I know, it's been a while, but here's an entry.
-I saw "30 Days of Night", and it rocks. It's not 100% perfect (the acting is hit and miss), but it's still great. Also, it's nice to see a movie where vampires are treated as a threat. After the dull vampires of say, "Blade III", the overly glossy ones of "Underworld", the post-modern approach of movies like "Dracula 2000" and "Modern Vampyres", and etc., it's good to see a movie with vampires that don't wear capes, whine, or seduce people: These fuckers are vicious killing machines.
-I also recommend "Evil Aliens", which is now on DVD. Imagine early, "Bad Taste" and "Dead Alive" Peter Jackson, add British Humor, and the lowbrow gags of say, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and this is what you get.
That's all for now. Next time: gary floyd rates new TV shows.
Much kudos to UCLA this week for ending Cal's Rose Bowl hopes and thus extending their drought to 49 years. I wish I had been bold enough to make the proclamation a few weeks ago but there was almost no doubt in my mind the Bruins would lose to Notre Dame but beat Cal. If they played a high school Powder Puff team next week they'd lose but put up against a strong opponent and they usually win.
Top 25, you know the drill. I can hold off on ranking any three loss teams for at least another week. Sure there's an argument for Auburn but they could easily have five losses as well. I might become really ambitious this week and try to make bowl projections but usually I'm way too lazy to do such a thing.
1. Ohio State
2. Boston College
3. Arizona State
4. Kansas
5. LSU
6. Oklahoma
7. South Florida
8. West Virginia
9. Oregon
10. Missouri
11. Virginia Tech
12. Florida
13. South Carolina
14. Kentucky
15. USC
16. Virginia
17. Georgia
18. Connecticut
19. Wake Forest
20. Alabama
21. Michigan
22. Texas Tech
23. Penn State
24. Hawaii
25. Boise State
11:30 p.m.
• After a bye in which I rested my tweaked hamstring, it’s onto this week's pickkks.
Arizona @ Washington (8.5)
Now Warner is hurt. Ouch. There are some franchises that seem to get all the bad breaks, and Arizona seems like one for me. However, they are also one of the worst franchises in any league, so oh well.
Atlanta @ New Orleans (8.5)
OK, the Saints had a great game last week. Will the turnaround begin here? I don’t know, but I’ll take my chances.
(3.5) Baltimore @ Buffalo
The Bills HAVE to win some time. Bah, the Ravens will win by 30.
Minnesota @ Dallas (9.5)
Well, the Vikings aren’t the Patriots. I’ll give the Cowboys a pass and hope they keep on beating teams they’re supposed to beat buy bunches of points.
(17.5) New England @ Miami
I’ve gone with the Pats this year, but oh what the hell. The Dolpins will lose by just TWO TOUCHDOWNS.
San Francisco @ N.Y. Giants (9.5)
The Giants will win, but hopefully the 49ers will try to make this a contest.
Tampa Bay @ Detroit (2.5)
Buccaneers have been doing better than I thought. The Lions are the Lions.
(1.5) Tennessee @ Houston
Hmmm, I don’t know if Vince Young will be playing this week. I wish I would pay more attention to what goes on during the week. I’m sure this won’t be decided by 1 point, so I’ll treat this as a straight up/down contest, and I’ll go with the Titans.
Kansas City @ Oakland (2.5)
Raiders have already won their quota of games for the year. I’ll hope Larry Johnson decides to show up.
N.Y. Jets @ Cincinnati (6.5)
Both teams don’t do anything for me, but I expected the Bengals to be better. For that reason, I’ll go with the Jets.
Chicago @ Philadelphia (5.5)
I have no clue how the Eagles offense will do against a Bears defense that was supposed to be good. I also have no clue if Westbrook is gong to play. I have no clue.
St. Louis @ Seattle (9.5)
The Seahawks will make the playoffs because they get to play games like this. Then again, this will probably be the week the Rams decide to be competitive.
(3.5) Pittsburgh @ Denver
I’m not sure if the Steelers will repeat their success in Denver, but I’ll go with this spread. Steelers will score 27.
(3.5) Indianapolis @ Jacksonville
Indy will probably win, but the Jags always play them tough. I think.
Inspired by kkk's latest bout of wedded bliss, here's one that happened yesterday afternoon:
(I'm in the kitchen eating one of those "fun size" 3 Musketeers bars when sfaJill walks in)
"What are you eating?"
"3 Musketeers."
(flabbergasted) "Where'd you get that??"
"From the bag in the pantry."
"What bag in the pantry?"
"The bag of 3 Musketeers on the second shelf in there."
"I didn't know they where in there. When did we get those?"
"Wednesday. I picked them up at Kroger. Remember when I stopped to grab that chicken on the way home from work that day?"
"I can't believe you hid them from me."
"I didn't hide them from you. They were on the freaking shelf in the pantry."
"Well, you didn't tell me they were in there. You know I never look in there!!"
"No, but I also didn't tell you that I bought some more milk that day, too."
(pause) "Well, you know I love 3 Musketeers and you didn't tell me you bought some. You hid them so you could have them all to yourself."
"Uh...yep. That's it."
She stomed off to our bedroom and slammed the door. I just went outside for a while and, when I came back in, she apologized and said that she didn't know what was wrong with her or why she was getting pissed off about "stupid stuff." I just told her it's part of that whole "being a chick" thing. Surprisingly, she didn't smack my arm.
7:45 a.m.
• I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I really don’t have a “favorite” baseball team. However, when playoff time comes I usually just pick a team or two and pull for them. If they win, yay. If they lose, whatever. It’s not up there at the level of bandwagon-jumping but rather it’s more like taking part in a “pick ‘em” contest just for the sake of watching a game and having some kind of vested interest in it. I’ve been doing this for several years now and thought I’d look back and see how my picks fared.
I pulled for the Padres in 1998 and they lost. I pulled for the Yankees in 1999 and 2000 and they won each time. I don’t necessarily pull for the Yankees because they’re the Yankees. In fact, I oftentimes can’t stand the saturated coverage of this team. However, I side with the pinstripes more times than naught because so many other people hate them. There are other teams with this polarizing attraction – Notre Dame, Dallas Cowboys, L.A. Lakers – and generally I’m in the “against” them camp (although I don’t mind the present-day Cowboys). However, the Yankees, for now, are an exception to this rule. Where was I? Oh, yeah. 2001.
I wanted Schilling to win it with the Diamondbacks in '01, and they did. In '02, I pulled for the Angles and they won, although the real reason was because I didn’t want Bonds winning a title, and I don’t like Racist Dusty. I sided with the Marlins when they beat the Cubs, then Yanks (although I was indifferent as to who won the Series – once again, I didn't want Racist Dusty anywhere near a World Series) I sided with the Yankees when they lost to the Red Sox after being up 3-0 in '04. I was indifferent in '05, although if forced to make a choice, I would have hoped for the Astros to win. Pulled for the Cardinals last year because of all the OMG THEY JUST CRACK .500 AND DIDN'T BELONG talk.
So let's see:
1998: No
1999: Yes
2000: Yes
2001: Yes
2002: Yes
2003: Yes
2004: No
2005: No
2006: Yes
This year, I decided early in the first round that the Indians would be this year's team. Could I be due for another loss?
10:30 p.m.
• More wedded bliss. From a conversation with the better half today (she took the day off work). You can figure out who is who.
“How was work?”
“It was work. How was your day.”
”Oh I had an emotional breakdown while eating my Boo Berry.”
“Uh-huh. An emotional breakdown over what?”
”I don’t know.”
“OK then.”
Oddly enough, her monthly visitor is due next week. Christ almighty I couldn’t imagine being a chick. The last time I had an emotional breakdown Barry Bonds was unable to throw out Sid Bream at the plate.
• Speaking of work, it turns out we’re hiring some chick who fits the perfect description of being an officer employee at my place. Low self-esteem, no prospects, willing to get the life sucked out of her little by little day by day. Actually, she didn’t get hired for the job we were advertising for. That job is going to go to another co-worker who is pretty much doing the job of three people (at least). Long story short, there are three of us who do our job while everyone else slacks off or are completely fucking clueless and criminal. I’m one of the three. My co-worker who is in the office next to me is the second. The person getting shifted over to a new position is the third. Turns out this newly hired person may be getting more than the $8/hour originally planned because management is telling the current employee getting shifted over that she’ll be getting a SUBSTANTIAL RAISE when reviews are done. There’s one little catch: WE DON’T HAVE REVIEWS! We get some gay-ass “cost of living” thing at the start of each year. There is no “review.” You know, sometimes you can evaluate yourself by the company you keep. However, I like to also think you can do the same thing by looking at who views you as an enemy/threat.
Another work story, sort of. My co-worker and I were talking this morning, and the subject of my animal-loving wackiness was brought up. He called me an animal-rights wacko because I was going off on some children < pets rant. I disagreed with his assessment, primarily because an animal-rights wacko thinks animals are on the same level as people. I disagree. My cats aren’t as “equal” as me. In fact, they are vastly inferior, which is why they need my protection. However, I will say that they provide more to society than many people, particularly my crack-whore sister-in-law and the out-of-control niece. For example, my three kids
1) Provide companionship.
2) Squash bugs.
3) Let us know someone is at the door because they run away and hide.
4) Serve as an alarm clock because if they don’t get fed by 5:30-6 a.m. they wake us up, or at least they wake up Mrs. kkk. This has actually kept us from being late for work a number of times.
I just named four things Dessa, JJ and Max do to earn their keep. I can’t think of one thing my two relatives mentioned above have done for the greater good. Let’s see, they:
1) Don’t work.
2) Collect welfare.
3) Use emergency services for drug overdoses that are nothing more than attempts to get attention.
4) Get free government health care for conditions caused by drug and alcohol abuse.
And if a dog/cat gets put in a shelter they only have a week to be adopted before getting the needle, but yet we have an “affordable housing crisis” for our underclass. Put the pets in the shelters and gas those living off the public dole.
8:45 p.m.
• Damn you Bush economy. And here I thought living paycheck to paycheck was supposed to be fun.
Wait, what-?
So people living paycheck to paycheck can’t afford the super market food and buy from CONVENIENCE STORES?
Speak for yourself. This week’s grocery bill went from $80 down to $50 thanks to my Jew eye. Actually, I did a little number-crunching regarding last month’s household budget. There were several expenses that were non-regular or unexpected [$400 car insurance premium, JJ’s $100 trip to the vet for his acne(!), local taxes ($100), job interview and other clothes ($300), family cookout ($100), etc.] and with this $1,000 in unexpected expenses, we still managed to be $200 in the black for the month. I went and calculated all the money we saved on food and clothes thanks to coupons and sales, and that total came to just under $600. And we didn’t buy milk or eggs at the Quickie Mart.
