kkktookmybabyaway

You win your sanity back. Oh, memories. During this "magical" summer of '97, KDKA, the flagship station of the Pirates, did this promotion where they basically called the season a "Freak Show." Everytime you heard that "Freak out/La Freak" song, and if you were the 10th (or whatever number it was) caller you got Pirate tickets or something. Of course, if this was really a freak show, funky beat and all, they would have used an actual song that said "freak show", like, say, "Freak Show" by the Bar-Kays, but I digress. We all knew around here that Jason Schmidt was a good pitcher, but the problem was, like many players that failed here but went on to success at other places, he was on a bad team. Surprise, when he went to a team that gave more than 2 runs worth of support per game he got better stats. And good god I still remember the Jermaine Allensworth hype. There were KDKA sports people in this town trying to say that it was worth it to go to a game just to watch him play. Uh, no thanks.

Yeah, Miller looks to be a good one -- for his sake I hope Cowher decides to start using that position more often. And my Madden collection consists of the first game back in '91(?) through 95. I then took a several year break because of school/etc. When I got my PS2 I kept up-to-date with the Madden collection up through '05. When I saw '06, I had no desire to get it because it looked the same, sans some hippie "QB view" feature. I think '05 will be the last PS2 Madden game I get -- besides it's the uber-special COLLECTOR'S edition.

Never heard of this.

• I love local news, and not in a good way. While Medium-Large Media have their own agenda and chose to ignore stories that don’t have to deal with Abu Ghrab and Halliburton, the more local stations focus on the good stuff, like cops catching some kids peeing in a water supply. A local story in my neck of the woods (although Drudge has since picked it up on his site) deals with this 10-year old who is protesting, with her parents’ consent, over getting “picked on” by school administrators for wearing mini-skirts to class. Of course, with this added attention, I’m sure it will just lure in some of her male classmates to oogle her without knowing why they’re doing so. And of course if something happens to her, like a when group of boys trying to look up her dress at the bottom of a stairwell, her parents will be the first ones bitching to the school about this inappropriate behavior. Well I see this sort of thing isn't just limited to my neck of the woods. Maybe if parents cared about the quality of education their kids were receiving as they did with the local school's dress code, we as a country might fare better in those academic competitions where we always get beat by those dang Asians. • As of this writing it looks like the Pirates are still be winless this year, leaving them and the Phillies the only teams without a victory so far this season. And while this team sucks on the field, their marketing department is even worse; then again it’s not like they have much to work with. This year’s slogan/campaign is “We will…” Before the season started, these two words were followed up by words like “Persevere,” “Fight” and “Not give up.” I’m sure there are a few more descriptive words that can follow “We will,” but the ones I’m thinking of don’t portray the team in an all-too positive light. • I was eating an Eggo waffle this morning and something caught my eye when looking at its nutrition information. According to the Eggo box, one waffle is 100 calories while two waffles are 190 calories – huh? I guess if you eat three waffles then it’s only 270 calories. Going by this math, I guess once you get waffle numbers 11-12 you are home free; I'm sure your carb count will probably leave something to be desired though. • I finished my first year of franchise mode in Madden ’05, and one thing I like almost as much as playing the games are the various off-season tasks to do, especially scouting and drafting rookies. This off-season had no significant departures from my team, save for Jerome Bettis who was pissy because I wasn’t starting him. So going into this draft, my only real need was to have a power back. I did some scouting, and when it came time for me to make a selection I was torn between a few running backs and a tight end that would really come in handy. The problem for me was that the tight end was projected to go in the second round and the several running backs available were projected to go in the first round, meaning the backs would probably end up with slightly better ability stats. There was some concern with drafting any of these first-round backs though, because I had some doubts about any of these them being high in the “break tackle” category, which is what I was really looking for, and the tight end had some excellent combine stats and a full slate of positive reviews. I bit the bullet and picked the tight end, figuring a decent back would be available next round (there were a few backs I had my eye on that were projected to go in the second round, and the tight end pool in this draft was really shallow; the tight end I was eying up was the highest projected player at his position). I bit the bullet and selected the tight end, and after selecting him got treated to a chorus of boos, meaning my fans weren't too thrilled with the pick. However, after I signed him to a contract, his stats were revealed: 78 overall, which was higher than either of my current tight ends and an excellent score for a drafted rookie. I’ve done a few pre-season games so far in the new year and I’m taking a real liking this guy. Although I still don’t have a “power back,” (my highest rating in this category among my three half backs and two full backs is in the low 80s) I’ll take this tight end over any of the rookie backs that were recently drafted.

