Funny Drunk/High/Drugged Up Stories

[Guest Scuba Steve]

We'eve all had friends our ourselves doing funny things while under the influence. My funiest one was my friend who was trashed tried walking home from about a mile away in his boxers, and when he managed to get back, he couldn't figure out how to unlock the door so he kept calling me every 30 seconds to let him in lol.

[Guest Arnold_OldSchool]

My buddy got trashed, found a bong, wanted to do the Mary Jane for his first time, so we stole some from a guy who was passed out, but my buddy couldn't do it right cause he was so drunk, then he started snorting the "grass" up his nose. A while later we found him in the bathroom popping prescription pills at random from people's stashes whom he had never met. We scolded him, so he went to the living room and flipped himself on the couch and passed out.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

This one time our varsity qb was feeling generous so he let all of us on the starting line run a train on his girlfriend. We were never closer as a team than we were after that.

[Nighthawk 0]

That's a lie.

[BX 0]

This one time, I smoked a joint, and killed a hooker with a corncob pipe.

[Guest Brian]

When did Inc get back?

 

And was he always so full of shit?

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Well, now I'm not going to share any more of my great high school football stories.

[I like Forums 0]

One time I smoked some pot.. and I sat on the couch for a bit to watch TV. Then when I was going to make dinner for myself, I wasn't motivated enough to cook so I ate microwaved pizza pockets instead.

[Matt Young 0]

I think I can speak for most when I say that the majority of the good stories are difficult to recall at a later date, at least in detail, and are often only funny to those involved.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I puked so hard I got a nosebleed last Friday night. That's...that's really it. I can't remember the rest of my drinking stories.

 

Oh, and I toked Saturday night and came up with this long-winded joke about Nicolas Cage naming his son Kal-El, but I'll save you your time and just tell you that the punchline is SuperKal-Elfragilisticexpealidocious.

[nl5xsk1 0]

This one time our varsity qb was feeling generous so he let all of us on the starting line run a train on his girlfriend. We were never closer as a team than we were after that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

That's a lie.

 

I'm guessing that the story is true, but the part of them never being closer as a team might be a lie.

[BruiserKC 0]

My junior year of high school we somehow managed to crash a sorority party at the University of Iowa. Just walked right on in and mixed in with everyone else, paid our cover and partook in the alcohol. My friend David was never known for handling his booze particularly well and on this night he was getting hammered out of his mind.

 

He starts hitting on this foreign student...she was a tall, blonde gorgeous Swede. We're talking Swedish bikini team material here. She's pretending like she's getting into this, but I think she was really thinking, "Dear God, get this fucknut away from me." This goes on for a few minutes and suddenly he starts into full-blown babbling, and when he gets into that mode he would have blown our cover.

So we go over to grab him...just as we get to him, I catch a whiff of urine...my friend had just pissed in his pants and all over himself. It's time to go at that point, so we walk him out the door...a football player (I think) caught a whiff and asked if he couldn't hold it until he got to the bathroom. I told him he's a major fucking klutz when he drinks and spilled it all over himself.

 

We get to the door, and to our car and down the road we go. Now, David begins a full-blown cry. And I mean he's into blubbering, uncontrollable, they shot Old Yeller and Bambi's mom mode. He's telling us he was going to get some. I try to convince him he was only going to get our asses kicked if they knew we were in high school and walked in uninvited. He then cries, "Take me back, guys! Take me back! I know I was going to get laid! Take me back!" My other friends Tyrone and Chris just absolutely lose it...they are laughing so hard they might piss themselves also. David just starts bawling that much harder, calling them uncaring among other things. Finally I lose it and we're all laughing at him, and he's sitting there like, "What the fuck is so funny?"

 

Drunk people are entertaining, especially when it's someone else.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

When did Inc get back?

 

And was he always so full of shit?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

'Tis your own fault for taking anything he says literally, unless it be about music.

[Matt Young 0]

When did Inc get back?