This should be good, what with the built-up matches for this show and all.
It's the usual hosts, David and Tony.
Dusty Rhodes says he's getting a haircut soon..OK.
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Sam Houston is up against Tony Zane...and this is a boring squash, that ends with a Houston bulldog at 3:40. All Sam Houston squashes are boring. 1/2*. Zane needs to wear a shirt.
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Tully Blanchard's out to talk about 1986 and the TV Title tournament, and I learn that Harley Race was involved. If there is a tape of this tournament, I must have it.
Jim Cornette follows with a promo about how the Midnight Express are going to beat up the Rock n Roll Express, and he rambles on like only Corny could do. Great promo.
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And guess who, it's the Midnight Express vs. Mark Cooper and Josh Stroud. Bobby Eaton and Stroud start, both ME's stomp on Stroud, and Cooper comes in. Corny runs his mouth through half the match, and it's absolutely hilarious. Stroud comes back in, and gets hipblocked by Eaton, and Dennis Condrey comes in with a scoop slam. An elbow follows, and both Eaton and Cooper come in. Eaton dumps Cooper to the outside, and comes off the top rope to the concrete with an elbow to the head of Cooper. Condrey chokes Cooper, and Eaton slams him on the inside. Eaton then comes off the top rope with a kneedrop, and a Condrey lariat finishes at 3:17. Now kids, this is how you squash. *3/4.
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In the next match, we have one half of the National Tag Team Champions (don't ask), Arn Anderson vs. George South. Lockup, Arn just gives this guy nothing the whole match as Arn works on the left arm, a hammerlock slam highlights that. Arn finishes things up out of nowhere with the Gourdbuster at 3:10. *. See, the difference between last week and this week, is that the squashes are short, and entertaining. No bullshit, no Barbarian 5 minute match.
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Ric Flair has something to say about ALL THE WOMEN OUT THERE, WHOOOOOOOOO and that NOBODY, NOBODY can beat THE WORLD'S HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.
WHOO.
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Rocky King is facing Mac Jeffers next. WTF? These two are practically jobbers. Boring as fuck, to boot. Rocky King finishes with an ugly powerslam, after offense that consisted of another powerlam, and front face lock, at 3:58. 1/4*.
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Before this match, Magnum TA has to say Ric Flair is overrated. I summarized that, btw. O RLY?
Jim Jeffers is facing Black Bart, and they both trade right hands. A Jeffers rollup gets two, and Bart replies with some forearms. A Jeffers crossbody gets two, and there's a TEST OF STRENGTH. Jeffers monkeyflips Bart, and dropkicks him. He follows with an armbar, and Bart slams him in response. Bart tries to slam him again, but Jeffers rolls him up for two. Jeffers gives Bart two dropkicks, but misses the 3rd, and Bart legdrops Jeffers for the pin at 4:40. *1/4, but Black Bart gave Jeffers WAY too much offense.
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Jim Cornette's out again, and his mom sent Tony Schiavone a tie. But Jim likes it so much, he'll keep it for himself. I was able to jot that down, because his mouth was running 100 miles a minute. I couldn't get anything else.
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Now, the last match of the SuperStation Championship Challenge Series, is for the US Title, and it's Magnum TA vs. Ole Anderson. Champ is bolded.
Blow-by-blow: Both lockup, and Ole applies a wristlock on Magnum. He misses an elbow, and they square off and measure each other up. Magnum with some right hands (he does this a lot, we'll call it fighting back), and Ole knees him in the stomach. Magnum's head gets pounded into the turnbuckle, and an Ole bodyslam gets a 2 count. Ole continually applies a crossface (no, not like the murderer) and it gets broken in the ropes, and he does it again, and again. A "Let's go Magnum" chant gets started, as Ole works on the left arm of Magnum. He locks Magnum's arm up, and punches and headbutts it. Magnum fights back and returns the armwork that Ole was giving him earlier. Ole with an eye gouge, but a Magnum slam gets two. Ole with a knee to the head, and Magnum's trapped in the corner. But he fights back, only to be thwarted as Ole pulls Magnum through the turnbuckle spacing, and into the steel ringpost.
commercial break
and we're back, as Ole has applied a front facelock. But ARN ANDERSON is at the ring, and DUSTY RHODES BRUDDA HARD TIMES BRUDDA is there to neutralize any added help that would be given by Arn. Magnum fights back, but Ole ends it with an elbow. Ole goes up, but Magnum hits him with his fist on the way down. A Magnum back elbow gets 2, but Ole gives him a big boot after an irish whip. Ole slams Magnum's head into the mat, but Magnum doesn't quit. Magnum with a backdrop and dropkick for 2, a Magnum small package attempt occurs, but both men are stuck in the ropes. Ole goes back to the eyes, and rams Magnum's head into the turnbuckle. Magnum returns the favor, and does the ten punch count at the turnbuckle. Magnum misses a legdrop, and both men slug it out. Double shoulderblock follows, and these two take their first rest. Magnum headbutts Ole, but it hurts Magnum more than it does Ole. Ole back to the eyes AGAIN, and he follows with a scoop slam. He stomps on Magnum, then whips Magnum into the rope, but Magnum shoulderblocks him twice. Ole then elbowdrops him for two, 2 counts. Ole tries to cheat like Ric Flair on a rollup, but the ref spots it. Magnum dropkicks him and follows with a double axehandle from the top rope for 2, but the bell rings. HOWEVER, Jim Crockett says there must be a winner! Ole leaves, and we go to a commercial break as Ole comes back to the ring. Ole with a scoop slam, and some elbow drops, but he misses the 3rd. Magnum is tripped by Arn Anderson, so Dusty comes over to take care of Arn. As that goes on, Magnum rolls up Ole for the win at around 21:00. Wow.
Match analysis: Does it get better than this, on a televised program? I don't know. I took off 1/2* for the commercial break toward the end of the match (that may not be fair to both guys, but I did it), but this ALONE makes the show worth watching. Both men went at it, and didn't let up. Great match, but it probably would have been even better with 10 more minutes. ***1/2.
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Jim Crockett says that we'll have a special edition of World Championship Wrestling on Friday, February the 7th, on TBS, where the fans pick the 4 matches that will take place on the show. I hope, HOPE that WWE 24/7 shows this, but I doubt it.
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The next match, is for the NWA WORLD'S HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, DADDY. It's the champion, NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR, vs. Ronnie Garvin.
Blow-by-blow: The two men shake hands, and they lock up. Garvin with a hiptoss and two flying headscissors, but Flair powers out. Both chop each other, and Garvin gets a shoulderblock. Flair with a hiptoss, but he misses an elbow. Garvin with a hiptoss of his own and a short armscissor, and they chop. Garvin's were harder than Flair's, so Ric bails out to the floor. Flair's "gonna kick your BUTT," so Flair chops him. Garvin with a few right hands and headbutts, then some chops and a roll-up, but it only gets a 2 count. Front facelock by Garvin, but Flair stomps on his arm. Flair with some rights and chops, and Garvin with an eye gouge to counter. A Garvin backdrop and elbow gets a 2 count, and back to the front facelock. The two wrestlers have a war of chops, but Garvin stops that with a headlock. Flair with a right to the chest, and he throws Garvin to the floor. On the floor, Flair rams Garvin's arm into the steel ringpost. Flair with some blows to the chest of Garvin, and
commercial break
we're back, with Flair choking Garvin. Flair mounts Garvin and punches him in the mouth, and chops him. Garvin with some rights, and we have our first Flair Flop. And now Flair gets whipped into the buckle, and we have a Flair Flip, as Flair goes over, and out to the floor. Garvin with somemore hard chops, and a Garvin crossbody block gets two. Flair begs off, but Garvin chops him until Flair pokes him in the eye. Now Flair takes over, as he gives him a back suplex and kneedrop for 2. Flair with some chops, then Garvin blocks his suplex attempt. Garvin gets the suplex, then a sleeper. Flair with a shinbreaker, and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL. If school consists of Garvin headbutts, chops, and a bite of the nose, you're right. Flair chops him some more, and chokes him too. Garvin gets a shoulderblock, and THEN A FIST OF FUCKING STONE TO THE MOUTH, which is followed up with a backdrop. Flair with a headlock takeover and they do the bridge, and backslide out of that spot, with Garvin doing the powering up and backslide, which gets a 2 count. Whew. Garvin hits him with another FIST OF STONE for two, and Flair crotches Garvin along the top rope when he gets up. Flair throws the referee out of the way, and DUSTY RHODES is down at the ring as the bell rings at 15:39, which I will assume is a double DQ. Dusty with the figure-four, but the Andersons attack. This looks as if it'll be a repeat of the angle with Dusty trapped in a cage, but it's not. Babyface wrestlers such as Magnum TA and Sam Houston fight off 3/4ths of the soon to become, Four Horsemen. Ole, Arn and Flair cut a promo afterward, and Flair says he beat Garvin, damnit. He looks possessed, honestly. Like Ken Shamrock, sorta.
Match analysis: Simply put, a great match. Definitely the best televised match of that year (unless there's something I'm missing, and nothing from Starrcade counts). A clean finish would only add to the rating, but as of now, this is the best Ron Garvin match I've seen. Both guys went all-out for 15 minutes, and I appreciated it. **** is the rating, I could only add 1/4* more if the finish were clean. Excellent stuff.
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Italian Stallion is facing Pablo Crenshaw now, and this is a boring squash with Stallion hitting a powerslam to win at 3:10. *, I could have done without that.
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JJ Dillon has a promo in which he really, REALLY foreshadows the formation of the Four Horsemen (but if you didn't know any better, just another group) and he says that HE was the one that paid for Baby Doll to go to Acapulco and leave Tully alone for a while. WELL.
Dusty Rhodes follows that with his own promo, where he destroys the desk of the announcers. He needs room, and he wants Ric Flair now. And if Flair's not going to come and get it, Rhodes is going to bring it to him. And he'll do it now.
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Tully Blanchard vs. Kent Glover is next, and Tully works on the right leg, with a spinning toe hold. David Crockett says there's trouble in the back, so he bails on the broadcast. Back to the spinning toe hold, and a Tully slingshot suplex finishes at 2:12. 3/4*. I'm starting to get used to seeing these jobbers every week, and I'm going to be picking favorites soon.
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That's all.
As for the show...
Rating: Great. Whenever you get two, long, GOOD TV matches such as the two that took place on this show, it's a good TV show. That's the best wrestling TV show I've seen from the 80's, hands down. The two matches in the middle are worth tracking down, if you don't have WWE 24/7.
