Post the oldest private message in your TSM inbox.

[treble 0]

I don't usually keep many of them, but this one's from September 19, 2003, and I saved it for a reason:

 

When you decide to masturbate, the sticky white stuff that comes out your pee pee hole are the tears of God because he doesn’t want you to have no fun cause fun makes him cry and he cries out your pee pee hole.

From The Upright Man.

[Ace309 0]

Regarding a PPV match from last year...

 

Told ya you'd get 'em eventually. Here ya go.

 

 

- First of all, the Index Card of Superiority kicked ass.

 

- The psych at the beginning of the match is good. Strangler opening with all the strikes, a couple of moves, and weakening the neck (chinlock/piledriver) for the Massacre is nice

 

- The rollup was a nice touch. Things had gotten into a bit of a rut during the match, and I thought that the small package established Tom’s technical superiority, managed to keep Strangler with some feeling of power in the match, and kept both characters even, overall. Good setup for going into the second fall, which Strangler obviously has to win….right?

 

“If Flesher doesn’t do it, it’s not a real technique, Mark. That’s the most important rule of professional wrestling.”

- That is a great end to a great series of commentary. You write those two better than anyone else ever has.

 

- The submission by Flesher (the hammerlock into the crossface) is a nice touch. Logically thought-out, and well-applied. Also, the work with the Germans and ankle lock is absolutely perfectly done. Both characters did exactly what they should have done in that situation, and it’s a good way to get Tom some offense in a match where Strangler’s been the dominant wrestler.

 

- I like the semi-technical aspect that Strangler has in this match, but the douishime sleeper might be a little much. It was an interesting role reversal, however, with Strangler applying a fairly technical submission hold, and Flesher throwing elbows to escape.

 

- One comment I would have: Very few pinfall attempts at this point of the match (right after the kickout of the Plunge). In this area of the match, you’d think that both men would be frantically trying to get pinfalls. Strangler needs one to survive, and Flesher wants to close this out ASAP to avoid letting Strangler back into this match. Flesher’s been applying submissions, which has his end covered, but Strangler hasn’t been trying to pin Flesher when he’s had the advantage, which struck me as a little odd.

 

- And, of course, after I say that, here come a series of pinfall attempts.

 

- I like how Flesher begins to get frustrated with the matchup. He’s been taken out of his game, and now everything that he CAN throw at Strangler isn’t working. It makes sense that Tom is gonna start getting frustrated, and then make a mental mistake, allowing Strangler to get that second pinfall.

 

- Superb sequence with the german/reversal/knee drop/Yakuza kick stuff. I really, really enjoyed that, and even though it was a fairly complex setup, it was incredibly easy to see in my mind, which is the hallmark of good writing.

 

- The use of the Iconoclasm in the middle of the ring was absolute gold. Showing off Strangler’s massive strength advantage makes sense, and it shows that both men can get pinfalls by doing what they do best, even in a match where both of them have to go outside their element a bit.

 

- The vault over the top rope struck me as odd at first, but made sense after I thought about it. Strangler just countered the best Flesher had, got a pinfall, and had confidence in himself. It’d make sense for him to take an ill-fated chance right about then.

 

- I remember Tom working on the thigh to escape that bodyscissors before, so I like the assault on the thigh now. Destroy the mobility has just shown (i.e. the vault over the top, the escapes from submissions, etc.)

 

- Another interesting bit, where Strangler goes for something new, but it doesn’t pay off in the end. The theme running through this match is that although the new offense helps, the way to end it is through traditional means.

 

- The breaking of the Cross Lightning was nice. The finish appears to be coming up soon, so giving the crowd a major markout moment makes sense. Breaking out the Ego Buster was also a nice touch.

 

- The finish was well-written also. It still puts Strangler’s second wind over, but shows that Tom could still pull out the win by any means necessary.

 

- Overall, this is easily the best match of yours I’ve ever read. Everything is written INCREDIBLY clearly, and I could see the entire match take place inside my head, which is very rare. Both characters reacted perfectly, and pulled out all kinds of great moves. Basically, you wrote an absolutely perfect match. Absolutely great work, and if you keep writing like this, you’ll NEVER lose that title unless you want to.

 

From TheBostonStrangler

[Dr. Tom 0]

I'd just like to say thanks for being the only moderator with enough fortitude and maturity to actually take the time to rebut (and accept) some of my points without stepping over the line - I truly appreciate that.

