10 p.m.
• Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Oh well. Let's see, what should I talk about? How about commercials.
You know what ads I routinely can't stand? Those Enterprise commercials -- especially this one:
...
Aww, fuck. I can't find the video on YouTube. It's the one with the chick asking some guy what type of lingerie she should wear: the red or the black. The guy says "both." Then the Enterprise people pick them up and they drive a rented vehicle to some hotel, and then the creepy voice-over guy says, "romantic weekends." Man I hate Enterprise commercials.
First off, every time I hear that guy say "both" at the start of the ad I get a flashback to my idiot ex-boss. No, I wasn't asking him what naughty night-ware I should put on. I was given this 6-month assignment whose monthly deadlines fell at the same time as the job I was hired to actually do (not to mention other increasing duties that made my job impossible to do). When I asked my enlightened powers-that-be what should be dealt with first I got the typical "no answer" and they tried to go on to another subject. I interjected. Several times. Finally, the idiot says "both." I then questioned his leadership skills and noted that I was going to report his lack of management skills to our board (aka the "rubber stamp" brigade). Fun times ensued. Nothing was going to become of any of this dick-waving, but it's always fun to be an asshole.
Dick-waving. Asshole. Maybe I shouldn't have typed anything tonight.
Now that I have bitched about a series of ads I hate, let me go back to a series of ads I like. I know some of you hate those Free Credit Report.com ads. Well too bad. I like them. Now it's time for me to whip out the ol' ranking scale.
Number 6:
Not bad, but not as good as the other five in my opinion. I'd rather have this on during commercial breaks than most of the other crap out there. Song is a bit blah and there's no noteworthy image. I will say this: I hated that asshole friend who, like the person at 0:11, decides to mess around with the windshield wipers while you're driving. And there's nothing wrong with beat-up rides -- hasn't he heard of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "My Hooptie"?
Number 5:
I like the old lady re-appearing from other, older ads at (0:19) and the pirate hat reference. However, I don't get the whole Renaissance Fair thing. God only knows where that guy is taking the poor goat.
Number 4:
Bitches be trippin'. And what's she all pissed off about? It was HER credit that fucked them over. Oh, and if you married your "dream girl," then there's that thing during the wedding that says, "for better or for worse." Oh, and how about saving up and making a down payment? You two are white, I'm sure there would be a bunch of Jew bankers lining up around your in-law's basement door to take your money.
Number 3:
If you're going to get jiggy with it, you need a better beat. The synthesizer-voice thing does not fit well either. The white guy's facial expression at 0:21 seals the deal for me.
Number 2:
But I don't wanna be a Pirate! Every time I see that old lady make that facial expression at 0:19 I get reminded of all the time I had that look given to me, whether I was a little bastard in church as a kid or starting verbal confrontations with people at polling places during election day. Yee-hah.
Number 1:
That's right, I'm going Commie GREEN! Why do I like this ad over the other five? Several reasons:
1) The music is different than three of the previous ads. Nice change of pace.
2) It's a continuation of the previous ad with the compact car.
3) The old lady is back (0:06)! And I have also received a number of those disgusted looks during my life, too.
I didn't catch this, but apparently the black guy at the start of this ad is also in the "rapper" video. (He's the one taking back his keys.) There's also a shot of pirate hats in several of these ads. Cute.
Christ, I don't post for a week and THIS is what I come up with? Might as well go out on a high note...
8:30 p.m.
• Don't you know that placing bumper stickers on your care is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Gee, I wonder who were making the complaints?
These are the MARINES~! Now I know we're in trouble. Thanks a lot, Terrorist-Elect Hussein Osama.
8:30 p.m.
• So for the last few days the better half has been bitching because we have been getting calls from Countrywide -- the place which has our mortgage. They call mostly during the day and she doesn't bother to answer the phone. Finally they called when I was home; about 30 minutes ago while posting picks for this week's kkk Bowl VI contest. I don't think they'll be calling again. No, I didn't wish cancer on the telemarketer, but I did make her laugh. Here's how the conversation went.