Best match: Ric Flair vs. Ronnie Garvin. Lots of brawling, but it was great.
Worst match: Sam Houston vs. Tony Zane. A boring squash.
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And that's it, the next thing I post will probably be a review of Halloween Havoc '89, and that'll come on Sunday unless my brother's girlfriend doesn't come over.
9:30 p.m.
• This was a rather long article, but I can sum it up with two lines.
9:15 p.m.
• So I heard this today and got the thinking...
...I wonder how many Democrat men wouldn't vote for a woman president of their political party? Or, better yet, a candidate of color?
7:30 p.m.
• Can somebody please tell me the status of Joe Torre and the Yankees? Will he be back? Have the Yankees offered him a contract? I've been watching ESPN all afternoon and they haven't said a peep. What’s the point of having cable when they don’t give you any updates on important stuff like this?
5 p.m.
• LOL.
I'm a little bummed Max Baucus signed it because to me he has seemed to be a Democrat with some common sense. And it's nice to see Junior's sig on there, too. I'm surprised Crazy Arlen didn't take part.
The NWO have arrived....
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Anyway, the first match is Lex Luger and The Giant vs. Roadblock and Rick Fuller. Giant chops Fuller HARD early on in the corner, clotheslines him, then tags in Luger. Luger goes up to the 2nd rope, and comes down hard with a double axehandle. Fuller pokes Luger in the eye, and tags in Roadblock. Roadblock with a big avalanche, and some other shitty oldschool offense. Roadblock misses an elbow drop from the 2nd rope, and The Giant is on his way in. Superkick by the Giant (wtf) and then Giant clotheslines both of his opponents. The CHOKESLAM and POWER RACK, OMG finish at 5:00. After the match, Harlem Heat run in and attack Luger and the Giant. There's a 4 way match at Spring Stampede, see. *1/4. Harlem Heat then have an interview, they're the Patriots cause they get no respect, and Sherri says they will divide and conquer on Sunday. Whatever.
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Now there's a women's match that I'm not rating, because the incompetent commentary team didn't tell me who they were. Not only that, I don't rate women's squash matches. A regular match is different. This is part of a "Ladies Cruiserweight Title" tournament, and I can only assume this angle was dropped, because the crowd just doesn't care.
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Villano IV vs. Psychosis is the next match...and both wrestlers do a lucha sequence where they armdrag each other and kip-up. To the chinlock we go, until Villano decides he wants to rana Psychosis. Psychosis with a spinning heel kick to knock Villano to the floor, and he follows that by going up to the top and getting a HUGE corkscrew moonsault, landing on Villano IV, on the floor. Backstage, the NWO is having some problems. Hogan, Hall, Bischoff, DiBiase, and Vincent are at Dennis Rodman's movie premiere. VK Wallstreet is the one with problems...back to the ring, and Villano gives Psychosis a fisherman belly-to-belly suplex. Strange move. He misses a moonsault, and a Psychosis superkick and guillotine legdrop finish at 4:25. *3/4, could have been better.
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RIC FUCKIN' FLAIR is on his way to the ring, for an interview with Mean Gene, and Roddy Piper eventually joins them. Flair wants to go party with Piper, and Piper says ok. Then they leave. That.was.pointless.
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Prince Iaukea vs. LA PARKA is the next match, and it's for Prince's TV Title. La Parka misses a charge toward the turnbuckle, but he comes back with a spinning heel kick. Both guys REALLY blow a springboard moonsault spot, and La Parka could have really hurt Iaukea there. Prince charged in toward the turnbuckle and nearly was met with a flying knee to the top of the head. Idiot. It was his fault, IMO. Anyway, a La Parka senton bomb (senton is no flip, remember) gets a 2 count. A double jump moonsault by La Parka gets the same. Somehow both guys wind up on the outside, and Prince springboards off the ropes with a body press. La Parka has his chair, cause he's chairman of WCW. He sits Prince down in the chair, and does a suicide dive onto him. Prince superkicks La Parka back on the inside, but misses a crossbody. La Parka kicks the chair onto Prince, and then he does some Sabu thing where he uses the chair to springboard and jump into Prince. A Prince crossbody off the top rope out of nowhere gets the pin at around 5:05. Way too many blown spots. 3/4*.
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The next match is Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho, and prior to the match, Regal has some words for the people out there. Rey Mysterio's a dwarf, and Rey will get the first shot at the TV Title if Regal wins it at Spring Stampede. The crowd chants USA, which makes me laugh for obvious reasons, and Regal begins the bout with some mat wrestling, and a drop toe hold. Jericho clotheslines him, and gives him a spinning heel kick. A springboard dropkick and suplex follows from Jericho, and he's in control. A lionsault from Jericho gets a two count, and Regal gives him a stiff kick to the midsection. Jericho then rolls up Regal at 2:27 for THE WIN! I'm very surprised. *. Regal attacks Jericho post match, he gives him a huge halfnelson suplex off the top turnbuckle. whoa. A piledriver and the Regal Stretch follows, and the Renegade and Joe Gomez come out to help Jericho, but Renegade doesn't want to. What the hell? Gomez gets piledriven, and Lenny Lane and Billy Kidman come out and try to help. But they can't. The beatdown was fun...
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This is hour two...and we find out that VK Wallstreet is leaving...and there's another women's match I'm not reviewing or rating. Akira Hokuto is in this one, and post-match, Hokuto attacks Madusa. Following that, there's a video package highlighting the past of Sting. And this package shows how far behind WCW is compared to WWE in this sense.
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The next match is the Amazing French Canadians w/Col. Robert Parker vs. Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael w/Debra. OH CANADA, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND. Sorry. This match really, really sucks. Mongo chopblocks the AFC's, and Public Enemy hits the ring. They try to take the Haliburton briefcase, but Robert Parker winds up with it, and he tosses it in to Jacques Rougeau, who hits Mongo with it for the win at 3:00. Just, no. DUD. Mean Gene comes to the ring, and Mongo wants to know why Jeff has the briefcase. He thinks Jeff was the one that hit him with it.
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DDP is facing off against a guy my brother said was named Lance Ringo..and it ends quick with a DIAMOND CUTTER out of a firemans carry position. It kinda looked like an F-5. 1:43 is the time, and 1/2* is the rating. Randy Savage is in the crowd with a mic, and he says he finally found out what DDP's name was. But he's still wonderin' if DDP has family jewels. Oh, you.
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The last match is The Steiner Brothers vs. High Voltage. I love the Steiners music. STEINERLINE! It's so overly corny. Scott starts with a pumphandle slam, and Rick comes in with a STEINERLINE. RUFF, RUFF, RUFF (just doin' the Rick thing). Rick with a release German suplex, and Rage rams Rick's head into the ringpost. Rick has a problem with his head, see, so he's hurt. A Kaos neckbreaker follows, and Rage comes in and misses a springboard rolling senton. He almost jumped all the way out of the ring, lol. Scott's in, an overhead belly-to-belly, press slam and the STEINER SCREWDRIVER finishes at 3:30. I love that move, so the match gets * as a result.
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The NWO invade the broadcast table now, and Nash will fight WCW by himself if the other NWO members don't want to show up.
End of show
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That sucked. Sucked dick. From now on, I'm not going to give Nitro a full review unless there's something important, like a title change, or important match or angle. There was literally nothing here except for some matches. NOTHING. It's a waste of my time to type all this up unless there's something worth doing so, for. Here's what it'll look like next time if nothing good happens.
Steiners vs. High Voltage: *, good Steiner Scredriver in there led to a Steiners win
DDP vs. Lance Ringo: 1/2*, inventive Diamond Cutter...
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Yeah, like that. Hopefully, I don't have to, because I want to be entertained and given something worth watching.
Rating: Bad.
Best match: Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho: the one time on the show something good happened.
Worst match: Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael vs. The Amazing French Canadians.
Until next time...
We all know which episode this is, and I'm looking forward to it...
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We start things off with a European Title match, and it's the challenger, Owen Hart, facing off against the champion, The British Bulldog.
Prematch: Owen always has his Slammy's, of course. This match came about because of the two participants pull-apart last week on RAW.
Blow-by-blow: Once Bulldog gets near the ring, Owen baseball slides into him. Owen beats Bulldog up on the outside, and claims that the European Title is HIS BELT. Owen tosses Bulldog in, then hits him with a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Owen then hits Bulldog with a low blow and some mounted punches, and he follows that with a whip into the turnbuckle and clothesline for a 2 count. Chinlock time, and when Bulldog powers out, he gets kneed in the midsection off a whip. Owen goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but that's not happenin'. Back to the Owen chinlock, but a Bulldog rollup gets a 2 count. Then a Bulldog backslide gets two, and Owen ends Davey's run with a standing dropkick and piledriver. Now we go to a
commercial break
and as we come back, we see that Owen landed an elbow drop from the top rope during the break, and nearly won the match and title. An Owen suplex gets a 2 count, and back to the chinlock again. Up to the top, but Owen misses a dropkick. BULLDOG goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Owen delivers an enziguri to the back of the head. The match is really starting to pick up. Owen backflips off the top after Bulldog fights off a superplex attempt, and Owen knocks Bulldog out of the ring. On the floor, Bulldog catches Owen after Owen attempts to deliver a plancha. Bulldog slams him into the guardrail, and clotheslines him twice. Then, Bulldog slingshots Owen into the turnbuckle and gets a 2 count on the cover. A really bad blown backdrop by Bulldog nearly ends up with Owen landing on his head, but they repeat the spot, then Owen gets dumped. Bulldog suplex Owen on the steel entranceway ramp, and back in the ring, press slams Owen for a 2 count. Ref bump after an Owen leapfrog over a charging Bulldog, and that's the last we see of him. Owen goes out to grab a chair, but Bret Hart comes down the aisle, to keep him from using it. Bret grabs a microphone, and he wants to know where their family values have gone. Bret tells them they're doing what "these Americans" want them to do. He also says that the US loves to turn families against each other. And they group hug, as the Hart Foundation forms. How sweet. Match ran about 13 minutes...
Match analysis: Well, the match was solid, but that wasn't the point. IT's all about the angle, brudda. And you know what, it worked well. The whole segment is a **** segment. The match is **3/4, and the 1/4 is subtracted because of the blown backdrop that could have killed Owen.
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Sunny comes down to the ring for guest commentary...and it's for a match between El Mosco and Super Nova.
The match is sorta drab, but Sunny's commentary where she generally acts like a whore is funny. I like how she calls JR fat, using Spanish. Nothing really to see here, a blown spot or two, and Mosco finishes with a springboard moonsault at 3:53. *1/4. Spare me. To be honest, almost every AAA match that the WWF imported sucked.
