Toxxic

I've been reading these with some amusement - evidently the place was somewhat crazier before I arrived. But who was the Elk? And what did he do? Oh, and that dance-off? Jesus Christ...

You do realise that Aidan Redmond is Kibagami, right? I'm resigned to the fact that if he writes, I've lost. Which leads me to consider that i should write something REALLY stupid since in the case of a no-show I get the nod.

I too think Batista's better than Orton. I don't think he's good, but I think he's better than Orton. And he actually is pretty damn good on the mic. He sounds relaxed, rather than having to concentrate on what words come next, a problem that even some experienced guys suffer from. Having said that Orton is (slowly) improving in-ring, and will probably pass Batista soon.

So let me get this straight. In order to send a message to Thugg, the man who violently assaulted you for no reason, you are going to violently assault another (face) member of the SWF in the ring... and you're supposed to be the face!? Christ. I mean, at least Thugg attacked you when his problem was you, and Maddix when his problem was Maddix, and Spike... you get the idea. I didn't see him grab someone in the fast food joint with Spike, say "I'm gonna do this to you!" and punch the guy through a wall.

Vince's leg spread had me in stitches. As did kane's "jump start". Oh, if only wrestling WAS real...

Hey some of us have to write a match against an opponent with no stats.

MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM MATCH Dace Night, Ann "Ichiban" Onita and Charlie "Grappler" Matthews vs Todd Royal, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and Va'aiga Dace, Grap and Annie HARDCORE TITLE MATCH John Duran© vs Aecas I think Duran retains. SINGLES MATCH Mike Van Siclen vs ??? The Riddler it is. TWO FALLS MATCH, TRIPLE THREAT USJL TITLE/ICTV #1 CONTENDERSHIP Sacred© vs "Coyote" Coy West vs Janus Sacred's on a roll so he retains. I have a sneaking suspicion that Janus may get a shot at Grappler though. SINGLES MATCH Johnny Dangerous vs Alan Clark Ummm... Why? Thugg interferes in Clark's business and Dangerous gets the win. SINGLES MATCH Aidan Redmond vs Toxxic [NO PREDICTION] SINGLES MATCH Jake Helmsely vs Insane Luchadore Special Guest Commentator: "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins IL after SPike gets at Helmsley following Helmsley's less-than-helpful reaction to their loss against the House of Todd

So as not to piss off Thugg... I can't believe I won. With the cutting I had to do the match seemed really sparse, and looking back the insane high-spot ending was perhaps a tad overdone... my only thought is I must have been facing two no-shows... Sacred rocks. Needs to be said. As does the Coyote. Alan Clark is the INTENSE~! hippy! Good on Grappler for winning, was a good match. Shame about the main event. I feel cheated, but I guess it keeps both Dace and Va'aiga strong.

Haven't you learnt by now AS? If something is pointless, it's because it's cool. And vice versa.

That's truly bizarre.

UNITE THE TITLES~! Seriously, if Annie's beaten Va'aiga... and then beats the number one contender... why the hell ain't she champ? And if she gets a title match, what the hell happens to Grappler's?

For all the fact that there is NO WAY someone with MPD would be allowed out in the community, let alone wrestle - this entire angle is fucking awesome and brilliantly written.

That rocks so hard it's untrue.

Falls Count Anywhere Match Toxxic v. Manson v. Mike Van Siclen ~I'll give it a go, but I'll say Manson Singles Match for the #1 Contendership to the SWF United States / Junior League Championship "Coyote" Coy West v. Jimmy "The Demon" Liston ~Coy Tag Team Match for the #1 Contendership to the SWF Tag Team Championship "The House of Todd" (Todd Royal & Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix) v. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins & Jacob Helmsley ~House of Todd Singles Match for the SWF United States / Junior Leage Championship Sacred © v. Insane Luchador ~Sacred Singles Match for the SWF Cruiserweight Championship WildChild © v. Alan Clark ~WC Singles Match for the Intercontinental-Television Championship Charlie "Grappler" Matthews © v. Annie "Ichiban" Onita ~Charlie, if he is to maintain any momentum going to the PPV Main Event Barbed Wire Cell Timebomb Deathmatch for the SmartMarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Championship Va'aiga © v. Dace Night ~GO DACE! GO DACE! GO DACE! But probably the Maori.

Falls Count Anywhere! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou...

