Why Do Men Have To Take Massive Shits In Public?

[Crimson Platypus]

I generally try to find the most secluded bathroom I can if I have to. I can't piss with people around(which means i don't use urinals i use the stalls to piss) and I try to make sure nobody is in the bathroom when I shit.

Then if a sound comes out while I'm sitting there I try to hold it to keep more sounds from coming out.

Ohhhh, you're one of those people.

One of what? Those guys that hides to take a shit or gets stage fright at a urinal?

Yeah... one of them

[Brett Favre]

You never know when there was some sweaty, wrinkled, nasty, ol' dirty ass with a shitload of pimples on that public toilet. No way i'd take a shit in public. The furthest I'd go taking a shit outside my house is in a friend's house; and even then it's a rarity.

[Art Sandusky]

Man, most relieving shit I ever had was in the first floor women's bathroom at Loyola University's conference building in early June of 2000 while I was at Nationals. I think it had been three days since I had last done it because we were always so busy.

[Guest Arnold_OldSchool]

I NEVER shit at home, I don't want to reek up my apartment from my 20-30 min push fests (Legendary among my friends and Family)

[Brett Favre]

Your friends don't mind you taking shits in their house everyday?

[Jingus]

There are ways to deal with the smell, people. The most obvious is flushing as soon as you drop. Most homes and private bathrooms come equipped with fans; use 'em. Air freshener is self-explanatory, too.

[Special K]

Yeah, the courtesy flush is a must.

How exactly are you supposed to keep from farting when you're taking a crap? You guys must have some mighty fine sphincter control to let out the crap and keep in the gas.

[Guest Arnold_OldSchool]

Your friends don't mind you taking shits in their house everyday?

I save them up for at work, where I can get paid for pushing my stools

[Jingus]

It can be done, but it takes a shitload of effort (pardon the pun). You have to be able to kinda start & stop at will, and some people just don't have that type of control.

 

Ever have one of those shits that feels like a pregnancy scene from a movie? Ya know, "Push! Push!" "Oh GOD it hurts!". Those suck.

 

Wow, this reminds me of a random conversation me and two wrestlers had one time standing around in a driveway at 2AM, all about shitting. And of course that Chappelle Show skit.

[Epic Reine]

Ever have one of those shits that feels like a pregnancy scene from a movie? Ya know, "Push! Push!" "Oh GOD it hurts!". Those suck.

Oh man, those are the absolute worst. I hate it when I take a crap only to have my asshole burning afterwards. They hurt like hell and I have to immoediatley get up and walk around to relieve the pain.

[Special K]

It's a price you pay if you truly love spicy food. Which I do.

I gaurantee you there are women who take huge straining craps as well.

[The Czech Republic]

You guys must have some mighty fine sphincter control to let out the crap and keep in the gas.

Well this is an anal-retentive bunch here, so maybe it's not so crazy after all

[kkktookmybabyaway]

So you put down the little paper seat covers that they specifically provide for that reason, or if those aren't available just cover it with toilet paper.

N*gga plz. I'm not putting my faith in one of those ultra-thin covers to protect me from the countless urine splotches on those seats...

[Vyce]

I gaurantee you there are women who take huge straining craps as well.

Even if this is true, I never want to imagine it to be so.

[Slayer]

I gaurantee you there are women who take huge straining craps as well.

It's true.

 

I've seen videos of it

[haws bah gawd]

Heres a story for you guys. When I worked at K-Mart in the Summer of 2000, we had quite a situation there. This old man came in, and asked our customer service manager where the restroom was. Had he walked an extra 3 foot, he would've run into the door. Anyways, about a half hour later, he came out, and told the Manager that he messed up the stall, appoligized and left. Anyways, being that it happened in the men's room, the manager called myself, and my buddy Jason (we both worked in the Gardenshop, which meant we were the store's grunts) to assess the damage. We turned the corner, and I have never seen such devastation done to a restroom. There was shit on the floor, walls of the stall, even on the wall close to the ceiling (it was a 7-foot ceiling, very short, but still), and he missed the toilet completely! It was such a site, we went to several other departments, and suckered several other associates into witnessing what we called "The End of Days". Being that we were both 18 at the time, we thought it was funny as hell. Long story short, the restroom was blocked off, and the store's janitor, a Russian immigrant, was left to clean up the apocalypse later that evening after the store closed.

