Since my soccer team, Liverpool FC won yesterday, I was in a good mood. Had they not won, this review wouldn't be up. This is a RAW only show.
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National anthem begins the show, as this event occured on the day that Saddam Hussein was captured...and then, a video package. No surprise, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.
The first match of the night is Mark Henry w/THEODORE Long vs. Booker T. I guess it's hatin' if you call Long, Teddy. I said I quit watching late in 2003, but I remember a few things. Not like when I'll review Unforgiven 2007, and know nothing. Anyway, Henry beat Booker up for a few weeks prior to the show.
Blow-by-blow: Booker starts the match by clobbering Henry in the corner, but Henry comes back with a clothesline to end that. Henry chokes Booker, then clotheslines him over the top rope. Henry throws Booker into the steel steps, and they get back in the ring. Booker makes sure Henry doesn't stay back in, though, and dives onto him with a plancha. Yo. Booker rams Henry into the barrier and then throws him into the ring, where Booker comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, which gets a 2 count. Long distracts Booker, and Henry runs into the poor guy, then gives him a backbreaker afterward for a 2 count. Henry applies a bow and arrow lock, before Booker breaks the hold. Henry places Booker's neck on the 2nd rope, and then runs and jumps on it. Goodness, it looked like he could have broken Booker's fuckin' neck. Henry flew through the ropes, landing on his feet. Henry gets a 2 count on the cover, and goes to the chinlock. Booker powers out of that, but gets bearhugged soon after. IMO, this match was going well until the chinlock. I was liking it, anyway. Henry clotheslines Booker, and Booker does a 360 sell. He's doing everything to make this match good, and I applaud him for it. Booker, that is. I haven't seen him do some of this stuff in a long time. Henry misses a legdrop and charge toward Booker, so Booker gives him an axe kick, Ahmed Johnson style. He gives Henry a savate kick, and a flying forearm. The scissor kick gets 2, but Henry stops Booker's rally with a spinebuster for 2. Henry gives Booker an avalanche in the corner, then a clothesline and legdrop for a 2 count. Henry gives Booker an UGLY looking powerbomb for 2, and misses a charge to the corner, where Booker gives him a scissor kick for 3 at 9:19.
Match Analysis: See, I was liking it, until the middle. Not only that, but the finish kinda came a little too fast, and wasn't built to at all. Kinda jumbled, and one of the things that bothers me about current wrestling. You can't rush into a finish, you have to build to it. If all that stuff Henry did after the first scissor kick had been done BEFORE the first scissor kick, and Booker had came back with his typical spots, like the forearm and savate kick, then finished with the scissor kick, the match would have been better. As it was, it felt like it was lacking something, namely an ending. Just my .02. *1/4.
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Eric Bischoff is with Chris Jericho and Christian before their match later tonight against Trish Stratus and Lita, and for some reason Jericho has feelings, although not verbal, that he doesn't want to participate in the match. My initial reaction to learning about that match when I began watching this show...nothing good can come of it.
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It's Mick Foley! I guess he's the co-GM of RAW. Didn't know that. The petition to bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin has 1 million signatures. Now, Austin being forced to "leave" is something I DID know about. Anyhow, Foley brings Stacy Keibler out, she's wearing a cheerleader outfit and does cartwheels around the ring. Foley tries to do a cartwheel, but he can't. I found it a little weird that the two old men on commentary continually made ass jokes, but that's both the WWE and old men for you. Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring, and Orton says that the party is over. Since the party's over, Foley pulls off his suit, to reveal THE REFEREE SHIRT. Hell yeah. Well, it's time for a match.
It's Randy Orton w/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam, for RVD's Intercontinental Championship. Mick Foley's the special guest referee, if you couldn't already tell.
Blow-by-blow: RVD gives Orton a legsweep, so Orton bails out of the ring. He comes back in, and gives RVD a headlock, which RVD reverses into a hammerlock. RVD gives him a snap mare and a headscissor, on the mat, and after a few reversals, the two men square off in the middle of the ring. Crowd cheers, and RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick. Orton misses a charge to the corner, and RVD springboards up to the top and gives him a crossbody, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a European uppercut, and RVD comes back with a karate kick. Orton bails, and RVD follows him to the floor with a tope con hilo. Orton comes back in, and RVD follows with a slingshot legdrop, for a 2 count. Orton misses a charge, and RVD springboards to the top rope, but gets pushed to the floor. I like what I'm seeing. So far. Unfortunately, that became a trend for the rest of the night. Orton dropkicks RVD on the floor, and gets a cover for 2 on the inside. Orton chokes RVD on the 2nd rope, and RVD's sell of the move is so damn ridiculous that I'm not sure how to describe it. Hey, it's better than nothing. In my notes, I called his sell "RETARDED." Orton rams RVD to the buckle, but RVD comes back with a crossbody for 2. Orton goes to the chinlock, and when RVD breaks the hold, Orton misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a clothesline. A chinlock fits, in this case, as Orton's offense has been head oriented. Orton dropkicks RVD, who's in a seated position, and then reapplies the chinlock. RVD breaks the hold, then gets a roll-up for 2, and a front bodyslam, prior to the split legged moonsault, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a neckbreaker from a powerbomb position, which gets 2. Sorry, I ain't down with all the newfangled names for those moves. Orton goes back to the chinlock, and this time it goes for a while. A while long enough to take the crowd out of the match, unfortunately. In my opinion. RVD gets up and both men slug it out, and RVD gets a spinning heel kick. RVD does the 10 punch in the corner, and then a monkey flip after a whip to the other side. RVD gives him 3 shouldercharges in the corner, but flips and misses on the fourth. He gives him a springobard kick and a clothesline, and then a northern lights suplex for 2. Orton bails, and RVD suplexes him on the barrier at ringside. He gives him the spinning legdrop off the apron, and on the way back in, Orton finds a way to give him a DDT. It gets a long 2 count, and only 2, as RVD's hand finds the bottom rope. Orton pins him in the center for 2, then misses a kneedrop. RVD gives him a spinning heel kick type cradle for 2, and when both men get up, RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick and dropkick, before Rolling Thunder. Ric Flair gets a little too close to RVD, so RVD just kicks him out of the way. Orton gets a rollup for 2, and a kick. RVD goes up top, and Flair tries to knock RVD off the top, but Foley decks Flair, knocking him off the ring apron. Good way for a first interaction. Orton crotches RVD on the top with a dropkick, then both men lie on the mat for a while, before both get up and Orton gives RVD the RKO, for the 3 count and the Intercontinental Title, at 17:59.
Match Analysis: Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. I hate that fucking finish. Hate. Hate. Hate. The finish where a guy lies on the mat for a while, then gives another wrestler his finisher out of nowhere sucks. Not my favorite. Had Orton given RVD the RKO right after crotching him, I'd have liked it more. Still though, it was just an average match. Average means **1/2, minus -1/4* for the shitty finish, giving it **1/4. The large majority of the smark community seems to have biases against Orton, and I don't really get it. He's a decent wrestler. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. And average qualifies as good, nowadays. Or at least that's what I think.
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It's time for the Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Trish Stratus and Lita. The video package before this match honestly made me embarassed to be a wrestling fan. I didn't want to watch this show with everyone around, cause I'm afraid of, well, getting embarassed. But my entire family was here, and I was embarassed. Oh well. Lame as fuck. The CDN Dollar bet was the only part redeemable about the whole thing, cause it's a Canadian Dollar. Jericho and Christian bet a dollar on who would nail their woman first. Jericho's being Trish, and Christian's being Lita. I chuckled, but that's it. FWIW, I cried during the video when Trish acted all sad about the bet, but that was only because I poked myself in the eye.
Blow-by-blow: Jim Ross compares Eric Bischoff to Saddam Hussein. Boo. Since this fits in the match description, I can't believe how awful the booking was to put these 4 in a match. Nothing good can come of this for Christian and Jericho. Trish and Jericho start the match off, and talk with each other in the ring. See what I'm talking about, nothing good can happen. Trish slaps Jericho a whole bunch, until Jericho bends her over his knee and spanks her ass. My dad guffawed at the visual. Trish kicks Jericho, then gives him a flying headscissor, and tries some dropkicks, but they don't do a thing. Christian tags in, and shoves Trish over towards her corner, where she tags Lita. Christian grabs her by the wrist, until Lita gives him a headbutt. Christian chases her around the ring, until she gets back in. Christian misses a charge to the buckle, and Lita gives him a monkeyflip. Jericho hits Lita, and Christian gives her a bodyslam. Jericho comes in with a bodyslam, and steps on Lita's hair. Heh. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but Lita gives him a hurricanrana for 2. Jericho gives her a back elbow, and tags in Christian, who tears off Lita's shirt. Jericho smells the shirt for some reason, and throws it back in the ring. Christian taunts her, until she gives him a lowblow. Trish comes in, and kicks Christian after a missed clothesline, and then, Christian misses a charge and flies out of the ring through the ropes. Trish tries to rana Jericho, but can't, and he throws her to the canvas, where Christian gets a 2 count. Jericho gets a rollup for 2, and Christian gives her a clothesline. However, Lita comes in with a rana off the top, and then she goes out of the ring, where she's thrown into the barrier by Jericho. Jericho and Trish stare at each other for a second, so Christian comes up from behind and rolls up Trish while holding the tights, for the win at 6:37. Boy oh boy. Jericho looks all sad, as Christian celebrates, on the way backstage.
Match Analysis: I could go on and on forever, but this is such shitty booking. It's like telling Jericho and Christian, "to the midcard you go, where forever you shall stay." I could never buy Jericho as a main eventer after this, had I been watching at the time. EVER. Awful. The match was fine, and *1/2 worthy. But the booking was -****. Terrible. I don't understand it at all, especially why the match would even be made in the first place. Shit like this is what made me quit watching the WWE. And now I remember why. The night after Survivor Series 03 was when I'd start watching both RAW and SMACKDOWN! only once or twice a month, IF that. And after the Royal Rumble, I quit watching RAW entirely. I didn't have the time, but when I did, I didn't watch it anyway. This was a good reminder as to why. I'm glad I saw this.
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Before this next match, we see a clip where HBK practically bled buckets for Austin, in order to save Austin's job. Batista interfered and cost Shawn the match, and Austin's job. So, we have this, a very interesting matchup, to say the least.
Yeah, Shawn Michaels vs. Batista w/Ric Flair. Hmmm....this was the match that piqued my interest, when telling my brother to check what the matches were without telling me the results. Yeah, I'm almost 20 and can do it myself, but why should I? I like to be surprised. Also, in case I've never said this, Shawn's my favorite wrestler to watch. I don't care about the backstage stuff, I'm talking about his matches. He can play both babyface and heel the same way. :Cocky heel that you want to see get his ass kicked OR sympathetic babyface that bleeds buckets and sells like a champ," is something that few wrestlers do well enough. Fuck that noise about him not selling when he kips up. There is not a SINGLE babyface in the entire world that doesn't do shit like that. With that said, him being my favorite to watch is what makes this match very interesting, seeing how the match will be against a limited guy like Batista.
Blow-by-blow: Shawn avoids Batista in the corner, and potshots at him with a few left jabs. They stare at each other and punch in the middle of the ring, until Batista kicks Shawn in the groin area. Batista rams Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn comes back with a few kicks to the leg, and chops to the chest. He avoids Batista again, and punches Flair in the face. For that, Batista chases him around the outside of the ring, until Flair stops him and has a meeting with Batista. Flair whispers something in his ear, and Batista slowly gets back in the ring. Batista corners Shawn and beats him up, mixing in a few knees with the left and right handed punches he throws. Batista clotheslines Shawn on a reversal sequence, which gets a 2 count. Batista gives Shawn a suplex for 2, and then whips him hard into the buckle. Batista gives Shawn an elbow to his face, and a knee to the back, then whips him hard, back into the buckle. Batista chokes Shawn, until Shawn begins chopping him. Batista places Shawn on the top rope after regaining control, but Shawn comes off the top with a moonsault block for 2. He barely hit Batista, but that's better than Shawn's knee clocking someone in the face. Nothing to nitpick about. Shawn gives him a flying forearm and kips up once the referee's double count reaches 7, but Batista springs up too, and gives Shawn a clothesline. Batista puts Shawn into the buckle again, and this time, Shawn goes upside down. Batista tosses Shawn out of the ring, and rams him into the steps. He then throws Shawn in, and gets a cover for a 2 count. A Batista backbreaker gets two, and he gives him another, but of the submission variety. Once Batista drops him, it's at this point that I know what I'm going to rate the match, unless there's a screwup. It's rare, but I could already tell. Usually I can't. Batista punches Shawn, and gets a 2 count. Shawn gives Batista a flying forearm, after a little mistake when Batista shot Shawn into the ropes the first time. Uh-oh, a fuckup. Rating drops. What happened was, Shawn got shot into the ropes, and Batista put his head down. Shawn improvised awfully fast, and kicked him in the head. Then, Batista shot Shawn into the ropes (while Shawn has a clear look of disappointment on his face), and they got the flying forearm right. Every single part of the re-do took part in the exact same place that it happened the first time. I don't mind blown spots, even though they affect my rating, unless they get repeated again. Then they DO bother me a little. I digress. Shawn kips up, and Batista grabs onto a choke. He tries a choke powerbomb, but Shawn reverses it into a DDT. Shawn goes up top, and gives him a flying elbowdrop, for 2. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Batista blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and gives him a spinebuster. And then, he gives him another. NOT a repeated spot, never blown in the first place. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Shawn flips through the move on the pick-up, and gives Batista SWEET CHIN MUSIC, giving Shawn the pinfall and victory at 12:22. Batista is awfully pissed about losing, and we'll come back to that.
Match Analysis: Without the match being overly violent or longer, I couldn't have seen it being better. I know how nitpicky this is, but since the blown spot bothered me, I'll knock it down to *3/4. Still, it's solid. Very solid, and better than I had originally thought it would be, when hearing of the matchup. Right guy went over, too. I usually don't make comments like that, but in the case of experienced vs. inexperienced or a title change, I think I will from now on, but only when reviewing an entire show, and not a portion of it.
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Part #2 of the program, as Maven makes his way to the ring. LOL. This is the worst thing about split brand PPV's. It's not worth ordering a show to watch Maven in a match. Sorry. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 comes out too, and they brawl on the outside. They're supposed to have a match, but Batista's in the ring, see. Hardy throws Maven into the ring, where he gets FUUUUCKED up by Batista. 2 Batista Bombs are the main course for Maven, and he's out like a light. That means no match, and everyone boos. What the fuck? They wanted to see this? Hardy covers Maven anyway and counts the pin himself, then grabs the mic and says..."your winner, Matt Hardy V1UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." I was eagerly awaiting that. I laughed for a while, which is probably embarassing.
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To follow up on that, Flair and Batista are backstage, as Batista is still pissed about losing. Flair calms him down, and tells him, we're gonna get some titles tonight. ORLY? Flair's awesome at these interview segments. Awesome.
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Oh boy, a match that's hell to review. Because of how long it is, and the multiple teams involved. Tag Team Turmoil, for the World Tag Team Championships. Just a gauntlet match, really.
Blow-by-blow: Starting the match, will be La Resistance (Conway and Dupree) vs. The Hurricane and the S.H.I.T., Rosey. Geez, that sucks. Rosey and Conway start the match, and Rosey gives Conway a clothesline. Hurricane tags in, with a legdrop off the top rope, and when Conway bails to the floor, the Hurricane tries to springboard out onto him, and eats shit, as his feet catch the top rope, causing him to tumble out onto the floor. I laughed, and I didn't stop laughing for a minute. No lie. That was one of the funniest botches I've ever seen, and if I could find a video, I'd share. The crowd is SO dead, they don't even chant "you fucked up." Oh dear. Conway gives Hurricane a full nelson, and then a swinging neckbreaker. Dupree tags in, and gives Hurricane a powerslam after Hurricane misses a charge. The powerslam gets a 2 count, and Hurricane comes back with a face buster. Not so hot tag Rosey, who has shoulderblocks and backdrops for everyone. He gives one opponent a samoan drop, and another a catatonic, for 2. He dumps Conway out, and gives Dupree and UGLY spinebuster. Hurricane jumps on Rosey's shoulders, and gives Dupree a big splash, gaining the pinfall at 3:17. 1/2*.
Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come through the crowd as their entrance music plays, and Jindrak rolls Hurricane up at 3:34. DUD.
Lance Storm and Val Venis are the next team up, and they both bring some ladies to the ring. Venis shoulderblocks Jindrak, and Jindrak does the same. Venis gives him a hiptoss and both men trade armdrags, before Jindrak slaps Venis across the face. Venis gives him a back elbow, and Storm tags in with an axhandle off the top rope. Storm gives him an armdrag, and Cade comes in, and gives him a headlock takeover. BORING chant begins, and Storm does that little Owen thing, where he plays around on the ropes, and backflips back into the ring. I liked that. Jindrak tags in, and applies a surboard. Venis comes in and kicks Jindrak, then gives him a spinebuster, and Cade a neckbreaker. Venis gives Cade a half nelson slam, and Storm clotheslines Cade out of the ring. Venis gives Jindrak a blue thunder bomb for 2, and when Cade comes back in, he takes out Venis leg and pins him, while Jindrak holds the leg down, for the pinfall at 7:54. *1/2.
Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley (the champions) are the next ones in, and they toss Jindrak out of the ring. Bubba puts Cade on the top, in tree of woe position, and hits him a few times. D-Von tags in, and both he and his partner give Cade a double clothesline for 2. D-Von gives Jindrak a flying back elbow for 2, and Jindrak comes back with a clothesline for 2. Cade hits D-Von, then tags in. He gives D-Von a snapmare and goes to the chinlock. He goes up top after stopping D-Von's comeback with a back elbow, and misses a flying elbowdrop. Bubba tags in, and clotheslines Cade, and hiptosses Jindrak. He gives Cade a backdrop, and gives both men an avalanche at the same time. He tosses Cade out, and D-Von gives Cade a clothesline. Cade puts Bubba into the stars, and Jindrak and D-Von trade rollups, for 2. D-Von tosses Cade out, and once Jindrak misses a dropkick, it's 3D for him, and the Dudleys get the pin at 12:29. *1/4.
Scott Steiner and Test are the last team. Jesus Christ. Test kicks Bubba, and Scott gives him a belly to belly suplex, then tosses him out. Test rams Bubba into the post twice, and Scott Steiner gives him a STEINERLINE inside, and an elbowdrop for 2. Yeah, the one where he kisses his artificially enhanced bicep. Then he does some pushups, and applies a fujiwara armbar. Test comes in and also applies an armbar, when Scott leaves the ring. Test puts Bubba on the top rope, but Bubba comes off with a senton, after not allowing Test to suplex him off. Here we go to the end, it's long and not very good. D-Von comes in and hits both opponents, and gives Test a flying shoulderblock. He gives both a neckbreaker, and gets a 2 count. By this point, the crowd does not give a shit. Scott gives D-Von a t-bone suplex, and Test gives him a sidewalk slam for 2. Test accidentally gives Steiner a big boot, and D-Von rolls Test up for 2. Test gives D-Von a full nelson slam, and gets 2, with his own feet on the ropes. Test grabs a chair and one of the title belts, then throws the belt near the referee, in order to distract him when he hits D-Von with the chair. The cover only gets 2, and Bubba comes in with a Bubba Bomb. That gives D-Von the 3 count, at 19:27. Why in the world was that the longest match? 1/2*.
Now, Eric Bischoff comes out, and says there's still one last team. It's Ric Flair and Batista! Flair chopblocks Bubba and works on his knee, and applies the figure-four on Bubba, while Batista gives D-Von a Batista Bomb, and that's the end, thankfully, at 21:32. *, and new tag team champions. Goodness. JR nearly gives away the ending to the PPV, but I'll ignore it.
Match Analysis: The overall rating of the match averages to 3/4*. That's pretty much how I thought of the thing as a whole. So bad, the crowd didn't give a shit, neither did I, and a majority of the participants in the original match (prior to Bischoff) don't belong on many PPV's, if any at all. Horrendous. Best part of it was the Storm/Venis portion. That's no surprise.
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Here's an announcement of WWE's trip to Iraq, which took place later that month...
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And we have a thrown together match, Ivory vs. Molly Holly for Molly's Womens Title.
Blow-by-blow: Ivory gives Molly a snapmare, and goes up to the top, with a crossbody that gets 2. She slingshots Molly over the top rope, and goes up to the floor, frontflipping onto Molly from the apron. Molly baseball slides Ivory to the floor when she gets thrown back in, and gives her a northern lights suplex, which gets 2. Armbar from Molly, and King says that Molly may have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Where the fuck did that come from? Not only that, it offends me. I have it, and I'm perfectly fine. Fuck that guy. Rant: I hate the way people stereotype those with IBS, like it makes them have to spastically shit their pants at random periods. That has never happened to me, and the first time I told someone and they laughed and asked me if I shit my pants all the time, in highschool, I knocked them the fuck out. I got suspended, but I didn't care. It makes me angry when people say things like that. Anyway, back to the match. Molly gives Ivory a suplex for 2, and scratches her face. She springboards into Ivory, and gets a two count, then slams Ivory's face into the mat. Molly pulls the buckle pad off, but gets rammed into it by Ivory for 2. Molly reverses an Ivory roll-up for the 3 count, and retains her title at 4:23.
Match Analysis: Crowd hated it. I didn't care much, but it wasn't bad. *.
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Video package prior to.....
Triple H vs. Kane vs. Goldberg, for Goldberg's World Heavyweight Title, in a triple threat match. Guess who's taking the fall? (I usually type what I write in my notes, so yeah. I don't type something from after the fact before the match, very often anyway.)
Blow-by-blow: You have to gimmick this match to make it look good on paper. And I never got the thing with Kane wearing a towel on his head. HHH hits Goldberg from behind, and both he and Kane work Goldberg over in the corner. HHH looks funny with a completely shaved face. HHH whips Goldberg over to Kane, who clotheslines Golberg. HHH rams Goldberg into the buckle, and Goldberg comes back, clotheslining HHH. Kane clotheslines Goldberg, but Goldberg comes back with a flying shoulderblock. Goldberg powerslams Kane, and dumps HHH out of the ring. Goldberg and Kane fight, and Kane rams him into the buckle, then clotheslines Goldberg twice. Kane tries a suplex, but Goldberg breaks it up, then hits HHH with a butterfly suplex. Kane gives Goldberg a sidewalk slam and goes up top, but Goldberg slams him off. He gives HHH a press powerslam, like the one Dr. Death would do sometimes. Goldberg lines Kane up for a spear, but Kane gives him a big boot. Now both Kane and HHH choke Goldberg, until they both give Goldberg a suplex. HHH hangs out in a corner, while Kane gives Goldberg a powerslam. HHH tries to steal the fall, and now Kane's mad. Kane clotheslines HHH oout of the ring, and gives Goldberg a hotshot. JR calls the match "bowling shoe ugly" and I'd tend to agree, although it's been better than I had thought it would be. HHH accidentally hits Kane with a chair, and Goldberg slams HHH. He puts the chair on HHH's leg, to break it I guess, but he's unable to. Kane tosses Goldberg out of the ring, and into the steel steps. Kane tries to chokeslam Goldberg through the Spanish Announce Table, but Goldberg blocks it, and tries to Jackhammer him through it. Hah. He can't either, so eventually, Kane chokeslams Goldberg through the table after HHH hits Goldberg with a chair. Almost forgot, the table didn't break. SO, HHH gets on the barrier outside the ring, and elbowdrops Goldberg through the table. Heh. HHH won't hit Kane with the chair, no sir, but he'll throw him into the steps instead. He tries to PEDIGREE Kane on the floor, but gets backdropped. Goldberg's out of the match for a while, so forget about him. Unfortunately, the match goes to shit when Goldberg's out on the floor. Inside, Kane gives HHH a big boot and sidewalk slam. Kane goes up top, and clotheslines HHH from up there. Kane tries the chokeslam, but HHH pokes him in the eye, and gives Kane a DDT. HHH gets a neckbreaker, then punches Kane, but that doesn't do anything. Kane clotheslines HHH over the top rope, and then they go to the stage, where Kane gives HHH a chokeslam. They had to do SOMETHING to try and save this match. Kane drags HHH to the ring, and Goldberg finally gets up. He runs in the ring and SPEARS Kane, for a 2 count. HHH breaks up the pin, then all three men fight with each other, until Goldberg beats both up. HHH pokes Goldberg in the eye, but it doesn't hurt Goldberg, so he clotheslines both Kane and HHH. He SPEARS Kane, as Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring. They can't do anything to Goldberg, so Goldberg gives HHH a SPEAR. Kane and Goldberg now choke each other, but HHH gives Goldberg a low blow, and Kane gives Goldberg a chokeslam. Batista comes to the ring and pulls Kane off Goldberg on the pin, and HHH steals the fall to win the match, and his 8th major (meaning WWE, Undisputed or World Heavyweight) title, at 19:29. Guess I was wrong about who would take the fall, wasn't I? Evolution celebrate with all their titles, cause they have all RAW's titles, and the show ends.
Match Analysis: Was decent before the table spot. Was DOGSHIT afterwards. That's like almost every match on this show, started off strong, but wound up being junk. Cause it was decent at one point, it's worth a *. That's it. They made Goldberg look like a straight out bitch. Kane's chokeslam doesn't really win important matches, but it put Goldberg down for the equivalent of a 10 count. No wonder his WWE run wasn't so hot, you can't really have him in this long of a match. It's gotta be short and to the point. Still like him, though. But Kane and HHH should never have a match with one another again. No chemistry.
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Rating: Bad. Nothing over **1/4 is a problem. A big problem. Plus the booking of the Battle of the Sexes and main event really bothered me, and the crowd was dead after Jericho and Christian won. One would say, if this show was so shitty, why'd you watch all the way through? Well, I'll explain why, there's two reasons.
1. I enjoy writing these reviews. A lot.
2. There's only been one show I've seen that's been SO SHITTY that I've gotten no enjoyment out of it. It was that Philly show with Hogan/Race, and I turned it off midway through. That was probably the worst wrestling show I've ever watched. I got a lot of enjoyment out of this. V1UUUUUUUUUUUHH, Hurricane's botch, RVD's sell of the choke, HHH elbowdropping Goldberg through the table, Scott Steiner's overall terribleness, Flair winning a title, and seeing a decent IC Title match. So there.
Best Segment: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship.
Worst Segment: Tag Team Turmoil. My goodness, that was terrible.
Loudest Sound: RVD, Goldberg, Val Venis(!), Ric Flair and HHH. Very typical, cause Venis brought some women with him to ringside. Obviously, he's going to get a loud pop doing that.
No Sound: La Resistance and the Women's Match. Sorry.
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Don't know what I'm going to write about next, but hopefully it's better than this. It has to be, right? The best thing I can say about this show is that not much was bad enough to be a DUD, and nothing bad enough to be -*'s. Just checked, and this is my longest review. Yay me.
Since nobody was here, I figured I could watch this without someone getting pissed off about me watching something without them. Because the footage is really old, and all.
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Starts off with a video package, of course, and now, to a match.
It's Pedro Morales vs. Ivan Koloff, for Koloff's WWWF Title, and the match took place at MSG on 2/8/1971.
Blow-by-blow: On a look at thehistoryofwwe.com, I see that the match has been clipped. However, I'll make an exception and rate it anyway, because I honestly couldn't tell. When I can't tell if something's clipped, I rate it, and it's probably clipped because the footage is so poor. Wow. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Koloff looked like King Kong Bundy. I'm so used to the, "my nephew Nikita" version that I had forgotten he looked like this before. Anyhow, both wrestlers act like they're going to box when the match starts, until Koloff begs off. Koloff threatens to leave, and Pedro grabs onto a headlock when Koloff comes back in. Pedro gives him a shoulderblock, and Koloff comes back with a backdrop. Pedro slams Ivan twice, and gives him two headlock takeovers. The crowd heat is off the charts. The ring also has 4 ropes, like a boxing ring. Pedro gets kicked, and Ivan grabs onto a chinlock. Koloff breaks it, and begins to choke Pedro with the strap on his attire. The crowd got PISSED off when he did that. Now Koloff wants to shake hands, but instead, we begin a TEST OF STRENGTH. Pedro monkeyflips out of it, but Koloff grabs onto a bearhug. Pedro gets out and slams Ivan, then does it again. Koloff gets 2 as Pedro can't slam him after an Ivan shoulderblock, and then, Koloff misses a splash. He gets a slam, though, but misses his finisher, a kneedrop off the top rope. Pedro goes up, and gets a crossbody for 2. Koloff rams Pedro into the buckle three times, then goes for a suplex, and on the cover, PEDRO MORALES lifts a shoulder at 2, gaining the win and WWWF Title, as Koloff's shoulders stay pinned to the mat. Crowd goes nuts, yadayadayada.
Match Analysis: FWIW, at that point, the title wasn't going to stay on a heel for longer than a few weeks. Heels had to be brought in for the champion to face, business wasn't going to stay the same if a heel champion faced off against babyfaces that came in every few months. Or so that was the conventional wisdom. You decide whether it was right or not. Match was *, and I was glad to see it end. Hate that finish (both men's shoulders on mat, one lifts at 2) with a passion, though. I can understand its use, but when it comes out of nowhere like this? Hell no.
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Bruno Sammartino vs. Killer Kowalski is joined in progress, and it's the same one from the shorties section two months back, which I never got around to watching. Let's put it this way, it's probably a good thing that the match is joined in progress. I fastforwarded, but Bruno bleeds, and the match gets stopped. Now THAT is a copout finish, UNLESS...it sets up a gimmick match at the next show. Which it did, a Texas Death Match. So no worries.
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From Baltimore, Maryland on 4/30/77, it's Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bruno Sammartino, for Bruno's WWWF Title. It's in full.
Blow-by-blow: Superstar pushes Bruno into the buckle on a lockup, and then does the same. Bruno returns the favor, and gives Graham an armdrag. Bruno applies a wristlock, then takes Superstar down to the canvas. Superstar puts his leg on the bottom rope to break the hold, then goes outside the ring to take a breather. Once he comes back in, we have a TEST OF STRENGTH that goes about 3, maybe 4 minutes. Superstar wins, Bruno comes back, Superstar puts Bruno's shoulders down for 2, and Bruno puts Superstar down to end the hold. That covers it. Superstar grabs onto Bruno's wrist, and Bruno reverses the hold, putting Superstar on the canvas. Superstar gets up, and begins to kick and punch Bruno. He chokes Bruno, and whips him hard into the turnbuckle. Bruno knocks Superstar out of the ring, and when Superstar comes back in, he's bleeding. Bruno punches Superstar a few times, but Superstar is able to grab onto a bearhug, after shoving Bruno into the buckle. Bruno also puts Superstar into the buckle after breaking the bearhug, but Superstar applies the bearhug again. Bruno hits Superstar a few times in the corner, and suddenly (somehow applies too), Superstar rolls up Bruno and sticks his feet on the ropes, giving him the leverage to get the 3 count and end Bruno's long title reign, at 13:45.
Match Analysis: It's really quite simple to explain why the title change happened in Baltimore. There was no way Graham would have made it home safely, had the match been at the Garden. No way, no how. The match sucked, IMO. It was centered around three things.
That doesn't quite cut it for me. 1/2*. Maybe that's being nice. I really, really like old wrestling, but so far, I haven't liked what I've seen. Thankfully, that changes.
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Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bob Backlund is JIP, and cut to about a minute. Backlund wins the title with an atomic drop, while Superstar's foot is on the rope. Is that justice? I'd say so.
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And again, another JIP match, Greg Valentine vs. Bob Backlund in a steel cage. I'd like to see this one in full. Anyhow, it's cut to 4 minutes, and ends when Backlund escapes through the door after giving Valentine a piledriver.