What would have happened if a team came in first both halves of the "season"? I'm assuming they would have had a bye, correct? And regarding that Topps year that Paciorek is in -- I have one of that year featuring Danny Ainge (with the Blue Jays, I think). Didn't realize it until years later when I was in college.

I forgot all about this -- sorry. Congrats.

What the hell is wrong with motorists? There’s a reason I drive like an old man – because someone has to prevent accidents. I was making my usual commute to work this morning and I came to an exit where I noticed this car in that striped area that can be found between a highway and an exit. It was obvious that the person was going to get off that exit but then realized that he was taking the wrong exit and was waiting to get back on the highway. Fair enough. Now the lane I was in is the only lane that takes me to an upcoming exit I need to get on, and because I try to prepare myself for situations that I fear might take place, I did a quick glance over at the other lane just in case this dipshit was going to try and pull out in front of me. I do this sort of thing many times because you never know when you’ll have to take evasive action one of these days. Today was one of those days. This asshole just drives out in front of me, forcing me to swerve into the other lane. I laid on my horn, rolled the window down, and called him every name in the book. For the rest of the quality time we spent together I kept the horn on; I also got behind him and gave him the high-beam treatment. When he got off on the exit before mine, I thought the rest of my commute would be smooth sailing. Boy was I wrong. While on the next leg of my voyage to work a few minutes later, I had another fun incident. There’s this shitty merge ramp that motorists don’t bother yielding at, and this is why I normally stay in the middle of the three lanes that are available to me in this area. This morning was no exception, but apparently it wasn’t enough for this asshole. Once he merged from his road onto my road he then proceeded to move into the center lane – right where I was. I had to slam on my breaks, causing the “loose traction” light to come on. My reaction was pretty much the same to this asshole as the first one, although I wasn’t able to get behind him and flash the high beams. Instead I just laid on the horn while driving next to him for the next 4-5 miles. Had I known the better half left her plastic juice cup in the car with me when I dropped her off at work, I would have thrown the goddamn thing at his car, hoping that it would have crashed through the passenger’s window. I know it’s funny to hear me say I’m a defensive driver only to go batshit a few sentences later, but I can’t help it. However, I don’t consider this to be road rage. To me road rage is screaming and swearing because someone in front of you is only going 15 mph above the speed limit and you want to go 40. To me road rage is throwing a fit because the car in front of you is observing the flashing 15 mph lights of a school zone. To me road rage is throwing a temper tantrum because every stoplight isn’t green for your entire drive home from work. I don’t have road rage; what I have instead is motorist rage – the road has nothing to do with it. This is like when someone says I’m not a “people person.” Oh, I’m a “people person;” I’m just not a “stupid people person.” When someone shows zero disregard for the safety of other motorists by being too fucking lazy to check their blind spot before changing lanes, I consider it more than appropriate to blast the horn and give them the middle finger, along with a few choice words. I could have been seriously hurt in either of these accidents this morning – am I supposed to go “That’s OK”? Fuck that shit. If you’re going to be an asshole, so will I; and let me say that there’s nothing quite like laying on the horn while following one of these people through traffic. I don’t understand why more people don’t practice this behavior – just giving a hippie “beep” for a few seconds is nothing. Follow the bastard in and out of lanes while your “HONK” is going full tilt. Who knows, maybe you’ll freak that person out enough that they will drive more carefully for the next week or so. When Mrs. kkk and I began our courtship, she never really saw me pissed off. Then there was that lady who almost plowed into us. Here’s the scene: I was in the Shittburgh city limits (around the Civic Arena for those keeping score at home). I was in the left lane and had my turn signal on for several seconds before merging into the right lane. Suddenly this bitch in a SUV behind me swerved over into the right lane without giving any notice, almost crashing into us. There was no need for her to do this; I wasn’t driving slow and there was a decent amount of traffic, so if she was looking to speed she was shit out of luck. Well, I let the cunt pass, and then I got on her ass with the horn full tilt. She went in and out of several lanes trying to avoid me, but to no avail. I even went past my exit just to let this bitch know she cut off the wrong person. I think the best part of this was every lane she merged into while I was behind her she had her blinker on. As I drove past her on the exit she got off I said something about killing her (or maybe her children, I can’t remember) and turned to the better half, who by this time was stepping on the imaginary brake in the passenger’s side while onto the nearby door handle, white knuckles and all. Accidents happen all the time – it’s a fact of life. If I’m in a Wal-Mart parking lot, I act like ever car driving through the lot doesn’t know I’m there. There have been a few times when I saw some motorist not pay attention to the road for whatever reason and I’ll just stop my car and let them go through. It’s actually amusing to watch them turn to my direction, see that a motorist is there and have that look of panic when they don’t yet realize I’m not driving toward them. I can deal with this because busy parking lots are difficult to maneuver through. However, when you’re doing speeds of 60+ mph, my tolerance for carelessness is all but nil. I’ll probably end up killed in one of these incidents, but at least I know I wasn’t the one who committed the traffic violation.

