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BoboBrazil

Real Smackdown Spoilers

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Vince will be calling this a "home run" show, though.

 

Let's get this straight...

 

20 minute opening interview featuring 3 McMahons and Sable; squash matches; no matches over 5 minutes; Taker is going to kill the FBI again; Cena/Angle battle rap to continue their doomed-to-suck feud; Londan debuts, gets squashed; Gowen returns, gets squashed; ruining Show, Eddy, and Chavo; and the show ends with a shit truck.

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!??!?!?!

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Guest Nanks

................ummmmm

................

................ummmmm

............Hey look! Ultimo's on SD!......

................

................

.................I tried.............

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Damn, I was hoping Lesnar / Undertaker was going to be stipulationless.

 

Anyway, the last Chain match I can remember was Kane / HHH for the IC title@ Judgment Day 2001. That match wasn't too bad though.

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Guest wrestlingbs

I think we can all see where this came from. Vince saw the sagging SD ratings, the poor House show attendance, and the lagging PPV buyrate from Vengeance and thought that if this "wrestling crap" wasn't working, SD should be more like Raw.

 

Well fuck that. Ratings could be in the 0.1's for all I care. I'm not going to waste 2 hours of my life watching pretaped shit (literally) like this. Everything, and I do mean everything, sounded awful on this edition of SD. Eddie's push is just gone. No way will he be vying for the title anytime soon after that. Paul London is dead right out of the gate, and he hasn't even been on tv. Remember Rey Mysterio? You know why he got over Vince? Because he wasn't booked to look like a complete loser right from the get go.

 

Oh, and fuck No Mercy to. Chain match?

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Guest StevieNightHeat

poor Paul London. He debuts on SD in a squash match against Brock Lesnar, what kind of debut is that?

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Guest nikowwf

There is so much other "crap" that we haven't even gotten to the worst - using Dragon and London as jobbers. Sigh...you know at the house shows Dragon gets a tremendous pop every time he moves, and London was over just from his work cause he was so awesome, but they are jobbers.

 

ARRRGH!

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Guest Salacious Crumb

Well at least they just cut to the chase with London and cut him off at the knees first thing.

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Guest Redhawk
Vince & Sable were watching the monitor in the back, w/Vince mad he didn't get to one-up Taker. There was a knock on the door, and it was Paul London, introducing himself. He asked Vince if he can wrestle tonight. Vince said yes, and he said London would get a title shot tonight vs Lesnar. Side note- London was billed as being from Hartford from some reason.

 

Why does Vince want people to think his family is so stupid?

 

Paul London: "Hi Vince McMahon. You've never met me before, but I'm a rookie wrestler and this is my first show."

 

Vince: "Okay, son, I'll put you in a World Title match."

 

Paul: "Ummmm....huh? Are you sure? Awesome!"

 

Way to make it look like title shots are earned. Way to make the title look like a useless prop. (What if -- in kayfabe-land -- London had somehow won? That totally fucks up No Mercy.) Next to Stephanie giving iron-clad contracts to wrestlers she's never seen before (Mr. America) and hiring any annoying brat who follows her around long enough (Spanky, Gowen), people are going to wonder why they should invest in this company.

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Guest Mulatto Heat

I must have read about four or five live reports of the show and the best review of it was that it was "OK".

 

I thought the half-assing at the Trenton house show on Monday was an isolated incident, nope, it spread to the TV tapings as well.

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The only thing I can hope for is since Spanky came to London's rescue... they might try to contend in the tag team divison... or they will job on Velocity till the end of time.... damn Vince... :angry:

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There were much better ways to play off the Spanky/London alliance, like say, oh I don't know...

 

HAVE THEM ON TV AS A TEAM!?

 

Seriously, stick them against the MFers or the Bashams. Have London get a win over someone (Moore/Hardy I'd guess), get double teamed after, and have Spanky get the save. No, instead we get London getting ransacked by Smilin' Brock, and he can't even be saved by the guy who's going to be his tag team partner.

 

Spanky and Lonon=the new Kaientai.

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Guest Smell the ratings!!!

Promising young cruisers brought in to be squashed by the hoss champion? In WWE?

 

I'm shocked. Shocked.

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I'm horrified for those in attendance with that sceptic truck. I remember there being a lot of milk/beer hitting many people in the first row during Angle/Austin's truck incident, I SHUDDER to think what will happen to the poor people in the first few rows this time around.....way to reward those willing to spend hundreds of dollars on tickets Vince.