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Finally, a match that looks good on paper. Sgt. Slaughter w/The Grand Wizard vs. Bob Backlund, for Backlund's WWF Title, from MSG on 5/23/83. Slaughter whipped Backlund like a government mule with a riding crop, so Backlund has all kinds of welts on his back.
Blow-by-blow: Brawl to start, of course, as these two are supposed to hate each other. Backlund rams Slaughter into the ringpost a whole bunch, and the crowd goes nuts. Gorilla says that Slaughter is on "Queer Street," and this time, I'm not laughing because of the lack of politically correctness. During HBO broadcasts, whenever a boxer gets knocked down, Lennox Lewis says that the guy was put on Queer Street. So there. Slaughter bails, and upon getting back in the ring, is beat up more. Backlund elbows Slaughter in the face twice, and Slaughter bails again. When getting back in the ring, Backlund gives Slaughter a snapmare, then stomps on his face a few times. You know, where the guy spins on his opponent's nose. Really don't like that. Backlund gives Slaughter two flying forearms, but on the third attempt, gets clotheslined. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope, and gives him a kneedrop for two. Slaughter rakes Backlund's back, and then his eyes, on the rop rope. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and then a back elbow for 2. Slaughter gives Backlund a chestbreaker, but the referee is unable to make the count, due to the position of Backlund's feet. Slaughter gives him a double stomp(!), and a knee to Backlund's gut. Backlund tries to clothesline Slaughter, but can't, so instead, we get a double collision. Both men are down and out, until Backlund rises up and gives Slaughter a swinging neckbreaker. Backlund misses a charge to the corner, and gets suplexed for a 2 count. Backlund reverses another suplex attempt by Slaughter, into a suplex of his own, which gets a 2 count. Backlund gives Slaughter an ugly looking piledriver, made that way because Slaughter was overly protective of his neck. But really now, you can't be overprotective of your neck, can you? It's one of those things you have to do. It gets a 2 count, and Backlund tries another swinging neckbreaker, but can't get it as Slaughter grabs the top rope, leading Backlund to hit his head on the canvas. Slaughter shoots Backlund into the ropes, and gives him a dropkick, which gets two. This match is very fun, if slow. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope and gets an elbowdrop for 2. However, he misses a charge to the buckle, ramming his own shoulder into the ringpost. Backlund begins to hit Slaughter's arm, then applies the Crossface-Chickenwing. It's locked in, but near the ropes, the Grand Wizard hands Slaughter that riding crop, and Slaughter hits Backlund with it, getting disqualified at 15:55. Backlund gets the riding crop away from Slaughter, and hits Slaughter a few times, before Slaughter runs away.
Match Analysis: Good, solid wrestling. The match featured a lot of good spots, most of which were the "highspots" of that era. Anyway, it's solid, and one of the better early (read: pre-1985) WWF matches I've seen. Yes, I know the WWF was around for long before that, and it really wasn't early. ***1/4.
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Yes! Haven't seen this one in a few years, so I'm glad to review it. It's "The Incredible" Hulk Hogan vs. The Iron Sheik w/Classy Freddie Blassie, for Sheik's WWF Title. Yeah, they called Hogan "the Incredible," and I don't know why. It's from 1/23/1984 at MSG, if you didn't already know. When MSG was doing extremely well, as far as getting asses in the seats.
Blow-by-blow: If you haven't seen any part of this match, you aren't a real wrestling fan. Hogan attacks Sheik, and gives him a back elbow in the corner. He takes Sheik's entrance attire, and clotheslines Sheik with it. Hogan gives Sheik a clothesline and kneedrop, then a choketoss. He spits on Sheik, and the crowd loves it. Hogan gets a big boot for 2, and then a running elbow and elbowdrop for 2. Hogan misses a charge to the corner, and Sheik takes over. The crowd is wild, of course. Not like during the Morales match, though. Sheik chops Hogan, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. Sheik "loads" his boot, and kicks Hogan in the gut. He applies a Boston Crab, but Hogan powers out of it in a hurry. Sheik gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, BREAK YOUR FUCKING BACK BRIAN BLAIR, IRAN #1, USA, AH PUH. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Hogan of course, powers out, and rams Sheik into the buckle. And then he DROPS THE FUCKING LEG, and HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER, as he wins his first WWF Title, at 5:40. Hurrah.
Match Analysis: Simple, and short. How it should have been, BUT...I didn't like that the match went so quickly to the legdrop after powering out of the Camel Clutch. Would have liked to see a slam or big boot, prior to the finish. For that, *3/4. And I know how picky my criticism is, in this case.
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No rating for this, cause I'm not doing the whole thing. I really enjoyed watching it, even though the matches weren't so great. Nostalgia trips are usually fun. What I review tomorrow depends on what happens today. How I feel, more or less. In all likelihood, it'll be Armageddon 2003. If not, it'll probably be the Jesse Ventura stuff.
The best thing on part 2, IMO, was the title change from the Main Event.
Andre the Giant: "I win the tag team championship, and now I present tag team championship to Ted DiBiase."
Great stuff.
SEMIFINALS
San Diego 5
Atlanta 4
WP: Heath Bell
LP: Peter Moylan
Sv: Trevor Hoffman
Brian Giles drew a bases loaded walk in the eighth inning to force in the winning run. The major turning point of the game occurred in the fourth inning, when Josh Bard drove in two RBIs with a two-out double and Justin Germano followed up with an RBI single.
Colorado 5
St. Louis 4
WP: Jeff Francis
LP: Ryan Franklin
Sv: Manuel Corpas
Troy Tulowitzki drove in the go-ahead run in the sixth with a single and David Eckstein's error in the eighth allowed an insurance run to score.
That gives us San Diego @ Colorado for the finals, fittingly.
8:35 p.m.
• Uh, OK.
I have nothing more to say about this. Hmm, maybe I can Google "Zoey Zane." Nope. Guess I found out about this too late. Shame, and she was a spunky little teen with a super sexy side!
• BAM~! Hey, it's no worse than how the AP started out their story of Emeril's show getting canned.
I never watched his show and never cared to. He probably got burnout or something. Hey, he'll still be doing stuff for the Food Network so all's good -- or at least it seems.
12 a.m.
• One little side from my recent interview stories. When I was in-between interviews on Monday, I had lunch, drove into downtown Shittsburgh (where the second interview was located), parked in the garage, lounged in the car for a while listening to music and then ventured out in public. I found the building that I was to enter but I still had about 45 minutes to kill. Because of this I went into a nearby public library. Jesus Christ. No wonder I try to stay away from as many "public" things as possible. How do these people live their lives the way they do. The building didn't seem that dilapidated but the people inside literally stunk up the joint.
And then I went into the men’s restroom.
Here’s all I have to say – there was a sign on the men’s room door that read, “No shaving, laundering or bathing.” And all the stalls were filled. Normally I can get in and out when going number one with a single breath, but this time I actually had to breathe in the potty room air. Gag.
Only eleven first ballot candidates this year and I already made it known in the Hall of Fame Ballot thread that Tim Raines is the only one deserving to get in, not that that is any great insight. But I'll still run through all eleven newbies but a little different from last year when I was going through the whole ballot and ended each entry with my opinion of whether they'd get my imaginary vote or not. Instead I'll just give "My Stupid Opinion" on each player. Also this year I'll throw in a link to the boxscore of each player's "best" performance, although really I'm not putting that much research into it. For the order of players I'll again go in reverse order of career Win Shares.
Rod Beck - Closer
San Francisco Giants 1991-1997
Chicago Cubs 1998-1999
Boston Red Sox 1999-2001
San Diego Padres 2003-2004
Awards
1994 N.L. Rolaids Relief
All-Star Selections: 3 (1993, 1994, 1997)
League Leader
None of note
Career Ranks
Games: 78th
Saves: 23rd
Best Performance
April 18, 1993 - Atlanta at San Francisco
Notches five strikeouts in pitching a shutout 9th and 10th (struckout the side) in a 13-12, 11 inning thriller against the Braves.
Hall of Fame Stats
Black Ink: Pitching - 1 (818) (Average HOFer ≈ 40)
Gray Ink: Pitching - 23 (946) (Average HOFer ≈ 185)
HOF Standards: Pitching - 13.0 (582) (Average HOFer ≈ 50)
HOF Monitor: Pitching - 63.0 (188) (Likely HOFer > 100)
Similar Pitchers in HOF: None
Top 10 Similar Pitchers: Jeff Montgomery, Armando Benitez, Robb Nen, Troy Percival, Keith Foulke, Jason Isringhausen, Todd Worrell, Gregg Olson, Tom Henke, Ugueth Urbina
Year-by-Year Win Shares & Wins Above Replacment Level (WARP3)
1991: 3/1.2
1992: 16/4.9
1993: 16/5.9
1994: 7/4.2
1995: 7/3.1
1996: 10/4.9
1997: 12/4.5
1998: 13/6.0
1999: 3/1.0
2000: 5/1.7
2001: 7/3.5
2003: 6/4.3
2004: 0/-0.1
Career Win Shares: 105
Career WARP3: 45.1
My Stupid Opinion
Due to his death earlier this year the five year rule was waived for Beck. A fan favorite who will be better known for his appearance and personality than his pitching prowess. A very good closer in his prime but rarely dominate and no where near the elite the closers of all-time. Maybe deserves a special spot in the Hall of Fame for overdosing on cocaine that he snorted off his own baseball card, which I'm pretty sure is the Score 1994 card pictured above.
QUARTERFINALS
San Diego 5
Minnesota 4
WP: Greg Maddux
LP: Carlos Silva
Sv: Trevor Hoffman
Padres scored four in the fifth, including Adrian Gonzalez's two-run home run.
Atlanta 3
Chi. Cubs 1
10 Innings
WP: Peter Moylan
LP: Scott Eyre
Sv: Rafael Soriano
The Braves prior to the tenth scored just one run on 12 hits. The Cubs only managed two hits in the game. Kelly Johnson drove in he go-ahead runs with a double in the tenth.
Colorado 5
Oakland 4
WP: Josh Fogg
LP: Lenny Dinardo
Sv: Manuel Corpas
Brad Hawpe homered for the Rockies. Travis Buck hit three doubles in a losing effort.
St. Louis 10
San Francisco 7
WP: Adam Wainwright
LP: Matt Cain
Sv: Jason Isringhausen
Cain imploded, giving up four runs without recording an out. The Cards scored nine of their runs in the first three innings. Chris Duncan collected four RBIs in the victory.
Semifinal Matchups:
Atlanta Braves @ San Diego Padres
St. Louis Cardinals @ Colorado Rockies.
I don't have time to do the NWA or the AWA special show, so, I'll just say what I thought of the former at the end. Haven't even watched the AWA show yet.
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OH YEAH, the SHAH. These are the highlights that typically open the show, so I'll rattle them off. The Shah beat Mr. Hughes...2 Cold Scorpio beat El Puerto Ricano...now a promo about Cactus Jack kissing Vince's ass. Yes, Cactus just said that. Now, highlight of the Headhunters winning a match, then we cut to an actual match. And yeah, I didn't know it was going to be a match, I thought it was going to be another highlight.
It's The Pitbulls vs. The Gangstas, for what it's worth. Anyhow, Stevie Richards is in the ring, apologizing to Francine for kicking her in the face. He acts all nice, gives her some Fluff (yeah, I just typed that), but then screws everything up by asking her if she's pregnant. Funny. She gets all mad, so the Pitbulls attack Stevie and the Blue Meanie. The Eliminators come in, and beat the Pitbulls up. The Gangstas are just standing there, which makes it all the funnier. 911 hits the ring, and chokeslams the Eliminators and Gangstas. They aren't just standing there anymore. 911 does the same to Meanie and Richards, and now, a clip job. That's just great. Tod Gordon orders the match to continue for some unseen reason, and Taz and Bill Alfonso make their first appearance. Taz chokes out 911, and Axl Rotten comes in the ring, then gets Totally Eliminated. 911 chokeslams the Eliminators, and the Pitbulls clothesline New Jack out of the ring. It's almost impossible to keep track. The Bulls superbomb Mustafa Saed, and Fonz breaks up the pin. Gordon tries to attack Fonzie, so Taz enters to pull Gordon away. Stevie superkicks Francine, and the Gangstas win after a chairshot. I don't rate clipjobs, but that was a mess. Maybe even the most overbooking I've ever seen. Probably negative star worthy.
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JT SMITH, ah, the Dudleys are in the ring, ah, as it's supposed to be Buh Buh Ray Dudley and Dances with Dudley vs. JT Smith and Axl Rotten. JT won't let Buh Buh stutter out his name, and JT continually goes into his, ah, thing whenever he takes the mic away. Axl tells JT to shut the hell up, and JT hits Axl with the microphone. Buh Buh does his powerbomb on JT, where he false picks up JT a few times, presumably stuttering. That one got a big laugh out of me. The powerbomb gets three after about 20 seconds of the match. *, cause it was that much better than the last match. Axl and JT fight after the match, but the picture instantly cuts away to highlights of Sabu vs. RVD. This show is FLYING into stuff, making it nearly unwatchable.
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Speaking of flying into stuff, now we have Shane Douglas and Tommy Dreamer vs. Mikey Whipwreck and Cactus Jack, for Mikey and Cactus' ECW Tag Team Titles. Tommy starts the match off with a shoulderblock, and we go into an armbar sequence, which features Mikey kipping up, and getting a flying headscissor and hurricanrana. Mikey gives Tommy an armdrag, but Tommy comes back with a clothesline before Shane tags in. He rams Mikey into the buckle, and dumps him to the outside. For some reason, Dreamer won't let Douglas use a chair against Mikey. Mikey rams Shane into the rail, and hits both Tommy and Shane with a steel chair. Mikey goes up top, and frontflips into the crowd, landing on one of his opponents, presumably Dreamer. Clipjob, and Cactus is in the ring, talking about how they don't need weapons to beat Shane Douglas. Cause he was a failure in the WWF, see. Clip again, and Jack's delivering forearms to Shane, along with the "BANG, BANG." Shane goes up top and gets a shoulderblock, then a dropkick and snap suplex. He dumps Cactus to the outside, and Tommy whips him into the guardrail. Tommy hits Cactus with a NINTENDO, and then on the inside of the ring, hits him with a mannequin dummy, like the ones you see with clothes on them in the store. Tommy baseball slides a chair into Cactus' face, and then, Shane hits Cactus with a chair. Mikey takes the chair away, and dumps Shane to the outside. Jack rams Shane into the ringpost, then gives him a swinging neckbreaker on the concrete floor. Clip again, and fuck, I'm ready to stop. Shane drops Mikey into a chair, and then gives him a delayed vertical suplex. Mikey's busted open, and we have another clip. Fuck this.
Anyway, Jack gives Shane a droptoehold into a steel chair, and that's the end of the match, so Cactus and Mikey retain their titles. Raven gave Tommy a DDT, too. I'm never reviewing a match with an equal amount of obvious clipjobs. I can live with the subtle stuff like at WrestleMania's 5 and 6, but this? Fuck no. I don't rate clipjobs, but this looked like a decent match.
Shane Douglas cuts a promo, talking about Jack being a hypocrite, for using a weapon when he said he wouldn't. We then cut to Sandman and Woman, and they both seem pissed off at each other.