*ring ring*
"Hello?"
"Is this Mr. kkk or the better half?"
"Yes."
"This is so-and-so from Countrywide. Thank you for your business blah blah blah."
"OK."
"I'd like to make you aware of blah blah blah it will only take a minute to get a quote blah blah blah."
"Please don't take this the wrong way because it's not aimed at you. I am perfectly happy with the mortgage I have at my fixed rate. And I know whatever special offer you have for me will probably screw me over at some point. If Countrywide is happy with me making my monthly payment on time for the past four years I will be more than happy to continue making my payment with a little something extra each month..."
I was about to go into the housing CRISIZ and make some remark about giving loans to minorities, but I really wanted to get my kkk Bowl picks done. Besides, this phone conversation was recorded, and if I should ever make the news I can imagine that phone chat getting out to the media.
Then again, all a reporter needs to do is discover TSM and I'd really be in trouble.
9 p.m.
• Well that's nice. Don't pay your mortgage, get a reduction in principal.
Shit, this is even better.
If you haven't paid off even 10 percent of your home's current value YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BOUGHT A FUCKING HOUSE TO BEGIN WITH! Go live in a dumpster.
• Every October the better half has an annual ritual that she does. She buys a pumpkin for each cat we have and takes a picture with them. Is this nuts? Yes. Whatever. We could be sacrificing goats or something. Other people do much worse. However, there is one bright spot to this story -- JJ is terrified of pumpkins. Yes, he runs away from these orange ovals whenever one is within viewing distance. You can set these things up along the floor and you could make JJ go in any direction you desire. Don't believe me? Here you go.
10 a.m.
• So guess what was the Evening Daily Number for Illinois the day after Osama was elected?
I'm not making this up.
I'm pretty sure this happened in Pennsylvania after Fast Eddie got re-elected in '06. I'll have to search for this later.
7 p.m.
• Oh hell no.
You cunts had your chance when she was a running mate. Now you all can go fuck yourselves. The only exception to this is The View's Elizabeth Hassleback. Have a one-on-one with her on your show, but just keep the feminazi bitches out back.
10 p.m.
• So there's this McDonald's that is somewhat near me and unless I'm REALLY craving something from that place I tend to stay away due to the pisspoor service. And by pisspoor service I mean waiting 20 minutes for food. However, I went in today with my fingers crossed. Wasn't that bad a wait for this store's standards, but the highlight of the trip came when I saw this box near the condiment stand. The box was for some food pantry, and the hand-written message said, "Donate a canned good and get a free DERSSERT coupon."
Oh how sometimes I wish I had a camera phone.
11:a.m.
• So four years ago when W. got re-elected a bunch of commie queers decided to take pictures of themselves with messages saying "I'm Sorry" to the rest of the world for who won the election.
This of course brought on the other side with a bunch of "I'm Not Sorry" pictures and hilarity ensued. Why am I talking about this? Because here we go again:
Oh, but wait, now we're all supposed to come together and circle-jerk:
And "my side" is engaging in this happy horseshit as well:
Awwwww...
...that just makes me want to...
...want to...
...want to...
WANT TO GAG~!
Yeah, I bet there would be all this "come together" garbage if McCain would have won instead of Osama. I'm sure all you 52ers would be going "Now's the time to come together" and other Koom-bay-ah shit.
But even though I QUESTION MY LEADERS IN WASHINGTON because I'm a PATRIOT, I guess I could give this "come together" pseudo-unification a try. Here we go...
Sorry, but Max isn't much into bipartisanship.
However, Max is one hell of a PATRIOT~!
• While I'm on the topic of QUESTIONING OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON, I also feel it's my PATRIOTIC DUTY to question our leaders in Medium-Large Media. With some reporters literally breaking down in tears on Election Night in joy of who won, will these protectors of the Fourth Estate be barred from any future relations with this administration? I think any journalistic credibility they possessed has just been flushed down the toilet, if it hasn't been already.