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LOD has an interview in the ring where they tell the Harts they shouldn't disrespect the USA. But, the interview was so bad that I couldn't wait for them to finish. It's about their title match against Owen and Bulldog at IYH: Revenge of the Taker.
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Wow. It's Jesse Jammes vs. an unnamed Jobber. His name is Jerry Fox, apparently.
Jesse's singing, and it, along with his theme and ring attire, are awful. AWFUL. That's gotta be embarrasing to do that, and he looks nothing like the man he would soon become. It's a squash, Jammes atomic drops Fox, clotheslines him from the ring apron, and finishes with the Pumphandle Slam at 1:37. 1/4*. Honky likes him and gives Jesse the guitar, but Jesse destroys it. He says the guitar is "out of tune." Keep that shit off my television.
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The NATION OF DOMINATION comes out, and it's Savio Vega and Crush vs. two unnamed jobbers. And this time, I'm not looking it up. When they disposed of squashes on RAW, the world reaped the benefits. Shawn's on the phone to speak his mind, as Crush gives one of the guys a double backbreaker, and then he tosses him over his head. Big back suplex by Crush, then a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker follows. And we finish with Demolition Decapitation at 3:16. 1/2*. Waste of time.
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A Ken Shamrock vignette follows, as he has an exhibition next week against an unnamed opponent.
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And it's hour TWO. Paul Bearer has something to say, and his entrance music is African-ish. He wants The Undertaker to take him back. Well, The Undertaker comes out to the ring, and locks the casket set-up at ringside to make sure there's no surprises. Taker says he may be able to forgive Paul, but he'll never be able to forget. He hands Paul Bearer the WWF Title, but then punches Paul's lights out. Taker grabs the urn off the casket, but Mankind comes out from under the ring and lights a fireball near Taker's eye. TAKER CAN'T SEE BAH GAWD, and SID comes out to chase Mankind backstage. My initial reaction to that was, WTF?
Back from a commercial break, and Sid tells Mankind that he's going to burn in hell. OK.
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Now, there are no managers allowed, for the Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust match.
Prematch: No usual Goldust entrance, he only has his wig on. He runs to the ring, and here we go.
Blow-by-blow: Goldust pounds on HHH (fuck Helmsley, it's HHH), HHH does his upside down thing after getting whipped into the buckle, and then he does that Harley race thing where he flies out of the ring after being whipped into the buckle. He perfected it later on when he did it so his face would always hit the guardrail. Back in, and Goldust bumps into HHH with his ass. He misses a crossbody, so HHH takes over for a while. H slams him on the ramp, then goes inside the ring and does that gay courtsey thing. When both men are back in, HHH hits Goldy with a high knee. He chokes Goldust with his boot, and gives him a swinging neckbreaker for a 2 count. A suplex and kneedrop get another 2 count. To the chinlock, until a Goldust crossbody gets a 2 count. This match is pretty slow. A HHH DDT gets a 2 count, and they trade rights until Goldust is dumped by HHH. Chyna's at the stage, and at the same time that we notice him, uh.....er, her, HHH dives to the outside off the 2nd turnbuckle.
commercial break
and we come back with news that Sid will be facing Mankind next week. Does not happen. Anyway, Chyna makes her way to the ring, as Goldust gives HHH the Curtain Call. She beats up some officials, and HHH starts fighting with Pat Patterson. Patterson's giving it to him, and then Chyna beats him up. Goldust and Chyna stare off, and that's it for that. 9:51 is the time, of the cut match.
Match analysis: A decent match, but this feud dragged on way too long. At this point, they'd been feuding for the whole year. Could have been better, cause this was slow. *1/2. I really like Goldust, and I like some of the work that HHH did later on.
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Stone Cold Steve Austin comes to the ring, and Vince is in the squared circle conducting the interview. He calls Ken Shamrock deaf, says that Bret Hart couldn't do a damn thing to him, and that Bret's a piece of trash. Steve's not changin' for anyone, and all he wants to do is whip some ass. Bret comes out on the Titantron, and he says he already beat Stone Cold's ass, and Bret says he's done with Steve Austin. Steve calls Bret a piece of crap, and Bret storms off.
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In the main event, we have an INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE bout, the challenger is Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and the champion is Rocky Miavia.
Prematch: An announcement is made before this match that Bret Hart will be facing Sid at Revenge of the Taker. Again, no. Does not happen. This is the low point of the Intercontinental Title, IMO. Rocky is not over, and this match has absolutely no heat.
Blow-by-blow: The two wrestlers lock up, and Bret takes Rocky over with a headlock. Tony Atlas is in the crowd, hey guy! Bret grabs Rocky's arm and works it over, then a Rocky crossbody gets a 2 count. Both men kip-up after headlock takeovers, and Bret delivers a knee to the midsection of Rocky. Boot to the midsection by Bret, and he rakes Rocky's eyes across the ropes. An inverted atomic drop and clothesline follow, and then we have a Bret Hart russian legsweep. Now we go to a
commercial break
and we come back to an image of Bret headbutting Rocky in the back. Then in the head. Bret with a backbreaker after a back suplex, but he misses his usual 2nd rope elbow. Rocky with a few right hands, and a fisherman's suplex of his gets two. Whoa. Where did that move come from, and why didn't he use it later in his career. A belly-to-belly suplex by Rocky gets two, and his swinging DDT puts Bret out long enough for Rocky to climb up to the top rope. Bret rolls through his flying body press and gets two, and Bret then applies the ringpost figure-four. Unfortunately, he gets disqualified. So Rocky wins the match, and retains his title, at 10:31. Bret won't let go, so Austin comes down to MAKE him let go. Too bad for him though, Owen Hart and the British Bulldog attack him, but the Legion of Doom chase the Hart Foundation into the crowd. End of that, and the end of the show.
Match analysis:Good, old school wrestling match. But even I can't deny that the match was hurt by the lack of heat. I liked it, though. I don't know how much of it was a carryjob, it was really good from all sides. Also a nice way to end the show, too. **1/2 for the match, even though I feel like going a little higher.
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As for a show rating, on this (Great, good, above-average, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible) scale, it's a GOOD show. Almost great, but it dragged. Any TV show with two 10 minute long, almost *** matches is good, IMO.
Rating: Good
Best Match: Owen v. Bulldog
Worst Match: Jesse Jammes vs. Jerry Fox
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To note, star ratings aren't everything when it comes to Worst and Best matches on a TV show. Other things come into factor.
'Til next time...
I'd figured I'd take a break from the usual lists to tell a quick story about the only World Series game I ever had the chance to attend. It's a pretty well known game because it didn't end being played as scheduled and it was 18 years ago today. It was Tuesday, October 17th, 1989 as the Oakland A's were to play the San Francisco Giants in Game 3 of their Bay Bridge World Series at Candlestick Park.
My Dad had bought tickets from Game 3 and 4 at Candlestick and he was going to take me to Game 3 and my brother to Game 4. Now you might wonder why as A's fans we'd have tickets to games in San Francisco and not Oakland but then you'd have to realize what a dump Candlestick Park was/is. The Oakland Coliseum today is thought of as one the worst ballparks around but at the time it was still regarded as good park and might as well have been Candem Yards compared to Candlestick. The A's had a larger season ticket base than the Giants at the time and with having the much nicer stadium the four games scheduled for Oakland were gone in an instant. Of course the games for Candlestick were gone quickly as well but there was actually people willing to give up those tickets for the right price unlike the games at the Coliseum. If I remember right I believe my Dad was able to buy our tickets off someone from he knew at work at $50 a piece in the nosebleed section. I don't think my Dad let me actually know how bad the seats really were but in the end would just be happy to be going to a World Series game especially with the A's out to a 2-0 series lead.
My memories of the day are pretty sketchy. I remember my Dad had bought a World Series program for me before hand for me to read on the way to the game. With the early 5:15 start time start time to get the game in east coast primetime we only got there probably about 20 minutes before the first pitch. Since we were so close to the game starting we decided to grab food before we got to the seats since there was no way I'd leave my seat during the game. Just as we got on line for food the stadium started shaking. We were on a concession line that was below the upper deck of the stadium and I remember just looking up as I guess that was my natural instinct was to see if anything was gonna fall. My Dad grabbed and rushed me to the little overhang by the concessions. Just a hunch if the stadium actually collapsed we'd be dead but if we actually survived what a better place to be trapped than by the food? For those of us who were not in their seats there wasn't even 100% certainty that it was earthquake or if the fans shook stadium. I remember right after the stadium stoppedd shaking a loud roar went up in the stadium and I heard a Giants fan near by yell "that's how you start a fucking game!" It was definately felt like a big earhtquake but it went by so quick and everything pretty much seemed fine. I was scared shitless but at least I was still going to see a World Series game.
Our seats were out towards rightfield and when we got to them I could see the leftfield foul pole was still shaking. I looked straight down the rightfield foul pole but one problem, you couldn't see rightfield at all from the angle of our seats and god damn did the field look far away. But again at least I was going to see a World Series game, if not really see the whole game itself with our view. Everyone seemed to think the game would be played although clearly delayed at that point. I can't remember at what time they called the game but shortly before that the gravity of the situation hit us when someone with a radio near by said this:
"The Bay Bridge collapsed."
That's a shit your pants moment right there. The image that went through my head was that the bridge went into the fucking water. What about the other bridges? How do we get home? As it turned out it was just a single portion of the upper deck of the bridge that collapse but at this point there was obvoiously going to be no baseball played that night. The rest of the night is a complete blur. I think my 11 year old brain had exploded that night and I was just worried about us getting home, although part of me was also excited by the prospect I might not have to school the next day. Although the Bay Bridge was the only bridge with major damage, all bridges were closed so we had to head south towards Santa Clara and go around the Bay to get home. This would normally be about a 40 minute drive but with so many people either trying to get home or get out of the city this turned into about a four hour trip just to get to the South Bay. Another problem that night was that because of the quake a lot of gas stations closed and we ended running out of gas in Santa Clara by the Great America theme park. On fumes my Dad got us into a hotel parking lot but as you can imagine that night all hotels were booked up. It was a very large hotel with a huge lobby and they were allowing people to come in without a room and sleep in the lobby which it appeared we'd end up doing. But my Dad was able to buy some gas from a gardner at the hotel from a lawnmower and enough to fill up to find an open gas station and get home. So about seven hours after the earthquake we were finally home. And I had to go to school. Fuck.