Oh, hell. That blasphemy deserves another one.

Too bad about Gagne.

I got that beat, hippie. I had zero friends in high school.

Awesome regarding the mutant baby. And you're only 20. Don't worry, you'll make even worse decisions in the years ahead. You said you want to "get the fuck up," but where would you go if you did?

When I was a kid I went to a few Steeler games. It was awful. Everytime a pass was thrown, everyone stood up, blocking my view. Although my old man told me of the first time we went to a game (I don't remember saying this) and after the first time-out or something I asked him, "Where are the commercials?" I've been to NFL, MLB (well, it was the Pirates, but it was back when they were good) and NHL games, but my favorite was the Major Indoor Lacrosse League back in my high school days.

• Over at the other place LessoninMachismo made the following remark concerning my recent b-day. “Happy birthday to kkk, who is weighing his options: Is a FREE piece of cake and/or scoop of ice cream worth having eight jackasses in red polos singing to you in front of a restaurant full of strangers?” It’s true that I’m a cheap bastard, but even I have my limits. Like I told him over there, when the better half and I began our courtship we agreed on two things that I think are imperative for any relationship to succeed. Forget all that hippie fidelity, love and other mushy shit, we agreed on much more important matters. The first was if we were ever to be married we agreed not to shove wedding cake in each other’s faces at the wedding reception. The second was under NO CIRCUMSTANCES were we to let any of those cookie-cutter chain restaurants know if it was the other person’s birthday. I’m sorry, but if Nicole would have let the staff of Applebee’s know of O.J.’s birthday one night they were dining there I would have acquitted The Juice in a New York minute. Fortunately, neither one of us has broken our word on these two promises we made to each other years ago. • Jimmy Rollins of the Phillies is making a run at Joe DiMaggio’s consecutive hit record. The problem is he’s doing it over the course of two seasons (the end of last season and the start of this season), while DiMaggio had his 56-game streak take place over the course of one season. The question now is if Rollins can reach, or even surpass, DiMaggio’s record, should it count? I’ve heard that it won’t, but I figure what the heck; to me it seems harder to end one season with a 30-game hit streak (or whatever Rollins had at the time) and start the next season with a 30-game hit streak. If the Baseball Gods want to put an asterisk by Rollins’ record, that’s fine, too. This just in: Rollins’ streak is over. Oh well. I’m still keeping this paragraph. • Well Eminem and ex/current/recent/whatever-the-hell-she-is-now wife have called it splitsville, again. I guess that’s what you get when you say on a record you’re going to kill the bitch and dump her corpse in a river and don’t follow through. • For the weekend of March 31-April 2, Larry the Cable Guy’s movie made as much money as did Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct sequel ($3.2 million each). The sad thing is I’m not sure which moviegoer got the better deal. • For all you commies out there that bitch whenever you find out how much a CEO makes, this should be right up your alley. Coke is now paying executives for actual performance, rather than just throwing them into a pool of money. I never really cared how much CEO’s make, although I do have a bit of a problem when a company pays some dipshit for running the business into the ground. There’s a difference between that and a CEO who takes charge of a company slated to lose $100 million in the next fiscal year, but due to his new policies/etc. the company only loses $10 million and gets on the path for financial profit. Pay the man in that instance. But don’t reward incompetence, which is was U.S. Air did with years of upper management figureheads that did nothing but screw up the company even more over the years, which eventually helped cause that airline to go belly-up.

