Gary Floyd

Did she bite off the tip of your nose?

12.) Only we have a poster who had pictures of Edge & HHH as Gargoyles.

7.) We have Pizza Hut's Game Face.

At least Darren Aronofsky (sic?) is directing it.

27.) Dawn of the Mummy (1982) Plot: A group of supermodels disturb the sleep of a mummy, incurring it's wrath-as well as the wrath of the undead. Review: Filmed in Egypt, this Italian/American co-production is a lot of things, but good isn't one of them. If anything, it's proof that not every Italian Zombie movie is going to be good (see also: Zombi 4: After Death; Killing Birds.) Thing is, unlike say, Hell of the Living Dead, this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just mind numbingly boring bad. The movie does offer some decent gore, but it's not until the last 15 minutes that the dead attack, and by then, it's too little, too late. You have to sit through atrocious acting and nothing notable happening. Also, the movie has characters who are supermodels, but none of them disrobe. Granted, it's hardly the first time an exploitation movie promised a lot but delivered little, but that's beyond the point. There's nothing interesting in the movie, and it feels too much like warmed over, reheated trash instead of entertaining trash. There's very little here that's interesting, while other Italian Zombie movies like Burial Ground and Zombi 2 remembered to bring the sleazy, gory goods. "Dawn of the Mummy" is a waste of time for anyone and everyone involved, and isn't even worth watching drunk or stoned. Rating:0.5/10 a very, very dull and painful viewing experience. Better than a shot on camcorder horror movie, but that's hardly a compliment. On the table next: Hell of the Living Dead

Got these on DVD Simon, King of the Witches DVD 42nd Street Forever vol. 1 & 2 Thriller: A Cruel Picture Limited Edition Got these on CD The Cool Kids-The Bake Sale EP Hercules & Love Affair-Hercules & Love Affair

26.) Dead & Buried (1981) Plot: Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is investigating a series of murders in the town of Potter's Bluff. So, why are these dead bodies coming back? Does Mortician (Jack Albertson, in his last performance) have something to do with it? Review: Released by a major studio, written by Dan ("Alien", "Return of the Living Dead", "Total Recall") O'Bannon, and directed by Gary ("Raw Meat", "Poltergeist III") Sherman, "Dead & Buried" tanked in the box office, but faired better on VHS. In the 80's era of Slasher movies and Splatter flicks, it's really a lost classic. The plot could best be described as Stephen King meets E.C. Comics with a bit of H.P. Lovecraft. The dead in the movie aren't shambling, rotting corpses, and that's what makes them so eerie and unnerving-they just seem so much like normal people. You wouldn't know hey are zombies if you saw or talked to them, but you would know that something about them isn't right. While hardly a gorefest, it still has some memorable moments, including an infamous hypodermic needle to the eye sequence. Acting wise, Jack Albertson steals the show as Dobbs the mortician, adding a nice undercurrent of black humor, as well as a sense of pride and respect for his work-you can tell the actor is having the time of his life playing the villain for a change. The rest of the cast is great, with faces such as Melody ("Flash Gordon") Anderson and Robert Englund popping up. "Dead & Buried" is one of my favorite 80's horror movies, and should be seen by anyone who says they love horror. Believe me, you won't regret it. Rating: Either 9/10 One of the best Zombie movies you don't hear much about, "Dead & Buried" is an underrated gem. Next on the Plate: Dawn Of The Mummy

Someone's display name down the road. I'll just make it my new member title, thanks.

Newt probably even called him just so he could scoff at him and say "I did that before you did."

25.) A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973) Plot: While at her dead relatives castle, a woman finds herself in a world of satanic rituals and the undead. Review: I've reviewed a Jess Rollin movie, now it's time to look at one from his doppleganger so to speak, in Jess Franco. Granted, Franco's movies range from entertaining trash to unwatchable crap, but "A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while not unwatchable, feels a bit undercooked. Sure, the requisite female nudity and lesbian content is there, as are creepy undead reminiscent of Carnival of Souls, and some great atmosphere. However, there are also far too many dull patches in the movie, as it almost feels like Franco was half assing the whole ordeal at times, taking interesting moments and essentially making you wonder "well, why isn't he doing anything here?" That out of the way, the score by Bruno Niccolai is great, an quite catchy at times. The other problem though, and possibly the biggest flaw, is the disheartening thing about the whole movie, is the jumbled nature of it all. Like several of Franco's movies, it goes from Gothic Horror to Erotic Nonsense too frequently. sure, Horror and eroticism can go hand in hand, but when the creepy or erotic moments do occur, they feel like they don't gel (save for some lesbian blood drinking.) "A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while far from Franco's worst (That would be either Oasis of the Zombies or Devil Hunter), has too many problems to recommend it, except as a curiosity. It may not be good, but you won't see many movies quite like it. Rating: 5.5/10 Coulda been a contender really. Great Poster art though. Next Up: Dead & Buried

Alex Proyas might do a "Dracula" movie. Oh yea, and the Director's Cut of "Dark City" comes out the 29th.

...Satan.