 

But in the meantime, I think it's fairly obvious that nobody else but you even feels the need to address any of the points brought up (most of which I still believe, being as there hasn't been that much evidence brought up by anybody not named "Dr. Tom"), so I'm going to do what I should done a couple months ago - I'm going to be gone and stay gone.

 

I came back once, because of WDI going to shit.  And I won't make that mistake ever again.

 

From The Man in Blak, regarding a rather vituperative thread about the legitimacy of mental illness in the former NHB. Dated 9.9.02.

 

My PMs > all of yours.

[Ripper 0]

Nov 31 2003, 03:00 PM   

 

Man, I just saw your pic in the what do you look like thread.  I am offically no longer gay and would like to have wild, sweaty, neighbors call the police because of all the screaming animal sex with you.  Here is my number.  Give me a call and we can hook up.  NUMBER EDITED OUT FOR PRIVACY.

 

-Cancer Marney

 

Followed by this one.

 

Dec 15 2003, 06:00 PM   

 

I had a great time this weekend.  I can't believe how great you are.  And when you did that thing with your tounge...I still get all whoozy thinking about it. 

 

Don't tell anyone, though.  I have a reputation to keep 

 

-Cancer Marney

 

 

Yep...thats the oldest ones.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

What?

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

You think we could call a cease-fire here? You're owning me pretty badly, my feelings are starting to get hurt.

 

Jon

 

Dude, I'm just talking trash. Don't take it personally.

 

I'm actually starting to get legit pissed, which is entirely irrational.

 

Jon

 

JSYK, Dec 8 2003, 07:01 PM. Kept to remind me why I don't like him.

[Sandman9000 0]

From Sandman:

 

......................./´¯/)

....................,/¯../

.................../..../

............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸

........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\

........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')

.........\.................'...../

..........'\'...\.......... _.•´

............\..............(

..............\.............\

I'm trying to remember what I did that for. I've never been pissed at you, so that couldn't have been the reason.

 

As for mine, it's a promo Zack sent me for the OAOAST back in the day when I was still there:

 

The theme from "Austin Powers" plays over the P.A. system, and The In Crowd video flashes on the Angle-Tron.

 

Tony:"It's time, JR! Here's comes this week's popularity promo!"

 

The In Crowd make their way down the ramp, each member dressed like Austin Powers, except for Alison, who's looking rather "shagadelic". Fans pop like crazy as The Best Damn Thing Going Today climb into the ring. Superstar hops up on the turnbuckles, raising his arms up, while Zack Malibu stands in the center ring, soaking up the cheers. EfDDT and Alison are laughing about something, and as the music fades, all 4 members gather in the center of the ring.

 

Austin Malibu:"Oh yeeeah baby, The In Crowd has arrived!"

 

-pop from crowd-

 

Austin Malibu:"You see, this week, we're undercover baby...there's a supersecret organization of suckiness that has to be dealt with, before they spread their vial disease of ineptitude amongst the world, baby!"

 

'Flow Powers:"Oh behave, Mr. Malibu! It's no secret man, that we're talking about The Deadly Alliance!"

 

Austin Malibu:"Ah yes, well...IT'S NOT A SECRET NOW, AGENT FLOW! Sheesh...always spoiling thin...anyways, yeah baby, The Deadly Alliance are evil baby, they..."

 

Zack starts cracking up and "breaking character".

 

Super Austin Star Powers:"Zack, what's up...did you forget your line?"

 

Malibu:"I'm sorry man...it's just...The Deadly Alliance? They're supposed to be this big, badass group, and that's the best name they came up with? That sounds like a group that Snidley and Muttley would have had on Hanna Barbera cartoons!"

 

All In Crowd members laugh.

 

'Flow:"Hehe, yeah, it'd be like this..."

 

-snaps his fingers. Unknown individual comes out from under the ring, and does the EVIL LAUGH~! He then exits the ring, and walks away through the crowd.-

 

'Flow:"I love that!"

 

Malibu:"Who IS that?"

 

'Flow:"I...uh...I don't know..."

 

Superstar:"So are we still doing the Austin Powers gag, or is this just a regular promo?"

 

Malibu:"Good point...I mean...YEAH BABY, It's the totally randy, supremely shagadelic In Crowd baby, here to save the world from The Deadly...The Dead...pffft..."

 

Zack again starts laughing.

