The Ill One

Then breath smoke. Okay, I've been getting into all the great subcategories that metal provides. But really when I play my metal I want to bash a head in, I want to bleed from the ears, I don't need good singing or lyrics or anything... I just need to feel like murdering at the end of it. I take my black metal like my coffee, black as it gets. I'd use some witty analogy for death metal, but I'm not that witty. So I'd be insanely appreicative if you could throw out a list of the most violent, loud, eardrum shattering metal out there. I've done some board searches, some Kazaa searches (Anaal Nathrakh has kept me rather content), and then some opinions from locals. Bbbuuutt I'm trying to fit up a whole CD that isn't cluttered with throw-away Grindcore or decent metal songs. I'd love to have a full CD of just brutal, brutal shit. Huge thanks to anybody who can help.

Very nice work Crowe. Character depth is always a good thing, oh, and the narrator/Jessica exchanges were the best. You do smoke too many bongs for your own good. But if that's what makes you write witty promos like these- toke up my friend, toke up.

Well I don't think it's possible to achieve peace even if the news papers ditch all the offensive stereotypes in their political cartoons or "improve their attitude." There's always going to be extremists like the terrorists here that think they're going in a hero, out a hero, making a step forward for the cause. Long as there are the extremists attacking one side- the other is going to retaliate. It's human nature to be ethnocentric and the troubles in over there have dated back so long it's not a few treaties are going to make up for all the deaths. That's why I think even if the governments and all the media promotes peace doesn't glorify or give attention or egg or whatever else you say to them- there's going to be the feuding.

So, uh, out of curiousity on a few things- What's going on with the website? Are the archives still in work or not from IGN aaaannnnddd is anybody compiling a best of SWF document or mega post we could make? The idea is always thrown around- but never really follows through. Just wondering. Then for my own personal pleasure (and a few others too) could somebody find the following and just post them here? Operation P.O.O.F.N.A.R. First Miami Mayhem NotJ vs Cyclone Comet HIAC Huge thanks to whoever can provide some information.

Something just occured to me and it really irks me- those new figures that Comedy Central's hyping... how come Butters comes with the underpant gnomes? That's one of my favorite ones, but hey, it's Tweak not Butters.

Interesting. Maybe it's just me but isn't that ring insanely small? Anyway I'm interested to see if (how) they pull it off f0or the X Division. Should be cool.

For me it goes- 1) You Got F'd In The A (Actually grew on me, I didn't like it much the first time) 2) Awesom-O 3) The Jeffersons ("CHAMON! No, no, that's ignorant." 4). Up the Down Steriod 5). The Passion of the Jew 5). Goobacks 6). Good times with weapons (only the throwing star really made me laugh).

I love the expression on your face there Todd. Anyway yeah I can relate to IL just a bit, the way he dresses and can act, I guess. I kinda figured if I learned how to wrestle decently I'd like IL.

Favorite Writer(s): Nekura, Raynor, Edwin, Flesher, WC, and Renegade. Favorite Promo(s): Two words- Operation POOFNAR. Can somebody dig that up and post it? Pretty please? Favorite Match(es): Edwin vs Raynor LMS Genesis III, first Miami Mayhem, Flesher vs ELM, Nekura vs Vlad, Silent vs El Loco Hombre (a fuckin' tie, for christ sakes), Dace vs Spike DIAB, and TBS vs Taylor (whole feud, really) Favorite Stip to Write: Any hardcore variant. My Biggest Accomplishment: Not sure. I Regret That: Slacking off and no showing so much recently. I Wish: That I can win HGC. Dream Matches Involving Yourself: IL vs Edwin, IL vs Toxxic vs Aecas (something beyond hardcore), IL vs Dace, DIAB Dream Matches: Dace Night vs NotJ, ELM vs WC in a ladder match, Cyclone Comet vs Tom Flesher I've Become Most Friendly With: Renegade, we have more inside jokes than some of my friends do. I Hope: I can get a good, long run with HGC. Then I can retire. Personal Name (First name works, last name if you don't care): Andrew Single: Long story short- no. Girlfriend. Have Most Trouble: Keeping devoted and really cracking down to do things. Favorite Things to Do: Hang out with friends, play guitar, write, skateboard. Most Recent Accomplishment: Learning National Anthem, parts of Stairway to Heaven, Babe I'm Gonna Leave You, Man Who Sold The World, Lullaby, and kids in the hall theme song ( ) Most Recent Failure: Trying to make up all the homework after missing a week of school. Favorite Bands: No order- Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, Nasum, Anaal Nathrakh, Misfits, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Operation Ivy, Dropkick Murphys, The Vandals, and Stephen Lynch. Favorite Book: American Gods by Neil Gaiman (*giggles*) Favorite Quote: "I guess these things happen" Fight Club Favorite Movie: A Mighty Wind/Fight Club (could list forever) Favorite Actor: Don't really have one. I like Edward Norton for Fight Club (once you take it for a dark comedy it's fuckin' funny), American History X, and Death to Smoochy. One Song to Listen to On Repeat: "When the Levee Breaks" Led Zeppelin One Item You'd Save During A Fire: Normally I'd say skateboard but my tail nearly snapped yesterday, so guitar. Something You Want to Get Into To: Boxing/MMA. Biggest Regret/Mistake: Either letting my grades fall so behind, not getting help sooner for some problems, and letting fights be priority when they shouldn't be. Biggest Turn On: Chick who can skate or likes decent music. Biggest Turn Off: Loud chewing or repeated usage of the word "like." If You Died and Went To Heaven, What Do You Want God to Say: "You're a fucker, you know that?" How About Going to Hell, Devil says: "Shit, I don't want you here either."

