Elementary Backtrack

[Maztinho 0]

I forged my dad's name on every permission slip ever, mostly at his behest. Apparently a teacher called him at work once (which was a friggin' sawmill at the time) and asked something like "Did you receive the permission slip for Gene to go on such-and-such activity?"

 

"Yeah, sure."

 

He told me about that about ten years after it happened. Don't know how the topic came up. Why the hell do they need permission for that kind of shit? Dumb.

 

I'm pretty sure the local school board thought he had the penmanship of a third grader.

 

In the school district my mom works for someone complained about a teacher showing a PG rated film clip for something, so now they have to get parents permission to show any video at all unless it's owned by the school district. (I.E. taping a PBS show about... lets say Dinosaurs needs specific written permission from the students parents before it's shown)

 

A ton of these, permission slips go back to covering the school districts ass in case anything could happen and a parent tries to sue. Hell, I had a teacher lend me his car to go pick up another student for an activity because him driving a car with students in it was against school board regulations.

[AboveAverage484 0]

Unlike some people, the grades at the different schools I went to were kind of weird. It went like this

 

Elementary: K-3

Middle: 4-6

Jr. High: 7-8

High: 9-12

 

 

Though when I was in 6th Grade, the Middle School that I went to (Mocksville Middle) changed it's named to Central Davie Elementary, they moved the 6th graders to the Jr High (Which they renamed South Davie Middle School) and moved the 9th graders from the Jr High to the High School. I think now they closed Central Davie and the elementary school is K-5, Middle 6-8 and High School 9-12

 

There's only one high school in Davie County, right? When I was in elementary school, it was K-6, but then by the time I got to 4th or 5th grade they had switched it to K-2 at one school, then 3-5 at another.

 

I won the school spelling bee in 5th grade, then went on to win the county, but then bombed out on the first word at regionals so it was basically a 45 minute drive to get some complimentary dictionary they gave to all the contestants.

 

Actually, I don't really have any crazy elementary stories to tell. 5th grade was a joke, though. We went outside everyday, sometimes twice a day. We watched more movies in that grade than any of my other grades combined. We even had this 15 minute "break" period that usually turned into thirty because the teacher would disappear and leave us alone in the class room. There was this black kid in the class that I was friends with who found a stuffed raccoon in the closet and he'd pull it out during break and make it his "DJ." He would have him work the "turn tables" and he'd smack him around and throw him across the class. We all found it very amusing.

 

Of course there was sex ed, too. One kid asked if you could get a condom stuck in a girl. We all laughed, but we were probably asking ourselves the same question. There was always that one kid whose parents wouldn't sign the sex ed consent form. Ours was a Jehovah's Witness kid who got the door opened on him one time in the class bathroom in 3rd grade and he was completely naked in there taking a shit.

 

That's all I can think of for now.

 

 

[Guest College Party]

I had to watch Reading Rainbow all the way through sixth grade. Don't get me wrong I loved it when I was a kid, but by sixth grade not only do you feel too old for it, but you've seen every episode a thousand times.

Ooh have you seen the one where LeVar goes spelunking, or the one where he hangs out with the Tony La Russa-era Oakland A's? Those are the two I can remember.

 

In my 4th grade gifted class (GLOBE: gifted learning opportunities based [on] enrichment!!!), one of our projects was to make a Consumer Reports-style magazine and provide reviews of products, video games, places at the Randhurst food court, so on, so forth. I reviewed some video games and breakfast bars (the two articles were not intertwined). I think my big catch was noting that the best-tasting one, which was Nutri-Grain, I want to say, was labeled as a snack bar and had no integrity as a breakfast replacement. I wrote a quite scathing review of a health-oriented breakfast bar because it tasted yucky. There was a lot of capitalization and exclamation-pointing, culminating in a list of things I would rather eat and why. My teacher didn't print it.

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Unlike some people, the grades at the different schools I went to were kind of weird. It went like this

 

Elementary: K-3

Middle: 4-6

Jr. High: 7-8

High: 9-12

 

 

Though when I was in 6th Grade, the Middle School that I went to (Mocksville Middle) changed it's named to Central Davie Elementary, they moved the 6th graders to the Jr High (Which they renamed South Davie Middle School) and moved the 9th graders from the Jr High to the High School. I think now they closed Central Davie and the elementary school is K-5, Middle 6-8 and High School 9-12

 

There's only one high school in Davie County, right? When I was in elementary school, it was K-6, but then by the time I got to 4th or 5th grade they had switched it to K-2 at one school, then 3-5 at another.