Wilbon is an asshole, and I'm glad I tuned out of PTI before hearing this. I think what NBC should do next is have some middle-class white kids walk around an outdoor basketball court in Shittsburgh's Hill District (Or Over-The-Rhine for the people in Cincy) and see if they get harassed by RACISTS.

Who the hell are you?

Ah, memories. I always liked Richmond Webb. I'm having a senior moment -- what teams were not yet in the NFL back then? There was Jax, Carolina and Houston. Am I missing anyone?

• So the NCAA Women’s Final Four is over and done with. Go Maryland. Actually, I don’t care about women’s basketball on the collegiate level (or any other level for that matter), but if other people like watching it, and there's an audience for this market, then more power to them. I was watching some highlights this morning of the final game and something caught my eye. Schools have female cheerleaders for women’s sports? Odd. If I was a male athlete, I don’t know how I’d feel if every time I scored a basket a bunch of guys in matching outfits and pom poms sitting under the hoop would get up and dance around – not that there’s anything wrong with that mind you. Oh, and I am sincere when I say congratulations to Maryland for winning the women’s title – I don’t like college sports, but any team that beats Penn State or Duke is OK by me. • Lovecraft is still waxing poetic on faux hippies, and he reminded me of a college experience. Back in 1998, before he became the first boss of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge was a Republican governor of Pennsylvania. Even though some of his critics, particularly the union crowd, dubbed him “One-Term Tom” he was for the most part a popular governor, and the Democrats really didn’t have anyone to go up against him for his re-election bid. The Democrats brought out some old guy by the name of Ivan Itkin who had no shot at beating Ridge. Itkin came to our school one night to do a taping for our student television crew, and I spoke with him afterward for an article in our school newspaper. He seemed like a nice guy, and although I had no intention of voting for him, I felt he genuinely believed what he was saying. Of course, this guy had no chance of winning; in fact, his campaign strategy was to go around in only a dozen or so counties pimping what he could do as the state's next governor. The problem was Pennsylvania has more than 60 counties. Granted some counties are bigger than others, but with a strategy like that, especially when your opponent is reasonably well-liked throughout the state, you are destined to lose. After his television segment was over, and before I was about to talk with him, I was chatting with some blonde chick that was part of the student TV production crew. I was waiting for Itkin to arrive outside the studio, and she was waiting for a nearby elevator to come to our floor. For some reason she must have assumed I was a lib just like her because she began saying what a great guy Itkin was and how he’d make a great governor. Obviously, she hadn’t been reading up on current events, because even the more liberal media in the Shittburgh area were questioning Itkin’s chances of victory against Ridge. I had to break it to her that her guy had no shot of winning this election. When she asked why, I explained to her his pisspoor campaign strategy, lack of a war chest and the fact that the evil Republican governor wasn’t so bad, at least in the eyes of the Pennsylvania voters. At that moment she got a dejected look, the likes I have only seen in former blind dates when they realize that I’m the person they’re going to be spending an evening with, and said, “Oh, no. That means we’re going to have four more years of Governor Tom Ridge.” It was at that moment the elevator door opened, and as she walked into it and hit a floor button I said to her, “You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.” As the doors closed, you should have seen the look of fright and disgust on her face; you would have thought she had encountered the Anti-Christ, or, worse yet, George W. Bush. • Oh, and for those who wondered what I did on my 30th birthday yesterday, here’s a quick rundown: Went to work, made a vet appointment for Max, who is having issues with going to the bathroom. Left work for a few hours to get him to an appointment slot that was available that day. (If you have a cat, particularly a male, who is struggling to urinate, get them checked out ASAP. Chances are it’s just a urinary tract infection, which is what Max has, but other times it could be more serious, and even life-threatening, as was the case with my in-law’s cat, who had his pee hole clogged up.) Went back to work. Ate at a ghetto all-you-can-eat pizza chain store called CiCi’s. (It’s one of those places I eat at every six months or so, and every time I do I swear I’m never going back. But then whenever I need to intake some more disgusting, greasy food I return and the cycle starts all over again.) Went grocery shopping (saved $40 off a $110 order for those keeping score at home). Picked up Max from the vet. Unloaded groceries. Laid in bed swearing that I’ll never go back to CiCi’s again. The End.

