Mr. S£im Citrus

SWF Sunday Night Frost and HOLT report April 24, 2005 San Antonio, Texas, at Alamodome Report by Shawn Castillo of San Antonio, Texas, Smartmarks.com reader \ Frost: - The Memphis Eel beat Cutthroat in 2:59 with a piledriver. Afterwards, the Eel hijacked Funyon’s microphone and started to pimp the new line of Frost-brand™ merchandise, until Dominic Korgath ran down to the ring to chase him away. - The first video package talked about the short but intense rivalry between Archie Griffon and Mohammed Koran. Afterwards, Kevin Cole interviewed Mohammed Koran, who talked about how furious he was with being forced to degrade himself by competing in a bar. Koran then contradicted himself, saying that the bar was a fitting place for this match to take place, because when it was all over, he was going to leave Griffon lying on his back with the rest of the filth. - Judge William Hearford and Fugue beat Déjà Vu in 6:31, when they put Kross in the Figure 7. - John Duran beat Chance Silver in a Street Fight in 9:27, after hitting Blunt Force Trauma on the concrete floor. - The second video package showed the surprising return of Ejiro Fasaki, and the difficulties that he’s had trying to reform from being a heel. Ben Hardy asked him what it’s been like for him since his return, and Fasaki said that it’s been uncomfortable in the locker room, since the guys that he used to hang out with don’t want anything to do with him, and the guys whom he used to fight against don’t want anything to do with him. Hardy asked him why he’s had such a difficult time adjusting and Ejiro said that it’s been rough trying to resist the urge to take the cheap way out; that he’d been doing it for so long that it had become second nature to him. Hardy then acknowledged the rumors that Ejiro had someone behind the scenes who was encouraging him to stay on the straight and narrow path, and asked Ejiro if he was ever going to reveal to the fans whom that person was. Ejiro made a face, and said that person was here with him tonight, and that, against his better judgment, that person was going to come down to the ring with him tonight. Hardy asked him if he had any expectations for his match tonight, and Fasaki just said that Cortez was a tough opponent, the toughest he’s faced since his return, and he didn’t know whether he could beat him without cheating, but that he was going to give it his best shot. - Ann Onita beat Austin Sly in 7:19 with the Hollowpoint Driver. - Stryke beat Michael Craven in 5:44, when he managed to roll through a Superplex. - The final video package featured the first four matches between Johnny Dangerous and Landon Maddix. Afterwards, Bobby Riley interviewed Johnny Dangerous, talking about his recently aggressive attitude in the ring. Johnny dismissed it, saying that he’s just doing what he feels he has to do to get noticed by the Championship Committee, that he’s tried to be the nice guy for months, and that all it’s gotten him is the opportunity to watch a parade of other wrestlers get shots at the Heavyweight Title. Riley asked him if that meant that he had turned his back on his fans, and Johnny said no; he said that his real fans understand where he’s coming from, and that they support him doing whatever it takes to get another title shot, even if it means ‘bending the rules slightly.’ Riley then asked him what that meant for his partnership with Wildchild, who is a confirmed “goody two-shoes.” Johnny said that there’s no problem between Wild and Dangerous, that the team is as strong as it ever was. He said that he respected Wildchild’s desire to fight cleanly, and that he would never do anything in a tag match that he wasn’t comfortable with. Riley asked him if Wildchild was comfortable with his actions during the Tag Title defense against Martial Law, but Johnny quickly changed the subject to his match tonight; he said that he’s starting to get bored with beating Landon Maddix, and that after he beats Maddix tonight, he won’t be getting another title shot. - Danny Williams and Dace Night beat Jamie Drazon and Perfect Bo when Williams and Night planted Bo with a double-powerbomb. Battleground: - Archie Griffon came down to ringside after the Hawke/Manson match to celebrate his victory, since he didn’t really get a proper celebration from the bar. Manson woke up and was about to leave ringside, but Archie asked him to stay and share a few beers with him. - After Janus left the ring, Funyon announced that Spike Jenkins match had been cancelled due to a family emergency, and they had an untelevised match in its place, which saw Aecas and Alan Clark beat Martin Hunt and the Masked Man, when Aecas hit Hunt with Wings of Fire at 5:41. Afterwards, Clark got on the microphone and told everyone that Aecas was going to have a birthday this week, and that they should all sing Happy Birthday to him before he went back to Japan. He then led the crowd into a rousing rendition of ‘Happy Birthday.’ - After the Hardcore Title match, Funyon asked the fans to recognize SWF Legend and Hall-of-Famer El Luchadore Magnifico. The crowd gave him a three-minute standing ovation, as well as a sustained “E-L-M” chant. - Funyon got into the ring after the International Title match, and announced that the paid attendance for Battleground was 48,822, the largest non-football crowd ever in the Alamodome, and promised that the SWF would return to San Antonio in the near future. Biggest Pops 1) Mak Francis 2) Wildchild 3) El Luchadore Magnifico 4) Landon Maddix 5) Janus Most Heat 1) Toxxic 2) Scott Pretzler 3) Jay Hawke 4) Li’l Buck 5) JJ Johnson