And haven't you been doing everything you can to make "this new presidency work" for the last year-plus?
And what's better than the video, the comments:
From Wiki, and my own memory:
OMGFAUXNEWSLOL19926~!!!!!!
Hey, Chris, you know how to make a new presidency work? YOU QUESTION THEM. Why? It's your PATRIOTIC DUTY. Oh, and you also remove the first letter of the President-Elect's middle name from all keyboards on Capitol Hill. That brings people together as well.
6 p.m.
• So Shittburgh's local left-wing rag's Sunday edition has yet another literary masterpiece from its editorial section. This time it's about gunz! The same topic I spoke about yesterday.
Listen up you ivy-tower fuckheads. Want to know the reason why some people are buying up firearms? It's because that U.S. Supreme Court case you point out in your piece of shit editorial passed with a 5-4 decision. That means all it would take is one additional red diaper doper baby to be appointed for this to go the other way. Odd how you didn't bother to mention this. Oh, and Osama IS ANTI-GUN. I know it's hard for you to see this since you're on your knees slobbing his knob, but that's why you have PATRIOTS like me QUESTIONING OUR LEADERS.
And speaking of questioning our leaders, I have to seriously question the judgment of Mr. Osama once I read this:
OMG, W. uses hand sanitizer. Yeah, because it's not like he doesn't shake many hands throughout the day. (Hmmm, "not"/"doesn't" -- does that double negative cancel out? Who knows, who cares.) Hell, I bet if W. didn't use hand sanitizer and Osama ended up with the sniffles a day later he would write in his memoirs that GEORGE W. BUSH TRIED TO KILL HIM WITH BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS~!
Just like the lemmings that stand there awestruck when you are reading from a script? But wait, there's more.
Boy, that's a good thing to know. Hey, what's this?
First he mocks the wife of a dead president, now he's offended by basic hygiene. I wonder if he's going to wash his hands after his last shit leading up to Inauguration Day? If not, I sure wouldn't want to be the next President to put his/her hand on that Bible. (I was going to make a "maybe he'll use a Koran instead" remark, but I'm doing my best to be bipartisan in these uncertain times.)
If questioning your leaders in Washington makes you a traitor, then call me Benedict Arnold.
9:15 p.m.
• And I thought it would be Joe Biden making all the gaffes.
Wow, and what a hard-hitting question regarding what dog to get his kids. Of course, later on in this conference a reporter axed a REAL question about taxing the rich, and Osama completely side-stepped the issue.
And for those who post at the other place and wonder why I didn't post here what I posted there, well here you go:
• So the better half watches "Survivor" and "Ghost Whisperer," which means she usually has this stupid gossip show on beforehand called "The Insider." Holy fuck is this program awful. Ever since the GOP Convention there always seemed to be a SPECIAL REPORT about Sarah Palin on this show. I'm not kidding. Every time Mrs. kkk had this garbage on before the cBS prime-time lineup there was a Palin Report -- whether it was SEX SECRETS or KNOCKED-UP KIDS or other things I had never heard of before. Last night before "Survivor" came on, and before I left the room because, I wanted to bet her that "The Insider" would include the latest PALIN SCANAL, either Gucci-gate or her opening the door to campaign aides with a towel wrapped around her. *Gasp!* Mrs. kkk declined the bet.
She was smart.
That was the lead story.
This prompted Mrs. kkk to shout out "Oh for God's sake!" and changed the channel. And what hard-hitting secrets were revealed about Osama? We got to see the NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE... wedding photos. Scandalous.
Oh, and to show my bipartisanship, when I heard Palin not knowing Africa was a "continent," my first response was, "that's because she couldn't see it from her house." Ba-da-bing! My second thought: "No wonder W.'s supporters love her so."
Hey, if there's a joke to be had, I'll take it -- regardless of Party loyalty. Fuck, it's not like the GOP has been loyal to me, big-spending bastards.
• LOL
LOLx2 -- I love my fellow red-state voters.