 

 

 

There was one High School in Davie, but last time I talked to my parents they said that they are building a new one in the northern part of the county. It really angers a lot of the parents as they want their kids to go to the same High School they did, but they don't understand that the high school is starting to resemble a trailer park (at least it did when I was there) because of all the students.

 

 

 

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

I remember when I was in I believe 4th grade, one of the assignments we did before the end of the year was we had to draw a picture of us in '93 (it was 1992). Well I misunderstood the assignment and thought it said Me at 93. I proceeded to draw a big picture of my face old and wrinkly, a picture of me in a wheelchair off to the side, and then a grave on the other side. My teacher was a bit freaked

[Red Baron 0]

I don't remember any sex-ed teachings in school at all.

I was gonna say, all this talk of sex ed in grade school is outside my experience. The only time I ever had a sex ed class was in 8th grade. Apparently they felt like waiting until after puberty had struck to inform you about it. Also, you guys had foreign language classes before high school? Really? Man my schools sucked.

 

In Canada, we learned French(Quebecois) in grade 4.

[Guest Smues]

I had to watch Reading Rainbow all the way through sixth grade. Don't get me wrong I loved it when I was a kid, but by sixth grade not only do you feel too old for it, but you've seen every episode a thousand times.

Ooh have you seen the one where LeVar goes spelunking, or the one where he hangs out with the Tony La Russa-era Oakland A's? Those are the two I can remember.

 

 

I don't remember those, but I remember my favorite being the one where he took us backstage on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

 

On the subject of TV shows, there was a show I had to watch in 4th grade but I can't for the life of me remember the name. There was this alien race that was dying or getting sick or something, so they sent one of their own to Earth, disguised as a human kid, to learn the secret to good health. The show followed this kid as he joined some schools good health club or some bullshit, and every Wednesday afternoon we'd watch these idiots teach the alien (whom they don't know is an alien of course) various healthy habits. Memorable moments included the aliens learning human anatomy "What do they call that, the onion?" and the alien kid winning a free pair of 'eye muffs' for being able to sneeze without blinking. Oh and the narrator/magic voice guy was a big part of the show too. Does anybody else remember this show or what the hell the name was?

 

Oh and of course in the series finale we learned what the secret to good health is...good health is up to you!

[Dandy 0]

On the subject of TV shows, there was a show I had to watch in 4th grade but I can't for the life of me remember the name. There was this alien race that was dying or getting sick or something, so they sent one of their own to Earth, disguised as a human kid, to learn the secret to good health. The show followed this kid as he joined some schools good health club or some bullshit, and every Wednesday afternoon we'd watch these idiots teach the alien (whom they don't know is an alien of course) various healthy habits. Memorable moments included the aliens learning human anatomy "What do they call that, the onion?" and the alien kid winning a free pair of 'eye muffs' for being able to sneeze without blinking. Oh and the narrator/magic voice guy was a big part of the show too. Does anybody else remember this show or what the hell the name was?

 

Oh and of course in the series finale we learned what the secret to good health is...good health is up to you!

That would be "Jaws."

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Went to private Lutheran school from K-5 (the school had a room for 1-3, 4-6 and 7-8; my fifth-grade class had 3 kids).

 

The family moved and the rest of my time was spent in government school.

 

Middle School: 6-8.

 

High School: 9-12.

[Nighthawk 0]

the alien kid winning a free pair of 'eye muffs' for being able to sneeze without blinking.

 

This is legitimately impossible. I find the fact fascinating.

 

[The Amazing Rando 0]

the alien kid winning a free pair of 'eye muffs' for being able to sneeze without blinking.

 

This is legitimately impossible. I find the fact fascinating.

 

 

They did it on Mythbusters. I think they had to hold their eyes open to do it, but they were trying to prove false that the reason you blinked was so that your eyes didn't shoot out of your head.

[Nighthawk 0]

Oh, I know you can hold your eyes open. I've done that many times myself.

[King Kamala 0]

Oh, here's an amusing lunchroom anecdote. It was a half-day in 5th grade. For some reason, at Longfellow Elementary (and in middle school IIRC) we had lunch periods during half-days even though we got out at 11:30 but I almost always just ate when I got back home on thos days. Anyways, during this half-day I got really hungry around this lunchtable and having brought in no money or food, I beg off the suckers who bought lunch in the cafeteria that day. A couple people give me their yogurts and I eat them. Then I'm still hungry so a couple more people give me their yogurts. This continued for the rest of that lunch period. By the end of it, I had to have eaten 20 cups of yogurt. Stands to this day as my biggest eating achievement. I think by the end people were applauding.