 

Malibu:"Oh man, that name...that name just SUCKS! What, did you open up the Generic Wrestling Villain handbook and find that, or did your little pea brains actually sit there and discuss this seriously?"

 

Superstar:"Yeah, it's like 'Hi, my name is Sandman, and I think that our name should be the Deathcore Barbed Wire Warriors!"

 

'Flow:"Or Alfdogg could have been like 'No, no, no, our name is going to be Alf and his Dogg Pound!"

 

-more laughter-

 

Malibu:"They couldn't do that because of copyright laws...remember Alf on TV, that little brown furry dude."

 

Superstar:"Oh, that was a dude, I thought that was his mom!"

 

Alison:"Look boys, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a little horny baby, yeeeeah!"

 

The In Crowd members look at their valet in disbelief. Evenflow's jaw drops.

 

 

'Flow:"Did you just say that in front of ALL THESE PEOPLE!?!?"

 

Alison:"I was TRYING to save this Austin Powers promo, honey!"

 

'Flow:"Ooooh!"

 

Evenflow wipes the sweat of his brow.

 

Superstar:"All right, Austin Malibu, maybe it's time you took us home?"

 

Malibu:"Right. So anyways baby, this Deadly Alliance, they've threatened us with World Domination baby, and no one wants to see them in charge. They're bad baby, very bad. So we special agents plan on traveling back in time to stop these menaces from growing up to so rotten, baby. We're going to...we're...dude, what ARE we going to do?"

 

'Flow:"I don't know. I'm still in shock over Ally's horny comment."

 

Malibu:"OK, jokes over. Hey, Alfdogg, I hope you've been listening. I hope you think what you see is funny, because while The In Crowd is all about entertainment, there won't be anything funny when we meet. We might be dressed up like Austin Powers now, but I guarantee I'm not chasing a Goldmember, I'm just chasing gold...specifically, yours. I might've lost the first time, but I won't lose again. Zack Malibu and The In Crowd refuse to be denied their destiny, and it continues tonight. Reject, man, you've proven your just that. Desperate for acceptance, you tried to help us. You wanted a spot in The In Crowd, a spot in our family. You didn't get it, so you tuck your tail between your legs and run to the Gay Pride Alliance and...

 

Superstar:"I GOT IT! I know who Sandman is!"

 

Malibu, Evenflow and Alison:"WHAT?!?!"

 

Superstar:"Dude, this whole Sandman thing is a front. He's ERIK WATTS!"

 

Malibu:"You mean the super sucky son of our new commisioner, vice pres...whatever, Cowboy Bill Watts?"

 

Superstar:"Yeah, I mean, think. He's a sucky wrestler...that's Erik Watts. And this whole lightbulb obsession...lightbulbs...WATTS...get it...?

 

The rest of The In Crowd just look at Superstar, jaws dropped.

 

Superstar:"OK, so maybe I think too much. But at least it made sense!"

 

Malibu:"Superstar, you're too much. Bottom line...Deadly Alliance, watch out, because The In Crowd has your number!"

 

Evenflow:"What's their number? I'll have to put it in my rolodex."

 

Malibu:"Not literally!"

 

Evenflow:"Dude, just playin'!"

 

Superstar comes over and whispers to his partners. They have a quick chuckle.

 

Malibu:"Actually, it's been brought to my attention that maybe, just maybe, we can be gentlemen for a second and salute you, The Deadly Alliance, because we do have your number...you're number one!"

 

Each In Crowd member turns and faces the AngleTron and entrance ramp, and proceeds to raise their middle fingers.

 

Malibu:"Now, I think it's time to go find some fembots baby, yeah! That promo made me a little randy in the candy, yeeeeeehah!"

 

Evenflow:"Dude, what are we talking about?"

 

Malibu:"I dunno. Maybe the British slang isn't for us."

 

Flow:"So, how do we end this?"

 

Malibu:"The only way we can...The In Crowd's not For Life, The In Crowd's not Forever...The In Crowd is just...

 

(Crowd chants along)

 

"FOR REAL!"

 

"Popular hits, and fans go wild, as their heroes exit the ring after another trademark Super-Sweet promo.

[Fökai 0]

I think I remember asking Barron to heckle TBS for me at Survivor Series 2002...

 

Nov 17 2002, 04:25 AM

My seats are in section 103. Brock v. Big Show is when I was gonna get popcorn but I'll taunt him a bit for ya.