Christ, Osama sounds just like my ex-boss. You have to pick apart everything he says because he does so -- or at least when reading from a script. He respects the Second Amendment. That doesn't mean he won't try to rape it until it is just a pile of pink pulsating flesh.
Yeah, you'll just take the bullets away or sue gun makers into oblivion. You also won't be allowed to take your firearm out of its lock box. Of course you will have armed bodyguards.
Remember, it's your patriotic duty to question your leaders.
9:30 p.m.
• Looks like someone violated a speech code.
• Speaking of !@#$%$!%!$^%&^ers in the whitehouse, look what has happened since Election Day. Stock market free-falls, Russia sends boom booms to Poland's border, Putin is waving his albino pee-pee around. Now because questioning our leaders is the most PATRIOTIC THING a person can do, I want to know what Osama's plan is. Oh, and isn't there something better we can do with the money spent on this upcoming inauguration day?
We're in a RECESSION and children are starving somewhere.
Wow, being PATRIOTIC is the bee's knees.
9 p.m.
• OK, here is why I stay married.
Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.
She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:
“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”
“Huh?”
“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”
“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.
• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.
I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.
• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."
Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."
• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.
6 p.m.
• Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.
I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.
• I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!
It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.
• Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.
Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.
• Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.
It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.
Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.
• Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.
6 p.m.
• So my little part of the country has been in the news as of late. The latest DRAMAH~! Is an out-of-state chick that claimed some black guy robbed her and carved a “B” on her face after seeing her car’s McCain bumper sticker.
This just didn’t seem right from the start. Don’t believe me? Check the other place.
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And in response to a Jobber of the Week post:
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On top of my “rape”comment, said black-dark-skinned man carved a LETTER into her cheek. A letter. Trust me, the government schools in the Shittsburgh region aren’t that effective. And one would have to assume the perp would be able to READ the words "McCain" and "Palin."
However, what I REALLY got a kick of was this shithead who said his voters are RACIST~!
Oh please let this be the year you finally lose. Murtha is like our region’s own Robert Byrd in terms of creating his own little economy with DC money.
• Hey, who says the BUSH ECONOMY is all bad?
The fuck -- Illegals come and go from the U.S. for CHRISTMAS?! I'm surprised there's nothing in this article about Pedro not being able to buy presents for his 12 kids.
9:30 p.m.
• So last week the better half and I were watching this 100 Greatest Rap Songs of ALL TIME, or something like that. (I think there’s a TSM thread about this.) I have no idea why we were watching this. I had it on because it was late and I was curious to see if there were any “Where are they now?” features to the hip-hoppers I grew up listening. Mrs. kkk was watching just to laugh at the names (bitch got a slap for dissing my “Q-Tip” from A Tribe Called Quest). It was down to the last two songs and she asked me what I thought they would be. I said “Rappers Delight” should be number two and “The Message” should be number one. I was right on “Rappers Delight.” This is my all-time favorite song of any genre, and I’m talking about the 15-minute version – not the hippie 4-minute radio/video friendly airing.
Part I
Part II
I knew “The Message” wasn’t going to finish first because it was already mentioned, so the better half asked my thoughts on Number One. I actually pondered this during the commercials and said the following: “It will probably be something political and overrated – 'Fight the Power' by Public Enemy."
I was right.
Look, I like “It Takes a Nation of Millions” and “Fear of a Black Planet,” but “Fight the Power” is NOT the top hip-hop song of ALL-TIME. Put it at Number Three, but “Rapper’s Delight” and “The Message” are in a league of their own.
Speaking of “Rapper’s Delight” I have a childhood trama story regarding this tune. Back in its heyday, this song was often played by my two half-brothers. This of course got me listening to it on a frequent basis. For some reason, as a kid my favorite part of this epic was the verse that starts out, “Have you ever gone over to a friend’s house to eat and the food just ain’t no good?” I memorized this verse and suddenly this talent of mine to recite this urban poem of unacceptable dinner cuisine was something I was called on to perform whenever the old man was talking with one of his friends/acquaintances. Here is how most of these recitals began:
“Son, sing the ‘Cheese Song’.” (See the bolded text below for why it was the “Cheese Song.”)