Good stuff, Hawke; glad you liked the ladder match. EDIT - By the way, about the running ladder spot: due to a magnanimous gesture by Vince McMahon, we got to watch WM 21 out here on AFRTS (granted, it was a week after the fact, but it was free, so who's complaining?). I was watching the "Money in the Bank" match and utterly and completely marked when I saw Shelton Benjamin run up the ladder to clothesline Chris Jericho. I then promised myself that, the very next time I was booked to write a ladder match, I was going to recreate that spot, or something close to it. Then Pretzler asked me if we could set up to do a ladder match at Battleground, and it was a foregone conclusion.

Who did what? I'm pretty sure that our first reign was ended by Janus and Aecas (and if you're not sure, just ask Janus; he'll be happy to tell you), and our second title reign ended at the hands of Janus and Aecas again (in a match Toxxic wrote, mind you) in a clusterfuck of a four-way at Battleground '04. In fact, neither Johnny or I were even pinned to end our second reign. When did Hollywood Boulevard take anything off Wild and Dangerous? Actually, we were responsible for ending their first reign, so by that argument, Cortez would have more reason to hate Johnny than the other way around... As far as the heat between Wild & Dangerous and Todd Cortez, you're half-right: Wildchild hates Cortez because every time WC looks at Cortez, he sees Mike Van Siclen... whom he really hates. Johnny, on the other hand, is generally indifferent to Cortez; W&D and HB only had a very bried feud last year (due to my military obligations), which W&D dominated, so Johnny doesn't personally have any reason to hate Cortez any more than he does anyone else.

Well, the Rane joke and the Riley joke were the two that stood out the most; someone who joined the fed last week (and wasn't obsessed with learning the fed's history like Toxxic) probably wouldn't know who those guys were, or why those jokes are supposed to be funny.

Intriguing promo; nice to see the tension between Cortez and Maddix advanced... I don't know how much time I have to give to a W&D/ML program, though, since I've got something on my plate, but I won't veto a title defense.

