Jim Ross is one funny bastard

[UZI Suicide 0]

I'm sure there has been a post like this at some time or another, but I wanted to bring it up again today because I heard a funny JR quote.

 

I was watching the Ric Flair DVD, the match with Triple H in the "Special Night in Greenville" section.

 

After the match Kevin Nash strolls to the ring to attack Trips, and he retreats up the ramp. Stone Cold comes out and tells him he's going to have to face Nash at Badd Blood for the World Title in a Hell in a Cell match.. to which JR blurts out.."KEVIN NASH! TRIPLE H! BADD BLOOD! HELL IN A CELL! MY ASS!!"

 

I'm serious, he says "MY ASS!!" at the end of it. I cracked up laughing because it's so random and so fucking dumb. If you have this DVD pop it in and watch it, it's definitely a classic.

[Use Your Illusion 0]

Y'know, I actually liked that match.

 

Nash vs Hunter, that is.

 

What?

[KTID 0]

JR'S ASS!!

[Si82 0]

Why the hell did he say that anyway?

[Guest J0bber]

Why the hell did he say that anyway?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

He's a bonified hick. What else do you expect him to say?

[Fartsauce 0]

I loved the time that Triple H came out and completely kicked Austin's ass and may have pedigreed him through the table. As Triple H is posing on the wreckage while his new Motorhead theme plays, Jim Ross is going absolutely insane with his whole "DAMNIT WHY YOU SUM BITCH YOU'RE GONNA PAY' banter. It's just funny because Triple H is mere inches away from him and not paying attention to it.

[Slickster 0]

I loved the time that Triple H came out and completely kicked Austin's ass and may have pedigreed him through the table. As Triple H is posing on the wreckage while his new Motorhead theme plays, Jim Ross is going absolutely insane with his whole "DAMNIT WHY YOU SUM BITCH YOU'RE GONNA PAY' banter. It's just funny because Triple H is mere inches away from him and not  paying attention to it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Yeah, that's the one where he damns HHH's soul to hell, too. He's screaming and pointing at HHH who is standing on the table doing his trademark pose and totally no-selling JR's existence. Definitely one of my favorite JR moments right there.

[bob_barron 0]

"THERE AIN'T NO ANCHOR TIED TO HIS ASS"

 

The next month when King accuses of JR of leaving barbed wire under the table and they get into it about it is funny stuff.

 

I also like when Paul Heyman compared Austn to John Wayne and JR got really really pissed.

[10 Pounds 0]

You gotta love Senile Jim Ross. Remember when he and Heyman got into a heated argument about Austin in the Invasion era. JR got so much pissed off at Heyman that he told him "Kiss my ass !" since he couldn't find a counter-argument. I think there was also a time where he damned someone ( probably Austin by God ! ) and yelled at Heyman about it. All he did was looking at the camera and plugging the next Excess.

 

 

 

There was also a good quote that Hyatte postes a few weeks ago :

 

 

11): Buchanon is so damn big. He weighed in today at about 3 and a quarter. It's all muscle!- Ross

 

What size is his head?- Lawler

 

I don't know. I didn't get into that.- Ross

 

(silence as Ross possibly gives Lawler a little ear full off mic)

 

You think it's funny that I prepare for a broadcast?- Ross

 

I just... ha ha... can't imagine...- Lawler

 

What did YOU this afternoon? Go to a MALL?- Ross

 

... eight and three quarters...heh... eight and three inches head... WHO CARES?- Lawler

 

Well, YOU call yourself a King. That's what I'm saying, WHO CARES?- Ross

 

(Ross was clearly in a huff as Lawler tried to change topics)

 

Speaking of heads, what do you think is going through Vince's head right now? What do you think HE's thinking about?- Lawler

 

Something evil. Something sinister..- Ross

 

Why do you keep...- Lawler

 

Something to make the Rock and the Undertaker's life a living HELL.- Ross

 

Why are you so NEGATIVE? What has Vince done to YOU?- Lawler

 

Fired me twice. Anything else you want to go into?- Ross

 

Remember when he invested everyone's pension plans at the racetracks?- Lawler

 

WHAT?- Ross: Raw '98

[daileyxplanet 0]

What cracked me up was when he'd get into Albert's head size, which I think is what Lawler was alluding to in that quote.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Naw!

[Fartsauce 0]

While we are on the topic of Jim Ross, He was in Niagara Falls at their theme store 2 summers ago for an autograph signing. Being in town on a road trip at the time, I decided to go with a buddy. We were waiting in line for 3 hours just to get upstairs and get his autograph. When we finally got to him, I stated that we travelled 6 hours to go see him ( Not really true, but we did travel 6 hours to get to Niagara Falls) and that it was one of the greatest thrills of my life. Jim doesn't even look up at me to appreciate the comment and just mumbles "I appreciate it" and went on to the next guy in line.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

Well, it probably gets pretty tiresome sitting there for three hours having every mark in town come up and probably being like "OMG! JR! WWE RULZ!" etc.