“I don’t want to.”
“SING THE GODDAMN SONG~!
”Have you ever have you ever went over a friend’s house to eat and the food just aint no good? I mean the macaroni's soggy the peas are mushed and the chicken tastes like wood. So you try to play it off like you think you can by saying that you’re full. And then your friend says momma he's just being polite he ain’t finished uh uh that's bull. And so your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie and you say that you already ate. And your friend says man there's plenty of food so you pile some more on your plate. While the stinky foods steaming your mind starts to dreaming of the moment that it's time to leave. And then you look at your plate and your chicken’s slowly rotting into something that looks like cheese. So you say that's it I got to leave this place I don’t care what these people think. I’m just sitting here making myself nauseous with this ugly food that stinks. So you bust out the door while its still closed still sick from the food you ate. And then you run to the store for quick relief from a bottle of Kaopectate. And then you call your friend two weeks later to see how he has been. And he says I understand about the food baby bubbah but we're still friends.”
Even with these childhood memories, this is one AWESOME SONG. In fact, now that I’m older, there’s another verse that I prefer over the “cheese” verse.
I think the best part about this verse is about not letting Sucka MCs stealing rhymes when that’s just what the verse-teller actually did.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
7:30 p.m.
• So there is this poster WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE REVEALED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH that is recapping his trip to some overpriced corporate theme park. Reading his entries of unforgettable family moments got me the thinking of the time I went to the Magic Kingdom.
I can’t remember how young I was, but my old man was in-between his second and third marriage. After he married my old lady, she divorced him (probably for good reason) and sold the house that he spent YEARS fixing up. Serves him right. Before marrying wife number three he spent some time with this other woman. He was with her for quite some time, actually. Enough time to completely renovate her basement into an apartment that she got to charge rent to tenants. Oddly enough, she dumped him afterward. If I were even somewhat observant, I’d be detecting a pattern here.
Well anyway, I was going to Disney World with him and Wife 2.5. I can’t remember if there were any other people with us. There might have been; I just can’t recall. Before going to Disney World we stopped at some diner for breakfast, which is surprising enough considering the old man HATES to eat out. Now I didn’t like eating eggs, especially ones that are sunny-side up. When that yolk breaks it just looks so … blech. I wanted to order this other breakfast deal that included a muffin and a few other not-so-messy items. This drove pops over the edge because I guess not eating eggs for breakfast is just one step away from turning queer. So he threw one of his usual fits of rage and REFUSED TO TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Now if this were to happen today, I would find it funny as hell. But when you’re a kid this stuff freaks you out. I also overheard him bitching to pseudo-wifey later that night when I was supposed to be asleep about me, which just did wonders for the rest of our time in Florida. The only thing I can remember from the actual trip was that Small World. And from the MYSTERY POSTER’s recap of this ride, it seems like not much have changed. But whatever, I’m on a roll talking about the old man.
For as crappy as every trip with the old man has been in my life, nothing could compare to the time he went to Florida with his soon-to-be-wife-number-three and her bratty grandsons. I think I was in 8th-9th grade when he asked if I wanted to go with him and company to Florida for another round of family fun. Vividly remember my previous experience many moons ago I respectfully declined. Can’t remember the reason: I think it was “this was my first summer not having to go to summer school in some time and I wanted to just stay at home.” Yeah, I was/am quite the scholar.
A few weeks later the old man called me and told me about his trip. Here’s what happened in a nutshell. They got a hotel some distance from Disney World. No surprise there. (What, you think I got my cheapness all by myself?) The grandkids got mad because they wouldn’t have breakfasts/dinners at the theme park due to the prices. Once again, no surprises. After a day or so the grandkids then called their mother (the daughter of my future mother-in-law) to complain. The next call was to a local Child Youth Service agency (or something similar). The AUTHORITIES paid dad a visit and said the kids in his care were citing abusive behavior and squalor living conditions.