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It's Raven w/Kimona Wanalaya vs. Sandman w/Woman, for Sandman's ECW World Title. Entrances take a while, and for once, I applaud the clipjob here. Sandman's hitting Raven with a Singapore Cane, and then gets a DDT for 2. He canes Raven again, and then hits both Raven and the referee with the cane. Raven gets the cane and gives Sandman some of his own medicine, so Tommy Dreamer runs into the ring. We all know who he fights with, and that's Raven. Cactus Jack runs in, and gives Sandman a double arm DDT. Tommy fights Jack, so Meanie comes out to help Cactus a bit. Shane Douglas comes out, and all 4 brawl to the back. Sandman rams Raven into the buckle, then slams him and gives him a chairshot. He misses a legdrop from up top, so Raven DDT's him onto a chair, and wins the ECW Title. My notes say that there wasn't a clipjob after the first, and I don't know if there was action before the cane shots, so I'll rate it. *. If there was, disregard. Woman's in the ring, and she's happy Sandman lost the ECW Title, so now, he can come with her to WCW. He won't do it, and he wants his beer opened by Woman right now. 2 Cold Scorpio (Sandman's partner) comes to the ring, and tells him to calm down. Sandman tells him to choose what side he's on. At first he says, since he ain't gettin' no ass from Sandman, so...it's obvious what he has to do. But in typical ECW fashion, Scorpio chose to be on Sandman's side. Scorpio carries Woman out of the building, and the show's over. Yeah, that was her last ECW appearance.
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Rating: Bad. The last match saved this from having been one of the worst wrestling programs I've ever watched. Too much, too quick. Hell, it was worse than Russo's booking. Not all ECW shows are like this, but this one in particular was brutal.
Best Segment: Raven vs. Sandman, for Sandman's ECW Title.
Worst Segment: The Pitbulls vs. The Gangstas. To be fair, I could have done without everything.
Loudest Sound: The Nintendo
No Sound: JT Smith. The crowd wasn't liking him at all, or so it seemed.
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Back to the NWA show, it was good, I just didn't have time. Any squash show that features a title change, in this case the Mid-Atlantic Title, from Krusher Khruschev to Sam Houston, is a good show. The crowd loved the ending to that match, which featured the Road Warriors coming to the ring and beating up the rest of the Russian Team, and helping Houston cheat to win, by throwing Houston onto Khruschev, and holding Khruschev's leg for the pinfall. Outside of that, not a whole lot, except for the angles they showed. One was Jimmy Valiant being piledriven on the concrete floor by Tully Blanchard (just like the Four Horsemen said), and the Midnight Express attacking the Rock n Roll Express after their match, by driving Ricky Morton's throat into the tennis racket of Jim Cornette. Fun show, although Pez Whatley's promo kinda bothered me. Way too stereotypical. ALSO, Khruschev injured his knee during the title bout, and wasn't on TV for a while. So it'll be Ivan and his nephew Nikita only, for a little bit.
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Anyhow, I don't know what I'll write about next, but for the History of the WWE Championship DVD, I'm only doing stuff from before the PPV Era. So yeah, anything that was on PPV or NBC is out the window, and won't be reviewed.
11 p.m.
• So today I had the day off work (actually, I won’t be going in until Thursday) and had two job interviews lined up. Oddly enough, I think each one went well for me, with the second interview human resources person asking me back for a second round with some bigwigs. Could this be the light at the end of the tunnel? I dunno. Even though both jobs aren’t quite what I went to college for, each position is similar enough to what I’ve been doing the last 7-8 years. Not sure what’ll happen in the next week or two, but I might be saying “see ya” to my current place of employment in the not-too-distant future. Now that would be a great Christmas gift.
• The better half finally got me to watch “Knocked up.” Eh, it was there. Much like “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” the movie was better than I thought it would be, but it seemed way too long. And fuck that blonde-haired bitch for getting pissed because the guy was afraid of hitting the fetus with his dick while having sex. I’m sorry but if Mrs. kkk was ever preggers I know I’d be freaked out sticking anything near kkk Jr. (or whoever the baby’s daddy is). Yeah, I know nothing will happen to the kid, but I’m sorry: just the thought of giving your kid a money shot just gives me the heebie jeebies.
• Speaking of movies, I recently DVR’d some crap and finally got around to seeing these cinematic masterpieces. The first was “Drive Thru.” Holy fuck was this awful. But in a good way.
My favorite part came at the start when these wiggers were going to bust a cap in ol’ Horny’s backside, and when the Clown was about to wack the white kid with a shirt that reads “Illest” he says something like “My dad will give you anything – he’s rich.” Oh, and Morgan Spurlock is a fast-food restaurant manager. Do I need to go on? And there’s a LOT of liberal hippie crap, too. Because I know when I’m watching a Horny the Clown movie, I want to get the director’s opinion of our president. Actually, I find it hilarious when a movie/tv show has a close-up of the bad guy or a bumbling idiot with a picture of W. in the background.
The second movie was Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain. All I really need to say about this one has been covered in an attempted “100 things we learned from watching…” threads in the IMDB boards. My favorite was 96.
I'm not into making projections a month into the season, basically so I won't look stupid, and I like to wait until the final week of the season to make projections. Now these are purely based on every higher ranked team winning their game next week and obviously that won't happen but it makes it easier to make projections that way. Note Navy, Southern Miss, and Memphis have already accepted invites to bowls.
BCS: Missouri vs. West Virginia
Orange: Virginia Tech vs. Georgia
Fiesta: Kansas vs. Arizona State
Sugar: LSU vs. Hawaii
Rose: Ohio State vs. USC
Capital One: Florida vs. Illinois
Cotton: Kansas vs. Arkansas
Holiday: Oregon vs. Texas
Chick-fil-A: Boston College vs. Auburn
Gator: Oklahoma vs. Clemson
Outback: Tennessee vs. Wisconsin
Sun: South Florida vs. California
Alamo: Penn State vs. Texas A&M
Champs Sports: Virginia vs. Michigan
Music City: Mississippi State vs. Florida State
Insight: Texas Tech vs. Indiana
Meineke Car Care: Cincinnati vs. Wake Forest
Las Vegas: BYU vs. Oregon State
Liberty: UCF vs. Alabama
Independence: Kentucky vs. Colorado
Emerald: UCLA vs. Maryland
Motor City: Central Michigan vs. Michigan State
Humanitarian: Boise State vs. Georgia Tech
GMAC: Bowling Green vs. Tulsa
Texas: Houston vs. New Mexico
International: Rutgers vs. Ball State
Poinsettia: Navy vs. Utah
Armed Forces: Air Force vs. Purdue
PapaJohns.com: Connecticut vs. Southern Miss
Hawaii: Fresno State vs. East Carolina
New Orleans: Troy vs. Memphis
New Mexico: TCU vs. Louisiana Tech
2:15 p.m.
• So yesterday I stopped with my Target trip. Our two primary stores were Kohl’s and Target, and with these two gone we just decided to visit other stores just for the heck of it. There were a few more things on our list, but these items probably weren’t going to be on sale and in all likelihood still on the shelves by the time we come around to them.
As we drove from Target out toward some other stores in Greensburg, Mrs. kkk asked if we could go to Lowe’s and get some Christmas decoration for the house. Whatever. We pulled in and she went into Lowe’s while I went into that area’s Target store. I already made my purchases so this was more for recon purposes. Even with a story in my neck of the woods siphoning off customers, this place was still pretty packed. This only reinforced my theory of never going to a Wal-Mart to start off the Black Friday season. Good God I can only imagine the white trash running roughshod over there. Anyway, the reason I mention this event is because the highlight of my day came while at this store. While walking down this one aisle there were these two obese older people walking and the wife was screaming at the husband, and I just had to eavesdrop. Wait, fuck that. This wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in a public place and they were yelling. You can’t help but not hear what they were saying. I’m not sure what happened, but I guess they had planned a certain shopping strategy but the guy screwed it up. And they don’t own cell phones. The best line went something like, “I was waiting FORVER and I couldn’t reach you because you’re too damn cheap to get a cell phone!” My God was this hilarious. And I wasn’t the only one listening. As I turned my head this Asian chick walking beside me was also unsuccessfully trying to hold back her laughter. I made the remark, “Gee, I wonder why he wouldn’t her to be in contact with him 24/7 with a cell phone,” which got a legit LOL from her. After a walk around the store, I went into Lowe’s, met Mrs. kkk while she bought her thing and heard her plans for the next 10 home improvement projects she has in store for our house. Yay. Too bad I won’t be doing any of that shit. Total purchase: $21. No discount.
After that was Wal-Mart. Like I said earlier, I would NEVER go into one of these stores to start out my Black Friday shopping. I’ve seen Internet video of these mobs and I’ll pass. I’m not one who tends to get trampled but why expend all that extra energy holding your ground when it can be applied to better things? Generally, once it’s past 8 a.m. the Wal-Mart around me tends to clear out. We swooped in and bought a bunch of DVDs for us and for some family members. Total purchase: $55. Savings: $80.
After Wal-Mart we walked into a few stores that is also in this area’s shopping center but didn’t purchase anything. I did want to stop at a nearby Big Lots, of which I am not a regular customer. I now have come to the following conclusion: Wal-Mart isn’t the pinnacle of white trash consumerism, at least in my region. Holy hell was this place open up my eyes. As I walked in I noted the plethora of “warning/recall” flyers posted about products this store sells. Then the customers too poor for Wal-Mart. Yikes. And the gifts. Beer Pong. Nice. Of course, I found this cheap crap for my mother that she will think I spent all day shopping for. Wait, she can’t be that naïve. Then again, this is the same woman that allowed my father to impregnate her. Mrs. kkk bought some extra garland and I got some cheap-ass stickers. Total cost. $21. No idea what I saved. I know many of my fellow customers saved on deodorant because they didn’t use any. And there’s something to say about visible tramp stamps when a woman is trying to control her brood. Wait, does this make me a Big Lots shopper? Fuck.
Next stop was the mall and by this time I was beginning to crash, which usually happens to me at the 10-11 a.m. mark. I was in no mood to browse the department stores, which was a shame because I actually wanted to this year. However, we still had to go to Monroeville for some specific gifts. We went to Suncoast for some hard-to-get movie of the nephew-in-law, along with a few other titles that were on “sale.” Total cost. $28. Total “savings:” $13. I really don’t like Suncoast but they’re not bad for older movies if you don’t feel like ordering it online. Actually, while going through their TV on DVD bin, I had to laugh when I saw this “Married With Children” box. Among the SPEICAL FEATURES included “10 hidden easter eggs.” Uh, if you promote these things on your cover, aren’t they no longer “hidden”? I won’t go into detail about my opinion regarding easter eggs here, but at least now you know what makes me chuckle after 7+ hours worth of shopping.
After perusing the Westmoreland Mall, we headed to Toys R Us for some gifts that I can’t remember. All I know is that the final bill was $43 for a Cabbage Patch Doll and video game. Oh well, at least the video game was $20 off. Many, Toys R Us is another store I can’t imagine starting out at when it’s 6 a.m. Oh, speaking of Toys R Us, here’s a funny story I just remembered from the mall. We went into Kay B because the better half wanted something for this crumb snatcher that one of her friends squirted out a few years back. I had no desire to browse at this place because lots of customers and tight aisles don’t make a good combination. I told her that I’d start waiting in line while she looked for her toy. Much to Kay B’s credit, the line moved rather fast, and I was actually letting people go past me because Mrs. kkk was nowhere in sight. (A few customers actually complimented me on this idea of having one person wait in line while another person looks and said they’ll probably employ this strategy elsewhere.) Well, the better half finally stormed over and said we were leaving. OK then. As we were walking out was bitching about how none of the employees there knew where anything was and she gave up on looking for this thing. I defended the employees by saying this was probably the wrong time to start asking specific questions about item placement and the like. Sorry, but unless the item in question is a front-page “door buster” item you won’t get much help. Sorry, that’s the way it is. Hey, this is Black Friday and we’re dealing with customer service. This isn’t FEMA after a hurricane. OMGBUSHLIEDBLACKPEOPLEDIEDANDGOTEATENINTHESUPERDOME~!
Where was I? Oh, yeah. We then went to Best Buy and I was pleasantly surprised that this place had died down. I was expecting this store to be a madhouse because this store usually has the long customer lines well into the day. And to make matters better, there were a number of uber-priced DVDs still available. In widescreen. We got a few things for some nieces and nephews, along with a few things for ourselves. Total price: $111. Total savings: $30.
After a return stop to Wal-Mart to get some gift cards that I forgot to pick up the first time ($75), it was off to Monroeville. The first stop was to a specialty craft store to pick up some model car for my one nephew-in-law who I hope to work for in some high-paying/remedial position in his company once he graduates college 10-15 years from now. Christ, this kid is smarter than me and he’s in middle school. Then again, that’s not saying much. Anyway, we spent $17 dollars there and also $31 dollars at a craft store to get the stuff that Mrs. kkk wasn’t able to get at Kay B. Hey, we saved $30 on some easel thingy, so yay. While we were in the neighborhood, we stopped by this town’s local mall and didn’t get anything. Wait, I lied. We did get something. There was a kiosk peddling these tickets for some hippie Shittsburgh cultural shows. Basically the deal was $95 for a pair of tickets in the best section of the auditorium with the gift recipient able to select from one of five different shows this upcoming summer. Not sure what the savings, if any, are for this, but it was a great gift idea and now we don’t have to worry about Mrs. kkk’s boss. Plus the better half will be splitting the price with her other co-worker, so this would only be $50 for us.
Final numbers. Approximate Black Friday purchases: $750. Approximate savings: $570. Not bad, especially considering the number of non-holiday/gift-card/non-discounted purchases made. And I still have a month to fish out other deals.
6 p.m.
• So I started out by waking up at 2:45 a.m. to get ready for a 4 a.m. opening at Kohl’s. The store is only 15 minutes away, but I knew I wasn’t getting my ass up the first time my alarm clock went off. Especially since I ate a bunch of turkey the night before and watched the night game with the Colts at Atlanta. After hitting the snooze alarm a half-dozen or so times, I took my shower. Even the cats were surprised at how early I was getting up. We I get up for work at 5:15 a.m., that usually causes them to mill about until they get fed breakfast. This time they just laid in place until I got out of the shower and put their food in their dishes.
I knew waking up the better half was going to be a challenge, and I was right. She’s not exactly what you call a “morning person.” Now I’m not really an early bird riser myself, but when you get up 5-6 times a week at 5 a.m. in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table you adjust. Well, Mrs. kkk doesn’t. When I turned on my nightstand lamp to put in my contacts, I woke her up. Now I have no idea what she was trying to say because she was mostly whining in foreign tongues. However, she did get up, get dressed and was in the car when I left for Kohl’s at 3:40 a.m.
I was curious to see how many people would wake up even earlier from the last time I took part in Black Friday. In 2005 Kohl’s was open at 5 a.m. (one hour earlier than most, if not all, the other local stores in my area) – now they were opening at 4 a.m. This should be an interesting social experiment. Well, the parking lot was near-full when we pulled in at 6 a.m. OK, so it’s going to be busy, but not “Best Buy” busy. I told the better half to get her target gift basket and I was going to go after my shoes that I had lined up. When we both got what we wanted, we’d look around before checking out. Well, I got to the shoe section, and I found the shoes I was looking for. However, my worst fears came to fruition. These shoes weren’t comfortable. I knew there was a catch. No problem, there was another brand that caught my eye, and although they were a bit more expensive, the quality was more than worth the extra few dollars. Besides, I was still saving $28 per pair (I bought two pair – one brown, one black). I met Mrs. kkk and we proceeded to get in line – a line that was halfway around the store. I knew this would happen, but because of my extra dilly-dallying we would have to wait in line a bit more than I had expected. It was then I discovered a terrible oversight.
I forgot my wallet.
Oh you got to be shitting me. Here's what happened. On Turkey Day I was over the in-laws’ house. My crack-whore niece-in-law was at this event. My crack-whore niece-in-law is a thief (she got busted while a teen at Wal-Mart). I kept my wallet at home. I forgot to put my wallet back in my coat pocket. Shit. Well, I told Mrs. kkk that I was going to zip home and get the wallet while she stayed in line. She asked if there would be enough time. I assured her there would be. I was right.
