THE BIGGEST FUCKING DORK ON THE BOARD

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Just like the title says.

 

Who, in your opinion, is the biggest fucking dork on the board, and why?

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

First Nominee: Masked Man of Mystery

 

"Professional Otaku"

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Second Nominee: Corey Lazarus

 

[BUTT 0]

I think Anglesault is back. He should definitely be in the running.

[AboveAverage484 0]

This is why is called HARDCORE DISCUSSION, folks.

 

Does Micah still post here? Or was he more of a misunderstood social outcast?

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Seeing as how we all post on a "Pro-Wrestling Messageboard" we're all winners.

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

This is quite the mean-spirited thread topic.

 

*awaits nomination*

[Carnival 0]

Thomas J Mayer --- wins

[The Czech Republic 0]

wildpegasus

[Prime Time Andrew Doyle 0]

wildpegasus

 

That is hands down the winner. He thought he lost his virginity when he had his first orgasim on a gym bench. He is also a 28 year old virgin.

[... 0]

Me, because I'm Captain of Outer Space.

[alfdogg 0]

Hoff

[Ted the Poster 0]

^ Seconded.

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Thomas J Mayer --- wins

 

 

Seconded. Anybody who's signature is a lyric of the Evolution theme song and pictures of them getting progressively fatter and uglier should be nomintated.

[The Czech Republic 0]

Meatwad. He shows an active interest in Howard Stern and Opie & Anthony's satellite radio shows.

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

^^^^^

[haws bah gawd 0]

Thomas J Mayer --- wins

 

 

Seconded. Anybody who's signature is a lyric of the Evolution theme song and pictures of them getting progressively fatter and uglier should be nomintated.

 

Hey now, don't hate on the Mayer. That guy's sig cracks me up. MAYERLUTION!

 

My vote goes to WildPegasus.

[Vyce 0]

I don't see how wildpegasus doesn't win this one hands down. I still can't wrap my head around how he thought that a weight bench took his virginity.

[The Czech Republic 0]

I don't even get how that happens. I've done leg curls or whatever, and I never soiled myself. I don't think I even bounced up and down in a thrusting motion that would emulate sexual intercourse. That whole thing was just a big mystery to me.

[geniusMoment 0]

Everyone who has over 10,000 posts. Seriously, get a fucking life losers.

[Guest wildpegasus]

I don't even get how that happens. I've done leg curls or whatever, and I never soiled myself. I don't think I even bounced up and down in a thrusting motion that would emulate sexual intercourse. That whole thing was just a big mystery to me.

 

You mustn't have been training hard enough. You've got to remember that I was training ALL OUT. It's not something I reccomend doing though because there's no literachure behind what this kind of thing can do to someone.

 

I'm not sure what you're saying there in the 2nd setence but I'm guessing you thought I bounced up and down in a thrusting motion on the bench while I was doing the leg curls? If so, that's incorrect. If you're training hard enough you simply would not be able to do that. If you are somehow able to do that that means you're not training very hard. Also that would be extreamly bad form which is always a no no in training since it's an open invitation to injury.

I only bounced up and down during orgasm because it was something I had never experienced before and it was probably the best orgasm I've ever had. It was completely uncontrollable. To tell you the honest truth I thought I had seriously f***ed myself up and there was something wrong with me. I did not know what had come out of me, I was scared and I didn't know what to do (although after cleaning myself up with empty popsicle covers I think I did do more leg work; I guess I kinda liked it Lol!) and I obviously couldn't tell anyone. Looking back, I still don't understand how I was able to do it without an erection.

 

Since this is the biggest dork on the board thread I may as well finish this story and take first place (Trust me, there are many stories I'm even too embarassed to post on here). I was about 19 or 20 years old at the time I think. I did not know what masturbation was(My parents told me nothing about sex; the only comment my father ever made was that I should go get a hooker and he could only ever say that in a joking fashion when he was around someone else). I had probably heard about it once or twice before but had simply forgotten about it. There were a couple of time where I'd "experiement", get naked on my bed, put a pillow inbetween my legs and roll around on my bed for a couple of minutes. I thought it felt kind of good and it came(no pun intended) kind of instinctively but I never did end up putting two and two together. There were also times where I felt a little "evil" around my lower regions (not talking about an erection) where I'd feel a little funny. When I was younger I just thought it was my bad side (seriously) coming to fruitition and it was something I had to fight off. So yeah, even though I was a smart guy who did well in school I never did piece all this together and maybe that's why I never played with myself down there. I related it to being evil but I did have a side of me that liked it. It wasn't untill High School or the very end of junior high that I discovered erections while looking at a girl calender in a mall (I had NO access to porn back in the day; people have to understand it's not like it is today where it's so easy to find). After that I would think about having sex with girls in school (thank goodness for schoolbooks!) but I still never really understood what it was all about although I was learning about different stuff. For example, I had touched myself in what for me was an ultimate act of rebellion once or twice while staying up to 2 O'clock in the morning with the mere hope of catching and recording a naked breast on Tv.

 

But and here's where the story comes full circle -- It wasn't until after that fateful night of leg curls that I finally, finally figured it out and discovered masturbation. After that, my whole life changed for the better. I don't know what I would've done if it weren't for that night. I might've discoverd masturbation at 23 yrs old or something instead of 20 which means I would've waisted 3 of the best years of my life. I owe a lot to that weight bench. I was sad when I had to get rid of it a few months ago.

 

CR -- Do you want me to give you a routine?

[Guest Fook]

Close the thread. Nothing's going to beat that.

[nl5xsk1 0]

WP can't win, because at this point it's just blatantly obvious that he's a gimmick.

 

So, maybe the person that created such a craptacular gimmick might be worthy of nomination, but not the gimmick itself.

[Sideburnious 0]

wow, just...wow

[The Czech Republic 0]

CR -- Do you want me to give you a routine?

No

[Guest wildpegasus]

WP can't win, because at this point it's just blatantly obvious that he's a gimmick.

 

So, maybe the person that created such a craptacular gimmick might be worthy of nomination, but not the gimmick itself.

 

This really frustrates and depresses me at the same time. Frustration because I am telling the truth. Depressing because that means I as so pathetic that people don't even think it can be real. Ouch.

 

Tell me what you don't think is real because every single word I wrote in there is true.

[The Czech Republic 0]

They shoot horses, don't they?

[Open the Muggy Gate 0]

I believe WP is a real person... whether that's good or bad is up to you... either way, he wins.

[Guest Princess Leena]

I hate how you kids force me to read WP's posts.

[Darth Vader 0]

I can't believe you fucked a weightbench.