So at the start of this I mentioned that this would be about the only chance I had to go to a World Series game. Of course everyone the series resumed 10 days later but I didn't go. Why? Becuase I was a big fucking pussy. Okay I guess in reality i was just a scared kid who was going through some post traumatic shit but on the other hand I was just a pussy, who also watched way too much of the post-earthquake news coverage. I'm one of those people who will watch non-stop disaster news coverage. I remember for weeks after 9/11 watching the footage of the planes going into the WTC over and over and over and over again no matter how tough it was to watch. Every 9/11 when that footage starts getting replayed on t.v. again I always end up watching it. Back in '89 after the earthquake I just kept watching the news coverage of the earthquake and the home video footage shot in the immediate aftermath of the quake. This
in particular of a car falling down the collapsed portion of the bridge was played non-stop and I ended up just scaring myself into not going to the next game. To this day I'm actually not scared of earthquakes at all but I was then. So I regret that I've never had another chance since to go to a World Series game but I suppose also I should be happy the earthquake didn't last longer or otherwise I might have been a Candlestick Park sandwich.
9 p.m.
• I’ve said before that I really don’t have a favorite MLB team. If forced to pick one from each league, I’d say that my favorite AL team would be the Angels and the NL team would be the Cardinals. However, I really don’t care. But come playoff time I generally pick a team or two and hope they do well. The odd thing was I didn’t really know which team to pick. I’d go with the Angels, but I had a feeling that they’d get beat early. I was right. I wasn’t too keen on the Rockies, because they seemed like the popular pick, so I passed. Oh what the hell, the Indians haven’t won shit in a long time. Go Tribe.
• So when Mrs. kkk bitched about yesterday’s “Book Fund” incident, she was annoyed. Today, she was pissed. She got a memo from university HQ telling all employees that they must “donate” to the United Way. Not only does the better half hold this nonprofit in high regard, but she’s pissed that the money collected would go to the United Way in Allegheny County, not the county where we reside. What did she do? She threw the memo away because when she went to fill out the online form there was no way to put $0.00 in the “donate” field. Baby, I love you. Personally, I would have donated $0.01, but what might be a better idea is to donate to some extreme right-wing cause, like saving unborn babies from being murdered, and then sending the receipts to university HQ.
Oh, yeah, she also got a human resources document about the university’s authoritive blacktion policy that said “IF YOUR RACE HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS, PLEASE INDICATED WHAT YOU ARE NOW.” I told her to put down “Eskimo.” They need representation.
• Speaking of universities, you know what I love about these institutions of so-called higher learning? The way they openly embrace points of view.
4:30 p.m.
• So the idiot boss got a call from someone he was to interview for this job in the office. Now they’re going to pay this person $8/hour, so naturally the responses to this opening have been, well, let’s say “less than overwhelming.” Anyway, this person asked the idiot what the “salary range” is. The idiot’s response? “It depends on the qualifications.” BWAHAHAHAHA~! Yeah, if she has more than 10 years experiences, she might get $8.25. Surprisingly, after that the person never came back for a second interview.
• I think I found a way to counter those people that drive around with the booming bass systems in their vehicle. Yesterday we were beside one of these people at a red light, so I cranked up the treble in our car where all you could hear was the singer’s voice. Worked out pretty well, if I do say so myself, even though my ears were ringing for a few minutes afterward.
Well, I guess I'll let it out. A kid will be arriving in our house and it isn't going to be a cat or a dog. Yep, the Terror's are expecting. A boy to be exact, due December 9th. Well, at least it'll get me off a couple weeks work....I'M KIDDING. Yes indeed, get ready for another right-winger coming into the world. I just might pipe Rush, Boortz, Beck, Medved right into his crib. But all kidding aside I'm sure I'm in for a wild ride and it's going to be great.
One thing's for sure, the kid is going to have a tennis racket and/or golf club and/or baseball glove placed in his hands as soon as he can take those first steps. Scholarship baby, scholarship, followed by million dollar paychecks, followed by new house on the coast for daddy.
Oh, and I've been going to various baby classes at the hospital. I'm dead certain my dad never had to go to a baby care class or birth class, etc. But these days it's expected that the father is going to take part in every microsecond of the birth. Yippee.
Now, the DVD set moves into the heart of the Attitude Era. I don't mind that, as it's a time period I enjoy. Most people say that a person's favorite wrestling period is the one they grew up on. I don't necessarily disagree, even though late-80's NWA is my favorite, this is right behind. I don't give a damn how many people look back and think it sucks. If you disagree, comment and we can discuss it.
And since the Kings won, I'm doing this tonight. Otherwise, I wouldn't work on it until tomorrow.
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From IYH: Unforgiven in 1998, we have The Undertaker v. Kane w/Paul Bearer in an Inferno Match.
Prematch: This is the end of the UT/Kane feud until they come full-circle with partners they each don't trust, and then they decide to team up themselves. Rinse and repeat about 10 times, and you have Kane's career. The inferno visuals are cool, they kept the flame low so everyone could see.
Blow-by-blow: They trade punches (and I had the feeling I'd be saying that a lot...), until UT avalanches Kane in the corner. Kane's in this phase where he sells nothing, from nobody, so that's what he does. It's even worse than when Taker does it. UT goes up for OLD SCHOOL and the fire blaze gets really high, almost to the knee of UT as he's standing on the ropes. Kane just drops him on the turnbuckle, and hits him with some rights. Whip hard to buckle, rinse and repeat 3 or 4 times. Kane powerslams UT and they both try to smother each other, until Bearer tosses a chair into the ring. Kane hits UT with the chair, and then the camera pans to Bearer wiping the sweat off his face. Yeah, I'm sure those flames are hot. Kane pushes UT toward the flame AND BAH GAWD HE'S GONNA PUT HIS ASS ON FIRE, but Taker finds his way away from it. Taker gives him a russian leg sweep and a legdrop. CHOKESLAM, CHOKESLAM STRAIGHT TO HELL by Kane, so logically, Taker must return the favor. Then, both guys give each other a big boot. It looked weird. Undertaker misses his running, flying clothesline, and he almost flies too far and into the flames. That was close. Kane sideslams Taker and goes up to the top rope, but UT crotches him on the turnbuckle, then superplexes him. Kane gets tossed out over the top rope, but the flames don't get him. OK. What's the point of the match then. As Kane walks towards the back, Vader makes his first televised appearance since No Way Out of Texas, and gives Kane a piece of his mind. The two wrestlers get a little closer to the ring, and UT FLIES over the top rope with a tope, knocking both men down. Taker chases Bearer onto a stage set-up on the side, and puts a drum through Bearer's head after Bearer gives him a WEAK ASS chairshot. Bearer does a blade-job, and back at the ring, Undertaker knocks Kane into the fire after Kane CLEARLY put on a flame-retardant sleeve or something, and that's it. HE'S ON FIRE, OH MAH GAWD. The bell rings at 16:01.
Match analysis: It was weird. Really weird. Not negative star worthy or anything, but the booking was bizarre. The guys never should have left the ring, but then again, Kane would never have been able to put on the flame-retardant sleeve. It's not BAD though, like one would expect. The gimmick (and other reviews out there) tends to have people thinking the match is dogshit. *.
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From King of the Ring 1998, it's Mankind vs. The Undertaker, in Hell in a Cell.
Prematch: We all know what happens here. UT limps out and climbs the cell. Nothing else sticks out except for the sheer number of lighters while the lights are turned out. Goodness.
Blow-by-blow: Undertaker goes up the Cell, takes a few chairshots and throws Mick off the Cell. The bump still holds up to this day, and it will hold up forever. Two shittier workers, and nobody would have given a fuck. But because it was these two guys, because the Undertaker character was going in a darker direction, and because Mick Foley was supposed to be a sick sonofabitch, it worked. Moving on from that, I like seeing Hugo Savinovich of the Spanish announce team sprawled out after the giant throw off the Cell. It always makes me laugh. Terry Funk, Sgt. Slaughter and Vince McMahon make their way out, he does a stretcher job, BUT HE AIN'T DONE, BAH GAWD, HE'S CRAZY, HE'S SICK!
Stop here. Nothing tops this. I would have loved to seen Mick return the favor, and that would have been the perfect way to end the match, IMO.
They both re-climb the Cell, and Undertaker headbutts Mick. That's a strange thing to see Taker do. Then Taker chokeslams Mick through the Cell. This bump is more impressive than the first, I think. Once UT struggles to get through the hole in the Cell, he chokeslams Terry Funk out of his shoes. Legit LOL there, from both my brother, my father and I. Like I said, I don't watch these alone. This channel brings back good, old memories. Taker punches Mick, and Mick falls down in a heap. It's almost funny, in a sick way. Then the infamous clip of Foley's tooth in his nose follows, and he SAYS that he was trying to stick his tongue through a hole in his lip, but his beard kept everyone from seeing it. For some reason, I'm not so sure about that one. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Mick knocks him off. Taker grabs the stairs because Mick can't hold them, so they improvise and Taker launches the stairs into Mick's injured shoulder. Geez, dude. Watch out. Taker then flies into the cell, and you can see the guy scraping his blade up toward his face, trying to get his face to cut. Business exposure, kids. Learn to love it, learn to live with it, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, AND SO ARE THE FOUR HORSEMEN. Sorry. Back in the ring...Mick piledrives Taker onto a chair for two. I'm calling him Mick because his mask is gone, see. A legdrop onto Taker as a chair is draped over Taker's face gets 2, then Mick gives him an ugly looking double arm DDT. He goes under the ring...and we have TACKS. OH MY GAWD, TACKS, TACKS, HE'S SICK...but Mick gives UT FINGERS IN THE MOUTH a MANDIBLE CLAW instead. UT lifts Mick on his back, and then drops him onto a small portion of the TACKS. But Mick ROLLS IN THEM. A chokeslam on the tacks gets most of them stuck to Mick's back, and then Mick gets TOMBSTONE'D for the finish at 17:38.
Match analysis:
1. Both bumps off the top of the Cell were nuts.
2. Most people deride the match because they think all it was, was two big bumps and some thumbtacks.
No.
Fuck those people. The match told a story. A story about two sick motherfuckers that would do anything to win. The only thing that irks me, is that they weren't trying to win anything in particular. Except for pride. And with the history of these two, that's all it takes. I'm stuck in the middle about how I really feel about this match. I've watched it about 10 times including the live airing, I have it on DVD, and my opinion still hasn't changed. So my rating shall be in the middle, as well. **1/2. It isn't the best one of these matches, but it's memorable, and with damn good reason.
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From King of the Ring 1999, it's a World Wrestling Federation Championship match, with the challenger being The Rock, and the Champion being The Undertaker. Undertaker is accompanied by Paul Bearer...