 

Thanks for wishing me a happy bday.

 

Go Braves.

 

Regal is God

[alfdogg 0]

Febuary 11th (The day I joined), 2002

 

From: Xkillergonahitemup

 

ur a fag

He has a point.

[Zack Malibu 0]

From Sandman:

 

......................./´¯/)

....................,/¯../

.................../..../

............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸

........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\

........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')

.........\.................'...../

..........'\'...\.......... _.•´

............\..............(

..............\.............\

I'm trying to remember what I did that for. I've never been pissed at you, so that couldn't have been the reason.

 

As for mine, it's a promo Zack sent me for the OAOAST back in the day when I was still there:

 

The theme from "Austin Powers" plays over the P.A. system, and The In Crowd video flashes on the Angle-Tron.

 

Tony:"It's time, JR! Here's comes this week's popularity promo!"

 

The In Crowd make their way down the ramp, each member dressed like Austin Powers, except for Alison, who's looking rather "shagadelic". Fans pop like crazy as The Best Damn Thing Going Today climb into the ring. Superstar hops up on the turnbuckles, raising his arms up, while Zack Malibu stands in the center ring, soaking up the cheers. EfDDT and Alison are laughing about something, and as the music fades, all 4 members gather in the center of the ring.

 

Austin Malibu:"Oh yeeeah baby, The In Crowd has arrived!"

 

-pop from crowd-

 

Austin Malibu:"You see, this week, we're undercover baby...there's a supersecret organization of suckiness that has to be dealt with, before they spread their vial disease of ineptitude amongst the world, baby!"

 

'Flow Powers:"Oh behave, Mr. Malibu! It's no secret man, that we're talking about The Deadly Alliance!"

 

Austin Malibu:"Ah yes, well...IT'S NOT A SECRET NOW, AGENT FLOW! Sheesh...always spoiling thin...anyways, yeah baby, The Deadly Alliance are evil baby, they..."

 

Zack starts cracking up and "breaking character".

 

Super Austin Star Powers:"Zack, what's up...did you forget your line?"

 

Malibu:"I'm sorry man...it's just...The Deadly Alliance? They're supposed to be this big, badass group, and that's the best name they came up with? That sounds like a group that Snidley and Muttley would have had on Hanna Barbera cartoons!"

 

All In Crowd members laugh.

 

'Flow:"Hehe, yeah, it'd be like this..."

 

-snaps his fingers. Unknown individual comes out from under the ring, and does the EVIL LAUGH~! He then exits the ring, and walks away through the crowd.-

 

'Flow:"I love that!"

 

Malibu:"Who IS that?"

 

'Flow:"I...uh...I don't know..."

 

Superstar:"So are we still doing the Austin Powers gag, or is this just a regular promo?"

 

Malibu:"Good point...I mean...YEAH BABY, It's the totally randy, supremely shagadelic In Crowd baby, here to save the world from The Deadly...The Dead...pffft..."

 

Zack again starts laughing.

 

Malibu:"Oh man, that name...that name just SUCKS! What, did you open up the Generic Wrestling Villain handbook and find that, or did your little pea brains actually sit there and discuss this seriously?"

 

Superstar:"Yeah, it's like 'Hi, my name is Sandman, and I think that our name should be the Deathcore Barbed Wire Warriors!"

 

'Flow:"Or Alfdogg could have been like 'No, no, no, our name is going to be Alf and his Dogg Pound!"

 

-more laughter-

 

Malibu:"They couldn't do that because of copyright laws...remember Alf on TV, that little brown furry dude."

 

Superstar:"Oh, that was a dude, I thought that was his mom!"

 

Alison:"Look boys, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a little horny baby, yeeeeah!"

 

The In Crowd members look at their valet in disbelief. Evenflow's jaw drops.

 

 

'Flow:"Did you just say that in front of ALL THESE PEOPLE!?!?"

 

Alison:"I was TRYING to save this Austin Powers promo, honey!"

 

'Flow:"Ooooh!"

 

Evenflow wipes the sweat of his brow.

 

Superstar:"All right, Austin Malibu, maybe it's time you took us home?"

 

Malibu:"Right. So anyways baby, this Deadly Alliance, they've threatened us with World Domination baby, and no one wants to see them in charge. They're bad baby, very bad. So we special agents plan on traveling back in time to stop these menaces from growing up to so rotten, baby. We're going to...we're...dude, what ARE we going to do?"

