Guest 5.0Fanatic Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 In succesion: Q: Whats green and has wheels? A:Grass. I lied about the wheels Q: Whats red and shaped like a box? A: A red box Q: Whats blue and shaped like a box? A: A Red box in disguise Q: Whats green and shaped like a box? A:Grass, I lied about it being shaped like a box
The Metal Maniac Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 Q:How did the tap dancer break his leg? A:He fell into the sink. Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One looks at the other and says "so, do you know how to drive this thing?" Q:What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? A:Dam! Q:What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A:Where the fuck is my tractor?
Skywarp! Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment. What's the difference between a basketball player and an astronaut? The basketball player gets athlete's foot and the astronaut gets missle toe. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What kind of bees make milk? Boo bees.
Epic Reine Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 Wanna hear a funny joke? The holocaust.
JHawk Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 A guy and his girlfriend were having sex. Midway through, he pulls out, flips her over and finishes off in her ass. A little bit later, she turned to him and said, "that was a little presumptious, what you did back there," to which he responds, "Presumptious? That's an awfully big word for a ten-year-old." I've heard a better version of this, but I can't remember it. My girlfriend called me a pedophile, and I said "That's an awfully big word for a 10-year-old." And for a new one: Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? A: One's harmful to children if they get too close, and the other one is good for carrying your groceries.
The Metal Maniac Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 In the same vein as that last one... Q:What's the differece between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Micheal Jackson likes to touch little boys.
Your Paragon of Virtue Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 In the same vein as the last two... What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common? They both like to stick their meat in eight year old buns.
The Amazing Rando Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 ^ that there is one of my favorites. though I say "One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other (i say this very slow and deliberate) rapes little boys." The looks I get on people's faces are wonderful. Q:What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Ferarri? A: You have to be over 16 to have a Ferarri.
Open the Muggy Gate Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 The way I've heard it is what's the difference between a lemon and Michael Jackson? A: A lemon is sour and Michael Jackson rapes little boys.
spman Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 The Pope, Terry Schiavo and Johnny Cochran all go to Heaven. St. Peter looks at them and says "Heaven's a bit full right now, and only two of you can get in. The other one will be sent to Hell and dropped into a Lake of Fire." The Pope says "Well, I was God's representative on Earth, so naturally I should be allowed into Heaven." Terry Schiavo says "Millions of people prayed for me when I was dying, so with all that prayer in my favor I'm a shoe-in." St. Peter nods and says to Johnny Cochran, "And what do you have to say in your defense?" Two hours later, the Pope turns to Terry Schiavo and says, "Who the hell is Chewbacca?" Terry replies, "Shut the fuck up and keep swimming."
Youth N Asia Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hey! Let's go ride bikes!
tekcop Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 The Pope, Terry Schiavo and Johnny Cochran all go to Heaven. St. Peter looks at them and says "Heaven's a bit full right now, and only two of you can get in. The other one will be sent to Hell and dropped into a Lake of Fire." The Pope says "Well, I was God's representative on Earth, so naturally I should be allowed into Heaven." Terry Schiavo says "Millions of people prayed for me when I was dying, so with all that prayer in my favor I'm a shoe-in." St. Peter nods and says to Johnny Cochran, "And what do you have to say in your defense?" Two hours later, the Pope turns to Terry Schiavo and says, "Who the hell is Chewbacca?" Terry replies, "Shut the fuck up and keep swimming." I hate it when I don't get jokes.
spman Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 The Pope, Terry Schiavo and Johnny Cochran all go to Heaven. St. Peter looks at them and says "Heaven's a bit full right now, and only two of you can get in. The other one will be sent to Hell and dropped into a Lake of Fire." The Pope says "Well, I was God's representative on Earth, so naturally I should be allowed into Heaven." Terry Schiavo says "Millions of people prayed for me when I was dying, so with all that prayer in my favor I'm a shoe-in." St. Peter nods and says to Johnny Cochran, "And what do you have to say in your defense?" Two hours later, the Pope turns to Terry Schiavo and says, "Who the hell is Chewbacca?" Terry replies, "Shut the fuck up and keep swimming." I hate it when I don't get jokes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chewbacca_Defense
Youth N Asia Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 The Chewbacca Defense...unfuckwithable
Toshiaki Koala Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 Q: What do Owen Hart and the Twin Towers have in common? A: They both made their WWF debut in 1988. Yes, this was posted in the joke forum here several years ago. Sue me.
Ravenbomb Posted April 3, 2005 Report Posted April 3, 2005 What's the difference between a live baby and a dead baby? Live babies make more noise when you have sex with them
ulfistgut Posted April 3, 2005 Report Posted April 3, 2005 Whats the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari Pick a responce 1) I don't have a ferrari in my garage 2) My ferrari's ribs don't crack when I get in it
Sideburnious Posted April 3, 2005 Report Posted April 3, 2005 Q. What do you call a leper in the bath A. Stew
Guest Museite Posted April 4, 2005 Report Posted April 4, 2005 Q - Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Mexico? A - They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin... Q - How do you confuse an Irishman? A - Put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Q - Which one hits the water first and WHY? A - The Brunette, because the blonde had to stop on the way and ask for directions ESSEX JOKE (UK ONLY) Q - What did the Essex girl's mum say to the Essex girl? A - If you're not in bed by 11, come home.
Guest Stunt Granny Posted April 6, 2005 Report Posted April 6, 2005 Whats the worst thing about a bus load of mexicans driving off a cliff? There was an empty seat.
Nighthawk Posted April 6, 2005 Report Posted April 6, 2005 How do you starve a Mexican? Hide his food stamps under his work boots. This one's wrong, Mexicans work harder than anyone I've seen in my life. Make it a black guy and it'll work.
HurriShane Posted April 6, 2005 Report Posted April 6, 2005 What's worse than 2 dead babies in a dumpster? 1 dead baby in 2 dumpsters
Epic Reine Posted April 7, 2005 Report Posted April 7, 2005 What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go into a bank without Robin.
Guest Fook Posted April 7, 2005 Report Posted April 7, 2005 A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar...and that's just the first guy.
death_by_burrito Posted April 8, 2005 Report Posted April 8, 2005 A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "Sorry, we don't serve food here!" Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide? A: You would too if your gas bill was that high. Q: What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common? A: All boys jeans half off.
Slayer Posted April 8, 2005 Report Posted April 8, 2005 How do you starve a Mexican? Hide his food stamps under his work boots. This one's wrong, Mexicans work harder than anyone I've seen in my life. Make it a black guy and it'll work. Another version I've heard had it as "hide it under a bar of soap"
Skywarp! Posted April 12, 2005 Report Posted April 12, 2005 How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little Knotsies! (I'll jump on the bad taste Mexican jokes wagon as well...) Why do Mexicans fold up the brims of their hats? So they have a place to put their tacos while they piss. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
Big Ol' Smitty Posted April 12, 2005 Report Posted April 12, 2005 What's the difference between a pile of stones and a pile of dead babies? You can't move a pile of stones with a pitchfork. What's the difference between a baby and a bathtub? Can't fuck a bathtub. What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume! What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome. How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more. What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off. How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender! How do you get them out again? With tortilla chips!
Ted the Poster Posted April 12, 2005 Report Posted April 12, 2005 Why wouldn't Jesus eat M&Ms? They'd fall through his hands, and he doesn't believe in the Three Second Rule.
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