SWF CLUSTERFUCK 2006 CARD!!!

[chirs3 0]

The Smartmark's Wrestling Federation Presents...

SWF CLUSTERFUCK!

LIVE, SUNDAY, JANUARY 29th, FROM THE SOLD OUT STAPLES CENTER IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA!

(official PPV song will be edited in soon)

(7:00pm PST, 10:00pm EST; check local listings)

 

Send all promos, marked matches, etc. to chirs3

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

The Main Event - SWF World Heavyweight Championship Match

El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. JJ Johnson

 

---> JJ Johnson, who has been absolutely unstoppable in the past few months, finally makes it to the top. His domination of the Cold Front Classic has earned him a World Heavyweight Championship match at one of the biggest Pay Per Views.

 

Standing in his way, however, is one of the most dominant SWF Champions we have ever seen. El Luchadore Magnifico has had a death grip on the title since he won it, and he has not shown any signs of slowing down since then.

 

Is tonight the night that the impossible will finally happen? Can JJ Johnson beat the unbeatable? Or will Magnifico continue to his history-making title reign, and still be the champion when From the Fire rolls around?

 

Send to: Justice

Rules: Sandard singles match.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

 

-=-=-THE CLUSTERFUCK-=-=-

 

---> The Clusterfuck! What else can I say?

 

Well, some stuff, I guess.

 

Since it's inception, the 'Fuck has put IGN/SWF Superstars to the test, pushing them to their limits. The winner gets a title shot at From the Fire, but more importantly, he joins a truly elite group of people - people like Pimp Daddy Sarp, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, Taylor Nicholas Thompson, Charlie Matthews, and Landon Maddix! The winner's name will go down in history as being one of the few who were strong enough, brave enough, worthy enough to survive the Clusterfuck!

 

1. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

2. Laberinto

3. "The Rage" Jason von Dierch

4. Stryke

 

Send your matches to TheSatanicAngel.

 

5. Manson

6. Christian Fury

7. Ghost Machine V. 2.0

8. The 70's Dude

 

Send your matches to jwpeer.

 

9. Wes Davenport

10. Todd Cortez

11. Matt ??? Myers (go wild)

12. Candace "The Joshi Dragon" Okimura

 

Send your matches to realitycheck.

 

13. Kevin Coyote

14. The Crimson Skull

15. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix

16. Bruce Blank

 

Send your matches to chirs3.

 

17. "The Icon" Max King

18. Zyon

19. TORU Takahara

20. Tim Dillon

 

Send your matches to janusd.

 

Markers, send your winning matches to chirs3.

 

Rules: The #1 and #2 entrants start in the ring. Every two minutes, another wrestler will enter. A wrestler is eliminated when they are thrown over the top rope and both feet hit the floor. When it gets down to three men left, the match becomes a triple threat, with the first pin deciding the winner.

WORD LIMIT: 15000 - Yes, a word limit for a PPV match. Crazy, I know, but trust us - for the Clusterfuck, it's necessary, both for writers and for markers.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

 

SWF International Championship Match

Jay Hawke © vs. Wildchild

 

---> These two do not like each other. It is certifiable fact. Seriously, it's in the Encyclopedia. Look it up. I'll wait.

 

...

 

Done?

 

Good.

 

Jay Hawke's run with the International Championship is nothing short of astonishing/amazing/super duper, but this time he may have bitten off more than he can chew. A pissed off Wildchild is not a good opponent to have, and after several clashes in recent weeks, it might just be time for Hawke's fifteen minutes to run out.

 

Send to: Justice

Rules: Standard singles match.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

 

SWF Ultraviolent Championship Match - Japanese Deathmatch - Best of Five

Bruce Blank © vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu

 

---> The Best of Five comes down to one last match - how fitting it is, then, that the tie breaker be the most violent of them all! The Japanese Deathmatch, world renowned for its brutality, indecency, and overall ickiness, sets the stage for the final showdown! Will Bruce walk out with his record-breaking championship in tact? Or will Akira finally dethrone the champion, and begin a historical run of his own?

 

Send to: Secret Agent

Rules: The match is fought to a pinfall or submission, inside an electrified steel cage. And, if there is no decision within fifteen minutes, the cage sort of... you know... EXPLODES~! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

 

SWF FROST

Pre-PPV Extravaganza Blowout Extreme to the MAX!