 

Up until high school, I was pretty much known as the guy who ate a lot and the guy who threw chairs.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

I'm more concerned with what 'eye muffs' are.

 

 

I took a three day suspension in fifth grade for punching a sixth grader in the mouth. Him and two others had me pinned against a fence with some physicality and were harassing me and I snapped. I basically uppercutted his jaw and he barely even blinked. It probably hurt my hand worse. His next words were some variant on "you are dead" as I was able to get away from the three and sprint across the playground, only being caught when I hit the hill leading up towards the school. He pinned me down once again but we were caught by the playground supervisor. Separate interviews with the two of us led me to a suspension and he got jack shit for punishment.

 

In fourth grade I threw up on my desk during the Pledge of Allegiance. It covered the entire desk and dripped onto the floor. A similar thing happened in 8th grade, except I made it to a bathroom and vomited nothing but white foam.

[Guest Smues]

I'm more concerned with what 'eye muffs' are.

 

 

Ear muffs, but they go over your eyes instead. I have no idea how that is supposed to make sense, but as a 4th grader I was stupid and thought it was funny.

[Red Baron 0]

I was hoping Smues would post a story that he actually did walk 50 miles to school and back in the blistering cold wearing snow shoes and such, because its believable.

[strummer 0]

a few off the top of my head.

 

In 5th grade this kid Keith was picking on this other kid named Peter about his grandmother dying (we were real nasty) Without hesitation Pete kicks him square in the nuts with a direct hit, right on target. Keith screams in pain while the rest of the class roars in laughter. Our history teacher, Mr. Hartnett had to take Keith into the bathroom and check his balls to see if he was bleeding. I will never, ever forget this.

 

This same kid, Keith sliced open his arm trying to climb a chain link fence during recess. An ambulance came and we got the rest of the day off. He actually walked right by me with blood just gushing from his arm.

 

 

There was a retarded kid in our school so one day his family came and talked to each individual class about what it meant to be retarded or something and that we shouldn't call anyone a "retard" I remember trying to hold back laughter when she was giving this speech. I mean I was dying to laugh.

 

We were rehearsing for the class musical one day when this girl named Karen blew a bubble about the size of her head and everyone just suddenly stopped and watched her. The music teacher, Mr's Dean, who I had never really seen get angry just lost it on her for disrupting the class and the two screamed at each other until the practice was cancelled.

 

My second grade teacher was in a car accident during lunch and hurt her neck quite badly and we had a substitute for the rest of the day and I believe for the next 2 weeks.

 

One nun kicked a student right in the ass for setting off a fire alarm (it was Keith, again)

[Guest Desensitized]

One nun kicked a student right in the ass for setting off a fire alarm (it was Keith, again)

You get your ass kicked by women and your dick sucked by men. The Catholic Church is so damn goofy.

 

[Guest Smues]

In 5th grade during Christmas Break we swapped teachers with some school in Austrailia, so for the rest of the year we had an Austrailian teacher. It made for an interesting 2nd half of the year, especially the first couple of months. Our bathroom pass was a boomerang, and she tried to teach us rugby. She also bashed the shit out of american football players for being pussies that wear pads. I pointed out to her that if you unleashed Reggie White on an unguarded rugby team you wouldn't be calling the ambulance, you'd call the mortician, but she didn't appreciate my point of view. For her first few months she bragged about how superior Austailia was to America all the time for a zillion different reasons. One of which I remember was because they invented the lawn mower, so I stood up and yelled something about OH YEAH WELL WE INVENTED THE TROY BUILT CHIPPER VAC. I was a wierd kid.

 

We did pen pals with the Austailian kids our original teacher was now teaching, and I remember being amazed because one of my classmates pen pal owned Mortal Kombat 2 already and it wasn't out in the states yet. Oh and another one of my classmates got in trouble for asking his pen pal to send him drugs.