Prematch: Undertaker is just sick at this point, I'll leave it at that. Yes, this is the PPV where Billy Gunn wins the King of the Ring. No, I haven't seen the whole PPV, or this match. I made a point not to order any WWF PPV's post WM XV until Royal Rumble 2000, and I haven't seen a single one in between, although I watched RAW all the time. My parents felt that ripped off by WM XV, and I didn't disagree. Instead, we ordered WCW PPV's.
Yeah.
Blow-by-blow: Ref bump quick and early before anything starts, and if history is any indication, it should be good. Remember Ground Zero 1997? Unfortunately, when Vince Russo's booking, both logic and history is thrown in the garbage. This match was 3rd from last at this PPV, Billy Gunn's KotR win and a shitty Austin ladder match followed. Anyway, ROCK BOTTOM, HE JUST HIT ROCK BOTTOM, but there's no ref. The new one gets to the ring, and Bearer pulls him out while he was making the count. Fuck. Overbooking at the start? I'm used to that at the finish. Bearer punches the new ref to the ground, and a UT chokeslam gets 2. This match is going in reverse. Rocky clotheslines Taker to gain control, and does his spit punch to finish the combination. This guy was, and is, GOLD. He throws UT out of the ring, and now we brawl. They beat each other up near the stage, and on the way back toward the ring, Taker suplexes Rocky in the entranceway. Back in, and an Undertaker cover gets a 1 count. Armwringer and OLD SCHOOL follows, but nope, Taker's nuts must suffer after being crotched along the top rope. Rocky has a water bottle, and he takes a swig and spits it out at Taker. He's still getting the catchphrases down, and stuff. Into the crowd we go, and Rocky pours beer on Taker. Back near the announce table after some shitty brawling, and Rocky rams the face of Taker into the ringbell. Taker grabs the bell, and Rocky has a chair, and the weapons meet. Who the fuck came up with that idea. The visual is terrible, and accomplishes nothing other than that hitting a bell with a chair hurt Rocky. Bearer then hits Rocky with his shoe. Uh. Lots of Taker punches, and his running DDT gets 2. To the chinlock we go, then Rocky powers out and gives Taker a samoan drop for 2. Double clothesline follows, and Rocky's up first. A Taker TOMBSTONE attempt leads to a Rocky counter, as Rocky DDT's him. Ref bump after a whip and collision, and we HAVE THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW. THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW PAD COMES OFF, AND HE DROPS THE FUCKING ELBOW for no count, as there isn't a ref to do so. Taker gives Rock a nutshot, and Bearer has a rag. He soaks it with ETHER. AND BAH GAWD, IT SMELLS LIKE ETHER. This shit is so fucking stupid, I remember when Taker was going to embalm Steve Austin alive and that sort of booking really reminds me of it. Maybe because it's done by the same guy, I dunno. Well, actually, I do. Rocky steals the rag after a clothesline, and smothers Undertaker with it. But Triple H HAS to come to the ring, and he HAS to PEDIGREE Rocky, and JR has to call him a lousy, no good son of a bitch, and we have to have a run-in, and just fuck it I want this to be over. Taker somehow gets his finger on Rocky as both are out, but Rocky kicks out at 2. Taker gets up first, and TOMBSTONE'S Rocky for the win at 19:47. HHH came out because he's in the Corporate Ministry, ya know?
Match analysis: It's a really shitty, really overbooked title match. My initial rating while watching it was *1/2, but after thinking about it, there's really no way I can go that high. The brawling sucked. The booking sucked. The promos before this match on RAW sucked (yes, I do remember. Learning tree yourself, bitch.). Just the overall writing of the company sucked, but damn, I look on it fondly. The match is 1/2*, and I can't possibly watch it again. If you can't book a 20 minute straight wrestling match ONCE in your ENTIRE fucking life, chances are you're on the wrong business. And you show me a match that Russo booked all by himself that went more than 20 minutes, without run-ins, ref bumps, ether soaked rags, human torches, graveyards, celebrity world champions, a tazer, a heel turn, a "shoot", "blood" coming out of the ceiling, partners that hate each other, tits and ass, or any other shitty gimmick out there...
and I'll show you Michael Jordan. Seriously, if anyone can find a straight, non-gimmicked, Russo booked wrestling match with none of the things I mentioned, I'll review it. I don't think such a thing exists. To be truthful, in this case, Undertaker carried the match. I'm not shittin'. I don't know if this match, with this booking, could have been any better.
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And that's it. I don't know what I'll do next, but I'll have something done tomorrow. I sure would like to see some comments after some of the statements I've made...
This part of the DVD is worth a watch, if you haven't seen the Inferno match. But if you want to watch it until the end, please take caution. And try to laugh, as often as possible.
10:15 p.m.
• Only one thing to talk about but boy it’s a doozy. This evening the better half was in the bedroom watching Golden Girls or some shit when the phone rang. The caller ID identified the call as from the university where she works. Figuring it would be her boss in the office late or the newly hired work-study for what reason or another, I picked up the phone. I should had known better when the girl said, “May I speak with Mrs. kkk?” but I figured it could be the work-study person acting all professional and shit. Guess who it was? Some college student pseudo telemarketer asking her to donate to this thing called the “Book Fund.” What is the Book Fund you ask? This fundraising drive to help students pay for the “ever-rising costs of education.” You got to be shitting me.
I never understood this logic. You take out tens of thousands of dollars in tuition and boarding fees (if you’re a dorm student), and you can’t afford to pay for your books. Are you shitting me? But kkk, it’s 2007. Books are Xpensive. Get the fuck out of here, you pathetic sniveling little bitches. Want to know what my Book Fund was? My paycheck. Get a job and quit your whining. Oh if my alma mater would call me with this kind of shit. Then again, I don’t bother to respond to any of their fundraising material I get in the mail, so I probably wouldn’t bother to pick up the phone if the ID gives the name of my school
• OK, I lied. Mrs. kkk told me about this story today and I had to read it for myself.
I think I’ve established over the years that I’m a pets > people person, but I’m actually going to side with the shelter on this one. Hey, Ellen, you didn’t follow the rules of the contract. I don’t give a shit about your boo-hooing. If anything, you should have taken the dog back to the shelter, explain the situation and do some transfer thingy to the other family. Rules are rules, even if they are stupid. If you are pitching a fit over this, imagine what will happen when Big Government takes over your health care and doesn’t allow you to see the physician of your choosing. Say, maybe we can accuse the shelter of a HATE CRIME. That’ll fix it. Oh, I’m not worried about the dog. This pooch is going to get snagged up so fast it’ll probably make your head spin. But the dog is away from its FAMILY. It’s a dog. Give it a bowl of food and an asshole to sniff and the animal will go, “Who were those people I sniffed the other day?”
THIRD ROUND
Minnesota 4
Boston 3
Torii Hunter gave the Twins the lead in the first inning with a three run double. The Sox scored two runs in the ninth but their comeback fell short with the tying run on base.
San Diego 6
Chi. Sox 0
Jake Peavy pitched eight scoreless innings for the victory.
Chi. Cubs 4
Kansas City 2
Alfonso Soriano's three-run home run in the second inning sparked the offense for the Cubs.
Atlanta 7
NY Yankees 4
The Braves scored four runs in the fifth inning, including two on Kelly Johnson's triple. The Braves scored two insurance runs in the ninth on an E-5 and a passed ball.
Oakland 8
LA Angels 5
The A's scored seven runs in the fourth and fifth innings, led by three RBIs by Mark Ellis. Chad Gaudin and Jered Weaver combined for five wild pitches.
Colorado 6
Washington 0
San Francisco 11
Buffalo 6
The Giants dominated the mid-innings, breaking up a 3-3 tie in the fifth off Jeremy Sowers and cruising from there. Randy Messenger allowed three Buffalo runs in the ninth.
St. Louis 9
Cleveland 3
C.C. Sabathia allowed seven earned runs in the loss.
That leaves us with the elite eight. Tomorrow's matchups...
Minnesota Twins @ San Diego Padres
Atlanta Braves @ Chicago Cubs
Oakland Athletics @ Colorado Rockies
San Francisco Giants @ St. Louis Cardinals
Ok, before I start, I'll throw out a few snowflakes for the matches in the first two parts of the DVD.
SPOILERS
The Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan, from Survivor Series 1991: 1/2*. Junk.
Yokozuna beat The Undertaker in a casket match, from Royal Rumble 1994: Complete and utter trash. -***** for the whole thing, just -****1/2 for the actual match. Having all those guys come in the match gave a reason for UT's long hiatus. That was the first wrestling match I watched. Yeah, no shit. So how did I become a wrestling fan? The tape I got from the video store was at this spot when I started watching. I didn't rewind it, I could only watch one match before I went to sleep, and I didn't have time.
The Undertaker beat Diesel, from WM 12: It's ok. **3/4.
The Undertaker beat Mankind in a Buried Alive match, from guess what, IYH: Buried Alive: Solid match, the entire spectacle was shitty. It took forever to bury "Undertaker" to the point where they could go to the finish of the show. ***.
And then they fought again, at Revenge of the Taker: I thought that was much better. ***1/2.
Bret Hart beat The Undertaker, from SSlam 97: Good wrestling match, but real long. ***1/4.
And now, to the review.
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From In Your House: Ground Zero, it's The Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels.
Prematch: They're having this match because of the incident at Summerslam where HBK hit UT with a steel chair, costing UT his title. We all know what this feud leads to.