I'm not much for analysis, so I'll just comment on some of the stuff that stood out to me: And we kick things off in a Bar! - We open to find Griffon enjoying an adult beverage at "The Brawling Titty," and I chuckle at the name a little. Koran and Nazeer come into the bar wearing matching jumpsuits; yeah, that's hardcore... Griffon channels Doc Holiday, and Drea already stole my joke, so I'll move along... Fast forward to Griffon throwing Koran up against the fireplace, and I know it's been a while since I went bar-hopping, but I can't recall seeing a fireplace in any of them. Griffon wins the blowoff with the Arch Nemesis, and Koran, who appears to have quit, at least in part due to a failure to adjust to our style, becomes the next HOLT jobber. Hawke/Manson Hawke wakes a sleeping giant by spitting in Manson's face; why would you spit on someone who's called the "Raging Bull?" Hawke gets virtually no offense in, until countering a spinning toehold, which is about how I would imagine the match happening, minus the toehold, because that move is just ghey. Hawke hits the Shake, Rattle 'n' Roll, and then goes retro with the arm/shoulder work, and I *loooove* the old school. Hawke and Manson brawl outside the ring, which reminds me: [Tangent] Has it ever been officially" established where the announce table is? I don't normally mention it in my matches, but on the rare occasion that I do an extended brawl outside the ring, I don't have them at ringside, as I usually find them to be in the way out there... [/Tangent] Anyway, back to the match, and JHawk pokes fun at the WWE with their bullshit referee counts, which is okay with me. Hawke gets bored of waiting on Manson and goes back outside, but Manson gets a second wind, and they brawl outside some more. Hawke regains control by going back to the shoulder, and that's just smart wrestling. Hawke decides that Manson's weakened enough to start working on the neck, leading off with a Blockbuster, and then hitting the SR&R again; I can't be the only person old enough to remember when moves like that used to actually *beat* people... The fight goes back outside the ring, and Manson gets Hawke back for that spit earlier. Hawke gets the match back into the ring and has a mad on, but underestimates Mafia's tenacity and eats an STO... Fast forward to the ref bump, and Manson hits Consequences, but there's nobody to count! Hawke pulls a Guererro with a lead pipe, and hooks on the Wing Span when the ref wakes up. Manson refuses to quit, but eventually passes out from the pain to give Hawke the win. Solid match with pretty good psychology, that puts Hawke over without making Manson look bad. Cortez/Fasaki Ejiro's sponsor turns out to be his sister, which is aces with me, but I would have though that you had to be a recovering heel yourself in order to sponsor another recovering heel... Anyway, Ejiro surprises everyone by giving Cortez a clean handshake... and then wipes Todd's cooties off his hands... Solid wrestling sequence to start with, but Cortez no-sells the applause for the "indie standoff." Another counterwrestling sequence ends when Cortez reverses a tilt-a-whirl into a headscissors, following up with a shooting star legdrop to the outside. Cortez gets back into the ring and applies a Camel Clutch. Cortez misses a senton splash, and Ejiro goes for the choke, but he decides to let his conscious (read: Melissa) be his guide. Ejiro slaps on an armbar, because that's what Ejiro does. Ejiro tries to cheat, but gets told on... BY HIS SISTER! Ejiro argues with Melissa, and the fans take her side; they argue until Cortez rolls him up! Ejiro snaps and channels Danny Williams, pounding Cortez with, like, a bajillion elbows... Ejiro sets Cortez up for something off the ropes, but eats a Hollow Point! Fast forward to the Fujiwara, and I love the smart commentary by King, breaking down the flaws of the hold; comments like this are an example of why I mark for old-school wrestling waaay more than the new stuff: the play-by-play and color commentary were simply superior to anything you hear nowadays... Todd takes over with a super-frankensteiner and then takes advantage of Ejiro being distracted by his sister to get a couple of covers... Melissa has a pet name for her big brother; isn't that sweet? Cortez looks too hard for the Dragon Whip, and eats an enzugiri to the shoulder... Ejiro puts it away with the Cobra Crossface for the clean (clean?) victory... and King soils himself... IL/JJJ The Battle of the Initials gets started a little early, as Triple J surprises Rickmen in his locker room, and that's something we don't get around here very often... Johnson dominates early until IL wrests the steel chair from his opponent and hits a kind of reverse curb stomp with the chair... OUCH! IL channels La Parka and goes nuts with the chair... Cute running gag with naked Allison... Solid match, but nothing really stands out like "Whoa!" to me, so... Fast forward to the parking lot... Poor King; he should take the costs for that body work out of their paychecks... IL with the Brink of Insanity to become the new Hardcore Champion in a good PPV hardcore match. Piss Break... err, I mean, Janus promo Janus comes out looking like a giant pink fairy and makes a few mild homosexual innuendos; I'm sure that somebody who wasn't the BUTT of his jokes probably found them funny... Buck/David A plug for Danny Williams Strong Style Ribs, and that must mean that it's time for Li'l Buck! The smallest wrestler on the active roster taking on the second-biggest! Buck comes down in a throwback, because he's HOOD~! Kris Kristofferson is the special guest referee, because Drea loves actors as referees, especially ones that used to be folk singers. Trademark Drea commentary, earmarked by the sort of "insider" comments that make the old-timers like Muzz smile, but are probably likely to make newcomers like David go "Huh?" Buck is the defacto heel, and David takes a beating, but since I've never seen his stats, I don't know what he's supposed to be capable of... Fast forward to Buck stealing my finisher, and David gets out, but Buck finally gets the submission win with a full nelson, which is OLD SCHOOL~! WC/Pretzler Aaaaand I still don't comment on my own stuff... Toxxic Promo And Toxxic's still full of himself... And he still wants revenge on Spike... And not much more than that; but, at least now we know where Jet is... Johnny/Landon Johnny and Maddix have a "contest" to determine who's more popular, and Landon CHEATS 2 WIN~! Landon with the "insider" remark on commentary, and you'd think I'd find it funnier when I'm not the BUTT of the joke, but I really don't... Quick counterwrestling sequence to start; Landon whiffs on a plancha and blows out his knee... Johnny works the knee over, because psychology is OLD SCHOOL~! ... Landon turns the tables with THE MYSTERIOUS WHITE POWDER~! Funny, he doesn't *look* Japanese... the STO must be the Officially-Licensed™ Move of the Week... Johnny sells the powder long enough for Maddix to hit a Landon Eye for two, and selling is always a good thing... Landon feigns the superkick, and gets Johnny to walk into a DDT; nice smart little spot... Landon telegraphs a suicide headbutt and pays for it, which is how it *should* be... Johnny gets the MI Slam, but Maddix has his foot on the ropes... Maddix gets the Land of Nod, but Johnny won't tap... Then Landon shifts to the Wet Cement, and Johnny finally taps. Cortez comes down for some post-match celebrating, and Johnny kicks his stinking teeth in! I have mixed feelings about this, mostly since I haven't spoken to Johnny since before the PPV, but when we last spoke, he'd indicated that his plans for his possible heel turn were a little different, so I just hope Landon cleared his post-match activity with Johnny first. Da' Main Event! Time for our feature presentation, starring Michael Stephens as Triple H... err, I mean, Toxxic... Toxxic can't wrestle with Mak, so he makes it a fight, which makes for a good story... Mak hooks some kind of abdominal stretch variation, because restholds are OLD SCHOOL~! ... Mak hits a wheelbarrow suplex, follows with a german, and then hits the Million-Dollar Plex for good measure... which Toxxic promptly no-sells... Mak misses a running bootscrape, and Toxxic gets a rollup for two; Toxxic completes the no-sell by beating Mak to his feet after a rollup and hits Shake Rattle 'n' Roll... Toxxic figures, "hey, if I break Mak's arm, he can't suplex me anymore," and goes to work. Toxxic sets Mak up for a super reverse rana, and gets two... Toxxic channels late-80s Rockers with a little fistdrop action, and then Intoxxicates Francis, but still only gets two... Francis powers his way out of the TSS, hits That's Franchisable, and CHEATS 2... *ALMOST* WIN~! ... Mak goes for the Tiger suplex, but *somebody* has to remember to sell... Mak counters the Discus lariat into a Fujiwara, and transitions into a cattle mutilation... Toxxic escapes the Filthy German, and I guess that every cruiser really does have a double stomp... well, almost every cruiser... Mak is still the designated seller, and can't get Toxxic up for the Franchise Tag... Mak goes for Brotherly Love, and eats knees, enabling Toxxic to slap on the Regal Stretch, which finally gets a win after about two minutes... Perfectly acceptable wrestling, aside from the occasionally spotty selling, and a very good "sports entertainment" match... And then Johnny comes down to the ring? MI Slam to Toxxic, and is Johnny a face or a heel? Stuff like this is why the upper card/main eventers need to communicate with each other a little better. Overall, a superb show to read; top-to-bottom, probably the best thing we've done since G4. Well, I work nights, and it's almost 11am where I am; HOLT Report to follow after I get some sleep... -Dub Cee

