divefire's record is safe for another four months...

"Men like Aja Kong?" And, in other news... yes, the suspense is killing me. Allow me please to make one small request for future booking consideration, win lose or draw: the next time you want to book me in a TLC match for a non-PPV show... don't; that was utterly painful, and the short timeframe took all the joy out of trying to write it.

Yikes; Sherri's kind of let herself go, hasn't she? I'm guessing that the troll on the far right in the second picture is Jim Duggan; who's the troll on the far left? And how sad is it that Duggan is the least gruesome looking of the four?

And you thought that all he could do was make fun of Fugue...

So, let's see... that brings the count of thirty year-olds (that I know of) to seven, I think: Me (30) nl5xsk1 (30) CheesalaIsGood (30) Kaertos (32) The Thread Killer (35) Rendclaw (30+) Dr. Tom (??)

Kick ass! And this, boys and girls, is why many of us predicted that Ejiro would be running the fed by now... That was, of course, before he took over a year off...