 

And was he always so full of shit?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

'Tis your own fault for taking anything he says literally, unless it be about music.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Man's got a point. That's why Inc is (at times) funny. He's so over the top.

 

I just thought that applied to his statements in the Music folder as well.

[iggymcfly 0]

We'eve all had friends our ourselves doing funny things while under the influence. My funiest one was my friend who was trashed tried walking home from about a mile away in his boxers, and when he managed to get back, he couldn't figure out how to unlock the door so he kept calling me every 30 seconds to let him in lol.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I actually did that one time. I was blacked out at one of my friends' apartments, and I guess I decided to piss off the balcony. They started yelling at me to stop, so I did, but then I got it all over my pants, and decided I didn't want to wear them home. I walked out the door, and I probably would have made it all the way home, but I ran into this girl I hadn't seen in like six months, and she sent me back to get my pants.

 

When I woke up the next morning, I was in my dorm, but instead of being in my room, I was in the lounge nine floors down in my boxers. My pants were upstairs, so apparently I made it home wearing them, and just forgot to put on new ones before I started wandering around again.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

This one time, I got so drunk that I totally blacked out; I can remember being in the bar drinking, and being outside the bar asking why we left the bar, but NOTHING inbetween. Like, I didn't even know what had happened until my friends explained it to me about 15 times on the ride home.

 

Anyway, it turns out that I hit on some chick and got her to dance. Fine, right? Wrong. Her boyfriend, who was apparantly twice my size, came back from wherever it was he was at. He then proceeded to ask me what, exactly, I was doing with his girlfriend. I, in my drunken wisom, came up with this jem:

 

"If she's your girlfriend, what's she doing with me?"

 

As you might imagine, that did not go over well. One of my buddies jumped between us, which kept us from actually fighting over it, and then we all left very shortly.

 

Oh, and this other time me and two buddys were at a pub, drinking some beer whilst we waited for food. Apparantly, some guy at the table across from us made some comments about me; I was so damned drunk that I didn't really care, but one of my buddies took exception to this and threw a handful of peanuts in his face. He came over swinging at the guy who threw the peanuts, while my other buddy jumped up and started laying into him.

 

As you might expect, we got kicked out again. But the funny part (as far as I'm concerned) is that the guy who jumped up and the dude I didn't know were the ones who actually got kicked out. When that happened, my other buddy came walked over to me and said "Okay, Tony just got kicked out, and so did that other guy. They're probably in a fight outside right now. Finish your beer; we're leaving without paying".

 

Hey, I thought it was funny.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

My late cousin was at the peelers in 96 with his father (my great uncle) and the man who is no longer my stepdad (soap opera, I won't bore you)

 

After an hour or so, Michael(my cuz) is pretty ham'd.

 

But not nearly as badly as the 400 pound guy sitting by himself at the next horsehoe over. He leans over to wave another pitcher to his table and proceeds to fall off his chair. The disgusted waitress sets the pitcher down and walks away.

 

Michael gets into Good Samaritain mode, helping him up, patting him on the back, assisting him into his chair and saying "No worries, everything's cool".

 

Michael then helps himself to the guy's pitcher and leaves the bar carrying it.

[CanadianChick 0]

Well, I have limited stories since I'm such a good girl, but once I got in an arguement with a random guy who happened to be at the same beach as I was and just as drunk whether this particular sculpture was a dragon (my opinion) or an eel (his opinion). I later found out it was a sea monster. Call it a push.

 

A friend of mine got drunk enough to take a dare to jump of a cliff...literally. Luckly, it wasn't too high, but he landed on his ass and was shitting blood for a week.

[Nighthawk 0]

Is this a conscious effort to counteract your image, CanadianChick? If so, perhaps I can interest you in a gang bang with me and the guys. It works like a charm. Did wonders for Marney. She used to be viewed as the second coming of Shirley Temple.

[Sass 0]

I'm sorta surprised you haven't graced us with any of your stories of drunken or faded debauchery yet IDRM.

 

What gives man? You're like slipping. This thread was *made* for you.