Our match at Battleground was illegitimate? Or does this imply that a third party was involved...? What it implies is that I posted that before the show went up... as of now, I have two legit singles wins on PPV; ironically enough, they're both ladder matches.

Secretary of Defense, of course.

Well, in terms of matches that I wrote on my own, it has to be Clusterfuck '04 against Flesher. Not only did I become World Cruiserweight Champion in this match, but it remains, to this day, my only legit (read: non co-write) singles win on PPV: C'Fuck '04: WC vs. Flesher (ladder match) In terms of my favorite collaboration, it has to be the 8-man elimination tag from Ashes to Ashes '03, for a couple of reasons: 1) I was the driving force behind the whole thing; all I had to do was convince Taamo that it was his idea... 2) It was the match in which I finally got closure for the WC/Ejiro storyline, and 3) It was, to this day, my only PPV main event. A2A '03: Tom Flesher, The Boston Strangler, Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous vs. Michael Craven, Erek Taylor and Justice & Rule

8.5K. I wanted to write more, but I was under the gun... Of course, it almost turned out to be a moot point, as I then proceeded to have to wait for a half-hour on a computer to open up before I could actually turn my match in; sometimes being out here really sucks...

Just a hair over 500, but that's mostly because I have a hard time writing intros. In fact, on average, it takes me three times as long to get through my introductions as it does to get through the whole rest of my match, so once the bell rings, I'll be fine; I already know how I want the action to go, and I'll just pull a C'Fuck special if it comes down to it.

Well, I save the stat pages offline once a week; does that count?

Jarrod Banks and Sean Davis just happen to be in the same hospital; what a remarkable coincidence... I didn't know they had Crips in Alabama; shouldn't Banks be Vicelord or something?

