Best Wrestling Quotes...

[BHK 0]

 

That's hilarious. Dusty is gold.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

During Taz vs. Mikey Whipwreck on Raw in 1997

 

King: "Taz is so short, he buys an ant farm for a home"

Heyman: "That's pretty rich coming from a guy who is 5'10" and was on top of his territory for 76 years"

[LucharesuFan619 0]

“Without me in Mick Foley’s book, his book would’ve been as long as his penis.” – Al Snow (January 20, 2004; Trash Talking Radio)

 

“Pepper was near my heart, very near my heart…until I had a bowel movement.” – Al Snow, when asked how Pepper the dog tasted (January 20, 2004; Trash Talking Radio)

[JoeDirt 0]

"DERE'S A LADY! DERE'S A LADY IN THE MENNNNN'S BATHROOM! THERE IS A WOMAN IN THE MEN'S JOHN RIGHT HERE IN BALTIMO!"

 

And we can't forget this classic:

 

Backlund: Don't exacerbate me, young man.

 

Foley: Bob, I don't exacerbate before a match.

 

Backlund: And you never should.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

Monsoon: Rowdy Roddy Piper is in bad shape after that terrible motorcycle crash.

 

Heenan: Well, he shouldn't have been riding those 3-wheelers around Toys R Us.

[LucharesuFan619 0]

Taz on the 2/9/05 edition of WWE Bye This!:

 

“You know what I do when I cant go to sleep at night? I watch a Lance Storm promo and I go right to sleep.”

[King Cucaracha 0]

Bumping this sucka, after dusting off an old SNME CHV. The end of one of the shows and Vince and Jesse are backstage with Okerlund.

 

(Paraphrased)

 

Vince- "Before we go Gene, any update on the condition of Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan's neck?"

Okerlund- "No...but then again, who cares?"

Vince- "Good point."

Ventura- "HEY! I care!"

*Jesse shoves Okerlund and the two look daggers at each other*

Vince- "So...from the uncaring Mene Gene...and the very caring Jesse 'The Body'...we'll see you in the new year".

[JoeDirt 0]

Stevie Richards: "If you think im afraid to face you in the cage...... YOURE RIGHT OH GOD I DONT WANNA DIE!!!

[Guest Arnold_OldSchool]

Sid "Hulk Hogan, you can't beat me on your best day...but I can beat you on MY WORST!!!"

[TheFranchise 0]

Mick: Hey, doesn't that Lita chick look great?!

 

Edge (with Christian): From a DISTANCE.

[Guest Edgehead]

(DX is in a production truck making up their DX Uncensored tape)

 

Gunn: Hey X-Pac, where is Hunter and Chyna?

 

X-Pac: It aint my fucking turn to watch them Biatch!

 

Moons him and Road Dogg laughs

 

Gunn: No need for that!

[Guest Zarock]

Carlito:My guest tonight is the man who made the biggest impact at Judgement Day. After a long and brutal battle, he not only won the respect of the guys in the locker room, but all you fans out here. Ladies and gentlement, the Cabana is proud to present...Carlito.

 

Heat before Vengaence:

 

Carlito: Where are we, Vegas?

 

Grisham: Yeah, Vegas.

 

Carlito: Let me tell you something, (Looks at camera) you people like to gamble, right? Well, before you lose all your money, gather it all up, and let it all ride on Carlito. 'Cause in Vegas, there's only one sure thing...Carlito.

 

After Teddy Long announces the "Winner's Choice" Battle Royale on the Cabana.

 

Carlito: That sounds cool, count Carlito in! And after I win, I'm going to challenge John Cena for the WWE Championship. I already beat him for one championship...I'd like to do it again!

 

Cabana with Chris Jericho. (Probably inaccurate)

 

Carlito: Well, Chris, you're a little older...a little fatter...a little sadder. You should retire.*Pause*...Seriously, love-handles-not cool!

 

Backstage with Jericho, Bishcoff.

 

Carlito: Check it out...dat's cool, eh?

 

Triple C's facial expressions made all of those like, a billion times funnier then they are in text.

 

JR: Angle now with a...wrestling move.

 

Jericho, Christian, and Tomko yelling at each other before their match against HBK, Cena, and Hogan.