Wow.
All I have to say is that after this experience, I think dad appreciated me just a smidgeon more than he used to. Sure I was/am a fuck-up, but damn… Damn.
Family – lol.
6:30 p.m.
• So I was never a huge AMG fan, although "P-Funk" has got to be one of my all-time favorite tracks because it used polka music used in this brief selection (still trying to find it on YouTube, but click here for an audio sample). However, what makes this great isn't the song, but rather the video and the comments that followed. Someone got served.
-- nice shit rip the great easy e
-- nice video
-- i luv this song
-- this is amg!!!
-- Good song, but not EAZY-E, check your facts. This is AMG, check wikipedia fool.
-- this aint eazy-e punk! its AMG
-- Dude this is eight ball and AMG who did this track, not eazy e
-- this is not easy e it is AMG you dumb fuck.
-- We al do know that's not Eazy E Rappin, right? RIGHT?!?!?! It's AMG From Quiks crew......Might want to change the title.
-- You stupid? It's not Eazy E, It's AMG, why do you think it's eazy e?
-- thats dj quik
-- You do realize this isn't an Easy-E song right? It's AMG, that's why he mentions DJ Quik. AMG is the artist. I love Easy-E tho, but you put up a song that aint even Easy-E's...uhh...ya. -w-
-- good ass song classic
-- AMG does this song.
-- Nice but its AMG
-- This song is by AMG, not Eazy-E.
-- Great song from AMG - not Eazy E.
-- was Eazy e really a part of AMG?
-- hi there love this song!
-- dude it's not eazy-e song...is by AMG..
-- its amg retard
-- man! only 3 comments that didn`t mensioned that it`s not eazy rappin
-- thats amg wit dj quick u fucken retard!@#!#!#!@#!# haha and u made all pictures of eazy e hahaha mental bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh
-- i love and my bitch ass mom better have my money
-- AMG
-- What the hell, This is AMG not Eazy-E! It's from the album "Bitch Betta Have My Money"
-- AMG not Eazy E
8:30 p.m.
• Saturday night when Mrs. kkk came home from work at 11:15 p.m. Max got out and hasn’t returned. Little bastard. He’s shown up a few times on the porch looking for food but bolted when we opened the front door. I really don’t care if he comes back, but the better half is in hysterics. I just find it funny that the laziest cat I have ever seen decided to live outside (during the summer he was out on the porch for 10-15 minutes, came in and slept in front of an AC vent for several hours). Of course, Mrs. kkk has seen him twice since Saturday because we are putting out food for him in the hopes that we can snag this little fucker. Of course, like all welfare programs, this is attracting the other strays in the neighborhood, which is a bit of a surprise because I didn’t realize how many outside cats there were in this place. The house across from us has been abandoned for years, and I guess stray kitties have squatted there for year. Wonderful. I’ll say this, though. Our female Dessa hasn’t been this happy in YEARS.
9:15 p.m.
• Love the dateline, too. If it's his private property and it's not infringing on the rights of others (or any of that home owner's association rigamoroll), he can post whatever the hell he wants, bad speling and all.
Enjoy the free speech while it lasts. Once Osama takes charge I bet this will be the next house to be "foreclosed" upon. Damn Bush economy.
I've actually thought of creating a sign of my own. And, yes, it would involve Osama.
11 p.m.
• So I was flipping through the On Demand options and found the first four “Sons of Anarchy” episodes on FX. I don’t watch many television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I don’t watch any. I’m a South Park fan, but the last few seasons have been hit-or-miss, and I just buy the DVDs. I used to watch “The Shield” but stopped after season 4 because I wasn’t watching it on a consistent basis. One day when the DVDs go on sale I’ll buy them up and finish watching them all. Another reason I don’t watch first-run television shows is that I don’t want to wait week after week, month after month, summer after summer for the latest episode, a quarter of the time which is spent airing commercials.
New show, several episodes commercial-free (or at least almost-commercial-free with a fast-forward button available): what can I lose, besides a few hours of my time?