Well, a move like the spinning heel kick seems to me to be more likely to be put in that scenario than your own signature move. I knew it wasn't your match the moment it was announced. Incidently, I'd appreciate any pointers I can get on mine from anyone. Ladies and gentlemen,” booms Funyon, “this match is scheduled for one fall and is for the number one contendership to the SWF Cruiserweight Title, with the match taking place on Smarkdown!” A buzz on anticipation fills the Mellon Arena as the crowd gets ready for the first match of the night, and as “We Still Kill The Old Way” by Lostprophets kicks in the Smarktron flashes up the words “Prepare to be proved wrong...” GO! Two red pyros go off on either side of the entrance way and the SWF’s newest member comes out, cracking his neck from side to side and psyching himself up. As the boom of the pyros fades away Funyon continues his recital: “Introducing first, from Nottingham, England, he weighs in tonight at 218 lbs - TOXXXXIIIIIIIC!” Toxxic rushes the ring, scaling a ringpost and sweeping his arms wide, palms flat downwards as he plays to the crowd who respond well to the straight-edger following his debut against Jacob Helmsley. However, as Toxxic removes his shirt and tosses it over the ring ropes, his entrance music fading away, the crowd pops bigger when the Smarktron fades to black and white and a storm seems to be brewing. The first notes of the acoustic version of “Wanted Dead Or Alive” ring out across the Mellon Arena and the cheers increase as Alan Clark steps out into Pittsburgh, guitar slung over his shoulder, and makes his way to the ring. “And his opponent,” Funyon’s voice reverberates through the pa system, “from Long Beach California, weighing in tonight at 225lbs, he is AAAALAAAANNN........ CLAAAARRRK!” Clark acknowledges his fans as he hands his instrument into the care of the timekeeper and climbs into the ring where Toxxic is waiting, sitting atop a turnbuckle. Referee Nick Soapdish calls for the bell: *DING! DING! DING!* “Well, here we go,” proclaims an excited Cyclone Comet, “the first match of Lockdown is underway - Robert, any predictions on who will go on to compete for the Cruiserweight title on Smarkdown?” “Out of these two? I really couldn’t care less,” replies Bobby Riley. “The simple fact that Toxxic is even being considered for a shot is a travesty given that he’s only had one match. Why can’t we get to your Todd and mine?” Unaware of the scorn being rained upon their prowess Toxxic and Clark circle the ring, dodging around each other in an attempt to feel each other out. Finally they come together in the middle of the ring with a collar and elbow tie-up, but Clark quickly drops down into an armdrag, taking the straight-edger over. He’s unable to hold onto the limb and Toxxic pops back up, charging at his adversary in an attempt to gain the advantage of surprise... but is just taken over again! As Toxxic charges for a second time Alan Clark decides to vary his offence with a hiptoss but Toxxic follows it through and lands on his feet, tying up the musician’s arm with his own. Toxxic then delivers a knee to the gut before using Clark’s arm as leverage to leap up and deliver a picture-perfect hurricanrana! “The crowd cheering both men’s efforts here,” Comet calls, as the crowd do just that, “but it’s no rest for either!” Sure enough Clark picks himself back up and the two tie up again. This time Toxxic gets the advantage and slaps on a headlock, only to switch behind Clark into a hammerlock- “Toxxic straight to work on that arm, perhaps to set up the Repeat To Fade,” Comet explains. -but Clark pulls off a switch himself, twisting behind his opponent and tucking his head under Toxxic’s arm, lifting him back and over- “Backdrop from Clark!” calls Comet. -only for Toxxic to flip out of that and land on his feet. Slapping on a rear waistlock the rookie manoeuvres for position but Clark runs for the ropes, hitting them with enough force to reverse both men’s momentum - but Clark holds onto the ropes causing Toxxic’s grip to be broken as he sprawls backwards, coming to his feet awkwardly and walking straight into an inverted atomic drop! “Alan Clark just traumatised Toxxic’s coxxic!” Riley yells in glee, more at one wrestler’s pain that at another’s success. “And he’s not done,” Comet adds, as Clark flattens his opponent with a clothesline and Riley sulks over the lack of attention his rhyming skills got him. “Citizen Clark got the better of that early wrestling exchange, and now he can dictate the pace.” Toxxic pushes himself to his feet, but there is to be no respite as Alan Clark starts to go OLD SCHOOL~! and unleashes vicious knife-edge chops, complete with audience participation. *CRACK!* “WHOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOO!” With Toxxic now driven back into a corner Clark delivers a right hand for luck before backing off, running in again, planting both bare feet on Toxxic’s stinging chest and monkey flipping him out! However, Toxxic manages to flip through this move as well and land on his feet, still facing away from Clark. “What agility from Toxxic again there,” calls Comet, “but he’s not out of trouble yet.” Sure enough, Clark is already moving again and the guitar-playing hippy from California sails past Toxxic in mid-air, grabbing a handful of hair as he goes and planting the rookie face-first into the mat with a bulldog. Clark slowly turns, soaking in the cheers of the crowd like a beach bum basking in the So Cal sunshine, before picking Toxxic up again and whipping him into the opposite corner. Alan follows his opponent in, but this time Toxxic is ready and backdrops Clark up and over the ropes! Clark lands on the feet on the apron