Downhome 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Yes, it's way early, but screw it. I just got the email from TNA for tonights show, and I just cracked up over this. It's a DETAILED description as to why AJ will not be able to defeat Abyss, and it even comes with a handy chart! Here goes... Hello TNA customers, Tonight, Wednesday night, November 19th, you will witness one of the most brutal beatings ever given on TNA. It's a total mismatch. As a matter of fact, I don't know what I was thinking when I asked for this match. Oh wait - yes I do! I was thinking that AJ Styles needs to be destroyed! Abyss vs. AJ Styles. No, not a joke. Yes, Abyss has well over a 100 pound weight advantage. Yes, Abyss has the strength of about 10 AJs. Yes, Abyss is an unstoppable monster. Yes, Abyss can and will roll right over AJ Styles. Oh, so you say that AJ is a former NWA World Heavyweight Champion? You say that AJ is one of the greatest athletes in the world? Well, let me ask you this. When is the last time AJ won a match without the Styles Clash.. or Sting's baseball bat? Do you really think AJ can turn Abyss upside down and hold him for the Styles Clash? Obviously, no. As you can see in the highly-specific graph on the left (Figure 1), all algorithms point toward Abyss being so much bigger than AJ that he will completely dominate the contest. My monster, Abyss, will steamroll over you tonight, AJ. Remember, I have an MBA. I'm looking at formulas right now (which I am indeed qualified to look at) which prove that Abyss quite simply cannot lose. AJ, face the facts - you'll never get your rematch for the NWA World Title. We have a fine champion right now in Jeff Jarrett. HE is championship caliber material. YOU are not. And this week on TNA, Abyss will prove it. Logically speaking, Don Callis TNA Management Consultant ...so there you have it, AJ doesn't stand a chance, the chart does NOT lie! Here is the preview of the show... AJ STYLES VS. ABYSS The former NWA Champion and Don Callis' new monster will meet for the first time this Wednesday night in what is sure to be an all-out war! Styles is on a mission to regain the NWA gold from Jeff Jarrett, but first he has to make it past Abyss! AN UPDATE ON THE IMMORTAL HULK HOGAN BREAKING NEWS: On Monday morning, an altercation took place involving Jeff Jarrett and Jimmy Hart during the nationally syndicated "Big Show" radio program in Charlotte, NC! TNA will address the situation this Wednesday on PPV, and we'll hopefully get an update on the condition of The Immortal Hulk Hogan as well! THE RETURN OF RAVEN'S CLOCKWORK ORANGE HOUSE OF FUN The macabre match from the twisted mind of Raven returns this Wednesday as weapons will be hanging when Raven, Sandman and Erik Watts meet The Redshirt Security and Legend! Always bloody and brutal, this will surely be a hardcore showdown! NWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH CHAMPIONS SIMON AND SWINGER VS. 3 LIVE KRU This past week, 3Live Kru survived the tag team gauntlet and earned a shot at Simon and Swinger's gold. With the titles on the line this Wednesday and AMW still breathing down the their necks, can Gilberti and crew come up with a way out of this one? X TRIPLE CHANCE TOURNAMENT FINALS FALLEN ANGEL VS. SONJAY DUTT VS. X The finals of the Triple Chance Tournament will take place this Wednesday as Chris Daniels, Sonjay Dutt and newcomer "X" face off in a triple threat match! The ultimate winner earns the number-one contender status and moves on to face Champion Michael Shane for the gold! "MR. NUMBER ONE" SONNY SIAKI AND EKMO FATU VS. THE GATHERING (JULIO AND CM PUNK) Two teams involved in last weeks Tag Team Gauntlet will face off again this Wednesday as the Samoan powerhouses Siaki and Ekmo take on CM Punk and Julio! Surely, with a win one of these two teams will get one step closer to the tag team gold! ALL THIS AND MUCH MORE THIS WEDNESDAY NIGHT ON PAY-PER-VIEW! ...so there you go, the TNA show for 11/19/03. I'm sorry for posting it so early, but I had to share that picture in the email in case some of you didn't get to check it out, heh. I pray to God that the show willl be better than last week, because quite honestly, the show that I saw last week was just about 100% rubbish. If you read my thoughts in the thread last week, you know just what I thought of it. Sincerely, ...Downhome... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Dames 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Now THAT...is funny AND clever. Dames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tommytomlin 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 I hope they put that picture in the pre-match stats Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Gotta love that. And why are Punk and Julio in another tag match? Where is the heel turn? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eirejmcmahon 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 (edited) *heh* The only downside is that AJ has to win now, but damn that gave me a laugh. Edited November 19, 2003 by eirejmcmahon Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Coffey Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Aside from Raven, AJ Styles and Abyss are like my favorite NWA:TNA wrestlers, so this makes me happy. I like Christopher Daniels a lot too. I would like Low-Ki a lot more if he stuck around, but I understand why he does all the other dates. Can't say no to money and commitments. Why has NWA:TNA not used Bryan Danielson? Will he not come? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dynamite Kido Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Doesn't sound too bad, but I'll be fucking pissed if they have Daniels do the job to Pierre the X man Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Open the Muggy Gate 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 There are only three words that can describe that chart. Greatest. Chart. EVER. I was also listening to the Jon Boy and Billy Show this morning, and Don West apologized to the show for Jeff Jarrett's actions. Jon Boy said it was ok, it wasn't the first time Pillars (the man that Jeff Jarrett attacked) had been beat up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tpww7 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Danielson is being smart...staying away from TNA. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brocklock 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 I'll find it online, but it sounds decent with AJ/Abyss and X/Sonjay/Danielsl. That chart is pretty funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Raven gets to carry five guys?????? Well colour me excited. That chart was pretty funny though. Pity its Dutch Mantell's actual mindset (He prefers bigger guys, and doesnt think TNA has enough of them) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TDinDC1112 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 That is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Styles 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Did they steal that chart from WWE's management? That's like their mission statement right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 19, 2003 I'm fairly excited about the show tonight. AJ/Abyss should be good, and to me it seemed "Callis" was hypeing the return of the Spiral Tap tonight to finish off Abyss, with the way he was saying he couldn't Styles Clash him. Anyhow, Punk and Julio vs Samoan Connection should be okay, with Trinity and The NEAR DEATH EXPERIANCE~! I hope this continues a slow burn Punk turn. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Did they steal that chart from WWE's management? That's like their mission statement right? Yeah, but the WWE doesn't put the World Title on a Cruiser, and then go hire a booker who hates cruisers. Say what you like about WWE Bookers, but theyre not that stupid Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob_barron 0 Report post Posted November 19, 2003 Shawn Michaels is 225 lbs and they put the title on him. Isn't that the cruiser limit in WWE? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 19, 2003 In theroy, but i doubt Matt Hardy droped to that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MikeSC Report post Posted November 19, 2003 That is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Shockingly clever and cute. -=Mike Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SamoaRowe 0 Report post Posted November 20, 2003 Damn, damn damn... you guys leave me no choice but to get the show this week out of sheer curiosity... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 20, 2003 You know, If I could, I'd watch TNA. Its like a car crash, or Smackdown, you know its bad, and you shouldn't, but you watch anyway. TNA and Smackdown are quite similar actually -Cruiserweights being buried because the booker is an idiot -Said idiot booker deciding to push completely the wrong people (David Young!!!!!!???????) -Little, if any storyline development outside the "main feud" -The owner's hopeless offspring being shoved down our throats -Five minutes of watchable television Anyone wanna send me tapes???? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 20, 2003 You have Ken Shamrocks personal guarantee it won't suck. Just email his site for your money back if it does.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 20, 2003 Does anyone in TNA actually remember that Shamrock worked for them?????? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 20, 2003 You have Ken Shamrocks personal guarantee it won't suck. Just email his site for your money back if it does.... Also, since Jarrett and Uncle Dutch are booking, I'd prefer their personal guarantee that the show won't suck. Frankly, I have more chance of passing my Christmas Exams than this show has of not sucking TNA, Yes, we are pushing Jean Pierre LaFitte The Evil Pirate in the X Division. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 20, 2003 most likely no. I just picked on him cause he was an Ass when i met him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted November 20, 2003 Is anyone watching the preview show they do??? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 20, 2003 naw. didn't show anything new last week so no watchin it tonight. They showed AJ vs Nate Webb once tho. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeDirt 0 Report post Posted November 20, 2003 So uh...is anyone watching the show? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes Report post Posted November 20, 2003 No one wants to post in this folder anymore because of a certain person who must turn every thread into a flame-war of Jarrett Hate vs. Everything Else. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Last Free Voice Report post Posted November 20, 2003 I am watching the show. Nothing special so far. The Clockwork Orange match was on first, with Raven going over. Kid Kash fought Shark Boy, with Kash Going over. Okay match, I guess. Post Match Don Harris stopped Kash from a de-masking of Sharky. We got a Sabin David Young match. A Hart segment. Then Jarrett talked. The tag match is on now and it looks to be a dusty finish. Sorry if I missed anything. Oh the Tag belts are held up.... Again. Gotta go, X Divison match next. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Askewniverse Report post Posted November 20, 2003 Sonjay Dutt wins the X-Division match. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