I watched. It’s OK. Not great, but after a while I’ll go back to the On Demand section and see if any new episodes have been added. For those that don’t know what “Sons of Anarchy” is about, well, look it up yourself you lazy bastards. Here are my thoughts:
1) God damn is Peg Bundy attractive. It’s been around 20 years since “Married With Children” first aired and she looks way better now than she did back then. Oh, and I LOVE her character, but I think that could be because of the way she deals with her crack-whore ex-daughter-in-law. Reminds me of a certain person or two in my in-law family tree. I just wish I could remember who they are…
2) Dutch Wagenbach is on the show!!!!
That’s about all I have to say about this. Yay.
7 p.m.
• I said this at the other place, but it bears repeating.
This return-to-Washington-gimmick doesn't give me tingly feelings about McCain FIGHTING FOR ME, but Letterman's logic doesn't make any sense. (If "things get tough" wouldn't the "suspension" be leaving Washington and blaming everyone else for the country's woes?) And of course McCain's opponent is a guy known more for voting "present" than actually doing anything of substance. (Then again, I'd rather have Osama do nothing than try to get his agenda pushed...)
• OMG more liberal bias: RePuBliCaNz r DuM.
Son, just because you go to college doesn't mean you're smart. To further prove my point -- I'm a college grad.
• Speaking of "dumb" and "reporters," let's ask an ACTOR who played a WALL STREET MEANIE his opinion of the REAL-LIFE financial zaniness.
Makes perfect sense to me. Like Douglas would know anything about currency speculation or other fancy words that I just put next to each other. Say, what was he doing at the United Nations anyway?
:bonk: :bonk: :bonk: :bonk:
8:15 p.m.
• Now this is odd. The much-talked about welfare brood from the better half’s family called us the other day. Well, I should say they called Mrs. kkk. And the matriarch of the clan asked Mrs. kkk who she was voting for in November. When the better half said “McCain” they asked if I, too, was voting for the honorable senator from Arizona. When Mrs. kkk replied “yes he is,” the toothless Mexican said, “you’re good.”
...
THESE PEOPLE VOTE REPUBICAN – WTF?!
Maybe I need to pay a visit to Camp Ron Paul. And here I thought our house would be crossing out their house’s vote.
Then again, Maybe they’re in the right party.
While that was my “wtf” moment of the week, my “you got to be fucking kidding me” moment came when I found out that my crack-whore niece-in-law was talking politics with the better half. She began saying how YOU KNOW WHAT OSAMA STANDS FOR and that he cares about poor people. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. The mere fact she is talking about voting makes me want to make it required that all voters must own property – much like is was back in the day. I told Mrs. kkk I’d break her kneecaps if she drove the niece to get registered. Did I say “break her kneecaps”? I mean, “be really really sad.” And to add insult to injury the niece didn’t realize that once she moved a year or so ago she had to re-register. Thanks to Mrs. kkk and her big mouth the niece now knows she would have been DISENFRANCHISED.
Here was my “And to think these people have the same voting rights I do” moment. I was flipping channels today and came across some Headline News segment with some guy talking to a group of first-time voters. All I can say is whenever we talk with a fuckball like the President of Iran, and he proceeds to send a nuke over, just make sure you blow up San Francisco.
8 p.m.
• So I was never into the whole YouTube deal. See small videos on my computer. Whatever.
Boy was I wrong.
Now I started warming up to this web site when TSM began allowing video tags into posts, but what sealed the deal for me was when I learned you could rip music from music videos and save them as MP3.
Now I can re-live all my old-school rap tapes. Yeah, boooooy.
In just minutes I have re-established one of the greatest sides of a cassette tape there ever was. What set of songs am I talking about?
Aw fuck yeah. A two-tape collection of Too Short's material before he signed with Jive records. The A side to the first tape in this package is one of my all-time favorite set of songs. Now let me take a trip down memory lane [/biz Markie]
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Invasion of the Flat Booty Bitches
Forget about Mexicans, you don't want your town to be invaded by a bunch of Miss six o'clocks (straight up and straight down). Let's experience the horror
Well, at least Todd Shaw is results-oriented.