 

'Flow:"I don't know. I'm still in shock over Ally's horny comment."

 

Malibu:"OK, jokes over. Hey, Alfdogg, I hope you've been listening. I hope you think what you see is funny, because while The In Crowd is all about entertainment, there won't be anything funny when we meet. We might be dressed up like Austin Powers now, but I guarantee I'm not chasing a Goldmember, I'm just chasing gold...specifically, yours. I might've lost the first time, but I won't lose again. Zack Malibu and The In Crowd refuse to be denied their destiny, and it continues tonight. Reject, man, you've proven your just that. Desperate for acceptance, you tried to help us. You wanted a spot in The In Crowd, a spot in our family. You didn't get it, so you tuck your tail between your legs and run to the Gay Pride Alliance and...

 

Superstar:"I GOT IT! I know who Sandman is!"

 

Malibu, Evenflow and Alison:"WHAT?!?!"

 

Superstar:"Dude, this whole Sandman thing is a front. He's ERIK WATTS!"

 

Malibu:"You mean the super sucky son of our new commisioner, vice pres...whatever, Cowboy Bill Watts?"

 

Superstar:"Yeah, I mean, think. He's a sucky wrestler...that's Erik Watts. And this whole lightbulb obsession...lightbulbs...WATTS...get it...?

 

The rest of The In Crowd just look at Superstar, jaws dropped.

 

Superstar:"OK, so maybe I think too much. But at least it made sense!"

 

Malibu:"Superstar, you're too much. Bottom line...Deadly Alliance, watch out, because The In Crowd has your number!"

 

Evenflow:"What's their number? I'll have to put it in my rolodex."

 

Malibu:"Not literally!"

 

Evenflow:"Dude, just playin'!"

 

Superstar comes over and whispers to his partners. They have a quick chuckle.

 

Malibu:"Actually, it's been brought to my attention that maybe, just maybe, we can be gentlemen for a second and salute you, The Deadly Alliance, because we do have your number...you're number one!"

 

Each In Crowd member turns and faces the AngleTron and entrance ramp, and proceeds to raise their middle fingers.

 

Malibu:"Now, I think it's time to go find some fembots baby, yeah! That promo made me a little randy in the candy, yeeeeeehah!"

 

Evenflow:"Dude, what are we talking about?"

 

Malibu:"I dunno. Maybe the British slang isn't for us."

 

Flow:"So, how do we end this?"

 

Malibu:"The only way we can...The In Crowd's not For Life, The In Crowd's not Forever...The In Crowd is just...

 

(Crowd chants along)

 

"FOR REAL!"

 

"Popular hits, and fans go wild, as their heroes exit the ring after another trademark Super-Sweet promo.

Holy shit, I haven't read that in ages.

 

*sigh* I miss those days.

[Hank Kingsley 0]

From EvenflowDDT (I miss him) regarding some OAOAST stuff on May 12, 2002:

 

Hey... I haven't posted anything in the OAOAT all weekend to sell an injury (the very idea!), but I've noticed you around, and my tag partner Zack and I were wondering if you'd like to join the In Crowd as a bodyguard, because if you've read up on any history in the OAOAT, we, like you, get beat up a LOT.  If so, it wouldn't be announced right away, probably not until after the PPV, because I want to surprise Sandman9000 with a handicap match against The In Crowd, to which he would accept, thinking it'd just be against me and Zack, but then we come and debut you as our new bodyguard and the three of us would completely destroy him.  You up for it? We're only the COOLEST people in OAOAT that everyone is jealous of, and being the first ever Universal Champion is totally cool and jealousy-inspiring, just like us.  It's a natural fit... ::claps hands.  paid evil laughter guy does evil laughter::

[Zack Malibu 0]

From EvenflowDDT (I miss him) regarding some OAOAST stuff on May 12, 2002:

 

Hey... I haven't posted anything in the OAOAT all weekend to sell an injury (the very idea!), but I've noticed you around, and my tag partner Zack and I were wondering if you'd like to join the In Crowd as a bodyguard, because if you've read up on any history in the OAOAT, we, like you, get beat up a LOT.  If so, it wouldn't be announced right away, probably not until after the PPV, because I want to surprise Sandman9000 with a handicap match against The In Crowd, to which he would accept, thinking it'd just be against me and Zack, but then we come and debut you as our new bodyguard and the three of us would completely destroy him.  You up for it? We're only the COOLEST people in OAOAT that everyone is jealous of, and being the first ever Universal Champion is totally cool and jealousy-inspiring, just like us.  It's a natural fit... ::claps hands.  paid evil laughter guy does evil laughter::

Jesus, this thread is giving me flashbacks.