but is staggered by a Toxxic right hand and moves a few crucial feet away, allowing Toxxic to take his own run-up, springboard off the second buckle and go sailing into the air... only to miss the ducking Clark and crash and burn on the arena floor! “Fantastic ring sense there from Alan Clark!” enthuses Comet. “He had that springboard rana of Toxxic’s scouted!” “Typical rookie mistake,” interjects Riley. “The move worked on Jacob Helmsley and got a few cheers so he tried it again, and now looks what’s happened. He might have just lost himself the match there, and if it was anyone in the ring with him but the hippy loser I’d be saying good riddance.” “So are you saying that you’re supporting Toxxic after all?” “No, I’m saying the job’s only half done. With Toxxic out we’ve still got to find some way to convince Clark to break his own neck too.” Alan Clark appears to need no encouragement, for the musician looks over his shoulder to see Toxxic sprawled on the cold arena floor, twirls his index fingers to indicate he’s going high risk and jumps to the second rope and springboards backwards, somersaulting forwards as he goes... “Joy To The World!” sings Comet in awe as Alan lands HARD on Toxxic. “ON THE OUTSIDE! We’re really seeing what this title shot means to both men here tonight, Robert!” The crowd too seem to realise what the competitors are prepared to give, and in the increase of noise following Clark’s move a ragged chant is heard. “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” “Now, can Citizen Clark capitalise?” asks Comet as Clark rolls Toxxic back into the ring. “That crazy move may have finally swung the momentum firmly in one man’s favour, and that man is Alan Clark! And I hope you noted, Robert, that the Joy To The World further weakens the midsection of Toxxic, the area that Jacob Helmsley assaulted only a few days ago on Storm.” “Yes, but don’t forget that on that same edition of Storm Alan Clark received a brutal Lariat from Va’aiga in the backstage area,” Riley counters. “And taking a move when you aren’t pumped up on adrenaline can often be more damaging than in a match. If Toxxic manages to get some offence in later it’ll be targeted at Clark’s head - a head that Clark is lucky to still have on his shoulders after playing Merry Troubadour with the World Champ!” In the ring, Alan Clark decides to go for the first cover of the match: ONE! TWO! TH- Kickout at two. Pulling Toxxic upright again Clark scoops the rookie up at waist level before dropping to one knee and delivering a devastating Chartbreaker. Waving at the cheering fans once more the California native comes off the ropes and jumps into the air, flipping backwards as he does so... “Rolling Stone!” cries Comet, as Clark comes crashing down on Toxxic’s ribs again with a perfectly executed running SSP. “That could conceivably get the pin- but Toxxic kicks out at two again!” The rookie does indeed get his shoulder up, but a fraction of a second later than before and Clark knows it. Hauling the Brit to his feet, Clark lets fly with one more knife-edge chop before whipping Toxxic hard across the ring and into the turnbuckles. Alan looks to follow him in with the One Hit Wonder, but as he does the cartwheel Toxxic comes to his senses and dodges, leaving Clark to go crashing into the turnbuckle. Thinking quickly Toxxic hooks the staggering Clark in a reverse DDT position and hops to the second buckle - before spinning out and round, driving the Californian’s head into the mat with the Final Shine! “See Comet, he’s working the head,” Riley says in a satisfied tone. “If we can just get him to smash Clark’s guitar into the Hippy Wonder’s face then with any luck we won’t have to listen to him play or sing.” However Toxxic is more concerned at the moment with his ribs and back than inflicting any further damage to Clark, the missed hurricanrana and the Joy To The World on the outside clearly having taken their toll. Both men reach their feet at roughly the same time, and Clark blocks a Toxxic right hand only to unleash a chop- *CRACK!* “WHOO!” -but Toxxic fires back with a European uppercut. Clark staggers back only to retaliate with another chop (“Whoo!”), but receives another uppercut in exchange. This time Clark has no reply, so Toxxic fires off with a right - a left - a right - a left - he winds up like a baseball pitcher and delivers a Discus Clothesline, taking the Californian down! “Toxxic now in control here,” Comet calls as the rookie pushes himself back up again and back off a few steps from his opponent. “But he doesn’t seem to be pressing his advantage... wait a minute...” As Clark starts to regain his own (bare)footing, Toxxic sweeps his arms wide, palms downwards, completely focused on his adversary - before charging in from the side and hooking Clark’s neck in the spinning neckbreaker takedown known as the Straight Edge! Without wasting a second the Brit scrambles to cover... ONE! TWO! THR- Kickout at two. Now fired up, Toxxic hauls Clark up and whips him towards the ropes, but Alan checks his own momentum and reverses, sending Toxxic in instead. The rookie comes back and looks to be elevated up for a backdrop - but Clark holds onto Toxxic’s legs and then whiplashes him back down with the Southern Rock! The crowd “oohs” as the back of Toxxic’s head bounces off the mat, but Clark isn’t finished as he hooks his opponent’s legs and lifts him up, ready for the Acoustic Explosion! However Toxxic frees himself, wraps his legs around Clark’s head and counters... “Hurricanrana!” screams an over-excited Comet. “That counter won Landon Maddix-” ONE! “-the World Title on the last edition-” TWO! “-of SJL Metal!” THREEEEEEE- “But no! Kickout JUST before three!” Comet