24.) Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973) Plot: A Medieval Warlock returns hundreds of years later to recieve the rest of his body (he was decapitated, you see) and kill anyone who get's in his way. Review: The final Spanish Horror entry in this list, "Horror Rises From The Tomb" is also the second featuring the upiquitis Paul Naschy. Fortunately, this is a better movie than the jumbled mess Vengeance of the Zombies, and is a good, fitting end to the Spanish titles reviewed here, as it's a very entertaining entry in the world of weird but fun Euro-Trash flicks. The plot is a bit confused, though fortunately, Naschy and co. manage to make the everything but the kitchen sink approach work this time, complete with gore (decapitations, hearts torn out in graphic detail, etc) nudity (this thing is a tit fest) and general weirdness (the site of a disembodied head giving orders is funny no matter how you try to spin it.) The movie is also more interesting this time around, thanks to not overdoing it with exposition, and just letting things happen. It may be a bit confusing (a detailed plot synopsis of this is nearly impossible really), and the zombie aspect feels a little undercooked (really, do we need another movie with undead servents doing their master's bidding?), but it's still tons of fun, and a good introduction to those wanting to get into the movies of Paul Naschy. "Horror Rises From The Tomb" and it's ilk are an acquired taste, but those wanting some nonsensical fun will be pleased. Rating: 8/10 A fun slice of Trash Horror, though those hoping for a easy to follow plot will be dismayed. Otherwise, enjoy. Tomorrow: A Virgin Among The Living Dead

Heads up "American Psycho" fans, Mary Herron is directing tonight's episode of "Fear Itself."

Meat is out of reach-as is their crotches.

23.) The Grapes of Death (1978) Plot: A woman finds herself trying to survive a French Countryside swarmed with the living dead. Review: Prolific Exploitation autuer Jean Rollin's 1978 gem is actually his first in a trilogy of zombie movies: the others include the atrocious Zombie Lake and the surreal but good Living Dead Girl. However, "Grapes" is the best of the three movies, as well as the most coherent and conventional. Fans hoping for graphic violence and bloodshed will be pleased with this movie. The eerie "just rotting" look of the zombies is effective, and we get plenty of nice gore, including a great bit involving a Pitchfork. There's also plenty of fog drenched atmosphere, and the requisite Rollin movie nudity, to make fans of horror happy. Especially effective is the way Rollin uses the desolate French countryside, creating a sense of menace and dread, which is accompanied by an excellent electronic score. That out of the way, some will probably be turned off by the episodic feel of the movie, as scenes occur that may leave viewers confused. To me though,that's not a problem, as it adds to the nightmarish quality of the proceedings. "The Grapes of Death" is both a classic Gallic horror movie and a classic zombie movie. See it if you want to get a gander at what Rollin was capable of. Rating: 9/10 One of Jean Rollin's best movies, and a great, original zombie movie to boot. Next Time: Horror Rises From the Tomb

Thing about the Stone Roses is this: they had one great album. Just one, and it was their debut. Their follow up album was terrible, and the band called it quits. The lead singer went on to have a rather uninteresting solo career, and that's about it. At least they were always better than The Happy Mondays. If you want proof of how the Internet can ruin things, look at all the obnoxious music review sites that have come after Pitchfork. Look at how we are getting more magazines catering to what some see as "Indie" or whatever. See how older and newer magazines are now trying their damndest to imitate Pitchfork and their ilk. It's pathetic really.

Milk Bread Criterion's 2-Disc SE of "Vampyr" The "Blood Island Vacation" Box Set

Grindhouse Releasing will have a 2-Disc Special Edition of the Anti-Classic "Pieces" out on Oct. 28th, as well as a reissue of Fulci's "The Beyond."

Work.that.clit. come girl

22.) Dead Heist (2007) Plot: A bank heist goes horribly arry when (what else) the dead come in for food. Review: As far as recent Urban Zombie movies go, "Dead Heist" is better than Zombiez, but worse than Hood of the Living Dead and Gangs of the Dead. That's not saying much, especially when you consider the fact that "Hood" and "Gangs" are bad movies too. The dead here are cut from the same cloth as the speedy zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake and the infected from 28 Days Later and it's sequel, only generic instead of interesting or frightening. The gore is nothing new, though the fact that the dead can only be killed by being shot in the heart (and you're to blame...) is a poor attempt at trying something different. As far as acting goes, Big Daddy Kane does the best job. He's not good, mind you, but he does the best job. Amusingly, while Bone Crusher and E-40 are advertised as staring in it, yet they aren't in the movie for very long-Bone Crusher appears in the beginning as a patron in a strip club so tame it could have passed for MTV's "The Grind", then disappears. Meanwhile, E-40 has less than 5 minutes of screen time as a porn director, and gives a "alright, where's my paycheck already" level performance. The rest of the cast ranges from a dead ringer for Vin Diesel to the white female cop, a white businessman thinking of joining the Nation of Islam (har har), and plenty of stereotypical gang banger characters. While not the worst recent Urban horror movie, there's still nothing worth recommending here. Rating: 2/10 I have no idea whether or not the fact that this reminded me of the "Attack of the Street Pimps" bit from Hollywood Shuffle is a good thing or a bad thing. Next Up: The Grapes of Death

That is the worst review I've read in ages. Jesus Christ.