[Sandman9000 0]

From EvenflowDDT (I miss him) regarding some OAOAST stuff on May 12, 2002:

 

Hey... I haven't posted anything in the OAOAT all weekend to sell an injury (the very idea!), but I've noticed you around, and my tag partner Zack and I were wondering if you'd like to join the In Crowd as a bodyguard, because if you've read up on any history in the OAOAT, we, like you, get beat up a LOT.  If so, it wouldn't be announced right away, probably not until after the PPV, because I want to surprise Sandman9000 with a handicap match against The In Crowd, to which he would accept, thinking it'd just be against me and Zack, but then we come and debut you as our new bodyguard and the three of us would completely destroy him.  You up for it? We're only the COOLEST people in OAOAT that everyone is jealous of, and being the first ever Universal Champion is totally cool and jealousy-inspiring, just like us.  It's a natural fit... ::claps hands.  paid evil laughter guy does evil laughter::

Jesus, this thread is giving me flashbacks.

I thought would be coming from the meth I sold you the other day.

[OldSchoolWrestling 0]

Febuary 11th (The day I joined), 2002

 

From: Xkillergonahitemup

 

ur a fag

I'm a fan of yours CWM, but Xkiller was the greatest of all time.

[Guest Danny Dubya v 2.0]

Um... a script for... something. I have no real idea what this is, just that it's from some guy named DiabloIIFreak1010 :

 

(SGT.SLAUGHTER appears in front of a huge american

flag.)

 

SGT.SLUAGHTER

Listen up solider! Our last victory was a great blow

to Cobra. They went back into hiding but we now have

located what we

believed to be their new base, a mansion in Beverly

Hills that was formely owned by Barbie.Find out their

latetst plan and stop

it. And if you get a chance demask Cobra Commader and

take him into custody. You have your orders. GO JOE!

 

(GI JOE SONG)

EXT- Street in Beverly Hills

 

(DUKE walks down the street with clothes in his hand.

He goes into the forest and comes back with them on.

He is now

dressed as a pizza delivery man. He opens up an empty

pizza box and puts his gun inside it.He then walks

down the street till

he reaches a large expensive house.He knocks on the

door.And it is opened by SIMMON COWLL.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

What do you want?

 

DUKE

Pizza delivery!

 

SIMMON COWELL

You call that a reason to come in? That is the most

pathetic thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

You should pay me for just

having to hear that idiotic idea. Come right in.

 

INT-Cobra Manison/ Former Barbie Dreamhouse

 

(DUKE walks in the house. He follows Simon into a

fancy room. Duke puts the pizza down on the table.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

I'll pay you in a minuet, just drop it off in the

kitchen.

 

DUKE

Okay.

 

(DUKE walks out into another room. He garbs a lamp

shade in that room. He puts it in his head and

re-enters the fancy room.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

Tom Clancy? Tom Clancy? Tom Clancy!

 

(TOM CLANCY is seen writting franticlly on ap iece of

paper.)

 

TOM CLANCY

Not now,I'm writting a book!

 

SIMMON COWELL

Oh you write a book every five minuets!

 

TOM CLANCY

I can't concentrate! What if I were to write an f-19

when I meant a f-16?

 

SIMMON COWELL

Fine I'll just mark you as here. Ricky Carmichael?

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Here.

 

SIMMON COWELL

Travis Pastrana.

 

TRAVIS PASTRANA

Here.

 

SIMMON COWELL

That was the most off key thing I've ever heard in my

life. You should just kill yourself and save me the

trouble of doing it.

 

(Travis lowers his head in shame.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

Scott Hall? .

 

(SCOTT HALL is on the ground a drunken mess.)

 

SCOTT HALL

Hey Yo!

 

SIMMON COWELL

Good. Matt Hoffman? Where the bloody hell is Matt

Hoffman?

 

(RICKY CARMICHAEL points to the window. SIMMON COWELL

walks over to it and looks out. He sees MATT

HOFFMAN out in the street doing crazy bike tricks.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

Fine, 2 more absences and he'll have a detention. Now

back to business.We will move forward with the

Operation Clone

Army. The Celebrity will arrive today with Cobra

Commander and we will begin making clones of him.