A good time waster if you ask me, this is (loosely) based off that "Inside the Actor's Studio" survey. Mostly because there's a few relatively new people and some returning older folk, so why not? -- SWF Favorite Writer(s): Favorite Promo(s): Favorite Match(es): Favorite Stip to Write: My Biggest Accomplishment: I Regret That: I Wish: Dream Matches Involving Yourself: Dream Matches: I've Become Most Friendly With: I Hope: Personal Name (First name works, last name if you don't care): Single: Have Most Trouble: Favorite Things to Do: Most Recent Accomplishment: Most Recent Failure: Favorite Bands: Favorite Book: Favorite Movie: Favorite Actor: One Song to Listen to On Repeat: One Item You'd Save During A Fire: Something You Want to Get Into To: Biggest Regret/Mistake: Biggest Turn On: Biggest Turn Off: If You Died and Went To Heaven, What Do You Want God to Say: How About Going to Hell, Devil says: ....Whhheeee....

Happy birthday to the man who makes every townie tremble. *Blares Anaal Nathrakh*

Actually this was just a baby step past a no-show. Hospital and new guitar kinda make the reasoning why, oh, and I'm a distracted social slut. Sorry. -- (The screen slowly glows and the picture comes to life. The University Arena is being shaken by the raging fans in Albuquerque, New Mexico! SWF’s Battleground is ready to explode with full force across the nation with its electrifying show. The setting is a bit haunting with the trench entrance ramp, camouflage wrapped around the barricade, and crater shells all scattered everywhere! The SmarkTron is wrapped in barbed wire and barbed wire fencing outlines the war-torn entrance ramp. But “Schism” is what sets the creepy, almost surreal, mood as the camera pans its way through the crowd and right in front of the announcer’s table. Riley sits on the right with a hideous camouflage tuxedo and a beret tilted slightly to the left while Comet’s in his usual uniform. The outlandish duo is bickering back and forth with predictions). “I’m telling you Duran will just beat Matthews to the ground!” Riley blurts to the jeers. “Yeah then Flesher puts Ann Onita back in her place, the kitchen,” he says. “Well then I say Toxxic goes out triple champion.” “Robert,” Comet tries to interrupt. “Don’t ‘Robert’ me, Comet. I’ll go with Nathan to DESTROY just DESTROY Zed. That can lead to Royal taking that USJL Belt because he is Todd. Oh yeah and then Landon makes Clark cry for mercy but not before I get to see Said, James, and Sly beat the living snot out of their opponents!” Riley nearly hyperventilates. “Robert!” Comet snaps. He stares at his co-worker. “Are you done?” He asks. Riley glances down and then looks back up, relieved. “Yeah, I am." Comet rolls his eyes. “Good. Well now we do have the Insane Luchador taking on Austin Sly in a hardcore bout to start out the carnage, these two are taking the battle front!” “The following match is scheduled for one fall and it is a HARDCORE match!” Funyon’s deep voice booms as the fans heavily approve. Suddenly a cool blue light is cast upon the arena and a powerful acoustic guitar riff plays then vibrates, hanging in the air. The fans break out into a chorus of jeers and Austin Sly steps on stage. The slacker with the shaggy brown hair, smug look on his face, blue jean shorts, elbow pads, knee pads, and black wrestling boots. He just confidently walks up through the trench and glances around at all the set and shell craters with endless possibilities for what should become a brutal brawl. “Introducing from St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 230 pounds… AUSTIN SSSLLLLYYYYY!” Funyon announces and it just fuels the fans’ desire to boo. He takes a few steps up and cranks his neck side-to-side as the blue lights begin to twirl and swirl, getting more intense. He does an arm circle for each arm before he walks the aisle and stops at ringside. He hops onto the ring apron and hooks his arm snuggly on the top rope. He stares around the arena before taking a bit of a big breath in. He enters through the middle rope and steps into center of the ring, glancing at Matthew Kivell. The arena lights switch back to their normal color and there’s a few moments of near silence just the buzz of the anxious crowd. Suddenly drums come blaring and the fans leap from their seats! “The Gauntlet” by Dropkick Murphys kicks into high gear, cuing the black, red, green, and white pyro to