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Guest AndrewisyourHero

Better, Funnier SD! report

 

Second Detailed Smackdown/Velocity Spoilers Report

Posted By Widro on 10.08.03

 

An alternate look at this week's Smackdown...

 

Thanks to 411 reader ayakoholic for sending in this report

 

ROH has completely spoiled me. The only match that would have been even vaguely interesting on SD went under five minutes, Angle, Eddie and Chavo didn't even wrestle... *sigh* Well, here goes.

 

Dark Matches

 

Jaime Noble pinned Tony Mamaluke (!) after a pin reversal

Nice opener, good mat work and spots from both guys. At one point, Tony set up Noble for a tornado DDT, but held on and turned it into a guillotine choke. Finish came when Mamaluke did a rollup in the corner and got both feet on the ropes (straight out of the Smackdown game), ref stopped the count, Jaime reverses and flips into a pin.

 

Rhyno and Sean O'Haire defeated Arch Kincaid and Danny Doring after a Gore on Doring

I was pretty bummed out that Doring's partner wasn't Roadkill, but you can't have everything. Pretty standard squash. Nice to see the ex-ECW guys showing up.

 

Velocity taping

 

Josh enters and no one really cares. Tazz enters and gets a huge pop.

 

Rey Misterio pins Kanyon with the 619 -> West Coast Pop

Great match. Kanyon got a ton of really good offense in, including a fallaway slam into a vertical suplex, and Rey went aerial a whole lot. Rey also got the Bronco Buster on Kanyon, then a minute or two later got him set up for another one... and baseball slide-dropkicked Kanyon in the

crotch.

 

Matt Hardy v.1 (w/Shannon Moore) pinned Tyson Dux after a 2nd rope Twist of Fate

Ah, again, I wonder whose wife Matt Hardy slept with. One of the most talented guys in the WWE gives a ton of offense to a guy who looked like he weighed almost as much as Zach Gowen without the prosthetic leg. Granted, Hardy won, but how they can bury him in Velocity after his impressive match with Eddie the other week is beyond me. Look for my "SEMPAI OF MATTITUDE" sign.

 

Billy Kidman beat Bobby Rude with the Shooting Star Press after a nasty-sounding enzuigiri

Nothing special, but the crowd liked Kidman.

 

Charlie Haas defeated Sho Funaki, Smackdown #1 Announcer with the Haas of Pain.

Again, decent match, inevitable outcome. Funaki rules.

 

WWE Diva Rue came out to sing the national anthem. Rue is very hot, but thinks she's Christina Aguilera. Even if that were a good thing, she's not.

 

Smackdown taping

 

Michael Cole's here. He forgot his goatee.

 

...and it's all downhill from here. We open with a McMahon family video package, recap recap wank wank wank. Linda McMahon comes out and talks about her craaaaazy family; Steph (w/bowling ball implants) comes out and says she has to do this; Vince (w/extremely disturbing incest overtones) comes out and agrees to put his Chairmanship on the line in the "I Quit" match; Skeletor (w/implants the size of 9-month-old fetuses) comes out, gets introduced to and then insulted by Linda; Skeletor kicks Linda then gets Thesz Pressed by Steph, who gets a clothesline from Daddy. Daddy and Skeletor retreat and kiss, and I see my dinner in reverse.

 

Drink for Moments Ago.

 

Rey Misterio comes out for commentary on...

Match 1: Cruiserweight champion Tajiri vs. OMFG ULTIMO DRAGON'S ON SMACKDOWN

Good match, or at least it would have been if they had given it the time devoted to the opening McMahon wankfest instead of under five minutes. Highlights include: some damn fine kicking, Ultimo stopping the handspring

elbow with a rolling solebutt, and Ultimo reversing the Tarantula into a slingshot facebuster. Finish came when Ultimo went for the Nagoya Death Drop, but Tajiri reversed it and hit the Buzzsaw Kick. Tajiri continued his punishment of Ultimo after the win, which prompted Rey Rey to come out for the save and hit the 619, building up the ONLY DECENT MATCH ON THE NO MERCY CARD DEAR GOD NO MERCY IS GOING TO SUCK.

 

Match 2: Undertaker defeated Chuck Palumbo after a chokeslam

Taker came out and announced that he had backup, too: a chain. Oh well, at least the chain has more personality and talent than, say, Big Show. The FBI got involved, of course, and jobbed out hard; Stamboli and Nunzio actually juiced from the chainshots. Brock came out with a chair, but ate a chainshot anyway.