 

Jericho:(To Tomko) Shut-up dough-boy, you weren't even in the match!

[BruiserKC 0]

Sid in a promo before his match with Hogan at WM 8..."There's two kind of bees. There's the bee that makes honey...and THEN THERE'S YOU FATSO! THERE'S THE USED TO BE!"

 

Ole Anderson telling Thunderbolt Patterson he's dumping him as a tag partner for his nephew Arn. "I look at Arn and I see everything that an Anderson should be...today is a free day. Tomorrow watch your back!" Gave me chills when I saw that.

[CanadianChick 0]

When HBK was a short lived member of the nWo in 2002, he was giving a long and boring promo on Raw. During a pause for breath, someone in the front row shouted out, "Get to the point!". It was hysterical, made more so by the fact that the arena was totally silent. They couldn't have cared less about HBK's speech.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

One that I think rivals this one is when RTC were in the ring and Ivory was cutting a promo, maybe explaining why she joined. Anywho, she's discussing how immoral America is to a deathly silent crowd when one loud fans yells out "Take your shirt off!".

 

The silence combined with who was talking was just hilarious.

[Guest Ransome]

Heyman's March 2001 Raw debut, from CRZ:

 

<Paul Heyman> They already know who you are, so tell them who I am now.

 

<Jim Ross> I'm joined by Paul Heyma--

 

<Paul Heyman> You're joined by Paul Heyman because last Tuesday night, the Kat was released by the WWF, and her husband, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, to his credit, walked out right alongside with her. But where there's chaos, JR, there is opportunity, and tonight, just like TNN threw off ECW for the WWF, the King is gone, and in his chair is Paul E. - and the 'E' is for EXTREME. How's that? Not bad, huh?

 

<Jim Ross>I don't know what I did to deserve this...

 

Later that night (in Washington DC), as Trish is stripping:

 

<Paul Heyman> I visited Washington, and now I'm gonna see bush!

[Team Angle Pusher 0]

(Cena on the Highlight Reel as the first draft pick)

 

Cena (to Tomko): Who are you, the fight starter? The only problem you solve is being Christian's live partner!'

 

====

 

(RAW, Christian just got beat by Ric Flair)

 

Maria: 'After what Batista just did to you in the ring, are you hurt?

Christian: 'Hurt? Did you get your journalism degree from a box of choco puffs?'

 

====

 

(RAW, it's Tomko/Christian/Jericho versus Shawn Michaels/Cena/Mystery Partner in the main event)

 

Christian: 'Who do you guys think it is huh?'

Jericho: 'Maybe Marty Jannety?

Christian: 'Marty Jannetty? No I heard he's in jail it can't be him'

*Pause*

Christian: 'I know who it is, I know who it is. Shawn Michaels long lost buddy, Kevin Nash, that's who it is'

Jericho: 'Nash would tear a hamstring just picking up the phone'

 

====

 

(RAW, Jericho is guest on Carlito's Cabana just one week after HBK kicked Hogan. Jericho wants HBK to be his guest on the Highlight Reel but Carlito on the Cabana)

 

Carlito: 'Look at your love handles......seriously, love handles....das not cool!'

 

Jericho: 'You don't dictate to me what's cool, I'M CANADIAN! Oh yeah, I'm Chris Canadian Cool! Look at me, you just don't get it do ya...sideshow Bob! With your imitation flowery shirt and your fancy purple pants ooooh!'

 

Jericho: 'Listen to me Shawn Michaels wants to be with the original. He wants to be with the Johnny Carson of RAW.....not the Carson Daly! So step aside junior. Ladies and gentlemen and Jerichoholics of all ages my guest tonight on the Highlight Reel is the man who superkicked the moustache right off of Hogan's kisser, SHAWN MICHAELS!'

 

- When Piper came out instead of HBK -

Piper: 'Let me tell you and your friend Buckwheat!'

[Guest Human Highlight Reel]

"You wanna talk about being a man... while wearing those pants?!"

Shawn Michaels to Chris Jericho

[Mecha Mummy 0]

"You wanna talk about being a man... while wearing those pants?!"

Shawn Michaels to Chris Jericho

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Was Michaels wearing his leather chaps whilst saying that? Because that would be hysterical.

[JoeDirt 0]

Bump! Anyone hear/read/remember any good quotes lately?