Until then we are to

ready the machine for use and the prisoners for the

execution. Any question?

 

TOM CLANCY

Yeah, who's that guy?

 

(Everyone looks at DUKE. He gets nervous.)

 

DUKE

Uh...A Pizza Delivery Man with a lamp shade on my

head?

 

TOM CLANCY

Then who's he?

 

(Pan to PIZZA DELIVERY MAN from the first film, he

also has a lampshade on his head. SIMMON COWELL

Realizes

Something is wrong.)

 

SIMMON COWELL

Check that box.

 

(RICKY CARMICHAEL walks over and takes the box out of

DUKE's hands. He opens it and sees the pistol.)

 

SIMMON COWELL (gasp)

A Pistol! I specificly said no pistols! Why is it

everytime I order a plain chesse pizza you put a

pistol on it.

Your no Pizza man. I know exactly what you are.

 

DUKE

You mean?

 

SIMMON COWELL

Yup, a lousy exscuse for a pizza man. Take him out

back and shoot him.

 

(The two dirtbikers walk DUKE out at Gun point. )

 

EXT-Mansion Backyard

 

(DUKE spots two dirtbikes standing out in the

backyard.)

 

DUKE

Hey, are those your bikes?

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Yeah they sure are!

 

DUKE

Are those ones good?

 

TRAVIS PASTRANA

The best money can buy!

 

DUKE

Why don't you guys hop on them and let me get a

picture before you shoot me and what not.

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL and TRAVIS PASTRANA

Okay.

 

(RICKY CARMICHAEL and TRAVIS PASTRANA get on their

bikes. DUKE grabs them buy their heads and slam them

together he then throws them off the bikes.The both

fall to the ground and get back up ready to fight

again.)

 

DUKE

GO JOE!!!

 

TRAVIS PASTRANA

He's a GI JOE!

 

(DUKE flips RICKY CARMICHAEL over his back. He then

dodges a swing from TRAVIS PASTRANA and lands a super

kick. RICKY CARMICHAEL charges at DUKE again but, DUKE

throws the pizza box in his face. TRAVIS PASTRANA

pulls his gun out but DUKE shoots him before he can

get a shot off. TRAVIS PASTRANA falls to the ground

dead.)

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Travis noooo!

 

DUKE

Give up or you'll end up like him.

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Okay I'll...Look a distraction.

 

DUKE

Huh? Where?

 

(RICKY CARMICHAEL runs off as DUKE is distracted. He

jumps on his dirtbike and takes off.)

 

DUKE

Wait there was no distraction. It was just a

distraction! Get back here!

 

(DUKE looks for a wat to catch up to him. To the left

is TRAVIS PASTRANA'S dirtbike. To the right is a

regular bicycle.

We next see DUKE peddling on the regular bike. When

RICKY CARMICHAEL tries to lap DUKE heg ets

clotheslined off

his bike. DUKE gets off his bicycle.)

 

DUKE

Tell me how this cloning machine works and I will

spare your life.

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

You hook the celebrity up to a special Cobra computer

and download his DNA. You then burn a clone as many

times as you

want.

 

DUKE

How do I stop this?

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Destroy the boot-up CD.

 

DUKE

Allright you stay here.As soon as I stop this plot, a

GI JOE transport will be sent to take you to prison.

You may get a lighter

sentence for giving me this informtion.

 

(DUKE turns around and begins to walks off. RICKY

CARMICHAEL raises his gun.)

 

RICKY CARMICHAEL

Heh, he'll never see it coming.

 

(DUKE spins around and shoots RICKY CARMICHAEL, who

then slumps over dead.)

 

DUKE

Yeah if you didn't say that out loud.

 

(DUKE then picks up the two bodies and goes into a

shed with them. He comes out in RICKY CARMICHAEL'S

outfit even

though it barley fits.he walks off back towards the

mansion.)

[Guest T®ITEC]

That was.. awkwardly hilarious. Yet now, I am so confused.

[Some Guy 0]

Personal Message

DarkOne HEY, Apr 5 2002, 08:47 AM    

 

 

 

 

Group: Members

Posts: 0

Joined: 5-April 02

 

YOU FUCKING SUCK, FAGGOT

 

--------------------

 

The first PM I ever recieved. Memories. I still wonder who this was, he never even posted and apparently thought I fucking sucked and was a faggot. I still go to bed weeping about this. It's intesnifies this time of the year beacause the two year anniversary is upcoming. I'll go through a box of kleenex's that day.

