Awkward moments involving roommates.

[justsoyouknow 0]

24) After kicking roommate out of room for incident described in number 5, you pace around your room, smoke some pot, listen to some music, and chill out. Fifteen minutes later, you open your bedroom door to find roommate standing there with a Polaroid camera. He immediately takes a picture, then sits down on the couch. You ask him what that was about, and he replies, "I just wanted to see what an uptight asshole looks like". Amazed, you have to ask him how long he was standing outside of your door. He replies, "About ten minutes."

[Cartman 0]

Phenomenal reading here folks, keep it up!

 

I can't tell if i'm lucky, or unlucky that I have never had a roommate.

[Nighthawk 0]

25) Your roommate invites a guest over to smoke meth in your basement. Said guest then proceeds to strip to the waist and watch the movie Money Train three times in a row while drinking all the beer in the house.

 

(I was the guest in this story)

[LJSexay 0]

26) your roommate, during a very drunk session of sex dice, decides to change the recipient and the action he rolled, and slowly crawls over to touch your crotch with his hand.

 

If he were cuter I wouldn't have minded, but oh ho ho.. I minded. I think the girls in the room had a field day though.

[Dandy 0]

Please don't post anything else in this thread, LJ.

[Scroby 0]

26) your roommate, during a very drunk session of sex dice, decides to change the recipient and the action he rolled, and slowly crawls over to touch your crotch with his hand.

 

If he were cuter I wouldn't have minded, but oh ho ho.. I minded. I think the girls in the room had a field day though.

WHAT!?

 

 

so 27)I'm sleeping till about noon until I awake to her "oh God!" with loud panting. I hear a few smacking and realize my roommate hasn't shut her door. I yell "You know it would help if YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING DOOR!" except I don't get a respone, I just hear another spank of the ass. Well what I assume was the smack of the ass anyways. I finally get up to the shut her door, shut my door, then turn my raido on.

 

5 minutes later, her boyfriend comes out and says "Damn Toby, your making a lot of noise.".

[Dandy 0]

Was she hot?

[Scroby 0]

We're still roommates and I don't really think she's hot but my friends who have met her all say she is.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

post pix

[AntiLeaf33 0]

28) My college roommate used to do a lot of acid and was constantly stoned on something. One night at about 3 am I wake up after hearing a noise. I look up and my roommate is standing in front of my bed in his underwear looking blankly at the wall. Confused, I asked him "Dude, what the fuck?". He then proceeds to yell as loud as he can for a good 30 seconds, and then he goes back to bed. I asked him in the morning what the hell that was about, and all he said was that he sleep walks a bit and trips out during the sleeping walking because of all of the acid.

[Retard Girl 0]

...It wasn't really awkward, and not much at all has been with any of my roommates over the years. All of my roommates have been really close friends, and we thought things were more funny than awkward.

 

same here, i'm living with my best friend right now and nothing seems that 'awkward'. this stuff usually amuses us.

 

 

 

29) you go into the kitchen for a drink at 3am and your roomate is sitting at his comp, at the kitchen table, wanking one off. this wouldn't be my best friend (cause i might have helped her) but it was the big fat hairy dude who's room smells funny

 

[JHawk 0]

30) You come to your dorm to find campus police arresting your roommate. Apparently your roommate smuggled some homegrown dope plants into your room while you were in class and got busted by the RA, who happened to have his room open when your roommate went by.

[Matt Young 0]

There were 2 number 17's, so...

 

32) Your roommate is a 350 pound fat, hairy man in a wheelchair. He wakes you up every morning after his shower by crawling, still naked, into your room and having you help him pull his pants up.

 

33) The same roommate wakes you up one morning by repeatedly yelling your name down the hall. You walk to his room, only to hear, "I didn't make it. I shit all over the floor!" Then you see, behind his greasy naked body, a pile of shit, the sheer size of which rivals that of a horse. No exaggeration. You can't clean it up, because it takes everything you have not to vomit. You go into the bathroom and smoke a bowl while waiting for the roommate's 40 year old coworker, who has known him a lot longer and has experience with these things, to come to pick him up for work, and clean it up.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Outside of my girl right now, I've never had a roommate. But a few friends of mine used to all rent out a house in Watertown, and I've heard some stories...

 

34) You and your roommates have a party. A close friend to one of your roommates - henceforth referred to as the proverbial "that guy" at any party - decides to go upstairs. Minutes later, you hear a loud crash. You run out of the kitchen, putting your game of Beirut on hold, and find your roommate's close friend lying nearly unconscious on the floor, the railing of the top of the stairs broken all around him, and a couch leaning against the wall that used to be upstairs by the same railing.

[LJSexay 0]

Please don't post anything else in this thread, LJ.