 

We'll have the exclusive scoop on SWF Clusterfuck, with interviews and more! Plus, a newcomer to the SWF makes his debut!

 

Singles Match

Michael Cross vs. Ced Ordonez

 

---> SWF Rookie Michael Cross picked a good time to come to the SWF - his very first match will be on the Clusterfuck's pre-game show, Frost! On this grand stage, Cross goes one on one with the Bemani Freak himself, Ced Ordonez!

 

Send to: chirs3

Rules: Standard singles match.

 

Anyone who wants to do promos or interviews for Frost, send them to chirs3.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-

 

You might notice the "edited in later" for the Clusterfuck, last two seeds. I am uncertain as to the status of two writers - as soon as I am sure of their status, they will be edited in. Or not. Sucks to guarentee them the last two spots, I know, but I don't want to end up shuffling them in earlier spots if people have already started writing. Sorry.

Edited January 31, 2006 by chirs3

[muzz 0]

Awesome.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Totally awesome - and thank you for granting my request to also be in the Fuck match

[King Cucaracha 0]

Are co-writes for the Fuck allowed? It's just last year, we had I think 3 complete matches in total. If co-writes are okay, maybe we'll have some more competition this year?

[Bruce Blank 0]

if they're allowed I want to see the conversation where they bitch slap each other over who wins the match they're writing

 

there were only 3? Oy Vey I can see why they put a word limit on it then

[Bruce Blank 0]

Just a control question from the n00b that I still am

 

In reading over the previous CF matches I noticed that each of them had a little outline after each elimination - something along the lines of

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Zombie Mother

ENTERED: 20

LEFT: 1st

ELIMINATED: No one she's a zombie

ELIMINATED BY: A shot to the head

LEFT IN RING: My Non-Zombie Dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Is that something the creative team adds or should we make allowances for that in our word count as well?

[King Cucaracha 0]

Add it yourself. I stole it from Supes, but I think it's standard issue...although, I'm sure if you change the squiggles nobody would blow a gasket.

 

there were only 3? Oy Vey I can see why they put a word limit on it then

 

There was a limit last year too.

[Cuban Linx 0]

I didn't win it in 2002.

 

I didn't win it in 2003.

 

I didn't win it in 2004.

 

I didn't win it in 2005.

 

I probably won't win it this year either, but god knows i'll try. They say the 5th times the charm, right? Right? And if nothing else i get to keep my streak of being Mr. Clusterfuck Veteran, having been in every one of them except the first. I don't think anyone else has even been in more than two, with the possible expection of Muzz.

 

 

And the word limit should be interesting, last year before i flamed out i had 10000 words in the bank and wasn't even halfway done yet, and i recall others having similar difficulties. That was with a 20000 word limit, 15000 should be a challenge, but one i look forward to. I've never turned down doing less work before, i'm not about to start now.

[the.weej 0]

3-5 matches is usually the average for the CF. It's extremely unusual for there to be a big turnout for this match, because it just seems so... daunting.

 

That said, I'm not sure why anybody would have a problem with co-writes if the end result is more matches turned in. I think the opinion has generally been that given the fact the winner is rewarded with a title shot and immediately becomes one of the most reveered writers in the fed, could you really come to an agreement on what to do in a co-write?

 

...and I can assure you some sort of screwball, no contest, both guys win ending would head directly to the recycle bin, unless you channeled the spirit of Hemmingway while you wrote it.

 

-Z

[Bruce Blank 0]

I think the opinion has generally been that given the fact the winner is rewarded with a title shot and immediately becomes one of the most reveered writers in the fed

With a co-write the prestige for the winner is just a notch lower isn't it? whomever wins this match will immediately establish himself as a top guy if it's an individual write up - it'd just not be as impressive as a co-write IMO

 

Thus ends my 2 cents - man they don't go as far as they used to

[muzz 0]

Writing the whole thing solo just seems like something the Clusterfuck is all about.

 

Even if only three people write, those three people at least put in the effort. If anything, it gives an indication of who's determined to do something more.

 

Christ, I'm tired.

[Vasarian_Brandy 0]

(Rubs eyes blearily after another work night)

 

Hm. I may have to whup out the first-person on this one...

 

(Looks at the date) Jan 29... The day I split for Washington for training.

 

And I'll have the better part of 4 days straight off beforehand... This bodes well.