continues unnecessarily. “Alan Clark refuses to go down the same way twice!” “Variety is always good,” Riley agrees. “....Did you mean that the way I think you did?” “I don’t know what you mean, Comet,” Riley replies primly. “For a superhero you have a very dirty mind.” The momentary deja vu of the pin that caused him to lose the SJL World Title has Clark mentally off balance for a moment, but he quickly regains control over the still groggy Toxxic and sends him into the ropes once more. Clark again bends over, perhaps seeking to hoist his opponent up a second time for the Southern Rock, but this time Toxxic knows it’s coming and plants Alan with the facecrusher/DDT combo known as the Sobering Thought! The rookie drapes his arm over for the pin... ONE! TWO! THR-kickout! “No effort required for Citizen Clark to kick out there despite the impact of the move,” Comet notes, “as Toxxic could only get one arm over for the cover, unlike the much more effective double leg-hook seen in the hurricanrana pin moments earlier.” “I always say you should get both legs back as often as possible.” “Will you stop!?” With the momentum starting to swing back into his favour Toxxic takes Clark and whips him towards the turnbuckles. There is fight left in the LBC dweller yet however as he reverses the whip, only to see Toxxic vault up to the top and come flying back at him with a clothesline! “Role reversal!” yells Comet. “And now the rookie is definitely in control!” “And Clark knows it,” Riley interjects, “seeing as how he’s trying to run away.” “He’s rolled to the outside because he’s hurt, Robert, but it looks like Toxxic isn’t going to give him time to recover...” Sure enough Toxxic goes sprinting across the ring as Alan Clark rests up against the guard rail, but even as the Californian sees him coming and dodges Toxxic changes his momentum and instead of sailing merrily over the top he balances for a moment on the top rope, then backflips back into the ring before inspecting an imaginary watch... stroking his chin and staring into the middle distance... then placing both hands on his hips and giving the crowd a cheesy grin! “CATALOGUE POSES~!” calls a laughing Comet. “The only truly offensive move in his repertoire,” mutters Riley. Clark has now moved to the side of the ring adjoining the entrance ramp and looks up as he hears the crowd roar in anticipation - but this time he reacts too late as Toxxic goes clean over the top rope in a suicide dive to the outside! “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” Staggering to his feet and clutching his ribs, Toxxic rolls Clark back into the ring and covers for the pin- ONE! TWO! THR-kickout! -but the delay between impact and cover means he only gets two. Frustrated, Toxxic goes outside to the apron and raises three fingers above his head. The crowd are momentarily puzzled as to what this signifies, but their queries are answered when Toxxic jumps to the top rope, then the turnbuckle, and then in a graceful backwards arc with a triple-jump moonsault - only to get Alan Clark’s knees buried in his midsection! “What a counter!” calls Comet. “Right into the already hurt midsection of the rookie!” “Toxxic was so eager to finish Clark off and get the title shot that he exposed himself to danger,” Riley agrees, “and against a veteran like Clark he was going to pay the price.” As the fans roar both men to their feet it is Alan Clark to rise first. Perhaps smelling victory, the Californian motions for his opponent to “come on!”, only to sidestep Toxxic’s staggering charge and catch him in a rear headlock. Throwing his own feet out from under him Clark hits the Getting Amped, before springing back to his feet and heading up top! “Alan Clark heads up top for what can only be the Amplifier,” Comet says as the noise of the crowd reaches fever pitch. “This could win the match for him!” “Hippies are going to fly, Comet!” Still shaking his head to remove some of the cobwebs Alan Clark is set on the top rope, and as flashbulbs sparkle in the Mellon Arena he springs backwards in a beautiful Phoenix Splash... *CRASH!* ...only to EAT CANVAS~! as Toxxic rolls out of the way! Now it is the rookie who is on his feet first, and as Alan Clark staggers upright Toxxic captures his arms in a double underhook before wrenching him up... around... and... DOWN! “Toxxic Shock Syndrome!” calls Comet, as Clark’s head impacts into the mat. “But has Toxxic got enough left to cover?” Sure enough the strain of hoisting Clark into the air has stretched Toxxic’s midsection again, but the Brit manages to roll Clark onto his back, hooks the far leg with his right arm and the near leg with his own leg and basically rolls into the cover. ONE! TWO! THREEEEE! *DING! DING! DING!* “Toxxic has done it!” cries Comet over the cheers of the crowd and the sound of Lostprophets blasting through the pa system. “And on Smarkdown he gets his reward; a one-on-one title match against either Wildchild or Landon Maddix, whoever emerges triumphant from what I am sure will be a stellar match later this evening!” “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon’s voice sounds over the noise, “and NEW Number One Contender to the SWF Cruiserweight Title - TOXXXXIIIIC!!!”. Toxxic raises his arm in acknowledgement of the fans, still holding his ribs, and as he does so he turns to see Alan Clark starting to push himself to his feet. Reaching down Toxxic offers a hand, which after a moment’s pause the clearly disappointed Clark takes, only to be hauled to his feet. The rookie claps his opponent on the back and then slides under the ropes and makes off towards the back as Alan Clark gets his own cheers from the crowd and is left to reflect on what might have been.