 

::Message boards make me cry::

[Nighthawk 0]

My oldest one is too controversial to post, but this is the second oldest:

 

Could you do me a favor and change my user name to Voltron? I asked Kahran and he no sold it. Thanks man.

 

Done. And might I suggest, as your member title...

 

LET'S FORM VOLTRON~!

 

Or you could go a little raunchier with, "And I'll form... the head."

 

From Dr. Tom, Nov 21, 2003. As you may recall, I took his second suggestion.

[Guest The Fallen Angel]

May 26, 2002

 

Caboose-

You are an Idiot.

[jimmy no nose 0]

From Caboose, June 20, 2002

 

I downloaded the patch from the link you posted.

Cheers.

But the MSinfo file won't wrk properly.

So what do i do with the two files that came out of the archive?

 

I think what happened was I posted a patch so that you can save your game in your illegal copy of GTA3 because you couldn't for some reason.

[The Kid 0]

B.Horowitz heyman's speech, Mar 30 2002, 06:34 PM   

Hey man I just saw your footnot thingey and it reminded me of how freakiN great that promo was Heyman cut. Though I know it was planned it just sounded so damn true - genius!

 

My gosh...2 years and 3 days ago. I need a life.

[Guest Anglesault]

Hey man., Oct 7 2003, 05:53 PM   

Group: Super Moderator

Posts: 8150

Joined: 12-February 02

 

Yes, I have mod powers now. I sold out to the man.

 

Kidding aside, I know that things have gotten pretty busy on your end, but you haven't been around much in the OAOAST folders. Any chance you're going to be getting back in the groove soon, since we actually got beat out by IZ last week, and guys from our roster are dropping like flies (or in Some Guy's case, off the face of the earth). We could certainly use the guy who built the company's help.

 

Just wanted to see what's up with you. I'll catch you later.

 

Take it easy,

 

Zack

[MrRant 0]

Drat, I just deleted a bunch of PMs this morning.

 

I was going to put something like "Rant told me the following three months ago":

 

So, how do you think we can get rid of all the blacks and Jews on this board?

 

But thought against it...

If only I saved your "Master Plan" PM's.

[Slayer 0]

You rock.

 

Sincerely,

All the cool kids of TSM

[alfdogg 0]

My oldest one is too controversial to post

Post it. Coward.

 

You are an Idiot.

For once, Caboose is right.

 

You rock.

 

Sincerely,

All the cool kids of TSM

That's not real.

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Two of those pics have to go because all of them together make your posts over a page long.

[Internet Warfare 0]

" Alright, post your stats on the SJL Stats thread, and wait for your first booking.

 

Good luck. "

 

This SJW stint only lasted like 2 days.

[Slayer 0]

You rock.

 

Sincerely,

All the cool kids of TSM

That's not real.

You don't remember that? You contributed to it

 

*slips Alf a five under the table*

[Mole 0]

From Dames.

 

Feb 7 2004, 02:59 AM

Hmm..."You're Welcome" goes number 4, behind "Apocalypse Nowish," "Spin the Bottle," and "Five by Five." You?

 

And I live in North Stonington. I live about 5 mins away from Ledyard and 5 mins from Mystic. Basically, right next to Rhode Island.

 

Where do you live now?

 

I'm moving to Bristol in 1 week.

 

I haven't seen all of Season 3 and 4, but I would put You're Welcome at #1 with Five By Five as #2 and I Will Remember You as #3.

 

Dames

Ohh Bristol, it's ESPN country.

 

If you got the cash, you should pick up season 3 on Tuesday.

 

Yeah, definitely will try to. I have a few other things I'd like to pick up too, but I need to save as much as I can for now.

 

As for ESPN, the big ass satellites are literally blocks away from my new home.

 

Dames

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Febuary 11th (The day I joined), 2002

 

From: Xkillergonahitemup

 

ur a fag

I'm a fan of yours CWM, but Xkiller was the greatest of all time.

Indeed. I hated him at the time but I miss that guy,, he was the only one to make my spelling and grammar look good.

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

At the risk of appearing illiterate, fuck ridiculously long posts and the horse they rode in on. I don't come here to read for any serious length of time.