 

I swear that's all I've got on the awkward roommate list. =X

 

There were 2 number 17's, so...

 

32) Your roommate is a 350 pound fat, hairy man in a wheelchair. He wakes you up every morning after his shower by crawling, still naked, into your room and having you help him pull his pants up.

 

33) The same roommate wakes you up one morning by repeatedly yelling your name down the hall. You walk to his room, only to hear, "I didn't make it. I shit all over the floor!" Then you see, behind his greasy naked body, a pile of shit, the sheer size of which rivals that of a horse. No exaggeration. You can't clean it up, because it takes everything you have not to vomit. You go into the bathroom and smoke a bowl while waiting for the roommate's 40 year old coworker, who has known him a lot longer and has experience with these things, to come to pick him up for work, and clean it up.

 

I may not have much room to talk, but who the hell did you live with?????!

[TheDevilAndGodAreRagingInsideMe 0]

Matt, you've made the post of the year on the ninth day of 2008. Kudos!

[Scroby 0]

post pix

You know, I really can't. Sorry man.

[Dandy 0]

That's bush.

[Scroby 0]

That's bush.

 

is that what you mean?

 

 

[Jingus 0]

35. Remember my Full House-watching roommate from earlier? The dude hardly ever talked, or laughed, or did anything to indicate he wasn't some sort of android. He also rollerbladed everywhere, to every class and every function he ever went to, which I found odd considering the large number of buildings on this campus with lots of stairs but without many elevators. Anyway, this guy eventually got himself transferred to another building because he said I creeped him out. Apparently his "strict church-going boy in a small farm town" upbringing couldn't handle the time he ignored the baseball cap hanging on the doorknob and walked into me and my girlfriend going at it in the Reverse Cowgirl in an energetic fashion.

 

36. Not technically my roommate, but the guys next door. For whatever reason, the college decided to put two blind guys in the same room as roommates. Think about that for a second. "Dude, where's my toothbrush?" "How the hell would I know?" Even worse, both had some other kind of birth defect involving coordination, so one had to walk with a cane (old-person-cane, not blind-guy-cane) and the other could barely speak English. I literally got called into their room on at least a weekly basis to find something that had fallen off a shelf or to perform some similar activity that these poor guys simply weren't capable of.

 

37. Another roommate of mine occasionally sleeptalked. As in, would sit up in bed, eyes open, and proceed to have a completely incoherent conversation while still fully asleep. He didn't do it too often, and was always real embarassed and apologized profusely, but man it was weird.

[theintensifier 0]

Haha. This thread has brought some serious laughter and good times.

 

38. Your roommate, a 24 year old LCpl in the Marine Corps. gets into major fucking trouble, gets ripped out of house (he's married, with three children) and thrown back into the barracks. He's my friend, so I let him stay in my room, I had enough pull to do so. Anyway, it was cool having him around, he knew all of the NCOs and they were cool with him, and cool to me by association. The major problem with him is that he was a fucking theif. Anything he could steal, he would. I mean, total kleptomaniac. He would always bring stuff back to the room after work, and would openly brag about stealing stuff from our Battalion Commander, a Colonel. I kept telling him to get rid of the shit, cause I didn't want to burn along side him, guilty by association. I couldn't just deny knowing about the random new stuff he kept "aquiring". I came back one night, maybe 4AM or so, and there's about 20 Marines outside my door screaming at him. He had gotten drunk (stole the beer) and decided to steal every key to the building from the duty hut and proceed to randomly steal shit and take it back to the room. He litterally filled the entire room with stuff that didn't belong to him. He was hauled out by MPs that night.

 

39. Your now ex-roommate is getting court martialed for conduct unbecoming a Marine and a whole bunch of other stuff. As the Colonel is berating him, he hands the Colonel back his money clip he'd swipped when he first walked into the room. The Colonel was beyond pissed, and confused (why would someone be that stupid). The Colonel started yelling again, and he handed him a gold pen the Commandant of the Marine Corps. gave to him. My roommate got his jaw broken for that.

 

40. My sisters old roommate thought she could fly one night. She was higher than a kite on shrooms and something else. She easily weighed 230 pounds, and was about 5'6ish. She got a stumbling start and threw herself down the flight of stairs. She belly flopped all the way down landing in the kitty litter box face first. I didn't want to move her since she had wet her pants, and everyone else was having such a good time, we left her. She must have been crying when she landed cause the litter was plastered to her face when she awoke the next morning.

[Guest LME]

That's bush.

 

is that what you mean?

[The Metal Maniac 0]

41. You awaken to what seems to be the sound of running water. When you look to find the source, you see your roommate, drunk as a skunk, pissing on your closest. Yes, on; the door was shut. A first demand of "What the fuck are you doing?" is met with a nearly incoherent "using the fucking bathroom", or something to that effect. Subsequent demands are met with a punch in the face.