When I got back, the better half was “happily” waiting in line. I took this time to explore a few departments and found a nice deal on this press-iron-thingy that could be of great use. After the better half took a few DVDs off the impulse rack for her one non-crack-whore niece, our total bill was $165 with $205 in savings. We arrived at 4 a.m. and left the store together at 5:30 a.m. Good score. We got several things that were high on our priority list (shoes, gift basket), were able to get something that was likely to be off the shelves right away (gift basket for a better half’s co-worker – Mrs. kkk noted that there were only two left on the shelves at just past 5 a.m.), found a great deal on something that I didn’t see until we actually got in the store (press iron thingy) and managed to get one item crossed off on one niece-in-law’s list (DVD). The first store is, in my opinion, is always the most important. Here’s what I look for when picking a “first store.” My answers to each question are in italics.
1) If you were to visit later in the day, will the items you covet the most at this place be sold out? As I said above, I new the gift baskets would be gone, and I wasn’t sure about the shoes.
2) Is this first store near other stores that you can immediately plunder visit? There’s a Target in the same shopping center complex as Kohl’s, and this store wasn’t opening until 5 a.m. Perfect timing, especially since there are several items at Target that are high on my list of things-to-get.
3) Will the wait in line, which will be long, be worth what you get? I saved $205 while spending $165. Works for me.
4) Who are the customers surrounding you? There’s a reason I don’t go to Wal-Mart for my first store on Black Friday.
As we got into the car and headed over to Target, I thought it was odd that the store’s parking lot wasn’t at all full. That’s weird, the store is closed. The flyer said doors will open at 5 a.m. and it’s now 5:30 a.m. Hey, now I see people waiting outside. What the hell? Wait a second, I’m looking at Target’s Black Friday circular. Shit, I misread the “doors opening” line. It’s 6 a.m., not 5 a.m. Actually, this just might play into our favor. With the time being 5:30, this will give us time to visit the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts, get a flavored coffee and bagel and awaken our senses to what is probably going to be one of the more challenging excursions of the day. And once, again, I was right.
The good news is that with this Target opening up, it probably sucked away some customers from the Target about 10-15 minutes farther on down the road in nearby Greensburg. Less customers, more available products. Good. I remember the last few times I went to Greensburg Target on Black Friday the lines were insane. Well, this year’s experience is a perfect reason why I try not to use a cart. Unless a product is so f’n heavy that you can’t pick it up and carry it, steer free of carts. That mobility is crucial when zipping in and out of aisles. This year was no exception. One of the big items available were these video game chairs, and some soccer moms had 2-3 in their carts. With so many people using carts, there was literal gridlock in the electronics/toy department. I swear to Christ it was like New York City’s rush hour. Nobody could move and I heard a familiar phrase, “Oh, I’m so sorry for running into you.” I guess this is how EricMM must feel when riding his organic bike and seeing SUV’s own the road. However, I’m not one for requiring a “sales cart” tax or similar fascist measures. Instead, I take advantage of my mobility and cut in and out of traffic lanes hell-bent on getting my prized items for this stop: one of those above-mentioned video game chairs, some remote controlled helicopter and a bunch of DVDs.
While scanning the possibilities of trying to maneuver in the toy department, I came across this middle-aged guy who probably wasn’t used to this insanity. He made a remark to me about how crazy this experience was, which prompted me to say something like, “if it wasn’t for those pesky social mores I would lift my arms into attack formation and plow down some of these people in front of me.” He response was that this congestion reminded him of the Parkway East, which got a laugh from both of us. Fortunately for him, he reached one of the end aisles to the toy department and snagged some doll thing which must have been a popular seller because there were only a few left. I said “congratulations,” which elicited the response, “this was the only thing I came in here to get.” Well, at least he got what he was gunning for. I was able to weave in and out of stagnant cart-pushers, and get that helicopter-thing. Fortunately, the video game chair was in a spot away from the congestion, so I picked that up and headed to the register. As I met up with the better half, I noticed that the checkout lines weren’t bad at all, which was a bit of a surprise. This then caused me to say, “I’m going back in – wait for me.” Due to my agility advantage over most of my fellow shoppers, I bobbed and weaved through the masses to the DVD section and snagged eight DVDs/TV seasons/value packs I had in my sights, including a few that Mrs. kkk couldn’t find in widescreen format. (Her goal in Target was to get a few DVDs, which is what she did while I was on my “chopper” hunt.)
Total bill for Target: $142. Total savings: $193.
But there’s more…
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and what a glorious day it was. The Cowboys rolled over the Jets, the temperature outside FINALLY dropped out of the 80's around here, and I enjoyed a tremendous Thanksgiving sirloin at Benigan's (the only thing open in Dallas on Turkey Day, besides IHOP, which sucks). What about all the family stuff? Well...
At the last moment Thursday morning, sfaJill decided that she'd rather go with me and my dad to Dallas to watch the Cowboys than to her sister's house to hang out with that clan. Her reasoning was some crap about being together on our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife, but I think she just didn't want to deal with all the potential drama I wrote about last time. The plan was for us to go to the game and then hook up with her family upon getting back to Houston on Friday, which sounds easy enough.
So Friday morning rolls around; her dad calls about 10:30 to find that we're still a few miles north of Houston's far northern suburbs. Plans are made for us to go home, get unpacked and call them back when we're ready to meet up (note: it took sfaJill nearly 15 minutes on the phone to decide THAT because God forbid anybody on her side make a decision about anything ever). Whatever. We've still got nearly an hour's drive to get home.
Around noon, after we've gotten home and my dad has headed off to work, sfaJill and I are ready. She calls her dad back and thus begins another 20 minutes of that world-famous game "where do you want to eat?" The choices are finally narrowed down to Golden Corral (which is awesome) and this Chinese buffet near the house (which is also awesome), so, really, we can't lose either way. After some back and forth crap on the subject, I'm asked for my "opinion" (translation: nobody wants to decide everyone else's fate so they're going to try to get me to do it); I reply that since I had just eaten breakfast a few hours earlier, I'm not really hungry and thus don't really care where we go since I probably won't eat much either way (which actually was true). That frustrates sfaJill to no end, but it is somehow finally decided that Golden Corral is the choice.
Not five minutes later, while sfaJill is still running around the house frantically searching for a hair brush to toss in her purse, the phone rings. I answer. It's my father-in-law.
"Hello, Jack."
"Hey, Martin."
"We've got a change of plans."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, your mother-in-law wants to go to the Chinese place instead."
Sigh. I swear...
So, anyway, we all meet up at the Chinese place to find her dad, mom, brother, and 3-year-old nephew. No sign of sister or brother-in-law. We were told they didn't want to come. Good. That made the lunch actually kind of enjoyable because there is always less tension without sister there. Father-in-law even pcks up the check (score!).
It was going really well...and then sfaJill invited everyone over to our house for the afternoon. The problem? They're not allowed to bring the nephew to our house, says mother-in-law. Apparently, sister has decided that since we had such a problem with his behavior the last time he was there that it's best if he just not go over to our house anymore. Thus, my in-laws are afraid of taking him here, out of fear he will mention to mommy that he was at Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill's house and then they will catch hell about it.
(I should note that the "problem" with nephew's behavior last time was that he kept pulling cushions off our couches, jumping all over them/throwing them everywhere , and then didn't put them back on the couches after both sfaJill and I told him to stop. Sister wrote that off as "He's three! What, you think he can sit still for 10 minutes?" and after I told her "Uh, yeah" and sfaJill backed me up, sister's been "punishing" us for it ever since. This happened back in June, by the way.)
sfaJill was PISSED.
We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around Sam's Club in an effort to spend some quality time together, but I wouldn't call it that. sfaJill and her mom did nothing but bitch about sister the whole time, which just made everyone but the kid unhappy. It was a long day that ended with an invitation (from the in-laws) to us to come to sister's house today for something called "turkey pie." I have no idea what that is. sfaJill said she doesn't want to go if she's not welcome there, to which her dad said "Well, I'M welcoming you". So, I think we're gonna go. Should be awkward silences for everyone!
Yesterday was not a total waste though. I did find 7lbs of 90% lean ground beef for $16 at Sam's Club yesterday. Can't pass up a deal like that.
9 p.m.
• So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning.
I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday.
As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only?
You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.
This is something that I had floating in my head the last few days. A lot of wrestling reviewers will give negative star ratings to a particularly bad match. Often times it is prompted not by the workers involved, but the sheer idiocy of the booking of the match. In many cases the reviewer goes into the match expecting to hate it. But what truly merits negative stars? In my opinion, it is not enough to put together a boring match. I think a negative star match must fit one of X criteria.
1. The match contained several noticeable, blown spots.
Let's see what they messed up here.
1. Nowinski comes in late to break up a pin attempt.
2. Trish attempts a springboard manuever but Gayda is out of position.
3. Trish attempts a leg sweep but Gayda fails to take the move properly, stumbling to the mat.
4. Trish tries twice to set up the bulldog but Gayda fails to position herself properly.
5. When Trish does go for the bulldog, she misses completely. Gayda sells it anyway.
That is an easy one, it won Wrestling Observer's Worst Match of the Year award for 2002. Now, even good wrestlers will blow spots. Good workers will work it into the flow of the match, making it somewhat indistinguishable for casual wrestling fans. Knowledgeable wrestling fans notice, but they know it is a work anyway.
2. The match contained booking so bad that it insulted the intelligence of the viewing audience.
The Fingerpoke of Doom. WCW advertised Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash and instead gave the fans a ten second "angle" match that turned many against WCW for good.
When does a comedy match merit negative stars? For the most part, if the crowd dies. If the crowd is into the match, you can't really punish the workers because you did not like it. I give an exception to a match such as The Four Doinks at Survivor Series '93. When working the match requires ignoring the established rules of the game, that falls under bad booking.
3. The match denigrated into a shoot with the wrestlers losing all cooperation, preventing the match from reaching an intended conclusion.
This one is extremely interesting, Bruiser Brody vs. Lex Luger. Brody sees fit not to sell anything Luger does until Luger just gives up, draws the DQ and leaves the cage.
I wish I could find Andre the Giant vs. Akira Maeda. I have seen it before. There is a perception often that a better worker gave it to the lesser worker and taught him a lesson, or exposed him. More often it just becomes a disorganized mess with both wrestlers standing awkwardly until someone steps in. Failing to complete a wrestling match is an overlooked, but deserving reason to issue negative stars.
What does not merit negative stars? Two workers stepping into the ring, giving a reasonably competent exhibition of professional wrestling but boring the audience. That merits a dud IMO. Dave Meltzer gave Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd negative stars. That was a pretty dull match with no high spots outside the finish. But it looked legit and the crowd enjoyed it. That can not possibly be negative stars.
I rarely rate matches but if I did, my scale would give a basic match at least *, just for stepping in the ring. If the match was bad, that lowers the score as far as a dud, providing the combatants did not at least embarrass the sport. In my view, that is the criteria for negative stars.
And, here we are.....
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JJ Dillon is there..whoop-de-doo.
The first match is for the US Title, and it's Yuji Nagata vs. the champ, Dean Malenko.
Dean grabs onto an armbar, and Nagata reverses. Dean does the same and pins Nagata, and gets a two count. Dean gets a droptoehold, and goes to the chinlock. This early? Dean gives Nagata an armdrag, but a Nagata enziguri misses, and Dean sells it for a while. Dear Lord. Nagata grabs onto a chinlock, but Dean gives him a back suplex. A Dean suplex gets 2, and back to the chinlock. Nagata reverses, and once Dean gets out of it, Dean gets a leg lariat for 2. Dean gives him a dragon screw, then Nagata misses a charge to the corner, but gets a superkick and belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Nagata with another belly-to-belly for 2, and Nagata misses an enziguri, so Dean stomps on his knee and applies the Texas Cloverleaf, for the submission at 6:02. Match was a mess. 1/2*.
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Back from the break, and it's Glacier vs. Ciclope. Glacier's entrance is wild, to say the least. His whole Sub Zero-ish getup is worse. The match starts, as Ciclope misses a charge to the corner. "Glacier sucks" chant gets going, so, Glacier gets rid of those thoughts, by giving Ciclope a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Cryonic kick, for the victory at 0:32. DUD. OH MY GOD, IT'S THAT ADAM BOMB GUY FROM THE WWF. MORTIS comes out of the ring and gives Glacier a superkick, then Wrath gives him ROCK BOTTOM. Mortis and James Vandenburg steal Glacier's helmet, then Mortis starts trying to rip Glacier's eye out of his head. Seriously now, what the fuck. That was one of the worst segments I've ever watched.
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From last week, which nobody was able to watch, Sting gave Giant and Luger bats to keep the NWO off their backs. Now, Nick Patrick comes to the announce table, and apologizes for his NWO allegiance.
And now, a TV Title match, with Bobby Eaton (how the mighty have fallen) vs. the Ultimate Dragon, the champion, who's accompanied by Sonny Onoo. I feel bad for Eaton, I really do. All he did was job in 97. Dragon's outfit is BRIGHT pink. Eaton gives Dragon a back elbow and a bodyslam, then gievs him 3 kneedrops. Eaton gives Dragon a clothesline, and now, Dragon starts to come back. He kicks Eaton a whole bunch, then gives him a dropkick to put Eaton out of the ring. Sonny Onoo starts kicking Eaton, then gets on the apron and gives Eaton a jumping kick. Dragon gives Eaton a rana off the top, and the Dragon Sleeper finishes at 2:47. 3/4*. Quickly afterward, Lord Steven Regal's in the aisleway, for an interview with Gene Okerlund. Regal talks about getting a TV Title shot at Slamboree, which he won. I like how Regal makes it sound like the TV Title means something. It's a really good interview, too.
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Back from the commercial, it's Meng w/Jimmy Hart vs. Chris Jericho. There's a fight in the crowd, while Jericho gives Meng a dropkick. Meng misses a charge after a chop, and Jericho misses a missile dropkick. Meng gives him a back suplex and starts to choke, but Jericho gets a spinning heel kick. The two wrestlers fuck up Jericho's springboard moonsault block, and then fuck up a reversal sequence, so Jericho just gives him a german suplex for 2. Jericho jumps off the top rope, and Meng catches him, and drapes him over the top rope. Meng applies the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, and that's it for Jericho at 3:20. So much was screwed up, so DUD.
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Back from another commercial, and we have the Public Enemy v. The Steiner Brothers. However, backstage, Konnan and Hugh Morrus attack the Steiners. I don't understand why they've been doing this, but this is WCW. Remember that. The Steiners get the better of the brawl, and make their way to the ring for their match. Rick and Grunge start the match off, as Rick gets a shoulderblock and powerslam, before barking. I used to, and still do love when he does the barking. Brings me back to my mark days, I tell you. Rocco Rock tags in, along with Scott, who rams Rocco into the turnbuckle. Scott misses a charge, but he press slams Rocco onto Grunge. He gives both a STEINERLINE, and after PE regroup, both Grunge and Rick wind up in the ring again. Rick misses a charge, and a "Michigan" chant gets going. You know, cause the Steiners went to Michigan, and that's where they are. The PE's give Rick a double back elbow, and Rocco Rock slams Rick and goes up top, but misses a rolling senton. Morrus and Konnan make their presence known at 3:13, and attack both teams. What the hell? Anyway, DQ, as both the Steiners and Public Enemy fend off the attack of Konnan and Morrus. That's twice those two guys have been made to look like jobbers. Oh, and *.
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Hour #2
Gene's with JJ Dillon, the new chairman of the WCW Executive Commitee. Honestly, I can't stand the authority angles WCW always did. Nothing of note is said, until Eric Bischoff comes out. Apparently, Big Bubba Rogers and VK Wallstreet aren't allowed to be NWO. Bischoff says "bite me" a whole bunch, and that's basically it.
Last week, we see that Reggie White and Mongo came to blows in the ring. Rrrr.