 

Non Austrailian related moments I remember were argueing about what degree constituted warm water. There was a question on one of our math tests that was something like "Which is warm water? A. 52 degrees, B. 102 degrees. " and I for whatever reason wrote in A. Obviously 52 is cold, but my arguement was that 102 isn't warm it was hot! I debated this with her for days. Again, I was a wierd kid. I also remember 5th grade being where we learned about using commas in lists and that, the, last, comma, was, optional. But in Austrailia we never use the comma so you shouldn't either! Which of course resulted in me forever using that last comma.

 

Oh and we had a BIG debate about 0 being an even number. There was a math test where you had to circle the even numbers listed, and some of us circled 0, and it was marked wrong. So we had this big arguement with her that spanned like a week about is zero an even number or not because it's not really a number and yadda yadda.

[Dandy 0]

OH YEAH WELL WE INVENTED THE TROY BUILT CHIPPER VAC.

That is fucking awesome!

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

(Background - Catholic school, students divided into 2 classes for each grade, we had a parking lot instead of a playground/yard)

 

Back in 2nd grade, all the boys played kickball at recess in the parking lot. We played 1 class against the other, and my team would always do the Washington Redskins "Fun Bunch" celebration when we won (this was when the Fun Bunch was current). The only thing was that I was the tallest kid in the class, so I could only stand there instead of jumping like everyone else.

[alfdogg 0]

Late to the party with these threads.

 

Went to three different kindergartens as my dad couldn't keep a job, starting and finishing in Anderson. In between, me and my mom stayed with her parents in Boyceville, Wisconsin for a while as he looked around, which was a nice getaway as my first K-teacher was a hideous cunt. My brother was born while we were up there. My only real memory of kindergarten was getting my head stuck in a tire at recess once.

 

Changed schools again for first and second grade, living in Honey Creek and attending nearby Sulphur Springs. I was constantly in the office for hitting/kicking/kneedropping other kids, but other than that it was good times. On hot days, they sold Flintstone Push-ups at recess for a dime apiece. Milli Vanilli and NKOTB were on constant rotation on the bus. One day, I got the "bright" idea of hiding from the bus and attempting to walk to school, which was pretty stupid since it was about a 5-mile walk, half of which was on US 36. I think the bus came back and got me eventually. I lost my two front teeth while attempting to throw a brick over the clothesline outside. Not sure what prompted this. Two embarassing haircuts, the first was a Batman logo on the side of my head, the second was the buzzers screwing up and requiring that all my hair get buzzed off. One of my best friends down the street had an abandoned school bus in his backyard, which I thought was the coolest thing ever for some reason. Our house was a total piece of shit, and I was forced to sleep in the living room because the ceiling in my bedroom was leaking. The next person who moved in burned it down after leaving the stove on as he was out.

 

Moved back to Anderson a week after second grade ended, and have lived here ever since. I was pretty pissed about the move for some time, but eventually got over it. Although, I do still sometimes think how it would have been had I stayed at Shenandoah. In third grade, some guy from Denmark came in and brought some turtle meat. That's honestly the only notable moment from third grade that comes to mind right now, aside from learning how to ride a bike. Won the school spelling bee in fourth grade, against all fifth and sixth-graders. In fifth grade, I got paddled for the first time, for throwing a kickball in the classroom. Also lost three recesses for kneeing a kid in the back and rendering him motionless for several minutes (with the kid's girlfriend being the one allowed to choose the punishment, real objective there), and four recesses for calling a lice-ridden female student a "fleabag". We must have watched Charlotte's Web at least once a month in fifth grade...I think I've watched it maybe once or twice since as a result. Sixth grade was undoubtedly the best year, the highlight being the field trip to Chicago. Went to Sears' Tower, had some fucking Chicago-style pizza, rode Lake Michigan, played NBA Jam on a 72-inch screen (I can't remember what this place was called, it's right on my tongue...I *think* it's called North Pier), and Rock 'N' Roll McDonald's. We would always wrestle at recess, which in one instance resulted in a broken wrist, forcing me to miss the first half of the little league season. Also competed in another regional spelling bee in sixth grade. I was the king of Number/Fraction Munchers and Spellevator in my school. Our graduation songs were Lean on Me by Bill Withers and Hero by Mariah Carey.

 

Also, I won the cake walk every single year at the school carnival.

[SamoaRowe 0]

Kindergarten = I got to color all day, it was awesome.

First grade = I remember this year fondly. It was the only time I ever enjoyed science class.

Second grade = Meh.

Third grade = Meh.

Fourth grade = I remember this year fondly. I had the same teacher as I did in Kindergarten. We had a lot of fun field trips and I got along with everyone in my class really well.