 

JR doesn't strike me as much of a conversationalist outside of wrestling, anyway.

[Si82 0]

I think there was also a time where he damned someone ( probably Austin by God ! )  and yelled at Heyman about it. All he did was looking at the camera and plugging the next Excess.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That was at Summerslam '01 after the Austin/Angle title match. J.R. was going off on how Austin couldn't BY GOD! beat Kurt Angle and that Heyman had to admit it. Heyman looks at him, turn to the camera and plugs the debut of Excess the next week. I remember J.R. just looking pissed when he did that. Great stuff.

[LooseCannon25 0]

One JR moment that cracked me up was at King of The Ring 99, when it was Rock vs. Undertaker I believe for the WWF Title. The ref is down (as usual), and HHH runs in and pedigrees the Rock. All of a sudden I heard JR go on a tirade for the first time ever:

 

"Oh no, what the hell is he doing in the ring, he's not a part of this match. Damn him, that son of a bitch.........that...no good....SON...OF....A....BITCH"

 

King didn't know how to react so that so he was just trying to tell JR to calm down. That shit had me rolling.

[EdwardKnoxII 0]

I think my favorite JR tirade was when him and Heyman were together and some wrestlers broke the table. When they comeback JR and Heyman get into this HUGE fight. I forget over what. But, what gets me was at the JR tells Heyman to kiss his ass. The was just great.

[TheDevilAndGodAreRagingInsideMe 0]

The best part was they were sitting there on two folding chairs fighting, with the destroyed table at their feet

[CanadianChick 0]

Good 'ol JR was pretty hilarious this week on Raw too.

 

(Bret Hart music plays, Bret doesn't come out, and Shawn laughs)

 

"...Dammit."

 

(When Shawn had Hogan in the sharpshooter at the end of the show)

 

"LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO! LET HI-"

[Guest Fook]

At WM18 when the crowd's booing the shit out of the Rock and literally cheering Hogan's every move:

 

"A mixed reaction from the fans."

[Fartsauce 0]

or calling the Undertaker 'Booger Red'. I never quite figured that out.

[Hunter's Torn Quad 0]

I think 'booger red' is some sort of Southern expression.

[JHawk 0]

King of the Ring 98, JR's complaining about Lawler's job as special referee:

"Why not, King? You're licensed. Only set our business back about 20 years."

[Danville_Wrestling 0]

I loved JR's indignent expression @ the Al Snow/Head vs. Too Much match from KOTR '98. He gets all crazy over the "Head & Shoulders" being used for the pin and then when the match finished was like "Well ladies and gentlemen that's probably the last we'll see of that....piece of...business."

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

I loved JR's indignent expression @ the Al Snow/Head vs. Too Much match from KOTR '98.  He gets all crazy over the "Head & Shoulders" being used for the pin and then when the match finished was like "Well ladies and gentlemen that's probably the last we'll see of that....piece of...business."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

"And Al Snow makes the tag to, Head?

 

What the hell am I saying?"

 

And how could no one have said the "Devil's Water" thing yet?

[Si82 0]

I loved JR's indignent expression @ the Al Snow/Head vs. Too Much match from KOTR '98.  He gets all crazy over the "Head & Shoulders" being used for the pin and then when the match finished was like "Well ladies and gentlemen that's probably the last we'll see of that....piece of...business."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kinda like when he calls a match "bowling shoe ugly", you just know it's a stinker.

 

And how could no one have said the "Devil's Water" thing yet?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What's that?

[Guest jm29195]

Kinda like when he calls a match "bowling shoe ugly", you just know it's a stinker.

 

 

Or the 'mercifully it's over' phrase he's used at least during the WM16 Headcheese match, and the Gayda Raw tag match.....

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

I loved JR's indignent expression @ the Al Snow/Head vs. Too Much match from KOTR '98.  He gets all crazy over the "Head & Shoulders" being used for the pin and then when the match finished was like "Well ladies and gentlemen that's probably the last we'll see of that....piece of...business."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kinda like when he calls a match "bowling shoe ugly", you just know it's a stinker.

 

And how could no one have said the "Devil's Water" thing yet?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What's that?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Someone has it as the signature, but:

 

"Triple H, having some water. Probably devil's water!"

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

"Farooq, handlin' the Big Johnson!"

 

"Chyna just gave Al Snow Head!"

 

"And the Rock just jerked Helmsley off... the top rope!"

[AnonymousBroccoli 0]

My recent favourite is him berating Edge and Lita after she turned on Kane. They start kissing on the ramp...

 

"My God, what the... That's the man's wife! That's the man's wife! What the hell are you people thinkin' here? What the hell are you thinkin'? You'll pay for that some day! You'll pay for that some day! What are you thinkin'? You damn harlot!"

[Art Sandusky 0]

"Serious-ass impact."