That's a pretty reasonable argument Mak, except that it assumes a fact not yet entered into evidence: that the ladder match is the blowoff, when it isn't necessarily.

EDIT - sorry, double post.

Are we still waiting on the Koran/Sly match? Because I'm about ready to say 'fuck the HOLT report,' and start working on my match for Battleground.

Judge, I thought I'd already answered that question; it doesn't have anything to do wanting to engage in a pissing contest; it has to do with me being a sensitive old fart, relatively speaking. Besides which, outside of this fed, I generally only interact with people whose idea of humor isn't to "burn" each other (read: other old people), so I'm genuinely not used to it; I guess I'm just responding as comes naturally to me... but I will make the conscious effort to do otherwise.

*insert cheap shot about yours and Johnny's reactions to losing the tag titles to me and Aecas way back when* Revise history much? I had exactly two comments on the match where we lost the tag titles: 1) I didn't like the way you had the champions coming out first, and 2) I don't think that you should have had Riley rooting for W&D. I was much more upset about what ended up happening with the Cruiserweight promo I wrote for that show. But nice attempt to portray me as being bitter about losing over a year after the fact. And by "nice attempt," I mean "lame."

Fair enough; and I wouldn't expect you to be happy about us winning... hell, who likes to lose, right? It just strikes me as funny the way some people's posts have come across at times like they think that Johnny and I are the beneficiaries of favoritism, when I sometimes get the sense that we may be the two most-disliked guys in the whole fed.

Due for what? Not to say that Pretzler isn't a good writer, because he is, or that he can't win, because he can, but why is he "due?" Because I've had the belt for two whole weeks? Have I been holding him down in some way?

I'm going to personally do my part to provide more direct feedback, even though I've said before that I prefer to do the HOLT than to post in the comments thread; I realized that the HOLT rarely covers actual feedback, and that sometimes I leave matches out. I don't know anybody in the fed that doesn't like to have their stuff read by other people, so I'll try to give feedback whenever I can. I think that one of the things that has hurt feedback in recent months has been the retirement/disappearance of several noteable critiquers, like Dace and Danny: you can say whatever you want about them taking their characters or the fed too seriously, but those guys took an interest in everybody's stuff; they'd read everything, and they'd comment, good, bad or indifferent. What we tend to have now is a lot of guys who don't pay much attention to anything outside of their own character and, occasionally, the main event. I've been guilty of this practice myself, and it can sometimes take a conscious effort to change that (as it is for me right now), but I'm trying, so if it takes me a while to comment on somebody's stuff, I ask that you all bear with me. It's a shame that some of us can't get along for whatever reason because, when you get down to it, we're all just here to write, and have fun. One problem, however, is that there isn't any universal sense of fun: what's fun for Grappler or IL and Drea isn't necessarily fun for guys like me and Johnny... for example, I could never pull off a character like Li'l Buck, or Masked Man, or Petey; I'd lose interest before I finished writing my first match. About my constant bitching about jokes/sitcoms in promo threads and whatnot; it's not out of malice, or trying to take away someone else's fun, or any kind of need to put myself over. It's just that, if I write something serious, I like for the people reading it to take it serious. I mean, it's one thing if you post a light-hearted promo, and people start joking around, but when you're trying to do legit character development and people start joking around, it's like they're not taking your work seriously. It goes back to wanting other people to read your work; you don't want them to gaff it off, either. I was seriously bent out of shape over those "Parting" promos that I wrote, simply because that series was the hardest and most thought-out thing I've ever written for this fed; I put more effort into it than any match I've ever written, and it seemed like, after the initial positive response to the first part, the rest of it was summarily shit on. Each part took me a week or more to write, and it seemed as if most of the feedback were lame gay sex jokes; after working that hard, and getting that kind of response, I felt like, "what the hell am I wasting my energy for, anyway?" Frankly, I would have rather I didn't get any feedback at all than have a bunch of people making gay jokes about WC's relationship with Johnny. Anyway, I didn't mean to spend so much time on my soapbox; sorry if this comes off as too preachy. - Dub Cee

Muzz, I can respect that you want to keep the legacy of the old IGNWF alive; I really can. I just don't get why you seem to make it out like the new writers are inferior to the old ones?

Alright then... I'll take the fajitas, and a midget luchador to serve them to me.

I'll keep it simple. A big ass plate of steak and chicken fajitas; just because I've been on this big rusting tub for four months, and I haven't had a good meal in ages.

Oops!