 

Got this one off the DVDVR board:

 

"An infant doesn't know how to lie, cheat or steal. Thanks, Dad." - Jake Roberts on SMW TV

[brighty 0]

The Rock: Know Your Role, just shut your mouths, take all your boo's and stick 'em straight up your maple-syrup-sucking candy asses.

[alfdogg 0]

Jericho:(To Tomko) Shut-up dough-boy, you weren't even in the match!

He actually said "goat boy."

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

I laughed for probably 5 minutes during the McMahon thing Monday:

 

"I was just listenining to Ashlee Simpson."

 

As if that wasn't good enough "Christ, she succccccccccccccckkkkkkkks."

[hbkhhhmark4life 0]

hey smarks, I was just watching the first RAW of the new millenium (January 4, 2000 i think the date was) anyhow, Kane had to fight Kurt Angle cuz hhh wanted to end Kurt's undefeated streak, anyhow, this is how it went... (paraphrased)

 

Kurt: Kane is a guy that hides behind a mask and doesn't speak a word, why because he lacks integrity and obviously lacks intelligence, sure he has intensity, no doubt about that, but he definetely doesn't have the other two I's. therefore I have the advantage in this match because I have all three I's, intensity, integrity, and intelligence in my corner

 

(during the beginning of the match)

 

J.R.: I think Kurt needs another I, for Insurance

King: Well you know, ever since the fire Kane was in, he has only had one "I" (eye)

J.R.: Oh stop it!!!

This caught me by such a surprise and I laughed soooooooo hard, just thought I would share that, lol

[Silence 0]

Joey Styles at Taboo Tuesday while Batista gives Coach a Spinebuster (paraphrased):"And Batista just did what Coach does to Play-By-Play!"

[alfdogg 0]

Jacques Rougeau was hilarious during his matches. I remember him calling Bushwhacker Butch a "chickenshit" loud enough for the whole arena to hear at RR90.

 

Also, during a match with KVE in England (the one on World Tour 92 from CV), he yells out to a fan "Shut you big mouth, you bigmouth!"

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Heat before Vengaence:

 

Carlito: Where are we, Vegas?

 

Grisham: Yeah, Vegas.

 

Carlito: Let me tell you something, (Looks at camera) you people like to gamble, right? Well, before you lose all your money, gather it all up, and let it all ride on Carlito. 'Cause in Vegas, there's only one sure thing...Carlito.

 

Its too bad they didn't put it on the DVD, bastards.

 

Christian: 'I know who it is, I know who it is. Shawn Michaels long lost buddy, Kevin Nash, that's who it is'

Jericho: 'Nash would tear a hamstring just picking up the phone'

Jericho: 'You don't dictate to me what's cool, I'M CANADIAN! Oh yeah, I'm Chris Canadian Cool! Look at me, you just don't get it do ya...sideshow Bob! With your imitation flowery shirt and your fancy purple pants ooooh!'

[Vampiro69 0]

This last monday had a pretty good line. Joey Styles said that Mr. McMahon looked very dignified with the court robe. Lawler responded with "Well he has spent alot of time in court before."

 

I sat there in stunned silence when King uttered that line.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Tonight on Rita Cosby's MSNBC show devoted to WWE's Afghanistan trip, Carlito's final words are "I want to encourage all these men here to continue support the WWE, especially Carlito." Got a good laugh from the troops.

 

I need to make another round of old tape watching. There are so many great lines on commentary that you either forget about or tune out while you're watching it, whether it's Jesse, Heenan, Lawler, or whoever.

[Guest Human Highlight Reel]

Joey Styles at Taboo Tuesday while Batista gives Coach a Spinebuster (paraphrased):"And Batista just did what Coach does to Play-By-Play!"

 

He was actually whipping him, I think, making it all the more hilarious.

[Ravenbomb 0]

From RR '92

*Roddy attacks someone who was about to eliminate Flair*

Heenan: I always liked Roddy. I'm sorry, it's not a skirt, it's a kilt.

*Roddy attacks Flair*

Heenan: No! No! It's a skirt, it's a skirt!

 

and I don't remember quite what the quote was, but it was Austin from just before a Royal Rumble, saying his beer belly gave him a lower center of gravity, so he'd be harder to eliminate.