 

Cut to Vince's HQ of Evil, where he's complaining to Skeletor that 'Taker keeps defying him. Enter Paul London, who says he'd love a chance to be on Smackdown in his hometown. Vince obliges him with a title shot tonight against Brock Lesnar. And in case you haven't heard of London before he showed up on Velocity, one of his big chants in the indys was "PLEASE DON'T DIE." Never has this been more apropos.

 

Big Show shows up, and passes by someone eating; the guy hides his food. Big Show wants to know why. "Do you think I'm going to eat your food?" Sadly, the guy fails to go with the obvious answer, "yes." He's eating a burrito, ha ha ha. TBS beats him up and his eating companion for good measure.

 

Zach Gowen enters the building, and is greeted warmly by all and sundry.

 

Match 3: Big Show pins Orlando Jones after ahhhhhhhthechokeslam.Embarrassing squash.

 

Josh interviews Eddie Guerrero, who is nervous about defending his U.S. Title against TBS at No Mercy, but assures Josh that he's got familia in Hartford. Big Show attacks Eddie, ensuring that Eddie's "relatives" will make an appearance later tonight.

 

John Cena shows up to do a "run down the hometown so they'll boo me" speech on the TitanTron. Most entertaining slam: "The girls here all look like they were in a rock fight."

 

Taz gets in the ring to host the Battle Rap. Cena goes first and busts some fairly impressive (for him) rhymes, though I'm still not going to be impressed until he ups his delivery beyond Shatnerspeed. Angle goes next, busting goofy lyrics and getting big pops, and caps off by attacking Cena. Cena eventually gets the upper hand with the chain, but Angle reverses the FU into the triple german suplexes and Cena bails soon after.

 

Taker/Brock video package.

 

Zach Gowen video package, leading into:

Match 4: Shannon Moore (w/Matt Hardy) pinned Zach Gowen after the Mooregasm

(I think-- it was a sort of running Buff Blockbuster/tornado neckbreaker, kindasortanotreally).

Matt did commentary, and came out for interference; he sold a kick by Gowen like it was laced with anthrax. Shannon and Zach blew a Tornado DDT spot pretty badly.

 

Rock/Rundown promo package.

 

'Taker emerges from Steph's office, smiliing. Somewhere, HHH says "hey!"

 

Match 5: Brock Lesnar pins Paul London after the F-5.

Lesnar starts off by playing nice, saying, "you won't win the belt, but hey, come and touch it." London sells the ensuing inevitable clothesline with a complete backflip, eats some backbreakers and a F-5, and finishes off his Smackdown debut by jobbing in about two minutes. Brock continues the punishment, when Spanky comes down and kicks Brocks ass to save his Velocity tag partner! Ha ha, just kidding, Spanky does manage to blindside Brock and manages to retain the upper hand for about ten seconds. Undertaker comes out to make the real save and announces that the NM title match will be a BIKER CHAIN MATCH.

 

Match 6: The Bashams and A-Train defeat Chris Benoit and the APA after

A-Train hits Benoit with the Derailer.

Benoit comes out first, but the Bashams come out and nail the APA with chairs as they enter. Farooq goes down hard, possibly legit-- we were pretty high up, but we heard that chairshot like it was next to us. Medical team comes down and tends to Farooq while the match continues 3-on-2, and assists him out to applause. Methinks one of the Bashams is going to be made into someone's bitch tonight. Anyway, Benoit gets one of the Bashams to tap out to the Sharpshooter, but the ref's not paying attention and A-Train gets Benoit with the Derailer. Somewhere, a single tear rolls down the cheek of a generic Native American.

 

Josh is awaiting word of Eddie's condition. Chavo comes out of the trainer's room and vows revenge.

 

Chavo comes out and challenges Big Show to a match. TBS comes out in street clothes and is goaded into a match by Chavo, who slides out of the ring and loses by countout. But, diabolical Chavito waves to the back, and in drives a sewage truck with Eddie riding on top. Hilarity ensues, if you find TBS doused in fake raw sewage hilarious. Personally, I would have gladly traded that whole segment for an actual Los Guerreros match, and the whole damn SD taping for an Angle/Eddie match, but as I remarked at the start, indy wrestling has spoiled me.

 

Grades for the night:

Velocity: B-

Smackdown: F (don't bother watching it. I'm not going to.)

Overall: C-, and I really wish I had spent my money on something else

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"London sells the ensuing inevitable clothesline with a complete backflip, eats some backbreakers and a F-5, and finishes off his Smackdown debut by jobbing in about two minutes."

 

Aaahhh...another Dream realized.

 

Congrats Paul!

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