Mr. S£im Citrus

"SWF's greatest tag team?" You're trying to get my dander up, aren't you? Uhh, Mike you do realize that it doesn't get up to 105 in HI, right?

.... Exactly why should I give a shit about anything that Carlos Delgado has to say about anything besides baseball?

Cancer, without question; my grandmother died of leukemia, and my father in-law is dying from liver cancer.

Feh; the bigger they are, the harder they fall, says I... - Dub "De Giant Killer" Cee

SWF Storm HOLT report July 2, 2004 Hartford, Connecticut at Hartford Civic Center Report by Charlie Cipolla of Staten Island, NY Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - Some guy in a parrot outfit beat Matthew Kivell in 3:06 with what I think was a Whoopie Cushion. - Spike Jenkins beat David Blazenwing in 5:14, with the Reckoning. - Ebony beat Judge Mental in 8:28 with the Loving Embrace. - John Duran beat Michael Craven in 12:39 with Blunt Force Trauma. Storm: - After the show went to commercial, Sly helped Dustin to his feet, giving the impression of being compassionate, and even handed him his Hardcore Title, but just as Dustin started to walk towards the edge of the ring, Sly nailed him a third time, this time to the back of the head with the Cruiserweight Title! Sly and NTD celebrated a few seconds longer before returning to the back; Dustin eventually made it back under his own power. - As Petey was making his way backstage, a crazy fan reached over the barricade and tried to rip his mask off! But, Petey’s face was never revealed, and Jim Phelps had the fan removed from the arena. - After the US Title match, there was a brief intermission where Jet and Natasha came into the ring and tossed t-shirts into the crowd; they also began their Genesis giveaway contest: each show from now until the last Storm before Genesis, they’re going to read off the serial from a random ticket stub, and whoever gets picked will be entered into a drawing; the drawing will be held on the last Storm before Genesis, and the Grand Prize winner will receive an all-expenses-paid trip for two to see G5! - Johnny Dangerous is quickly becoming the master of the cage match! I don’t know if he can beat Maddix one-on-one, especially if Megan Skye is allowed at ringside, but put them in a cage, and Maddix might as well hand him the belt! - When Toxxic finally woke up, he was totally pissed about losing to his own move. He demanded the microphone from Funyon and then challenged Flesher to come back out. When that didn’t happen, Toxxic swore that the next time they were in the ring together, he was going to give Flesher a taste of his own medicine, by knocking him out with the Ego Buster. He then proceeded to dismantle the ringside area, breaking equipment and beating up ring attendants until Zed had security come down and forcibly remove Toxxic from the ring. Biggest Pops 1) Alan Clark 2) Dace Night 3) Johnny Dangerous 4) Petey the Irish Penguin 5) The Wayward Sons Most Heat 1) Tom Flesher 2) Toxxic 3) The Masked Man 4) Landon Maddix 5) Hollywood Boulevard

So... if D. Lucretia used to be Austin Sly, but now Sly is Austin Sly, then who is D. Lucretia now?

Wait a minute, I'm still confused: If D. Lucretia was Dante Crane, and Janus was Dante Crane, but now Janus is Janus and D. Lucretia is Austin Sly, does that mean that Janus is Austin Sly?