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She's a Bitch
Nearly 10 minutes of deep lyrics about the social commentary of urban America during Reaganomics. Common, the Roots and Q-Tip ain't got shit on this.
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The Bitch Sucks Dick
Are we starting to pick up a trend with these songs? Too bad this song gets cut off at the end because the best line is at the very end (see the bolded text).
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Blowjob Betty
Now some of you may be wondering, "kkk, I listened to Too Short's 'Get In Where You Fit In' album and he has a song there called 'Blowjob Betty.' Did he actually re-release this song on that album?" The answer is yes. Too Short has a tendency to sing the same songs on different albums, although I consider this version of BB to be more fulfilling. Call it the creme de la creme.
I won't reveal the story of Blowjob Betty, but let's just say it comes to quite the climax.
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Short Side
This is the second part to the Blowjob Betty track, or at least the background sounds the same. I don't care much for the end when he's messing with the vocals, but whatever. His first "biiiiiiiitch" at 0:35 is still my all-time favorite of his. Oh, and
...sounds vaguely familiar that's because it should be. I quit counting how many times I've heard this verse on his other albums. And God bless him. From selling tapes with Freddie B. in high school to millionaire.
7 p.m.
• So the better half had an interview today, and her interviewer was wearing a "Hillary Supporter For Obama" button. Nice. You know what was better? The feminazi's first question being about a place Mrs. kkk worked at 4+ years ago, which was a Catholic hospital. The interviewer was trying to find out if she was Catholic. (Mrs. kkk is, but that's not the reason she worked at said hospital.) Of course, never mind the fact that the better half only lasted 7 months at that job because it was run by dumbfucks. Because, you know, everyone who works at a Catholic organization must automatically be of that religion.
Now I guess I could go on and say, "OMG liberals are the most intolerant of all people" or something like that, but I was at an interview back in December where the idiot interviewing me had a Bush/Cheney mug on his desk.
• I'm sure this picture in question has already been taken down, and I'm not a regular to Mr. Cooley's blog, but peep this, especially the boldface:
How could you NOT notice this little part of the picture? And I thought I was packing light down there.
7:45 p.m.
• Regarding Cooley, I just ventured into the "Pictures I Like" Thread.
5:30 p.m.
• This entry is dedicated to SFAJack, who is dealing with a hurricane named Ike. Didn't George W. Bush get the memo that you voted for him? If so, I'm sure he would have steered this path of destruction toward a bluer part of the state.
You've commented on the subject of your "welcomed guests to Houston" before, so I thought you might like this.
6 p.m.
• To keep up with the "SFA Jack/Texas/Underclass" theme, here's a blast from the past from Mr. Jack's state that I'm sure makes him proud.
Don't forget the remix/radio version/whatever the hell this is supposed to be. I'm still trying to figure out why this song is called "Bald Head Gals" when the chorus contains the more explicit word. Oh well, at least the part with the horse got a chuckle out of me.
Finally, to complete today's Willie Dee trifecta, this one (0:30) goes out to Whoppi Goldberg, who, if McCain gets elected, will be first to go up on the slave auctioning block.
You know, I remember back in '04 Cameron Diaz said that if you think rape should be legal then don't vote. Slaves, rape: when is all of the good stuff really going to happen? Keep your tax cuts, just let me stick my weiner in Diaz's mouth. No, I don't want a blow job; I'm just tired of hearing her voice.
6:15 p.m.
• OK, this is why I love rap. If you listened to the third song in the Willie Dee collection above you would have noticed there was a female saying she had a pussy the size of Bolivia. Well, Willie Dee's "Controversy" album was released in 1989. Just three years later, Willie D (guess the "ee" fared poorly in the focus groups), released the following...
And WTF?
The high price is more than $100.
Oh, and here is the song that Choice did which caused Mr. D's scorn.