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Tips from a washed up CF winner:

 

Have some fun with it. The biggest hurdle to overcome for me was having my character be the last to enter. So, for the major chunk of the match I was writing people's moves, storylines, and trademarks that I wasn't necessarily familiar with. To distract yourself, try some extended banter between commentators or pointing something out in the crowd, or go the more internal, analrapist route and focus on what the characters are thinking.

 

You know from IRL battle royals that there are never full-fledged wrestling matches. Signature moves, attempts to throw over the top rope, and a shitload of strikes. So spice it up and make a punch more than that.

 

Really, reading my match again, most of the "humor" was eye-rolling and only served to entertain me in my sleep-deprived, stressed state. Example: extended conversation between Comet and Riley asking "What if Todd [Royal] was one of us?" "Just a slob like one of us?" etc. Groan.

 

Also, have an outline of the order of eliminations and how. It helps tremendously.

[Bruce Blank 0]

I've read the '03, '04 and '05 Fucks - but is there any way to read the 01 & 02 versions?

[Guest OKCoyote]

Am I under the correct impression that this should be written under the assumption that the announcers (and the fans, for that matter) don't know the exact entry order? (With the exception of Spike of course, who announced his number in a promo.)

[Secret Agent 0]

It might help if you didn't send the HCG match to JohnnyDangerous as I'll never get it. Secret Agent might work though.

[Toxxic 0]

I bagsie number 19. TORU is active and in the match (my status was unclear because I was going to have another match, but I don't now).

 

Remember that I'm likely to attack Max King and Maddix, assuming either of them are still around (King probably will be)

[Justice 0]

Am I under the correct impression that this should be written under the assumption that the announcers (and the fans, for that matter) don't know the exact entry order? (With the exception of Spike of course, who announced his number in a promo.)

 

Yes. In theory, no one knows who is coming out when, just like the Royal Rumble.

[Toxxic 0]

How about next year we have any assigned numbers assigned and the participants listed, but then the writer gets to choose the entry order?

 

No?

 

Ok.

[Guest OKCoyote]

I wonder if CC gives any thought to who should go where when determining the order, or if they simply throw names at a dart board.

[super_tigris 0]

Hey, hey! High profile match.

 

Can't wait to do this, I've been looking forward to writing my first match.

[Justice 0]

I wonder if CC gives any thought to who should go where when determining the order, or if they simply throw names at a dart board.

 

If you can call Janus a "Dartboard", then yes, yes we do.

[chirs3 0]

I wonder if CC gives any thought to who should go where when determining the order, or if they simply throw names at a dart board.

 

There was some special placement for a few of the participants, but I won't say who because there's spoilers involved.

 

The majority, though, were literally drawn from a hat.

 

My McDonald's hat, to be precise.

[chirs3 0]

It might help if you didn't send the HCG match to JohnnyDangerous as I'll never get it. Secret Agent might work though.

 

D'oh. Not sure where I pulled that one from.

 

In my defense, though, it was very, very late.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

The majority, though, were literally drawn from a hat.

 

My McDonald's hat, to be precise.

 

Not your Red Vest?

[Cuban Linx 0]

I've read the '03, '04 and '05 Fucks - but is there any way to read the 01 & 02 versions?

 

I have both saved on my home computer, if no one else beats me to it i'll post them whenever i get a chance.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Remember when you said you would retire if you didn't win the 'Fuck in 05, Stryke? I only remember that because I was still a rookie in the WF and had you be the last one eliminated before the triple threat.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Tips from a non-quite so washed up CF winner:

 

Copy Supes. Worked for me.

 

Character is all important. With 15k, you're not going to be able to fit a lot of deep meaning action in, trust me. Try to focus on character. Who's after who, who would help who, who wouldn't. Study the entry numbers and figure out some interesting combinations for whichever reasons you see fit. If you're good with SWF history, all the better. Like Supes set, have your eliminations set as much as possible.

 

Watch some old Rumbles. It'll help you get a feel for the match.

 

And above all...go nuts. So long as you show, you've got a chance.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Tip from someone who marked a ClusterFuck group:

 

Write the match correctly. Xstasy wrote a good match, but he forgot the triple threat part of the stipulation, and instead eliminated all other entrants in the same way. I don't want to think this aspect lost it for him, exactly, but a match of equal skill and the correct finish did take that spot.

 

Then again, I sucked a lot as a marker.

 

And a writer.

 

And a tip giver.

[Sly 0]

I was thinking about showing, but then I realized that The Family Channel is showing "From Justin To Kelly" this weekend.