The "As Promised" edition! ================ SWF Sunday Night Frost and HOLT report June 13, 2004 Moline, Illinois at Quad Cities Center Report by Dennis Tarwood of Chicago, IL Smartmarks.com reader - I drove all the way to Moline from Chicago to watch this show, but it was well worth the drive; unfortunately, it was so late by the time I got back, that I just went straight to bed, and then after I had to go back to work, I kept putting it off. But, when I saw that nobody else had reviewed the show, I felt like I had to; I’m just glad that I kept my notes! Frost: - Renegade beat Xstasy in 6:22 with the Renebreak. - The opening video package highlighted the Iron Man match, showing various clips of Alan Clark and Landon Maddix. Afterwards, Kevin Cole conducted an interview with Landon Maddix and Megan Skye. Maddix spoke about how he’s had to survive competing on his own, saying something about how the whole ordeal has been a trial to test his faith in Todd. He then went on to discuss the personal history between him and Alan Clark; he said that Clark had been a thorn in his side for too long, and that in the Iron Man Match, he was going to cleanse his heathen soul in the light of Todd. - A small video segment aired with the Memphis Eel in Commissioner Zenon’s office. The Eel claimed that as a representative of R.J. Frost™ brand enterprises, and as Mr. Frost’s official liaison for the SWF, he was contractually obligated to appear on Frost. Zenon reluctantly told him to get into his gear and get ready to compete tonight. - Michael “Spike” Spaster (as Sean Atlas) beat Judge Mental in 8:04 with the Saint’s Demise. - The second video package focused on the feud between Toxxic and Nathaniel Kibagami. Ben Hardy interviewed Toxxic, who has to be more in love with himself than anyone in the SWF not named Tom Flesher. Toxxic seemed to think that he wasn’t getting the respect in the federation that he felt he deserved, and when Hardy mentioned that he’d probably had more title opportunities than any rookie in recent memory, Toxxic completely ignored him and began talking about what he intended to do to Kibagami. When asked how he intended to counter Silent’s experience, Toxxic said that his sheer talent and purity of thought will be more than enough to triumph over the hedonistic Kibagami. - Déjà Vu beat Chris Card & The Memphis Eel in 4:31 when Kris and Kross hit a double frog splash on the Eel. Afterwards, Card and Natasha verbally abused the Eel as Déjà Vu made their way to the back. - After the show came back from commercial, there was yet another video package, this one highlighting the Best of Five series, showcasing the highlights of each match, and ending on a dramatic staredown between Flesher and Night. Bobby Riley then interviewed Flesher, who had Alison Onita with him. Flesher said something about allowing himself to become soft, and how much easier wrestling had become again ever since he stopped caring about the fans, which got some boos. He said that Dace Night wasn’t on his level, and that he should consider what was going to happen a privilege, as he usually charges students thousands of dollars to get the wrestling lesson that Dace was about to receive. - Jimmy Liston beat Stryke in 3:55 with a Powerbomb. - The final video package centered on the history between Janus and Danny Williams, and the path that Janus took to lead him to this World Championship Title opportunity. Afterwards, Cyclone Comet interviewed Danny Williams. Danny mentioned the Unholy Trinity, and blamed Janus for its demise. He said that Janus’ mental instability would mean his demise, and that he was going to walk out of Moline the same way that he walked in: as the SWF World Heavyweight Champion. - Michael Craven defeated CIA in 13:18 with the Gulf Coast Crunch. Afterwards, a final video package aired, glossing over the card, as Frost went to fade. 13th Hour: - Best crowd sign: “I saw Cyclone Comet on Bethemask.com” - I couldn’t help but think of Al Snow and Avatar watching Ced come down in that mask, but the match was decent; nice opening for a PPV. - There was about a ten-minute break in the show while they repaired the announce table. While this was going on, they had an impromptu bikini contest, which was judged by Mak Francis, featuring Alison Onita, Jet, Natasha and Megan Skye. Natasha won after soaking her bikini, and then they all poured water all over Francis! I found out after I got home that the bikini contest didn’t make it on the live broadcast; instead, the poor suckers who had to watch at home only saw a pre-taped interview with Johnny Dangerous that they weren’t able to fit on Frost. - I was SOOO into that Cage Match! I didn’t expect it to be that good, given the reputation that both men had going in, but they made believers out of me! They both worked their asses off, and Johnny probably himself as a legitimate Cruiserweight Champion for the first time in my eyes; he really took a big step out of Wildchild’s shadow tonight! - The Riverboat match was entertaining, but it’s always hard to really get into a match that’s not actually taking place in the arena. Well, at least it gave the ring crew plenty of time to take the cage down… - I tell you what, Toxxic got MAD heat for ripping off Edwin in the LMS match; kind of shitty to steal another man’s signature moves when he’s too broken down to do anything about it! I loved it when Silent threw it back in his face! And then, he tried to steal Clark’s Encore Cross; it’s like he’s a low-rent Megaman, or something… Still, Toxxic gets mad propers for the victory; I was sure that Silent would pull it out until that Dangerlust. As he was being wheeled backstage, Kibagami, proud to the end, woke up long enough to demand that the EMT’s allow him to walk back on his own power. Despite the crowd’s chants of “please stay down,” the EMT’s finally relented after several minutes of yelling by Silent, which turned out to be stupid, because I don’t think he made it ten feet before he collapsed again. The EMT’s gently replaced him back on the stretcher and got him out of the arena. - That chairshot that TMM delivered to Blazenwing was one of the nastiest ones I’ve ever seen! And who were they kidding with that “Stash the Ash” shit, anyway? Like Craven could get from Moline to Chicago in twenty minutes… - Nice touch to see Clark pay a little homage to Coy West with that slingshot suplex. The last three minutes of the match had CRAZY drama, with Maddix pulling out every trick in the book to try and even up the match, and Clark just trying to play defense long enough to hold on; he definitely earned the Triple Crown! - There honestly isn’t much to say about the Death Match, aside from the fact that it was fucking excellent! I mean, you could feel the drama in the arena, with Dace fighting to advance up the ladder, and Flesher fighting just as hard to keep Dace from taking his spot. In the end, Flesher’s experience proved to be a little too much for Horrorcore, but what the hell’s been up with everybody swiping other people’s moves? Johnny uses Wildchild’s Bahama Bomb, Toxxic and Silent BOTH steal from Edwin, Clark borrows from Coy West, and Flesher takes from TNT; you’d think it was “Use your favorite wrestler’s moves night.” - I knew that when Soapdish wasn’t refereeing the Main Event, that it was a bad omen for Danny… Janus frightens me; a normal human would have been beaten half to death by the whipping that Deathwish put on him. The ending totally left me in shock; when Danny kicked out of that ADF II, I was SURE that Danny was going to retain, especially after that cross kneebreaker; Janus shouldn’t have even been able to STAND after that! The crowd was just stunned when Janus won; I can honestly say that nobody saw it coming. Biggest Pops 1) Danny Williams 2) Dace Night 3) Alan Clark 4) Silent 5) Johnny Dangerous Most Heat 1) Tom Flesher 2) Janus 3) Toxxic 4) Landon Maddix 5) Jamie Drazon