explode! The Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen, leaps into view. He throws his arms high into the air with that psycho shine in his eyes. He begins his walk toward the ring with his green streaked spiked up black hair, the baggy khaki cargoes, the beaten up skate shoes, and a black with red font that reads “ML Pride.” “From Easton, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 201 pounds… IIINNNSSSAANNNNEEEE LLLLUUUCCCHHHHHHHHAADOOOOR!” Funyon announces. The cheers don’t cease until Luchador has sprinted down to ringside and has leapt through the bottom rope into the ring. He rolls to his feet and leaps out at Sly, hitting a surprise right hook! The fans explode in cheers as the veteran just begins to pummel at his opponent with punches! DING! DING! DING! Austin Sly stumbles back from IL’s bombardment of punches and smacks against the turnbuckle. Andrew Rickmen pauses and stops the punches, quickly delivering a stiff chop right into the chest of Sly! “WHOOO!” Sly grits his teeth and nails his own chop that echoes! “WHOOO!” Andrew lunges out with another chop- “But Citizen Sly side steps… he just grabbed Citizen Luchador’s head, OH, and smacks it against the top turnbuckle!” Comet gives the play-by-play. Luchador stumbles back and Sly just steps to his side, catching Luchador in his arm around the waist. He quickly flips the Luchador over and down with a gut wrench suplex! Sly gets to his feet and stands right near the Luchador’s feet. Luchador, looking to flash some panache, throws himself up in a kip-up. But Sly completely shuts down the MacPhisto special by nailing Luchador with a nasty clothesline before he even lands on his feet! He smacks against the mat and is sent rolling backwards. The tough Luchador gets right back to his feet though and charges. He catches Sly completely off guard with a dropkick that sends Sly rocketing backwards, arms flailing, into the ropes! He comes bouncing back while the Luchador scrambles to his feet! OH NO! THE FEED WENT OUT! I GUESS WE HAVE TO READ THE INTERNET’S REVIEW THE NEXT DAY BY THE DAMES~! Austin Sly vs Insane Luchador Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. The Match: Hey! The feed went out after some brawling. Oh well. Drop-toe hold onto a upright chair by Sly. Diablo sure made that move mainstream, didn't he? Powerful Spear by IL. I'd like to see him spear Janus, just for my amusement. There's a two count on the pin. Sly goes for a splash but IL~! puts the knees up. IL~! hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Implant DDT by IL! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kitchen sink shot (literally) and Sly gets floored. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hard back suplex on IL through a table. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. IL walks into a drop toe hold. Arn Anderson-like Spinebuster by Sly executed to perfection. Hooks the leg for a two count. Top rope suplex through a CO-2 board by Sly just KILLS IL! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! But he’s too CA-RAZY to be pinned! IL charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. IL and Sly brawl outside, and climb into the announcers desk...and Sly destroys both the table and IL~! with a sit-out powerbomb! IL~! counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Luchador hits a german suplex onto Sly onto those ring steps! Wow! That looked Kurt Angle good, but otoh, don’t want to get Anglesault PMSing. IL uses a DDT. The two brawl up into the entrance ramp. OH TIME TO GO C-Z-DUB~! IL THROWS SLY INTO THE BARBED WIRE! Oh he’s tangled, oh, he cut! Sly cut! Eh, I’d give it a .6 on the Muta scale. IL floors Sly and the two head back into the ring. But Luchador fishes under the apron… Holy crap! A barbed wire covered bundle of light tubes that’s like a table rattling with thumbtacks on the inside! Somewhere in this world Sandman9000 is having an orgasm. He slides it into the ring, sets it up near the turnbuckle. Lifts up the bloody Sly… full nelson, oh, here it comes- BRINK OF INSANITY THROUGH THE “TABLE!” Broken in half, I say, broken in half! Nate Webb, eat your heart out. Here’s the pin and ONE! TWO! THREE! That gets the win! Luchador stands up and plays to the excited crowd. My Opinion: Good, entertaining match, it deserves every snowflake its getting. ***1\4. I wonder why the feed went dead. Good opener though.