 

Best of all, said roommate has no recollection of this event whatsoever.

 

(In fairness, this didn't actually happen to me, though this guy is my roommate now. This was a while back.)

[Scroby 0]

Haha. This thread has brought some serious laughter and good times.

 

40. My sisters old roommate thought she could fly one night. She was higher than a kite on shrooms and something else. She easily weighed 230 pounds, and was about 5'6ish. She got a stumbling start and threw herself down the flight of stairs. She belly flopped all the way down landing in the kitty litter box face first. I didn't want to move her since she had wet her pants, and everyone else was having such a good time, we left her. She must have been crying when she landed cause the litter was plastered to her face when she awoke the next morning.

And no one took pictures!?

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

42. Mike staggered in the door at dawn, soaked to the bone and shivering.

"You guys left me there."

Then he went to bed.

[Frosty 0]

43. Walking into your apartment at 3:30am drunk, only to find your roommate asleep on the couch with his pants around his ankles. He hears you walking in a props his head up and greets you "Hey man" you reply with "Hey, What's up" and he screams "FUCK PANTS!!!" and falls immediately back to sleep. He remembers non of it in the morning.

 

44. You wake up at 4 in the morning to go take a piss and you walk into the bathroom only to find your roommate scrubbing the walls inside the tub with a toothbrush (no, it wasn't my toothbrush). He steps out allows me to piss and then goes back to scrubbing the walls.... again remembers none of it the next morning, not even scrubbing the walls.

 

 

[Dandy 0]

45. Another funny one, as it has never been awkward with my roommates. You are in your room, which is the entire thrid floor of this house. You are getting a ridiculously good blowjob. You have to go to the second floor to take a piss because you ahd a lot of beer that night. Chris Isaac (sp?) is BLARING from your roommates room as he is fucking the ever living shit out of his girlfriend. There is loud yelling, bed squeaking, and the loudest smacks you've ever heard from sex. He is just raring back and smacking her ass as hard as he can with his palm. All of a sudden, the Chris Isaac CD finishes, and the next CD in the changer happens to be Sisqo, the "Thong Song." All fucking, yelling and smacking abruptly stops, you hear heavy walking over to the CD changer, Isaac starts back from the first track, and then right back into the fucking, yelling, and smacking. You walk back upstairs laughing and have your girl proceed with this dynamite blowjob. You are biting your hand so you don't bust out laughing as you can hear every single sound from downstairs, but you don't want to disrupt the quality work your girl is doing. She stops all of a sudden, looks up with your dick in her mouth, then pulls off and starts laughing, "Jesus, is that Cook ( your rommate)? I think he might fuck her to death!"

[BX 0]

46. Your roommate is taking a shower, and apparently decides to shave his pubes. Problem: The shower has been clogging lately, and sure enough, it clogs up, and the water starts collecting. The house has no Draino, and subsequently, a foot of water with many pubic hairs is left to sit, and slowly drain.

 

Two days later, your other roommate, who happens to be a 35-year old legally-blind albino with shaky eyes, with no knowledge of the above, unclogs the drain only to find a litany of fine hairs covering the floor of the shower. He decides to scoop up said hairs, which he determines to be shaved beard stubble, in his hands and dump it all in the trash. After his shower, the albino mentions the incident to the other roommate, who can't help but admit the truth; "That wasn't from my face, man. They were pubes.."

 

The albino stands, silently, his shaky eye snaking around in his socket fiercely. Several moments pass before he says, "that's fucked up, dude" and walks away.

 

Your roommate later pays him $30 to forget about it, and your albino roommate uses it to buy some shrooms.

 

 

Admission: I'm roommate #1.

[Maztinho 0]

All fucking, yelling and smacking abruptly stops, you hear heavy walking over to the CD changer, Isaac starts back from the first track, and then right back into the fucking, yelling, and smacking.

 

I found this _way_ too funny.

 

47- Your roommate has a huge ass zit in between his shoulder blades that he can't get, and it's really bothering him, so he complains about it constantly, he has no girlfriend to pop it for him and he keeps bugging you to do it for him. You refuse over and over, two days go by and one of your other roommates relents to pop this monstrous thing growing betwixt the shoulders. You are in your room, and you hear, "AGGGHHHH GROSS!" So you rush into the common room to find the zit back with a sense of relief on his face, and the popper with zit-splooge all over his glasses and black shirt. You say, "Dude his back came on you," and you all share an awkward silence until you start laughing hysterically.

[AntiLeaf33 0]

This thread has produced some great actual laugh out loud moments.

 

I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to Chris Isaac again without laughing hysterically.