How Funny Is That?

[Man Who Sold The World]

Okay so I'm at work right now going on hour 2 of a 9 hour overtime shift thanks to the lovely people at DreamWorks and we're (my co-workers) all talking about jokes we've heard recently and one of my co-workers spouts off this crowd pleaser:

 

So it goes like this: Two robots are gettin' it on, the guy robot shouts "OWWWW!", the female robot asks what's the matter and he says matter-of-factly, "I busted a nut."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh huh. But it managed to crack me up a bit, and the only reason I can think of is because I'm tired. Oh and I had the single worst energy drink of all (The SoBe Superman). So, anybody hear a bad joke that was so bad it was funny? (I have others, and a really _BAD_ racist joke too).

[kkktookmybabyaway]

Heard this one way back in the day:

 

What did one orangutan say to the other orangutan?

 

"Hey, we're both orangutans!"

 

I don't get it either, but it sounded funny at the time, which was 4 a.m.

[Guest 5.0Fanatic]

"what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor"

.

.

.

.

 

 

 

(In a really sad voice) I lost my tractor

[Black Lushus]

2 guys walk into a bar, the 3rd guy ducks

[Your Paragon of Virtue]

I wanna hear how bad the racist joke is.

[Man Who Sold The World]

Alright... you have been warned

 

So, what's the difference between a white jew and a black jew?

 

 

 

The black jew has to sit in the back of the oven.

[The Amazing Rando]

"Before you burn 'em, you lynch 'em too!"

"You can't haggle with food stamps"

"They were their yamakas backwards"

"white jewish gangs are called 'firms'..."

"black jews have rhythm"

 

 

This is like a bad Letterman top ten...

[kkktookmybabyaway]

So where are the bad racist jokes? Those were great!

[vivalaultra]

So, this Irish guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel attatched to his crotch. The bartender goes, "Hey! You know you got a steering wheel on your crotch?!?" The Irish guy goes, "Yes I know! It's driving me nuts!!!!"

 

Yeah...

 

So, these three lengths of rope walk into a bar. The one length of rope walks up to the bartender and says, "Gimmie three whiskeys!" The bartender goes, "Get outta here! We don't serve ropes!" So, the rope and his two bodies go out back around the corner and he tells his friends to tie him in a knot. After they do, he tells them to start pulling away at his ends and unwravelling him. After they do, he walks back into the bar and goes up to the counter and says, "Gimmie three whiskeys!" The bartender goes, "Hey! Aren't you a rope?" And he goes, "No, sir, I'm a frayed knot!"

[Corey_Lazarus]

Q: What do you call a limping monkey?

 

A: A Gimpanzee.

 

 

 

Q: Why don't Scotsmen wear underwear beneath their kilts?

 

A: Because they love their FREEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

A drunk guy walks into a pub. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender goes "sorry, sir, you've had enough." The drunk guy, obviously annoyed, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and uses the side entrance to the same pub, walking up to the bartender and asking for a beer. The bartender says "sorry, buddy, you've had enough." So the man, even more disgruntled now, gets up and walks out the side door. He walks around the corner to the back of the building and uses the rear entrance, sitting down on a stool at the other side of the bar. He asks the bartender for a beer, and the bartender goes "look, mac, you've had enough already."

So the drunk man looks at the bartender, and goes "motherfucker, how many bars DO you work at?"

 

 

 

Q: What would Marilyn Monroe be doing right now if she were alive?

 

A: Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

 

 

 

Q: Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why'd the baby fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was stapled to the monkey.

[Smartly Pretty]

Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says "Boy it's hot in here." the 2nd muffin says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

 

A dolphin walks into a bar. The bartender asks the Dolphin what he'll have. The dolphin says "AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH! AHHHHHCH!"

[vivalaultra]

How do you make a dead baby float?

 

Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and a dead baby.

[Guest guerillagenius]

A man gets into an elevator with a woman. After a floor or two of silence he says "May I smell your feet?" and she says "No you may not smell my feet!" and he says "Must be your pussy then."

[Your Paragon of Virtue]

Dead baby jokes are the worst. They're never funny.

 

Q: Why don't old people have sex?

 

A: Have you ever tried pulling a grilled cheese sandwich apart?

[Corey_Lazarus]

They have their moments. Like if you've never heard them before, or you're hammered and trying to think of different ones you haven't heard before.

[HurriShane]

Why did the retard bring a ladder to the baseball game?

Because he wanted to see the giants play

 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says"I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind in here." and the mushroom says "why not? i'm a funguy"

 

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a dumpster?

1 dead baby in 2 dumpsters

[spman]

Did you hear about the, uh, black woman, who got an abortion? Crime stoppers sent her a check for 200 dollars.

[Maztinho]

Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says "Boy it's hot in here." the 2nd muffin says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

 

That joke always kills me. It pops out at me randomly, and cracks me up everytime.

[snuffbox]

Why was the room full of married people empty?

 

There wasnt a 'single' person in it.

[the max]

What do you call a black man with no arms?

 

Trustworthy.

[Man Who Sold The World]

How do you starve a black man?

 

 

Uh, hide his foodstamps in his work boots. (burn)

[Copper Feel]

Whats brown and comes out of my ass?

 

POO!

[SuperJerk]

Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says "Boy it's hot in here." the 2nd muffin says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

 

That joke always kills me. It pops out at me randomly, and cracks me up everytime.

You're right.

[JST]

In the jungle, a koala's sitting on a tree branch, smoking a joint. He spots a lizard and invites him up on the branch to toke up. Lizard agrees and soon the two become pretty wasted. So wasted that the lizard falls off the branch and into the river. Not one to let a fellow reptile down, the alligator pulls his lizard friend out of the river. As gratitude, the lizard invites the alligator up the tree branch so he can join them. The alligator accepts and climbs up the tree. Once he's up there, the koala nearly chokes and says:

 

"DUUUUUDE how much did you smoke?!?!?!"

[iggymcfly]

A man gets into an elevator with a woman. After a floor or two of silence he says "Can I smell your feet?" and she says "No you can't smell my feet!" and he says "Must be your pussy then."

 

FYJ.

 

If you say "may", it doesn't make any sense.

 

Oh, and I'm pretty sure the lizard joke was told wrong too. It seems like the lizard should have invited the koala to smoke, and then the koala should say "how much did we smoke or how much did I smoke. If the lizard smoked a lot, that wouldn't make him look like an alligator to the koala.

[Guest Felonies!]

Koalas wouldn't smoke, they only like eucalpytus. They're too cute and cuddly to do anything as subversive and illegal as smoke cannabis. Your shitty joke ruined my innocence, JST. Yep. That's it.

[FroGG_NeaL]

Man, I just had a flashback to a show that was on Nick Jr. in like, '87. When the show with the elephant and David the Gnome were on.

 

It lived in like a eucalpytus tree, in a kid's yard, and it was right outside came up to some kid's wndow.

 

 

I don't remember a goddamn thing elese about it, though.

[Guest Felonies!]

Under The Umbrella Tree? no that was on Disney Channel after Dumbo's Circus

[The Amazing Rando]

The Noozles. Two time traveling koala bears. They "noozled" or eskimo/nose kissed to travel through time, I think.

[EricMM]

Filthy