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We saw that, because Mongo's tag team partner, Jeff Jarrett w/Debra, is facing Scotty Riggs. They had a match on WCW Saturday Night or something, whatever. I hate the American Males theme, and it's funny, at least to me, that Riggs went from that, to Raven's Flock. Jarrett kicks Riggs, then gets a swinging neckbreaker and gutwrench suplex. Holy crap, it's the STROKE, SLAPNUTS, but it really doesn't mean anything then, so Jarrett does his little dance. Riggs comes back with an inverted atomic drop, and a back elbow. Debra's on the ring apron, to distract the referee while Jarrett backdrops Riggs over the top rope. That was a DQ in WCW, explaining the distraction. I CAN'T STAND how they have two of the Horsemen working as heels, and the other two working as faces. He rams Riggs into the steel steps, and drops him on the guardrail. Jarrett misses an enziguri, so Riggs backdrops him. Riggs goes up top after a clothesline, and gets a crossbody for 2. A flying forearm gets 2, only because Debra put Jarrett's foot on the bottom rope. Mongo comes to the ring, presumably because he gets mad when Jarrett cheats, but Reggie White comes out of the crowd and steals his briefcase. Riggs goes up top, and messes up a spot that he was supposed to get crotched in, completely missing the rope and landing funny on the canvas, so Jarrett applies the figure-four leglock for the submission at 3:54. *.
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As we learn that Nitro will only be one hour next week, the intros for the Cruiserweight Title match begin. It's the challenger, Rey Mysterio vs. the champion, Syxx w/Kevin Nash. Whenever an NWO guy would wrestle on Nitro, it was like an event. Syxx applies a hammerlock, but Rey reverses it, with a headlock takeover. He gives Syxx a droptoehold, and reapplies the headlock. He then slaps Syxx once the hold is broken, and gives him a headscissor takeover. Syxx gives Rey a flapjack, and some kicks, before giving Rey the BRONCOBUSTER. No wonder people boo this guy, he still does the same shit, even in Mexico. Yeah, I saw him on TV a few weeks ago. Syxx applies an abdominal stretch, and cheats by holding the ropes, until the referee kicks Syxx's hand away. Nash distracts the referee while Syxx tosses Rey over the top rope, and back insie, Syxx misses a charge, and on a flapjack attempt, gets rana'd by Rey. Rey gives him another one, but from the top rope, and after Syxx bails, Rey comes to the floor with a tope con hilo. Love when he does that. On the inside, while Syxx distracts from the apron, Kevin Nash gives Mysterio a big boot, and the JACKKNIFE, to put him down for the count. Syxx applies a crossface-chickenwing, and that's it for Mysterio at 5:54. They did a good job of NOT making Mysterio look like a jobber, thankfully. **. Nash and Syxx beat Mysterio up, as Mysterio's knocked "unconscious." Then they beat up security, and when told to leave, Nash says "bite me." Also, Mysterio does a stretcher job. I enjoyed the match.
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For some reason, we now see a Lex Luger video package. WCW is SO FAR behind on this sort of thing. Looks like something out of the early 90's.
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On The Road in Norfolk, Virginia, the site of next week's Nitro. Don't like these segments very much.
NWO advertisment, with Hollywood Hogan on the set of some shitty movie. All the crew members, including the director, are wearing NWO shirts. Hogan's heel promo style doesn't fail to make me laugh. It's so sarcastic sounding.
The NWO makes their way to the ring, this time it's Buff Bagwell, Scott Norton, Vincent, Fake Sting, Syxx and Kevin Nash. Nash says it's time for Flair and Piper to step aside, and that it's the New Generation's time to shine. I thought they already had their time, and nearly put a company out of business. But what do I know? It's not a bad interview or anything, but it drags. Nash says that WCW used to be guys pushing their sons (SHEWT COMMENT~!), and that Flair and Piper will have to beat respect out of him. Nash talks about how the NWO is regular guys, and that they don't need to ride first class and drive limos. They're NWO 4 LIFE, BRAH.
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The last match on the show, is Psychosis vs. Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly. DDP gives Psychosis a kneelift, but Psychosis gets a dropkick. DDP crotches Psychosis on the top rope, then gives him a DIAMOND CUTTER from up there for the win at 0:50. 1/2*. Randy Savage and Elizabeth are in the crowd again, and Savage asks everyone if they can FEEL THE MADNESS, YEAH. He says Kimberly sure felt it, and DDP counters by saying, if Savage wants some, he can come down to the ring and get some. Savage won't, and it's time for a break.
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Roddy Piper, Ric Flair and Kevin Greene make their way to the ring, along with Gene Okerlund, and Flair just has one thing to say. He wants the NWO in the ring, NOW. There they are, with Ted DiBiase in tow this time. They get close to the ring, and point to the entrance way, with all members holding up the Kliq sign. Figures, it's SCOTT HALL! I've been wondering about him for the past few weeks. Back from the dead he is, and the NWO tries to get in the ring. Vincent, Fake Sting and Norton jump in, but Greene clotheslines Norton over the top, and all the others get dumped out. The heavy hitters, Hall, Nash and Syxx jump in the ring, and THEY BRAWL, but we're out of time!
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Rating: Above-average. Not as good as RAW, and I'd be lying if I said so. That said, I enjoy WCW a little more, cause all my favorites from when I was a kid were there. The three things which dragged the show down were Dean's match, Meng's match, and the whole Glacier thing. Awful stuff.
Best Segment: End of show with Scott Hall. Yeah, changing the best match thing to best segment. Syxx vs. Rey was close, but getting the NWO to fight pretty much made this show worth watching.
Worst Segment: The Glacier garbage. Awful. I have a hard time believing I'll see worse for a few weeks.
Loudest Sound: Flair and Piper, NWO, and the Steiner Brothers.
No Sound: Glacier (X-Pac heat puts anyone over here), Ultimate Dragon, and Scotty Riggs. I try not to put jobbers over here, like Bobby Eaton.
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ECW will be next, as I only have time to watch a 1 hour show today. Oh yeah, RAW wins. Better angles, better matchups.
Next week (I think) the 2008 Baseball Hall of Fame ballot will be released. Last year I did individual entries on each player on the ballot and I plan on doing the same thing this year for the first ballot players. Of course there is no point in redoing the holdovers from last year's ballot, and I'm much too lazy to update them, so here's links to each entry listed in order of the percentage of the vote they received last year. None of my opinions have changed as I would still vote Mark McGwire, Bert Blyleven, and Alan Trammell.
1. Goose Gossage 71.2% (9th year on ballot)
2. Jim Rice 63.5% (14th)
3. Andre Dawson 56.7% (7th)
4. Bert Blyleven 47.7% (11th)
5. Lee Smith 39.8% (6th)
6. Jack Morris 37.1% (9th)
7. Mark McGiwre 23.5% (2nd)
8. Tommy John 22.9% (14th)
9. Dave Concepcion 13.6% (15th and final year)
10. Alan Trammell 13.4% (7th)
11. Dave Parker 11.4% (12th)
12. Don Mattingly 9.9% (8th)
13. Dale Murphy 9.2% (10th)
14. Harold Baines 5.3% (2nd)
Not in a good mood tonight, so time to pound this review out.
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Pictures from Revenge of the Taker, which was the previous night, and after the usual pyro which opens the show, Steve Austin makes his way to the ring for an interview with Vince McMahon. He says he whipped Bret Hart's ass last night, and he wants Bret in the ring, now. He gives him a minute, Bret doesn't come to the ring, so Austin's gonna comes look for him. Bret comes on the TitanTron, and says that the Hart family is too good for the American public. That causes Austin to get on his highhorse and run backstage. Really good segment, IMO. The only problem is, Austin isn't getting the crowd behind him. Dunno why, really. Is Bret that hard to boo?
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Anyway, our first match of the night is The Sultan w/The Iron Sheik vs. Ahmed Johnson.
Sultan starts the fight with some blows to the head and back of Johnson, but Johnson comes back with an axe kick and scissor kick. The Sultan gets a superkick, and a piledriver for 2, after beating up Ahmed in the corner. Sultan goes to the chinlock, and then, Ahmed comes back with a front suplex for 2. Ahmed gets a spinebuster and goes for the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, but the Nation of Fucking Domination decides to let their presence be known, at the top of the aisleway. They make their way down after the Sultan rams Ahmed into the ringpost, and the Nation makes their way to the ring. Ahmed grabs his 2x4 from under the ring, and hits the Sultan with it, getting disqualified at 4:43. Well, the Nation won't be making their way any closer, they're a little scared. He hits the Sultan with the 2x4 again, and chokes him with it, and well, commercial break. Way too heelish from Ahmed, IMO. *1/4.
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The cameras have found Austin, as he's beating the shit (well, if that applies) out of Bret's lockerroom door, until Bret Hart finally says, send him to the ring. So, we're going to get a match out of this.
Ken Shamrock will be taking on Vader at A Cold Day in Hell, as they reference Vader being held hostage in Kuwait. Remember, he tried to beat up that guy who asked him if wrestling was fake. Anyhow, Ken Shamrock talks about how much he hates bullies, personally, I don't give a fuck what he thinks, and it's funny to hear that talk coming from an Ultimate Fighter, but as it went on, he challenged Mike Tyson to a fight. OK. He stuttered throughout his promo, which basically solidified the fact that you can't let the guy talk on live television. Taped promos are his friend.
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Austin's at the ring again, and acts like he's going to fight Vince, of course he's not going to, though. Bret won't get in the ring, and we soon find out why, as the British Bulldog and Owen Hart attack Austin. Shawn Michaels comes out to attack all three members of the Hart Foundation, but the only one he can't hit with his chair is Bret Hart. Oh well. He chases Bulldog and Owen to the back, and now, the match starts. Bret gives Austin a piledriver, and grabs a chair. He tries to "Pillmanize" Austin's ankle, but he misses his jump off the top rope. Austin hits Bret in the leg with the chair, hard to boot, now Austin's tearing Bret's knee up with the chair. He laughs at Bret, as Bret's hurting pretty bad, now Austin's hitting him all over the place. Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER, and all the road agents/officials/referees are trying to get Austin to break the hold. He doesn't do it for a while, and he finally does, as we go to a commercial break. Honestly, can't rate the match, that's what it was, remember, and I didn't time it either. Didn't know where to start. Hot, hot sequence that makes me feel like Nitro couldn't attempt to be the better show this week.
Back from the break, Davey, Bret and Owen are in the ring, as Bret's being loaded onto the stretcher. Backstage, Gorilla Monsoon tells Austin he needs to get his ass out of the building. Yeah, he really said that.
It's hour #2, and the WWF decided to follow that great segment with...Salvatore Sincere vs. Tiger Ali Singh. You have got to be kidding me.
Sincere gives Singh a chop, and Singh comes back with an avalanche and belly-to-belly suplex. Tiger gets a bulldog, then Sincere gets some offense, after countering a suplex with a northern lights suplex for 2. Sincere gives Singh a falldown slam, and then an elbowdrop off the top, in Vader Bomb-ish fashion, for 2. Tiger comes back with a sunset flip for 2, and Sincere gives Singh a clothesline for 2. No flow at all, here. Sincere gets a jawbreaker for 2, and Tiger gets a backslide for 2. The crowd really doesn't like this match. Well, finally, Tiger gives Sincere a spinning heel kick, which gets him the win at 4:41. Boy. DUD. Like I've said before, Singh is my least favorite wrestler of all time.
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Ok, we all know what happens here. Bret Hart's being loaded into an ambulance, and once the EMT tells his driver to go, Austin comes out from the drivers seat, and says "we're going straight to hell." Best line EVER. Bret gets the shit beaten out of him by Austin, until Owen Hart saves him, and gets in a couple shots of his own. After the commercial break, Owen and Davey are trying real hard to find Austin. As we segue to...
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This is the feud that ignited the WWF. Fuck that Hart/Austin stuff. Who are those guys? This is Jesse Jammes vs. Rockabilly. Yeah, you heard me.
Rockabilly hits Jammes a whole bunch, but misses a big boot, so Jammes gives him a hiptoss for 2. He gives Rockabilly an armdrag, but only gets 1 on a sunset flip. I forgot, Honky Tonk Man's at ringside, as Rockabilly's manager. But I'm sure everyone knows who the manager of the Federation's biggest star is. Rockabilly rakes Jammes eyes, and then does Honky's little dance. Dear Lord. Rockabilly gives Jammes a suplex, as JR and the King go into this little bit about Honky, and JR asks, "what is he, your cousin?" The King goes, "maybe." Funny stuff. The only thing good about this match, in face. Rockabilly chokes Jammes for the LONGEST TIME, and then applies a chinlock. Jammes starsts his comeback, with a crossbody for 2. He rams Rockabilly into the buckle, then clotheslines him. Rockabilly gives Jammes a hotshot, and then gives him the SHAKE, RATTLE and ROLL for 3 at 8:47. I'll say this. I really, really had to think about giving this negative stars. Brutal stuff. But, the line on commentary caused me to be nice, and give it a DUD. Had I went negative, I had -*1/2 in mind. Honky busts his guitar over Jammes head after the match, in an attempt to get Rockabilly some heat. TRUST ME, nothing is going to get either of these two a bit of crowd reaction. They've been dead since the ambulance thing, and that's unfortunate. In fact, they've been dead ever since Austin started his push a few weeks ago. WHY?
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Austin's arguing with Shawn Michaels now, mainly because Austin doesn't want his help. Good argument, but I didn't get much out of it.
Mankind is on the TitanTron, talking about Paul Bearer's burning flesh and the like. He's the best thing on either RAW or Nitro, honestly. And, as we move on, obviously, since Mankind was on the Tron, we must have...
The Undertaker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna, in a non-title matchup.
Taker attacks HHH in the aisle, and Chyna doesn't want any part of the fight, as she backs away. Inside the ring they go, and Taker rams Helmsley into the turnbuckle. Taker gives Helmsley a choke toss, then a big boot and clothesline, which gets a 2 count. A Taker legdrop gets one, and now, it's time for OLD SCHOOL. Cover gets 2, and then Taker goes to the chinlock. He throws Helmsley out afterward, and rams him into the steel steps. Helmsley comes back inside the ring, and gives Taker a few punches to the face. Helmsley pushes the referee away, but no ref bump here. Remember, Taker has a "bruise" or whatever you want to call it from Mankind burning his face, so Helmsley continually rakes his hands across it. HHH gets a kneedrop for 2, then puts his head down in an attempt to backdrop Taker, but Taker jumps up and legdrops him, Fameasser style. Taker whips Helmsley into the buckle, and Helmsley goes upside down, like usual for him at that point in time. Taker goes to the chinlock, but he gets dumped to the outside, and Helmsley rams him into the stairs. Helmsley courtseys inside the ring, then gets on the apron and jumps down, delivering an axhandle to Taker. Helmsley applies the chinlock, and uses the 2nd rope for leverage. As we pan out, Dustin Rhodes and Terri are in the crowd, and yes, that's exactly how they were referred to. Surprising, at least to me.
commercial break
And we're back, as Taker gives Helmsley another choke toss. A right puts Helmsley out, and Mankind is making his way to the ring. With a FUCKING BLOWTORCH. Taker chokeslams Helmsley, and Mankind jumps in the ring, and hits Taker with the bottle that's connected to the blowtorch. Obviously, HHH is DQ'd at 12:12. *3/4. Mankind tries to ignite the torch, but it won't ignite. It finally does, as Taker begins to choke Mankind. Quite simply, those two just brawl to the back. But the cool thing is, Dustin and Terri come out of the crowd and beat up HHH and Chyna. Terri chokes Chyna with her purse and all, but we go to a commercial break once all four are separated.
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Austin's with Vince again, in the ring, and he heels on the crowd a little bit. Why, exactly? He says he'll whip Vince's ass if he doesn't leave him alone, and says Taker's going to have the Coldest Day in Hell. I like how he just says, I don't give a crap what day or where it is. Don't get the heeling, though. Owen and Bulldog run out and attack Austin, Vince tries to stop them, but Owen keeps him from doing so. HBK's back to the ring, and he chases Owen and Bulldog to the back. We have a bit of a delay, and all of a sudden, BRIAN FUCKING PILLMAN comes out of the crowd, and beats up Austin with a chair. But again, HBK saves Austin, and the show's over. Why is he doing this, exactly? Guess we'll see soon.