It probably jacked up your count 2, maybe 3 extra hits. Actually, I like doing that because a lot of my material comes from what I read at other places. And I had a field day with the WTO idiots back in '00 during that Seattle scuffle. Another thing I like to point out that sort of relates to this area is that any true enviro-weenie wouldn't be bitching about $3/gallon gas. They might complain the money is going to HALLIBURTON, but overall they should be pleased this fuel costs more because it will encourage people to conserve or pay more.

I often wondered how people on those shows could "act natural" with all those cameras/production people around them.

Keep it. Better to be known for a particular image than to change it every other day. I never noticed your "Office Glen" line though.

It's called "life." Wait until you graduate college -- it'll happen all over again. Oh, and lol at the maybe-pregger chick.

You're saving today so you can afford some decent retirement center where you can spend your remaining days not lying around in your own piss (as much). And one thing I think I've taken for granted is my health. Other than my poor vision, I've been blessed so far.

Look at it this way, Kotz. I'm now one year closer to the grave. And the Jew of 2001 shouldn't count because he latched on only for the group discount.

I did and responded to it in my 3/5 entry. With this post you also reminded me of something that happened in college that will go in my 4/5 entry.

Well today I turn the big 3-0. I normally don’t care about birthdays, but this one has affected me somewhat – it has for a few months now. When 2006 came around, I realized that I would be turning over a new digit on the left side of the age figure. This thought scared me, and not because I was closer to collecting a Social Security check that probably won’t be there for me anyway when I become eligible for it. I also wasn’t in crisis mode, wondering what happened to my life; I’m actually content in that aspect of my life for the most part. One thing that has been bugging me though is the fact I don’t have anything saved in the bank. When I graduated college I was 22 years old and started an unsuccessful attempt to get full-time employment in Sappy Valley. When I was 24 I was in Ohio doing the same thing all over again like I was in central Pennsylvania. I eventually found work, but it wasn’t full-time. Also, whenever I was able to save some money I had to bail the better half out of some financial trouble she got herself in while attending grad school. When we moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003 I was 27 years of age, and after several months of looking for a job that had something to do with my college education, I began saving money for the first time in my life. Then came the new house, which I had to pay out several thousand dollars in closing costs and other fees. Then came the new computer that had to be purchased because the old one died. Then came the vet bills for our one cat that got sick. Then came the wedding, of which I had to subsidize several thousand dollars to the better half because she didn’t realize how expensive the reception hall would be. She also didn’t realize that all the things I had mentioned above (including a few others not listed) I solely paid for because she didn’t have the money to pay off half of each of these costs and had put her half of these expenses on a “tab” she will never pay me back for. My 20s came and went, and I realized that this past January. What hit me was I had always heard while growing up that if you put away a small amount of money each year while in your 20s you’d end up with $10,000,000 (or some other similar figure) by the time you turned 65. Well I can say goodbye to that. I spent the last 10 years moving from place to place, not being able to save a dime, and now a decade has passed with nothing to show for it but a few gray hairs and some accumulated wisdom. My debt load isn’t too bad – I owe $6,800 on a school loan I thought I would have already paid off when I graduated college back in ’98. When 2006 got under way, I wrote down a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and topping this list was paying off my debt and starting to save for the long term. If everything goes as planned, I’ll have the debt paid off sometime this summer, and then I’ll focus on saving. But financial matters aren’t the only things concerning me. I tend to ache more when doing activities that wouldn’t have bothered me 5-10 years ago. When I see kids playing basketball, I think to myself, “Why would I waste energy shooting hoops when I’ve got a lawn to mow?” I’m listening to music that was around during my childhood-early 20s because newer material just doesn’t appeal to me. I would rather look at an attractive 40-year old than a 20-year old. I’m listening to rhetoric by political parties and able to remember years back when they had the opposite stance that same issue. I don’t mean to do these things; they are just coming natural to me. However, I must say that I’m fighting this getting old thing, or at least I’m picking the battles I know I can win. For example, I haven’t started bitching (much) about the cost of things now as opposed to 10-15 years ago (not even the cost of gasoline – taxes are another matter, however). I don’t say times today are worse off now than they ever have been (at least not until Democrats are in charge). And I don’t wear my pants up to my belly button (yet). Rather than feeling the effects of aging another decade, I think this was a wake-up call letting me know that I’m an adult, and as an adult I better get my ass in gear with some areas of my life that I haven’t focused on as much as I should have over the years. Then again, maybe turning 30 is the best thing to have happened to me since I turning, well, 20.