Blow-by-blow: I started timing way before the bell rang, because I feel that was the time that should be recorded. Once UT gets in the ring, he punches the ref. So the bell doesn't ring for 5 more minutes. Slaughter tells HBK to get back in the ring, because HBK's scared shitless of The Undertaker. Undertaker tosses the ref out of the ring, and onto HBK. HBK runs like hell, and tries to break down the door of the House setup the WWF had going for these shows. UT press slams him onto the stage, then punches HBK, and HBK bumps the whole way down the ramp, back toward the ring. I'm sure that hurt. UT throws Shawn into the stairs, chokes him with a microphone cord, and slams him over the guardrail. We go back in the ring, and UT clotheslines Shawn. There's no referee to count the pinfall, so UT picks Shawn up. Then he whips Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn goes upside down. NOW we have a ref, it's Earl Hebner btw, and Shawn asks him to disqualify the Undertaker. Shawn cuts out UT's left knee, and the bell finally rings. UT tries a chokeslam but gets a boot to the midsection, then Shawn tries an axhandle from the top and misses. He then gets dumped, but on his way back in, he tries a sunset flip that he can't finish. UT picks him up from the ground, chokes him, and then throws him. UT then puts Shawn in position to do that spot where Shawn launches himself into the air, and lands on the top rope, crotching himself. Shawn does that, then gets clotheslined by UT. UT goes for OLD SCHOOL, but gets crotched along the top rope. UT winds up on the outside, and Shawn baseball slides into him. Shawn attempts a plancha, but is caught by UT and slammed into the ringpost. UT punches Shawn in the nuts, and backdrops Shawn for a 2 count. Shawn finally gets some offense with a swinging neckbreaker, but UT sits up. Shawn puts his running boots on, and grabs a chair. He's not able to hit Undertaker, though, and UT grabs the chair. Hebner grabs the chair, and Shawn dropkicks UT into Hebner. Shawn goes up, and does his elbowdrop off the top twice. Rick Rude comes out and tosses Shawn some brass knuckles, and coldcocks Undertaker. Once a new referee comes to the ring, the cover gets a 2 count. The new referee gets punched out, and HHH and Chyna have made their way to the ring. HH beats up UT, and Shawn takes care of Hebner, as he comes to. Someone in the crowd heckles HHH, so he tells them to suck it. Crotch chop, motherfucker. Under Shawn's eye is a cut, and it looks to have came the hardway, when he came off the top rope to the floor to hit UT. Shawn misses SWEET CHIN MUSIC BAH GAWD after a TOMBSTONE reversal, and then UT beats him up and grabs the brass knuckles out of Shawn's pants. He hits Shawn and HHH with them, and covers Shawn, but the referee is too tired to make the count fast enough for UT to win. UT chokeslams Hebner, then Tim White comes down to the ring at 21:58 (my time, which is far different than the other ones out there) and rings the bell. No contest. That's the 4th ref to make an appearance during the match.
After that, HHH gets chokeslammed into Shawn, but Shawn hits UT with SWEET CHIN MUSIC. UT gets tied in the ropes, and Shawn runs and tries to hit him with a chair. But UT kicks the chair into his face, see. Shawn gives SWEET CHIN MUSIC to all of the officials that make their way to ringside in an attempt to break this up, and during the process, UT TOMBSTONES HHH. Now wrestlers from the back make their way out to stop things, with Rocky Maivia among them. He's wearing an ugly ass shirt. A huge UT tope onto everyone on the outside, including Shawn, and DX leaves ringside. And that's it.
Match analysis: I've never seen this match before. It's terrific, and sets up the following month's Hell in a Cell perfectly. Just awesome. ****1/4. It's a must watch, and the best WWF brawl up to that point. It might sound overbooked, but it's not. It's brilliant.
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I'm skipping UT/Shawn from Badd Blood, cause they're posting the entire event this week. I took notes, and I'm going to put the match review on the Badd Blood review.
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From Wrestlemania XIV, it's The Undertaker vs. Kane w/Paul Bearer.
Prematch: The WWE put in the prematch video package, which I feel is the best one WWE has done to this date. It recapped the feud perfectly, and got me excited for the match the first time I saw it. The druids appear during the entrance for UT, but the part where Kane tombstoned Pete Rose was cut out. Too bad, I really like it.
Blow-by-blow: Staredown to start, and Undertaker throws the first blow. Kane elbows UT, then tosses him into the turnbuckle. UT does the same, and then we have a UT big boot. Kane clotheslines him, and puts him in tree of woe position at the turnbuckle. Kane then suplexes UT across the ropes, and clotheslines him from the top rope in order to dump UT to the outside. Kane chokes him on the inside, and gives him some high knees to the midsection. UT climbs up Kane's shoulders, but Kane drops him. We go to the outside, and Kane beats up UT pretty bad. Stairs to the midsection, and we go back in on a Kane suplex. A Kane chokeslam gets 2 after Kane picks UT up off the canvas, so we go to the chinlock. Kane works around that for a while, which is nice, a straight out chinlock for 5 minutes is boring as fuck and a crutch for shitty workers. An Undertaker big boot gets Kane to the floor, and Undertaker FLIES to the outside with a tope, but misses and goes through a table. Not as impressive as it once used to be, I hate to say. The bump doesn't hold up. Back inside, and Kane clotheslines Undertaker after jumping off the top rope. They trade right hands, and a Kane TOMBSTONE gets 2. No-sold afterward by UT, and then UT clotheslines him to put Kane down for the first time in the match. UT chokeslams Kane, and Paul Bearer says, "DAMN YOU UNDERTAKER, DAMN YOU TO HELL." Pretty weird moment, but I enjoyed it. Evil Paul is cool. An Undertaker TOMBSTONE gets two, a legdrop follows, and Kane sits up. UT TOMBSTONE again, and it gets 2. Then UT goes up to the top, hits Kane with a flying clothesline, and TOMBSTONES him for the pin at 16:58. Kane and Bearer lay UT out after the match, and that's it.
Match analysis: It's just a decent match. The crowd wasn't very into it, and I attribute that to three things.
1. The Dusty Finish of the Rock/Shamrock match. The crowd went nuts for Shamrock winning the IC title, but they were sorta dead until the main.
2. The tag title match before this one finished backstage, and there was no giant Titantron to watch the ending on. Just the video screens on the scoreboard.
3. Position on the card. It was right before the main, and this match probably should have been right after the mixed tag, when the crowd was hot. But good luck getting UT to go down the card, even though it was the right thing to do.
I gave the match ***, had there been more heat for the match, the rating would have been higher. I DO punish matches that don't have crowd heat, with a few exceptions. If you don't have heat, something's wrong.
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This part of the DVD is a must watch. I'll do the next part tomorrow.
10 p.m.
• So whenever I’m on the computer JJ usually hops up and rolls around on the desk vying for attention or whatever he does.
Funny thing is this is the same cat that stays 10 feet away from me at all times unless I have this certain green linty blanket over myself (or if I just scraped out some earwax from my ear canal). Anyway, this evening I was scratching him on his side/belly, and I guess he didn’t take too kindly to that sort of thing so he began clawing me. Now even though this cat is rather powerful, he’s the biggest coward I’ve ever seen. When he tries to act tough in instances like this it’s a lesson in futility. You want to get hardcore, I’ll get hardcore. I began scratching his side with one hand while distracting him with my other hand, which was right in front of his face. The look of confusion he gave was priceless, and the only thing he could think of doing was batting the hand in front of him while unable to do anything about the hand that was actually violating his personal barrier. I’d say he’s a better lover than a fighter, but he’s neutered so he’s got the worst of both worlds.
Oh, and here's the aforementined "magic" blanket.
• Just to let you know, I heard my crack-whore sister-in-law wants to work as one of those tax people for H&R Block. She also wants to get this $3,000 trailer and move to this trailer park but can’t yet afford either the vehicle/home or the $200/month lot fee. She also told my mother-in-law that it’s her dream to have her boyfriend, her crack-whore daughter, the crack-whore daughter’s live-in boyfriend and have a happy holiday dinner. Did I mention the Christmas tree? Oh, and my welfare-collecting test-tube-kid-producing in-law relatives: the matriarch just told her welfare-collecting aunt (who got $10,000 worth of renovations done to her house compliments of my tax dollars and always seems to cater family events at said house) that she wants a Wii for Christmas. God poor people piss me off.
I might as well leave on a happy note: My brother-in-law and his family will have some "haunted trail" thing going on this weekend for the kids in his neighborhood, and I was recruited as one of the monsters, meaning I'll get to scare children and unlike other instances when I do so it will be perfectly acceptable.
7:45 p.m.
• So the BcS thingy came out this week and OMG some team that’s not USC, LSU or another representative from Big University is ranked second. Whatever. Look, you pro-bowl fuckwads keep saying the regular season is like one big playoff. Well, that Florida team is unbeaten. So quit yer bitchin’. They’ll lose soon enough and you fags can put some other Top 10 regular in its slot. If this team keeps on winning, then shut your piehole and revel in your REGULAR SEASON PLAYOFF~!
7 p.m.
• Time for more fun work stories. So the idiot boss turned an effective ad that my co-worker and I were working on and instead queered it up by demanding cartoony clip art instead of presentable stock photos. When I showed the better half what the idiot thought “looked good,” she burst into laughter and said, “It looks like something a 10-year-old would do.” Fittingly enough, we have been getting ZERO response on these ads. Anyway, last this most recent ad was in the hands of my capable supervisors on Wednesday, and I was to hear of a final draft by the end of the week. Friday came and went. No word. This ad was due today. I sent them all an e-mail on Sunday while in the office (just making sure I have documentation if I get questioned as to I “really was” on the job) letting them know this ad was due Monday. This morning I get an e-mail from the idiot asking me to – surprise -- print him another copy of this ad. Oh, yeah, we also found out today through an “informant” that when he becomes head honcho he plans to make my aforementioned co-worker into his own “department.” Uh, let’s not get too far, Tex. How about starting off slow, like, say, allowing him to utilize his marketing budget, which is only ¼ used because he’s not allowed to travel and bring in business. Oh, yeah. It’s been several months and we still haven’t replaced another co-worker who died because the idiot can’t find any “administrative professional” willing to work a shit job for a shit boss for $8/hour. Damn Bush economy.
Oh, yeah. My current head boss told another co-worker who's been working at this place for 20+ years that she makes more money than a publc school teacher. Yeah. If the teacher was back in 1950.
• So I just found out this cunt of a professor/advisor I had back in college just had her husband pass away. Sadly, my first thought was “Guess he couldn’t take any more and took the easy way out with cancer or heart disease.” Christ I’m such a horrible person.
kkk brought up losing his wedding ring in his blog. I have a similar story, although in my case my wife found out that I had lost it. I'm a little older than kkk, but we're roughly the same generation and most of us take our rings off far more than our fathers did. As far as I know, my dad's ring has NEVER come off, it's fused to his finger. But our generation seems to not really be used to wearing rings full time. Mine comes off all the time. This can lead to trouble. Here's my story.
One day I realized that I didn't really know for sure where my ring was. I looked in all the normal places it could be, I checked every single pair of pants pockets, shirt pockets, every nook and cranny in my car, briefcase, bedside night table, every drawer in the house, desk at work, etc.
Then I remembered one of my favorite lines of all time, written by Arthur Conan Doyle in a Sherlock Holmes novel (I think it was "The Sign of Four").
"Once you have eliminated all possibilities, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
I'm telling you, this worked for me. It was amazing. I thought what remains, I know it isn't in any of the usual places, so what's left? I remembered that I had been vacuuming in the dining room and there were some small boxes in there. I remembered I had changed the vacuum bag and dumped it in the nearest thing handy, which was the boxes. Here's the critical part: I didn't know where to look for a new replacement bag, so I had emptied out the bag and reused it. Emptying the bag involved digging in through the one hole with my hands and taking out the stuff in there. Since my ring doesn't fit snugly on my finger, it can come off somewhat easily. I looked in the remains of all the dust and crap that had come out of the vacuum bag, and there was the ring. Thank you Mr. Doyle.