Because every board has some people who just can't pick up on stuff.

Sounds good to me. All those in favour say HEEL HEAT~!

I just think it would be really cool for the Memphis Eel to have his own talk show, like a Piper's Pit or the Highlight Reel. The character owns all, and it would be great to get him on the show in a way that doesn't involve being lariated by Va'aiaga. OK, I don't know how it'd work, but still...

Being new as I am I don't know much about MVS's history - but i'm intrigued.

"MAIN EVENT" SINLGES MATCH, NON-TITLE (Special Ringside Enforcer: Charlie "Grappler" Matthews) "The Notorious" John Duran© vs Dace Night ~Gotta go with the Dace. He's pissed. LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, SINGLES MATCH Wildchild© vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~WC I think. I wouldn't rule out a Maddix upset though. HARDCORE TITLE NO.1 CONTENDERSHIP, CAGE MATCH Manson vs Aecas vs Insane Luchadore ~Aecas. GO SHREWSBURY! SINGLES MATCH "Coyote" Coy West vs Todd Royal ~Coyote. USJL TITLE, TRIPLE IMPACT MATCH Sacred© vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~Not sure, but I smell a Thugg attack after Spike's little promo. SINGLES MATCH Mike Van Siclen vs Jacob Helmsely ~MVS I think. SINGLES MATCH, LHW NO.1 CONTENDERSHIP Alan Clark vs Toxxic ~I'd love to say me, but I don't think I'll manage two in a row. I'll give it my best shot though.

Ca I just ask exactly what the difference is between what I would call trousers and American would call pants, and slacks? I get the impression that "pants" and "slacks" are two different things, but I've never been able to work out why... Damn langauge barrier.

I like the way the Maori Badass just lariated everyone, with more insane descriptions each time. Spike's promo on Thugg was damn good too. I won! I won! Now I have to prove it wasn't just beginner's luck...

That promo kicks arse. As long as you don't become Gollum...

Yeah, but just because Toxxic is straight edge doesn't mean I am. And OK I DON'T smoke, and I DON'T drink, and I DON'T do drugs - because I don't want to, not because I'm straight edge. And I don't have promiscous sex because I think my girlfriend might object. If I ever find myself single again (not likely, or indeed desireable I may add) then that would hopefully change. And it's not like looking at attractive women is the same as promiscous sex. Anyway, it's fine to enjoy looking at naked girls when your girlfriend likes it too... And Danni Filth is indeed a gimp. And banned from the only metal pub in Ipswich for being a "mouthy little shite", I might add.