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Rating: Great. The angles on this show, are quite simply, awesome. The dead period in the middle doesn't bother me all that much, because we got to see a Hart/Austin match off PPV.
Best Match: Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart. DUH.
Worst Match: Jesse Jammes vs. Rockabilly. Unfortunately, I have a feeling we'll be seeing those two a lot in this slot.
Loudest Sound: Mankind, The Undertaker, HBK, Bret Hart, and the surprise return of Brian Pillman. Caught everyone off guard, including me.
No Sound: Jesse Jammes, Sal Sincere, Tiger Ali Singh, and the Sultan. Rockabilly got a bit of heat when Honky hit Jammes with the guitar, so, off the list he goes.
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Nitro's next, but since it's Thanksgiving, I'm not going to do much typing today.
10:15 a.m.
• Well, in two-and-a-half hours I will be over the in-laws place for another Thanksgiving excursion. Yay. Actually, the last few years haven’t been that bad. We show up, Mrs. kkk has me carry these nasty veggie dishes in, along with a dessert or two that’s much more tolerable, and we eat. Also included in this meal are the brother-in-law, along with his wife and two kids. Not a bad day. Years ago, the crack-whore sister-in-law and the out-of-control niece took part. However, ever since the crack-whore sister-in-law really hit rock bottom a few years ago (and decided to stay there) she hasn’t been attending, which isn’t a bad thing. Actually, the first time she boycotted us we all commented that this was the best Turkey Day outing in recent memory. The highlight came at about 1:15 p.m. when the crack-whore called and asked my father-in-law if he was still going to pick her up the next day to go to a laundromat that’s only a block or two down from her ghetto apartment complex. She then expressed shock that she called in the midst of us eating, even though the in-law have always had Thanksgiving “dinner” at 1 p.m.
Well this year is going to be extra special because the crack-whore out-of-control niece is scheduled to attend with her boyfriend. Oh yay. Months ago she moved out of the in-laws residence and the crashing and burning has been going strong. I can’t remember the last time I saw this person, but I remember that the last time I did I commented on how “downhill” she has fallen. Please note I said this out of joy rather than pity because once the crack-whore sister-in-law meets that kidney dialysis machine in the sky we need someone else to pick up the torch and give me plenty of white trash stories to tell to you all. However, I must admit I think the out-of-control niece-in-law will probably die sometime soon and the crack-whore sister-in-law will outlive me. But that’s neither here nor there. It’ll be interesting to see how many people shun her at this event. I also know that I won’t be bringing my wallet.
Over the last few weeks, the niece-in-law has been dropping hints to my mother-in-law about wanting to come back to her house. Much to my surprise, the mother-in-law has stood firm, or at least as firm as she can. The only victim in this whole story is the poor kitten the niece-in-law has adopted a few months back that has (I’m sure) gone without its shots and other related vet care. Every time I hear a story about the niece-in-law – whether it’s getting busted for crack, getting busted for a domestic disturbance or getting warrants for not appearing in court, my first and only reaction is “but is the cat OK?”
On a somewhat related note, here’s a story about other in-laws that I have to see once or twice every year. The welfare collecting in-law relatives that host that Memorial Day cookout recently complained about having to cook a Thanksgiving Day meal. This caused the welfare collecting test tube family (think toothless Mexican) to invite them over to their house for Turkey Day. The matriarch of the test tube bunch then went out and bought used food stamps to get a bunch of food. I knew trouble was brewing when the Memorial Day welfare household then went out and got a Thanksgiving turkey anyway late last week (the reason given for this was because they wanted “leftovers). The test tube family then got a message on their answering machine at 10:45 p.m. on Monday from the other welfare family saying that they weren’t going to attend because …. It was supposed to rain on Thanksgiving and they didn’t want to get wet. No, I’m not making this up. Why would I have to when you’ve got material like this to use?
10 a.m.
• Time for Turkkkey Day Pickkks.
(3.5) Green Bay at Detroit. Christ, I don’t know how to take this one. Green Bay should win. However, the Lions have played a tough game or two on Turkey Day game. Every fiber of my being is telling me to bold “Green Bay,” but like an idiot I am not.
N.Y. Jets at Dallas. (14.5) I don’t see the Jets upsetting two playoff teams in a row. However, I have to say Rush may have had a point this past week when he said to a caller that the Jets players got pissed when they saw as many Steeler fans at that game than hometown fans. I have admit I knew my chances of the Steelers winning by 10+ points were dashed after that trick play (flea-flicker?), but I couldn’t help but laugh to hear all the boos that sprung forth after that play was successfully executed.
(11.5) Indianapolis at Atlanta. I actually had to pause when making this decision. Could Atlanta pull off the upset and lose by single digits? Well, I went with Detroit earlier, so I need to salvage this day.
Buffalo at Jacksonville (7.5). Jacksonville seems to resemble the Steelers in that they tend to play down to their competition at times. Here’s hoping this is one of those instances.
Denver at Chicago (2.5). The Broncos have been my bane this season so I’m picking them, which only means they’ll lose big.
Houston at Cleveland. 3.5 Houston started out OK, then sputtered. I’ll go with the Browns because they still have a legit shot at winning the AFC North. Wow, who would have thought about that in August?
Minnesota at N.Y. Giants (7.5). Here’s hoping the Vagiants begin that late-season collapse they are famous for.
New Orleans (3.5) at Carolina. The Saints lose a bunch of games. Then win a bunch. Now they’ve lost a few. Too bad the Panthers are terrible at home.
Oakland at Kansas City. (5.5) I’ve tried the “they have to win SOME TIME” line of thought with the Raiders. I’ve given up. I guess they were content with winning their season’s quota of games early on and coasting to the rest of the way toward the top pick in next year’s draft.
(3.5) Seattle at St. Louis. The Rams winning streak ends.
(1.5) Tennessee at Cincinnati. I’m calling the upset baby. No reason.
Washington at Tampa Bay. (3.5) Hmm, I’m getting nothing from this one. Tampa’s favored. They seem to be doing OK for an NFC South team. Sure, I’ll take ‘em.
San Francisco at Arizona. (10.5) What the hell happened to the 49ers? I was actually rooting for them to win the division because I’m sick of seeing Seattle in the playoffs. I can’t wait to see how the Cardinals will look next year with Fanaca anchoring that line.
Baltimore at San Diego (9.5). Both teams have boned me this year. I’d take San Diego to win, but not by that spread.
Philadelphia at New England. (22.5) This is getting hilarious. I’m sorry, but I tried to come up with a reason to bet against the Pats. I couldn’t.
Miami at Pittsburgh. (15.5) I’m hoping this is a “bounce back” game for the Steelers. I wonder if Joey Porter will do something special in this contest for the Dolphins?
So I saw the preview for "I Am Legend" starring Wil Smith. This is based on a Richard Matheson book of the same title and has been made into a film two times previously. You could say the story is about zombie/vampires--the Earth's population is killed by a plague and they turn into these living dead creatures, except for one remaining man....or is he really alone? Hmmm, living dead? Yeah, I think the first film version of this--The Last Man on Earth starring Vincent Price--was Night of the Living Dead before there was a Night of the Living Dead. Romero's zombie flick borrows a lot from the Price movie. In Last Man On Earth, people die and come back as zombie/vampires. They walk slowly and can be avoided pretty easily. They exist to kill Price. In other words, just like Night of the Living Dead, made three years after LMOE.
The second filmed version is "The Omega Man" starring Charlton Heston. It is really good though a bit dated, having been made in 1971 and is very much a 70s movie.
This new remake will suck. All I needed to see was a CGI deer, a CGI lion, and a central casting vampire snarling 6 inches from Wil Smith's face. Jesus. It will make a reasonably amount of money due to Wil Smith, but nothing spectacular. It will be completely forgotten 6 months from now.
I was semi looking forward to "Hitman", but the reviews have absolutely dogged on it. Apparently it is terrible.
"The Mist"? LOL. A lame excuse for King to preach about the evil that is the U.S. military and Christianity.
That leaves the new Coen brothers movie. HELL YEAH. Cannot wait for this. A dead solid no-brainer. It will be awesome.
I wandered around the floor here a few minutes ago and counted 15 people. In my group, there are exactly two of us here (out of 11). That raises the question: is everyone else lazy or am I an even bigger sap than I realize?
Probably the latter. Oh well. At least I've gotten a lot of work done today. No coworkers = no obnoxious noise, which makes me happier and more productive.
The only downside is that now I'm going to be watching the clock as it is customary for management to dismiss us a few hours early today. That usually happens around 1:00, which is 25 minutes away. It will seem like an eternity...
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So Thanksgiving is tomorrow. That will make for a nice four-day weekend. Yay. sfaJill's family will be gathering at her sister's house tomorrow for the traditional Thanksgiving crap. I'll bet $100 that this gathering will include her brother and mom yelling at each other about whatever his girlfriend has done lately to piss mom off, sfaJill's sister continuing to give sfaJill the silent treatment over some shit that I said/did three months ago regarding their son, and my brother-in-law's mom pissing everyone else off just because she's a total bitch and that is her specialty.
Fortunately, thanks to the magic of the Cowboys playing their usual Thanksgiving Day game, I will be 250 miles away, basking in the glow of what should be an easy win over the Jets. Thank you, Cowboys. Thank you. I will have to listen to a phone call from an exacerbated sfaJill later that night during which she will declare that's she tired of their "bullshit" and is THIS CLOSE to cutting them out of her life, but that is a small price to pay for getting out of sitting through all the fun.
So, in the spirit of celebrating Thanksgiving, all of its excesses, and football, I'm going to steal an idea from kkk and post my picks for this week's games. The difference is that I'll pick them straight-up because, well, it's easier.
Green Bay @ Detroit
I'm taking the Packers, but I hope the Lions can pull one out here because that would mean the Cowboys would effectively have a three-game lead on the Pack in the race for home-field after they beat Green Bay next week.
N.Y. Jets @ Dallas
Cowboys were flat against the Skins last Sunday, which is to be expected after two huge road wins over Philly and the Giants. That will not happen again. Cowboys by 17.
Indianapolis @ Atlanta
Injuries or not, the Colts should kill them. Joey Harrington sucks, yes, but Byron Leftwich has been even worse this year.
Buffalo @ Jacksonville
I actually think Jacksonville has a chance to mess with the Patriots in January, if Mike Peterson gets well and Garrard can have a really good game.
Denver @ Chicago
What a horrible game. Denver is like three last second field goals from being 2-8 and the Bears just suck. Bears to win, but only because they're at home.
Houston @ Cleveland
Texan fans, who are desperate for ANYTHING resembling mediocrity, are whispering about possibly grabbing that second wild card. Well, that train gets derailed this week.
Minnesota @ N.Y. Giants
Just a hunch here. I just can't believe in the Giants (and no, it isn't just because they're a rival for the 'Boys). They've beaten exactly nobody of note, unless you count beating the Lions on the road as a "somebody." And I don't.
New Orleans @ Carolina
I'm only picking the Saints because the Panthers seem incapable of doing anything right.
Oakland @ Kansas City
If JaMarcus Russell doesn't get at least a few snaps this week, Lane Kiffin should be fired.
Seattle @ St. Louis
Seattle isn't very good, but they will be good enough to beat the Rams.
Tennessee @ Cincinnati
I don't care how much VY sucks, I'm not picking the Bengals again this year. They've screwed me over many times already.
Washington @ Tampa Bay
Just because Washington can go to Hell.
San Francisco @ Arizona
Let's go Cardinals! Time for somebody other than Seattle to rule the West. That and the Niners are really, really horrible.
Baltimore @ San Diego
I'm picking the Chargers, but I'm secretly hoping the Ravens blow them out so that (hopefully) LT will start to become so angry about having to play for Norv Turner that he demands a trade to Dallas so he can come home and lead the 'Boys to another Super Bowl next year. Hey, Dallas does have an extra #1 to offer...
Philadelphia @ New England
Won't even be close. No comment necessary.
Miami @ Pittsburgh
Ditto. The Steelers should be good and angry after getting slapped by the Jets.
Like I said....but this one was a hard one to finish. Very long.
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The beginning of the show starts with the Survivor Series teams gameplanning (that a word?) for their respective teams...Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon are on commentary. That won't be good.
The first match is the Teamsters: (WWF Tag Team Champion) Diesel, (WWF Tag Team Champion) Shawn Michaels, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett, Jim the Anvil Neidhart, and "The King of Harts" Owen Hart vs. Da Bad Guys: (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon, The 1-2-3 Kid, the British Bulldog, Fatu, and Sionne (The Barbarian)w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa.
Blow-by-blow: For some reason, the Headshrinkers are wearing boots. This will come into play later. Seemingly, fireworks just came out of HBK's shoulderpads. WHOA, DUDE. Both teams won't leave the ring for quite a while, but Kid and Owen start the match. Fatu's having problems with his boots, as Neidhart comes in instead. He gives Kid a shoulderblock, but Kid comes back with a dropkick. Neidhart gives him another shoulderblock, and tags in Jarrett. Jarrett avoids a charge to the corner, and Kid gives him a spin kick. Jarrett misses a sunset flip, and Kid covers him for 2, and then tags in Sionne. I don't know why Samu ever left, so... Anyhow, Sionne gives Jarrett a press slam, and charges into the corner, but Jarrett gets his feet up. He goes up top for a clothesline, and gets in, but only getss a 2 count. Owen tags in, as does Bulldog, and they both trade the armwringer sequence that Owen likes to do, with the kip-up and all. Bulldog slingshots Owen into his teams corner, and they all take their turn at beating up Owen. The crowd liked that. Bulldog gives him a press slam, but gets enziguri'd by Owen afterward. Owen and Neidhart gives Bulldog a clothesline, as Anvil tags in, and Anvil pulls on Bulldog's hair for a bit. Bulldog clotheslines both Owen and Neidhart, then gives Neidhart a delayed vertical suplex. Fatu tags in, and gets a headbutt off the top rope, but the boot bothers him, keeping him from making the pin. Because Fatu's wild, see. Anyway, Fatu gets a powerslam, then tags in Razor Ramon. Jarrett gives Razor an armdrag, then struts, and then takes him down, and gives him some paintbrush type slaps on the head. Razor comes back with a clothesline, and then gives Jarrett another, putting him over the top and to the floor. Razor gives him a fallaway slam on the inside, then tags in Kid, and fallaway slams him onto Jarrett for 2. Jarrett applies an abdominal stretch, but Kid reverses, and Jarrett reverses that, tossing Kid out to the floor. Jarrett tries to suplex Kid in, but can't, so Kid takes his legs out, and tags in Fatu. Owen tags in and gives Fatu a spinning leg lariat for 2, then rams Fatu into the buckle. Cause he's Samoan, that does nothing. Owen gives him a DDT, which doesn't do anything either, so Fatu gives him a superkick. Diesel comes in off the tag and turns Fatu inside out with a clothesline, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for the 3 count at 13:31.
That was fast. Kid gives him a sunset flip off the top, but can't get Diesel to the canvas, so Diesel picks him up by the neck, throws him, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for 2 at 14:12.
Sionne comes in, and gets a JACKKNIFE from Diesel at 14:44. Yeesh.
Bulldog comes in, and Diesel gives him a big boot to put him outside, then Owen, Jarrett and Neidhart keep him from getting back to the ring, counting Bulldog out at 15:02.
Razor rolls up Diesel, but only gets 2. He's the only one left, you know? Razor gives Diesel a bulldog off the top after a missed charge, but HBK breaks the cover up. Diesel gives Razor Snake Eyes, as the crowd's been going nuts pretty much for the duration of the match. Diesel tries to do it again, but can't, so Razor slams him and calls for the RAZOR'S EDGE. Diesel counters with a backdrop, and gets the big boot. Diesel gives Razor the JACKKNIFE, then HBK tells Diesel to hold up Razor for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. HBK hasn't tagged in yet, if you couldn't tell. HBK gives SCM to Diesel on accident, so Diesel's pissed at HBK. He chases HBK to the back, and hits all of his teammates on the way there. All the Teamsters get counted out at 21:46...as we go to Todd Pettingill in the match. He's with a frantic HBK, who's trying to leave the arena. Well, he gets in his car and leaves, but not before throwing his tag team belt on the ground. Guess the title is vacated.