[B. Brian Brunzell]

So you put down the little paper seat covers that they specifically provide for that reason, or if those aren't available just cover it with toilet paper.

N*gga plz. I'm not putting my faith in one of those ultra-thin covers to protect me from the countless urine splotches on those seats...

If you're lucky, it's urine...

[Special K]

If you're unlucky it's marinara sauce some guy dripped on the seat while he ate a meatball sub.

[MrRant]

Urine is sterile but still nasty.

[The Niggardly King]

Today I was left with a burning asshole after 5 craps. I never want to go thru that pain again.

[LessonInMachismo]

Heres a story for you guys. When I worked at K-Mart in the Summer of 2000, we had quite a situation there. This old man came in, and asked our customer service manager where the restroom was. Had he walked an extra 3 foot, he would've run into the door. Anyways, about a half hour later, he came out, and told the Manager that he messed up the stall, appoligized and left. Anyways, being that it happened in the men's room, the manager called myself, and my buddy Jason (we both worked in the Gardenshop, which meant we were the store's grunts) to assess the damage. We turned the corner, and I have never seen such devastation done to a restroom. There was shit on the floor, walls of the stall, even on the wall close to the ceiling (it was a 7-foot ceiling, very short, but still), and he missed the toilet completely! It was such a site, we went to several other departments, and suckered several other associates into witnessing what we called "The End of Days". Being that we were both 18 at the time, we thought it was funny as hell. Long story short, the restroom was blocked off, and the store's janitor, a Russian immigrant, was left to clean up the apocalypse later that evening after the store closed.

WTF? I swear, mutha fuckas find ways to do the impossible as long as it means messing up something that doesn't belong to them.

 

As for the protective film...have you guys ever heard of perch pooping?

[Special K]

Is that when you lean your ass over an overpass and crap on cars?

[LessonInMachismo]

Is that when you lean your ass over an overpass and crap on cars?

No.

[MrRant]

Is that when you lean your ass over an overpass and crap on cars?

No.

Takes more skill though.

 

Unless you have that Jalapeno night runny spurt shits.

[LessonInMachismo]

Is that when you lean your ass over an overpass and crap on cars?

No.

Takes more skill though.

 

Unless you have that Jalapeno night runny spurt shits.

Sounds like you speak from experience...

[Use Your Illusion]

Why the hell do they call them restrooms? I'm not fucking resting, idiot.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I take my morning dump at work every night. I've even written a song about it called "Poopin' on the Clock."

[kkktookmybabyaway]

Heres a story for you guys.

WTF? I swear, mutha fuckas find ways to do the impossible as long as it means messing up something that doesn't belong to them.

Sadly, something similar happened to me when I worked at the gas station. I'm sure that story is somewhere in this message board, so I'm not going to re-type it...

[B. Brian Brunzell]

As for the protective film...have you guys ever heard of perch pooping?

I'm guessing that it's somewhere along the lines of females using the hover method in public bathrooms.

[LessonInMachismo]

When I worked at Target in California, I started out as a cart attendant. It was like my first job at a big place. Me and this thirty-something old black guy named Mike were out getting carts when the voice pager went off and they told us they had a job for us.

 

The supervisor lady took us to the women's restroom and opened it. There was a pile of shit in the center of the room. Mike said, "Damn! Almost time to go home and someone has to go and shit on the flo'!

 

I mean, it looked like a pile of dog shit all coiled up like that. So we got a bunch of paper towels, scooped it up, tossed it in the trash, sprayed the floor with water, poured soak-it-up on the water and swept it all up. There were like four stalls in the restroom. The store was all but dead. WHY does someone take a shit on the floor?