[Nighthawk 0]

I'm above it.

 

But once, sober, I blacked out, then woke with a hockey mask, butcher knife, and the Halloween theme on headphones standing in a field a mile away from my house. A train came by, and I hallucinated it as a ghost train. Then I walked back home, snuck in my own window, and stabbed the shit out of the bed where I was supposed to be sleeping. I haven't been quite the same since.

 

True story.

 

On an unrelated note, when I get so drunk I don't remember it the next day, people tell me I systematically insult everyone in the room. Like : "You... are... shit! And you... are a stupid asshole! And you..." On from there.

[CanadianChick 0]

Is this a conscious effort to counteract your image, CanadianChick? If so, perhaps I can interest you in a gang bang with me and the guys. It works like a charm. Did wonders for Marney. She used to be viewed as the second coming of Shirley Temple.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Oh, you wish Milky. Just thought I'd share my rare drunken experience.

[Angle-plex 0]

It was my friends 19th. He had a lot of liquor. At about 2:30 am, he walked over to his kitchen table and started pissing. We were all laughing, then he knocked the chair down, thinking it was the toilet seat I guess. Later on in the night he awoke from his sleep, walked over to the corner of his room - were one of my friends was sleeping - and pissed all over his head. Good times.

 

Another time a guy I barely knew was drunk as hell and started talking into his keys about how he was sad that Ricky Williams leaving the NFL and how short another one of my friends was.

[Annabelle 0]

fist fighting girls is probably the most scandalous drunken act ive partaken in.

[BUTT 0]

A couple of years ago a guy in my dorm got drunk and fell into a river, and since it was really cold and he didn't want to freeze, he ended up breaking into someone's house and just sleeping there. Then in the morning before he left he stole some of their clothes to wear home.

 

Also, my first roommate got really drunk one time and woke up in the back of a car somewhere outside Philadelphia, with no recollection of how he got there.

[Sideburnious 0]

fist fighting girls is probably the most scandalous drunken act ive partaken in.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Did you win?

[Annabelle 0]

fist fighting girls is probably the most scandalous drunken act ive partaken in.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Did you win?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

no.

[Guest HungryJack]

Strong work.

[Special K 0]

Fucked-up fable time.

 

This one time I was a bit drunk and I walked to the local ghetto mart to get more so. This middle-aged woman called out for help, and I went up to her. she was with her husband, who apparently beat the shit out of her.

I walked her all the way home with her husband. At her trailer (God, this was fucked up) she railed on about how he beat her, and fucked his daugher. I pressured him until he admitted to beating his wife and fucking his daughter.

I'm a big guy, so I walked up to him menacingly and told him to get the fuck out of his own house. I've never been so scared (imagining he would pull a knife), but I've also never been so angry. It was made just sadder and less scary that by this time, his was crying his balls off and admitting every fucked up thing he'd ever done. He left. I told the woman I'd wait while she called a friend. She was glad. Her friend was also a crack dealer.

I kept pressuring the lady to go to the police, but she eventually broke down about how much she loved him. The wife ended up offering to suck my dick for $20. I gave her $20, told her I wanted to check on my car, and got the fuck outta dodge. That there was a glimpse into a world I could not imagine. THAT was fucked up.

 

So that's the story about how I once kicked a man out of his own house, and in the long run, probably didn't do a damn lick of good.

Fuck.

[Special K 0]

On the funny side, incontinence! My friends, on his 21st bday, we all got drunk and crashed at his house. I woke up to my friend, infuriated, yet resigned. "I fucking pissed the bed! what the fuck!" Everyone went back to sleep except him. Then comes the immortal quote: His father walks intop the room and immediately thunders (waking us up) GODDAMN YOU PISSED THE BED AGAIN. JEREMY YOU'RE a FUCKING ADULT AND YOU PISS YOUR BED! HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO DEAL WITH YOU PISSING THE BED!

 

Long story short, he grew up. has moved in with a nice girl. Has pissed the bed twice while she was in it. Fucking drunk idiot.