Shit, sorry, I should've searched the boards more. Thanks.

I just got an electric guitar (used, Ibanez) for the sake of wanting to learn... plus my friends and I are starting a joking cover band (for the hell of it). Basically I know nothing about guitars and the most I can do at a moment is string a guitar and play the start of "Come As You Are." Yeah, sad, eh? I have until summer before I can begin lessons so I was wondering if you guys have any suggestions for easy songs to learn or a good place to start. So, uh, here are my questions that I'm sure are obvious but I over-looked: 1). For the "frets" and tabs is it just the metal line and a bit above it? 2). Some easy tabs to start out with, just to have some fun. Edit- I'm learning the basics chords. Thanks for any help.

Condom. I'll say what you're all thinking- used or not used. Out of wrapper but apparently not used unless his friend's called him stubby.

I brought up the Christmas special in my first post, mainly for that elf that was found at the end and had the fuckin' deep voice when he said "No Daddy!" I wish I wasn't so little when I watched that show, I'd prolly appreicate all the inneudo a lot more. Oh and the fleas on Spunky was classic.

Oh and Mr. Lucky.

God that was a great show, the one where Heffner tries to join the Weasles (or can't get his badge), the Christmas special, Magic Meatball, the nude beach, and the appendix are all my favorites. I completely forgot about this show until you guys started describing them. Wow. This show doesnt happen to have a DVD, does it?

Yeah he hits Piazza, runs away, and Piazza chases him down. Oh yeah and the cheap shot after the boxing match where the loser looks like he's going to shake hands but instead NAILS his opponent right in the face. Brutal.

Does anybody have a website for videos of the sport fights? Kazaa hasn't been helping much and I really want to see the Golota/Bowe and some of the hockey (or baseball) clear outs. Oh and since I rarely watch that many sports- I remember when Mike Piaza (Pizza?) chased down the poor guy and started brawling with him in the dug out.

(Y)~! Man this show could be great.

Phft, Renegade wrote a 350 word punch just about every match.

Isn't it incredibly ironic that I (no bullshit) just got back from the mental ward of the hospital after a mental snap (yeah, four days over night). So now I've been purged of my insanity in real life I get to take it aaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll out on Sly. Dace, pretty please pass the weed whacker. Seriously though, nice card but damn that triple fall match is ca-razy.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT SINGLES MATCH Charlie "Grappler" Matthews© vs "The Notorious" John Duran ~Matthews. LADDER MATCH Ann "Ichiban" Onita vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher ~Flesher. LAST MAN STANDING MATCH Nathaniel Kibagami vs Alex Zenon ~Joint. ICTV/TAG TEAM/HARDCORE TITLE BOUT TRIPLE QUADRUPLE MATCH Wild & Dangerous© vs The In Crowd vs Aecas and Janus© vs Toxxic© and Liston ~*Shrugs* USJL TITLE BOUT SINGLES MATCH Coy "Wild" West© vs Todd Royal ~CWW. EMPTY ARENA MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Alan Clark ~Clark. SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs Crow ~Crow SINGLES MATCH "La Sensation Senegalaise" Said vs Tryst ~Said SINGLES MATCH Stryke vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~Stryke. HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Insane Luchadore ~Sly.

At the moment- 1. Led Zeppelin 2. Misfits 3. Nirvana 4. Nasum 5. Operation Ivy