Mr. S£im Citrus

I must! I must! I must increase... err, wait... - Dub "that's your line" Cee

You smoke and drink with the suit on?

Huh! Well, since you want to be like that, it occurs to me that Cutthroat hasn't had a win in a good long time...

What's in it for me?

Excuse me?

Aside from the fact that you and Ejiro basically just quit without ever giving us our rightful "one-on-one" match for the titles? Why no, not at all. Since Judge Mental is, more or less, one of the most established characters who never "officially" retired, I use him mostly to put people over; you get to win every now and then. Actually, Frost may be the most established character who never "officially" retired, but he's in Japan. - Dub "Let that be a lesson, kids; if you don't do a retirement promo, you're fair game for the HOLT report" Cee

Tom Flesher, Attorney at Law! Congratulatios; you're almost old enough to be taken seriously...

I'll say this much; as old-timer's returns go, it beats the hell out of Munich's return (with all due respect), who basically just showed back up and was, like, "hey, it's me, Munich; I'm back!"

I've been meaning to ask, what's the deal with Petey, anyway? Why is it that sometimes he's written as Tim Dillon in a penguin suit, and other times he's written as a semi-intelligent, giant mutant penguin?

GODrea is dating Thoth?

Eh, I guess I can always dig up some scrubs from the JL stat page.

You realize, of course, that the more matches you book on a card, the fewer dark matches I can put on the HOLT report... and that makes me a sad panda... - Dub "le sigh" Cee

SWF Storm HOLT report July 7, 2004 Boston, Massachusetts at Fleet Center Report by Mike Gage of Newport, RI, Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - JT Playa and David Blazenwing ended in a no-contest at 2:27 when Aecas came out and threw them both into the fifth row, and then left. I don’t really know what the point of that was, but at least it got a good pop from the crowd. - Some guy in a bird suit beat Ebony in 6:14 with a moved that looked like the Northern Exposure. I’ve never seen anybody other than Matt Borne use that move before, but this guy looked to be at least thirty pounds too light to be Borne. - Jimmy “The Demon” Liston beat Judge Mental in 6:45 with Damnation. - Johnny Dangerous beat U.S. Champion The Masked Man in 10:36 by countout in a non-title match when Masked Man walked out on the match. - John Duran beat Michael Craven in 12:39 with Blunt Force Trauma. Lockdown: - Hmm, so is Spike Jenkins supposed to be the Karl Malone of the SWF, now? I mean, he never could break through on his own, so now he’s hitched his trailer to Toxxic’s bandwagon? - We all cheered when Eddie James used the tag team belt against Cortez; it’s about time those creeps got some of their own medicine! When Ced ran down to the ring, Hollywood Boulevard left so fast that they forgot the Tag Team Titles! Ced and Eddie climbed the turnbuckles and held the belts overhead, daring the Van Siclen and Cortez to come back to the ring and retrieve them. They eventually left them in the ring and went backstage, and a ring attendant grabbed the belts and took them to the back. - After the Sean Davis/Munich match, there was an intermission, where Funyon called our attention to a luxury box where the Boston Strangler was watching the show with his family; Strangler got a five-minute standing ovation. After that, they held the Countdown to Genesis giveaway, and some guy at ringside got his name entered into the grand prize raffle. - During the commercial break of the main event, Martin Hunt ran towards the ropes, but was caught with a knee to the back by Landon Maddix. Hunt reached over the top rope to get at Maddix, but he dropped to the floor out of reach. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Chris Card distracted the referee while Natasha handed Ace Lezaire a length of chain, which he used to brain Hunt with. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that the match turned into a Clusterfuck, though; in fact, I’m only surprised that they remained relatively under control for as long as they did. Biggest Pops 1) The Boston Strangler 2) Dace Night 3) Alan Clark 4) Petey the Irish Penguin 5) Ryan Dustin Most Heat 1) Landon Maddix 2) Mike Van Siclen 3) Todd Cortez 4) Ace Lezaire 5) Manson

Aren't you, like, fourteen or something?

That's because I wasn't available to write the HOLT Report between April and June.

Speaking of the promo... I suddenly have to do something...

It's alright for Sly to own me on the board; I'm going to own him in the ring...

Promo? What promo?

I'm bigger than Frost, baby! - Dub "Well, maybe not bigger than Frost, but certainly bigger than Sly" Cee

Well played, rook. Good show... Zed, cue me up for a match with Sly upon my return. - Dub "You are sooo dead" Cee

.... We'll see if you still think that in a few weeks... - Dub "Just keep my belt warm, rook; I'll be taking it back soon" Cee

Have you ever been to northern Africa?

Don't worry, Todd; I'm sure that you were the Robert Gibson of that particular team.

Blah, blah, blah.. you couldn't even carry Bo...

Don't make me hurt you, Charlie. Let's be real, now: I'm as full of myself as the next writer (moreso, depending on who you ask), but t'ain't nobody better than J&R. That team was the G.O.A.T (no, not that G.O.A.T.), hands down... and, of course, Wild and Dangerous comes in at second.