Nacho cheese sauce? Upon further review, I want you to come back just so that I can see what it's like when somebody doesn't take their character or the fed as seriously as the rest of us do (not withstanding that ugly Déjà Vu debacle which just didn't work).

You should definitely return, even if it's just a one-shot. - Dub "I'll come back if you will... ah hell, I'll probably come back, anyway" Cee

There's more to a good movie than just fight scenes.

I don't spend much time in Hardcore Discussion, either, but people seem to be "actin' a muh-fuggin' fool" in Site Feedback. I usually just take their posturing and blustering for what it is, but I figured I might as well ask while it's on my mind: do we have a back-up plan?

I've been underway for the past few days and I finally got a chance to really catch up on the board, only to see that it's steady descent into hell has progressed even faster than I ever thought it would, and I haven't been particularly optimistic about it for several months... So my question is, worst case scenario, are we prepared to move if this board goes down? Am I just being needlessly paranoid? - Dub "A board shutdown would put a serious crimp in my plans for a comeback" Cee

This idea sounds fine, in theory, except that it makes the World Cruiserweight Championship and the Hardcore Title look bush league (which I don't think I need to say again how much I abhor), especially if you relegate them primarily to a show that you want to give a JL name to.

Well, I don't think that anyone ever considered you to be a jobber, Bo, at least not in the way that we kid about Jay Dawg being a jobber (although you did both job to me, which makes the panda happy... ) - Dub "The Legend Killer" Cee

Is it supposed to be a secret? Did he use his initials exclusively his entire career?

.... Can you be a little less vague? That's a little like saying that "TNT" stands for TNT's initials. I know that TNT = Taylor Nicholas Thompson. My question was what does NTD stand for?

Apropos of nothing, does "NTD" stand for anything?

!!! How fucking long have you been here, anyway?

The last I heard, Nash had wanted to sign either with Phoenix or Toronto; can anyone confirm that he changed his mind, or are you all just assuming that he'll stay in Dallas if they trade for O'Neal?

I prefer to view it as proof that the SWF owns the OAOAST. In fact, that should be our new ad campaign: The SWF: Even our jobbers dominate the OAOAST.

I shudder to contemplate how inebriated you must have been to want to recommend Wildchild to do commentary; half the television audience would be asking, "what did he say?" You'd have to scroll subtitles at the bottom of the screen in order to understand him.

Johnny, I just wanted to say that I love you, my brother... in a purely platonic, non-sexual way, of course; that was beautiful. :: sniffles :: - Dub "Thank you, man" Cee

She was Flair's before she was Kane's?