Survivor: Razor Ramon.
Match Analysis: Good booking. Can't think of much else to say, it was a good way to establish Diesel as being unstoppable, justifying him getting a title shot and winning. I liked it, but there was a lot going on. Almost too much, really. ***1/4.
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Great, just what I was looking forward to. It's the Royal Family: Jerry the King Lawler, Queazy, Sleazy and Cheezy vs. Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink and Pink. Save us all.
Blow-by-blow: Doink starts the match with an enziguri, and Lawler tries to do the same, but can't. All the Doinks run over Lawler as Lawler's on the canvas, and Lawler's team does the same. Please stop. Lawler puts Doink down, and Lawler's midgets try to run over Doink, but trip and fall. Doink slams Lawler three times, and all Doink's midgets pin Lawler, but they're not legal in the match, so no count. Lawler slams Doink, and his midgets do the same, but he tosses them away. This shit is not funny at all. Dink runs in and puts a Burger King crown on Lawler, so Sleazy comes in, and we have a chickenfight. Anyway, Sleazy tries to put Lawler on his shoulders, but falls, putting Lawler flat on his face. Dink headbutts Cheezy, and the midgets do a criss-cross sequence. Doink's team runs Lawler's over...then Lawler grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and hits Doink with it. All Lawler's team chokes Doink, but Doink rams Lawler into them. Doink gets a hiptoss, then Doink's team chases Lawler's around the ring apron, but Doink goes for a springboard crossbody, which gets reversed by Lawler after grabbing the tights, for Doink's elimination at 10:32.
Queazy and Dink tag in, and they both trade biting each other on the ass. Then Dink bites Lawler on the ass, as Wink and Cheezy tag in. Wink grabs Cheezy's beard and tags in Dink, who comes in with an axhandle off the top, and a monkeyflip, but Queazy covers Wink with his feet on the ropes at 13:06. Came out of nowhere.
Nothing happens for a minute, pretty much, until Lawler slams Cheezy on Wink for a 3 count at 14:27.
Dink gets a suplex as he comes in, and gives Cheezy and Queazy a double noggin-knocker. Dink goes up top for a CROSSBODY, but Lawler breaks the cover, and Queazy distracts the referee, so Sleazy can reverse the pinfall for the win at 16:03.
Survivors: The entire team of the Royal Family.
After the match, all Lawler's midgets chase Lawler outside of the ring, after Lawler said he hated short people, and then Doink's midgets came out from under the ring, cornered Lawler, and chased him down the aisle, at which point he turned around and Doink threw a pumpkin pie in his face. Wow.
Match Analysis: I think this may have been the worst comedy match I've ever watched. Why'd the scene after the match have to be so long? I've seen worse matches, all of them being ones that were supposed to be serious. But no comedy match this bad, ever. Wish I'd have been spared. -*****.
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This next match is for the World Wrestling Federation Title, and basically, the only reason I wanted to watch this show in the first place. It's a submission match, and the wrestlers second has to throw the towel in, in order for them to lose. Simple, right? The challenger is Bob Backlund w/Owen Hart, and the champion is Bret Hart w/the British Bulldog. Backlund's crossface-chickenwing was portrayed as a death move on TV leading up to this match. Not only that, but in the age of entrance music being a big thing...Backlund doesn't have any.
Blow-by-blow: Bret Hart's family is there, of course, but in a moment that's a little strange...Helen and Stu are down at ringside, while the rest of Bret's family is upstairs, in a premium seating area, or so it would seem. Hart slams Backlund at the beginning, and gives Backlund a hiptoss. He armdrags Backlund out to the floor, and on the inside, headbutts him. Backlund bails again, but Bulldog puts him back into the ring. Hart slams Backlund and gives him a bulldog, and holds onto the headlock. While doing so, Backlund gives him a back suplex, but Hart comes back with a European uppercut, and goes to the chinlock. Backlund gives him a shoulderblock, but Hart goes back to the headlock. Backlund whips him into the ropes, and gives him a droptoehold. To note, this match is moving quite slowly. Not in a bad way, though. Backlund tries the chickenwing, but can't get the hold applied. The wrestlers do a reversal sequence that eventually winds up in a headlock applied by Bret, then Hart gives Backlund a belly-to-belly suplex. Bret tries for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund kicks away from it. Bret applies an abdominal stretch, but Backlund hiptosses out of it. Backlund tries to slam Bret, but Bret lands on top. No cover, though, remember, it's a submission match. Bret gives Backlund a slam of his own, but misses an elbowdrop off the 2nd rope. Backlund works on the arm, and puts Hart into the buckle, He tries for the chickenwing again, but can't get it, so he kicks Bret's arm instead. Backlund applies a fujiwara armbar, then gives Bret a head stomp. I really like when wrestlers kick their opponent in the head. Don't know why. Bret kips up, but Backlund gives Bret a forearm which knocks Bret out of the ring. Owen gets Bret's attention once Bret gets back in the ring, so Backlund can regain control. Backlund elbows Bret in the face, then applies an armbar again. Bret slams him, but it doesn't force Backlund to release the hold. Hart gives him a swinging neckbreaker, but Backlund just WON'T release the arm of Bret. Bret gives him an inverted atomic drop, which finally gets Backlund to release the hold. Now Bret tries the figure-four leglock, and gets the hold locked in. Backlund asks for the towel to be thrown in, but there's no way Owen'll do it. Backlund reverses the hold, but Bret re-reverses it. Backlund finally gets to the ropes, and Hart starts to work on the knee. He wrenches it, kneedrops it, and elbows it, then repeats the same sequence again. Bret goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund gets to the ropes before the hold is applied. Backlund punches Bret a few times, then goes for a PILEDRIVER, which he gets. Now Backlund goes for his finisher AGAIN, but can't get it. So he headbutts Bret, and gives Bret a swinging neckbreaker. There's a uniqueness to the match, and it's the style of Backlund. Sort of a realness, funny as that is. He puts Bret into the buckle twice, but Backlund misses a charge. He tries another PILEDRIVER, but Bret counters it with a backdrop. Backlund goes for the sleeper, but Bret runs towards the buckle and ducks, leading Backlund to hit his head on the buckle and break the hold. A Backlund shoulderblock brings a collision, and Hart gets up first with a legdrop. Bret gets a PILEDRIVER, then another bulldog and a russian leg sweep to boot. Bret gets a backbreaker and elbow off the 2nd rope, and now it's time for the SHARPSHOOTER. Owen distracts Bulldog, getting him to chase Owen, and Owen takes the chase into the ring, where the referee tries to usher Bulldog out, and Owen gives Bret a bulldog, forcing Bret to break the hold. Whew. Bulldog starts chasing Owen again, but Owen ducks and Bulldog goes head first into the steel stairs, "knocking" Bulldog out cold. Backlund locks on the crossface-chickenwing, as Owen begins to show concern for Davey. "This wasn't what I wanted," and all that. Owen's "crying," and he tells Bret he's sorry. Bret tries to power out of the hold, but he can't. This whole sequence continues for 8 MINUTES, as Owen tells his mother this wasn't what he wanted. He keeps begging Helen to throw in the towel, and once the barricade is removed so Helen and Stu can come ringside, Helen grabs the towel. She tries to throw it, but Stu prevents her from doing so. Bret hasn't moved for a while, to sell the hold, of course. It looks like a deadly move. About a minute later, Helen snatches the towel out of Stu's hand and throws it in, and the referee rings the bell at 35:17, which gives Backlund his SECOND WWF TITLE. Backlund immediately releases the hold, to boos from the crowd, as Owen runs backstage with Bret's towel, in celebration. Faker. Help comes ringside, to bring Bret backstage. Of course, that was a route they had to take, because they wanted to put the title on Diesel, and all that.
Match Analysis: EXTREMELY LONG for a WWF match, and most surprisingly, not the type of match they'd had since Backlund was the champion. Featured a ton of mat wrestling, which is certainly an acquired taste. If you don't like it, you won't like the match. But I enjoyed the mat wrestling, SO....***3/4. A bit of overkill as far as how long the hold was applied, but certainly necessary. Vince bemoans the state of the New Generation...well, he ain't kidding. Unfortunately, it could and DID get a whole lot worse.
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Bam Bam Bigelow, Tatanka, King Kong Bundy, Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard w/ Ted DiBiase and Jim Cornette vs. Lex Luger, Bart Gunn, Billy Gunn, Adam Bomb, and Mabel w/Mo is the 5th match of the night, and one that interests me, in a weird way. Funny lineup.
Blow-by-blow: Lex and Tatanka start, and Tatanka's chops and right hands don't do a thing to the Lex Express. Tatanka suplexes Lex, but of course, Lex no-sells it. Luger gives him a face smash and two clotheslines, then clotheslines Tatanka out to the floor. Luger press slams Tatanka onto Bigelow, so both Mabel and Bundy tag in. That's a lot of obesity right there. Bundy decides to get out, and Prichard takes his place. Mabel slams Prichard, but misses an elbowdrop. Mabel takes a kneedrop from Prichard, but gets a backdrop, and then, he goes UP TO THE 2ND ROPE, giving Prichard a crossbody off, for the elimination at 3:58.
Del Ray tries to dropkick Mabel, but can't do it, so Mabel gives him that Bossman slam thing. Bundy comes in, and both men's shoulderblocks don't do a thing, until Mabel tries for a 2nd time and finally, Bundy goes down. Bam Bam tags in, and Mabel gives hima spinning heel kick and goes UP to the TOP, but Bigelow slams him down. Bigelow tries for a sunset flip from the top, but Mabel sits on him. Mabel clotheslines him over the top and to the floor, but Mabel hits his head on the concrete, and gets counted out, at about 7:27.
Billy comes in, and bridges out of a pinfall into a backslide for 2. It really had no place in the match whatsoever, he just did it. Bomb comes in, and gets a droptoehold, but tries for a crossbody and misses, falling to the outside. He gets a slingshot clothesline back in, and 2 clotheslines, before Bundy stops his little rally with a clothesline to the back of Bomb's head. Bigelow gives Bomb a bulldog, and then a moonsault to put Bomb out at 9:09. Guess it's a good thing I changed my username.
Lex comes in with a quick roll-up for 2, in an attempt to catch Bigelow off guard, and Del Ray tags back in. He gets a superkick, but on the Irish whip Lex avoids a clothesline, and then gets the RUNNING FOREARM for the pinfall at 10:55. Hate his finisher with a passion, I do.
Bart tags in and slams Tatanka, which gets a 2 count. Billy comes in, and gets a legdrop for 2. The Gunns get a double russian leg sweep for 2, and Billy stays in, and gets a slam. They work over Tatanka for a while, namely getting a monkey flip for 2. Bart gives him a sidewalk slam, but after Tatanka reverses an Irish whip, Tatanka gives Bart the END OF THE BAH GAWD TRAIL for 2 at 14:28. End of the Trail = samoan drop.
Lex comes in with an axhandle off the top rope, and Billy comes in with a hiptoss for 2. An elbowdrop gets 2, and then Lex gets a slam. Tatanka gives Billy a powerslam, then tags Bundy, who misses an elbowdrop, but gets a AVALANCHE in the corner for 3 at 17:14. It's Luger vs Bundy, Bigelow and Tatanka.
Tatanka tries to sneak in and beat Luger up, and Bigelow comes in, but misses a charge. Lex clotheslines Bigelow and Tatanka. Close 2 count on the cover against Tatanka, and then Luger gives him a sunset flip, but Tatanka tagged Bigelow so there wasn't a cover. Bigelow gives Luger a suplex for 2, and then Bundy comes in and gets a kneedrop for 2. DiBiase taunts Luger, as Bigelow comes in, and gets a falling headbutt for 2. Bundy puts Luger to the buckle, and gets an elbowdrop for 2. Tatanka tags in and gets a powerslam for 2, and I swear, Vince McMahon is the worst commentator ever. On every 2 count during this match, the "ohhegothimnohedidnt" was running strong. Tatanka gives Lex three elbowdrops, but Lex cradles him out of nowhere, putting Tatanka out at 23:14.
Almost immediately, Bundy comes in and gives Luger a big splash, at 23:22, gaining the win for his team. Luger gets attacked after the match, and given the END OF THE TRAIL. Bigelow and Bundy both do a few damaging attacks, so all of Luger's team runs out to make the save, and they clean house. Well, Mabel took a while getting there, so he clotheslined the Heavenly Bodies in the aisleway.
Survivors: King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow.
Match Analysis: Good booking that established Mabel as a threat, and entertaining too, but this match pretty much solidified the fact that Luger was going to also-ran territory. Anyhow, weird placement, as if they were trying to build up the crowd, and although the main event had heat, I'm not so sure it was because of this. They would have been better served to put this as the opener, but who am I to say so? I just don't see the need to put a match with many lower carders this late in the show. My .02. Anyhow, it's **.
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Todd Pettingill's with Bob Backlund, who says he beat Bret to save our society, and that he really doesn't care about the "New Generation." Not a bad promo, but why should I care?
Anyhow, the main event is a casket match, and of course, it's Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. Oh yeah, CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS is on the outside, keeping Yoko from having help in beating Taker like last time, at Royal Rumble 1994.
Blow-by-blow: During Undertaker's entrance, the video wall separates, for him to walk out of. Yeah, that was strange. Once Taker gets in the ring, he points to the casket and tells Yoko that he's goin' in. Yokozuna gives Taker an avalanche in the corner, but it doesn't do a thing. Yoko gets rammed into the casket, and then, Taker rams him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Taker delivers OLD SCHOOL, but Yoko comes back with a samoan drop. Taker no-sells it, but gets clotheslined. Another no-sell follows, so Yokozuna gives him ROCK BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM....and a legdrop. Yoko drags him to the casket, and puts Taker inside, but Taker pulls Yoko in too, and they fight. Fuji grabs Taker, so Taker chases him, and hits Cornette on his way. Inside again, Yoko slams Taker, then knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steps. Yoko chokes Taker, and now the match begins to slow down a bit. This goes for a while, until Taker gives him a clothesline, and then goes up top and does the same. To the casket we go, as King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow grace us with their presence. Needless to say, they're scared of Chuck Norris. Who isn't? IRS comes into the ring, and Norris isn't noticing, and IRS applies a sleeper on the Undertaker. He puts Taker in the casket and disapperars, but Yoko can't shut the lid, because Taker got up. Taker chokes him, and Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring, but he gets KARAAAAAATTTTTE kicked by Norris and knocked out. Taker gives Yoko a flying clothesline and running DDT, then a big boot which puts Yokozuna in the casket. Taker grabs Fuji's Japanese flag, breaks it and throws it inside, then shuts the lid for the win at 15:25.
Match Analysis: That was a million times better than I thought it would be. So much so, that I won't go into negatives. It was the right way to end the Taker/Yoko thing, with the outside interference not getting the job done, and the seeming nature of a squash throughout the match. Honestly, it felt like that the whole way, IMO. Better than it had any right to be, but still 1/2*. It wasn't good.
Show's over!
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Rating: Decent. I'm being kind, but Backlund/Hart is certainly worth a look. Considering that, you kinda have to watch it. I'm generous to this show because I started watching wrestling in 1994, and it is one of my favorite time periods. Not because it was good, but because I liked it when I was a kid.
Best Match: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Title. Self explanatory.
Worst Match: Lawler's team vs. Doink's team. I never want to watch that again.
Loudest Sound: The Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Diesel and Owen Hart.
No Sound: The Heavenly Bodies, Smoking Gunns, Tatanka, and Adam Bomb. That's half the people in a match, and really no embellishment.
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Not reviewing the roundtable, but I watched it last night. Really, really fun watch. This channel is great, and really, the main reason I watch wrestling. If it wasn't around, I probably wouldn't watch, because such a large library wouldn't be easy to access.