Back to the PPV-ish review system we go...
Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.
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The first match, is The Berzerker vs. Jim Brunzell.
Prematch: Huss, huss, huss, huss, huss, huss...and Brunzell looks strange not being a part of the Killer Bees.
Blow-by-blow: Brunzell gives Berzerker a monkeyflip and an atomic drop, then Berzerker counters with a boot to the head. Berzerker chop, jumping boot (weird move), and then The Berzerker pushes Brunzell into the steel post on the outside. Berzerker peels back the padding and slams Brunzell on the concrete, and tosses him back in the ring afterward. He keeps tossing Brunzell out, then we go to some restholds. Once we get out of that, Berzerker hits Jim with a HUGE shoulderblock for a 2 count. Brunzell then bites Berzerker, and mongolian chops him. I hate that move. Brunzell hits Berzerker with his signature dropkick for 2, then comes off the ropes with a crossbody attempt, but gets hit with a Berzerker fall-down slam for the pinfall at 8:42.
Match analysis: Just a solid opener. Nothing to see here, but Berzerker looked good. *1/2.
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The 2nd match, is The Bushwhackers vs. The Nasty Boys w/Jimmy Hart.
Prematch: Why. This could be terrible, or just bad. Hopefully bad.
Blow-by-blow: Both teams play to the crowd for two minutes until Luke bites Knobbs on the ass. Ew, gross. The Bushwhackers then do that little "wishbone, step on the nuts but we're really stepping on your stomachs" spot, and the Nasties bail. If I had it my way, they would have stayed gone. This match is just ttteedddiiioouusss so I'll pick up near the hot-tag. The Nasties chinlock Luke to death, until Knobbs goes up and misses a splash. Tag Butch, and Butch is a house of fire. Just some weak-ass bullshit offense, then the Battering Ram. Knobbs has Heenan's coke poured on him by one of the Bushwhackers, and Saggs makes the save with a bellshot to the back of Butch for the pin at 12:38.
Match analysis: It could have been worse. FAR, FAR worse. DUD.
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The 3rd match, is Chris Walker vs. The Warlord.
Prematch: Walker has this Tarzan thing going on. I know what I'm going to get here, so pardon me if it seems like it's not interesting. The match sure wasn't.
Blow-by-blow: This is a Warlord squash. He's slow as fuck, and he sucks dick. And the match is 11 minutes long. I'm going to spare you all the review. Just fastforward past this shit and don't look back. Warlord powerbombs Walker after an attempted rana for the pin at 11:13.
Match analysis: No. Just, fuck no. Warlord can't work worth a shit, and they gave him more than 10 minutes. Give me a break. -*, for my first negative star rating I've given. And probably the worst squash match I've ever seen. I'd rather watch Nash work with El Gigante. I would have reviewed it, had it not been a squash. Had it not been a squash, it could have been average.
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The 4th match, is Sid Justice w/Harvey Whippleman vs. Hercules.
Prematch: Hercules doesn't have his chain. He probably forgot all about it when the WWF told him the time he had for this match. This is by far the best "version" of Sid. They built him up like a beast, gave him great music, and a manager to cover for his verbal deficiencies. The audience cheered Sid, even though he was supposed to be a monster heel. I'm not kidding. Sid grabs the mic real quick and gives Herc a chance to leave, but being the man Herc is, he won't.
Blow-by-blow: Big boot, powerbomb, goodbye. 0:25 is the time.
Match analysis: That's probably the best Sid match of all-time. *. That's how you squash, brother.
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The 5th match, is for the World Rasslin' Federation Intercontinental Championship. The challenger, from the Motor City (harhar) is the Repo Man. The champion, is Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Prematch: There's a lot goin' on here. Piper having the title is two things. One, a lifetime achievement. Two, a vehicle they can use to help put Bret Hart over, which Piper did. I could do some checking, but I'm too lazy, so I'll say that the WM VIII match with Bret was Piper's only pinfall loss in the WWF. Repo Man's music is the shit. Before the match, he steals a watch from an "unsuspecting" woman at ringside. Piper finds out once he gets to the ring, and he's pissed. The announcers mention WM 8 at every opportunity, and Alfred lets us know it's intermission after this match, as he leaves the commentary table for a brief time.
Blow-by-blow: Piper takes off the belt to his skirt kilt, and starts beating Repo Man with it. Piper then clotheslines Repo with the belt. Repo misses the inverted atomic drop, and Piper does the spot where he pokes his opponent in the eye. Piper rams Repo into the stairs, and Repo returns the favor, but into the post rather than the stairs. On the inside, Piper gets the sleeper, then Repo makes the ropes. Thought it was over, I did. Repo has his tow hook, but Earl Hebner grabs the rope attached to the hook to prevent him from using it. Piper grabs the hook and nails Repo with it, which leads to the pinfall at 3:33. Piper then gives the lady at ringside her watch.
Match analysis: Harmless, really. They saved Piper for the battle royal later. *1/4.
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It's INTERMISSION time, and we go to a set of interviews. Flair...Piper....Hogan. 4 brothers in Hogan's spiel, btw.
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The 6th match is one that I've wanted to see for a long time. It's the British Bulldog vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer.
Prematch: Taker's entrance is awesome, even then. That's all.
Blow-by-blow: UT chokes DBS, once the referee breaks DBS finds the strength within to clothesline UT over the top rope. Davey can't hold UT up for a suplex or body slam, so UT just simply chokes him. Again, he chokes after the break. UT no-sells every damn thing in this match. Davey finally gets the delayed vertical suplex, and my initial reaction is..WOW. UT's feet are 12-13 feet high in the air. That's high. Davey charges at UT, but gets stungun'd along the top rope and UT pins him at 5:19.
Match analysis: Strange, strange match. *, for the novelty of the match, but I wonder who Davey pissed off. He was squashed like a bug.
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The 7th match is the Big Boss Man (that's how it was displayed on the graphic) vs. "The Model" Rick Martel w/Arrogance.
Prematch: Bossman has the nightstick, and Martel has Arrogance. Martel looks terrible wearing that pink garbage down to the ring. Martel says something about the terrible fans at MSG, and we start...
Blow-by-blow: Martel slaps Bossman across the face, then runs and hides. Smart guy. Bossman slams Martel twice, so Martel bails out of the ring. Bossman chases him, then hipblocks him. Then he messes Martel's hair up and stomps on his face. Armwringer by Bossman, then a hipblock reversal in favor of Bossman. Bossman clocks Martel upside his head, then pushes him down with one finger. Bossman misses a charge toward the turnbuckle, and Martel takes over. Martel with a back suplex for a 2 count, as the tide has been reversed. Martel works on the back of Bossman, by sitting on his back while applying a chinlock (it's the little things that make a match, like this), and as Rick notices Bossman powering out, he runs up to the turnbuckle and delivers a double axehandle off the 2nd rope. Bossman gets a small package out of nowhere for 2, so Martel gives him a backbreaker. Logically, it makes sense. Bossman crotches Martel as he heads to the top this time, then backdrops him. Martel situates him on the ropes, and Bossman slides to the outside and delivers a thrust to the throat of Martel. Martel grabs Arrogance and the Bossman steals it, but Martel uses the nightstick instead, wallops Bossman with it, and gets the pinfall victory at 13:49.
Match analysis: These guys are among my favorite guys to watch, and they put together a nice match here. Enjoyable, a **1/2 rating is in order.
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It's battle royal time, and I need to explain my rating system. Yes, it is based mostly on the finish, and who the participants are. For my review, I just write down the important parts. I can review a Royal Rumble, but not this. Too much goes on, too fast. I try to keep up the best I can. I rate them like _/10, and the scale is completely independent than that of other matches. 10/10 is what I believe to be the best battle royal possible. The one on RAW in 93 that set up Razor's first IC title victory is my favorite. Just being honest. It's on the Monday Night RAW tape from 94 or so that, IMO, is the best Coliseum Video tape of all. It's amazing.
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The participants in this 20 man battle royal are: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Chris Walker, The Model Rick Martel, Ric Flair, The Big Boss Man, British Bulldog, Hulk Hogan, Brian Knobbs, The Berzerker, Hercules, Bushwhacker Luke, Skinner, Repo Man, The Warlord, Kato, Jim Brunzell, Jerry Saggs, Bushwhacker Butch, The Undertaker, and Sid Justice.
So, here we go. Butch has taped ribs to sell the bellshot from Saggs that took place earlier, so he's the first to go. Before that, Hogan and Sid brawled as soon as Hogan got into the ring, and that started the match. That makes sense. After that, nobody goes out for a bit, until The Berzerker is dumped. Skinner out. Kato out. Brunzell goes out somewhere in here, as I'm paying attention to Undertaker and Hogan teaming up on Ric Flair. Hercules and Martel go out, then Piper and Flair brawl. Saggs out, Luke out, Walker out, Flair and Repo get dumped quickly thereafter by Piper, so Sid dumps Piper to get both Flair and Piper back to the dressing room. They can hug it out. Bossman puts UT out, then Sid puts Davey out. Hogan then puts Knobbs out, and we have 4 men left at 13:10. The Warlord, Sid, Hogan and Bossman are the guys left and it's obvious who will exit, and we go to the finish quickly as Hogan dumps Warlord, and Sid dumps Bossman. The crowd is fuckin' electric for this encounter, and for some reason, a damn ref is in the ring. Sid whoops on that ref, and gets dumped by Hogan. BUT, because there's no ref to ring the bell, Justice slides back in. Sid grabs Harvey Whippleman's doctor bad, and hits Hogan with it. He slides Hogan out under the rope, and wakes the ref up. Why the fuck couldn't Hogan just let Sid throw him out like everyone else? Once the ref wakes up, it's Hebner BAH GAWD, AND IT'S TIME TO RING THE FUCKIN' BELL AT 16:37.
As for the match, 7/10 is my ranking. IT's not bad, but it's nothing great. But there's quite a bit of talent in that ring, so the rating gets bumped up.
That's it, show's over.
For the entire show, my ranking is *1/4. It's not worth it to sit down and watch the whole thing. If you skip the 2nd and 3rd matches, you'll be in good shape. I'm going to watch it again, but only by skipping those matches. It's a solid enough show. Match of the night is Bossman/Martel, and the worst match is obviously Warlord/Walker.
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I think I'll do part 3 of the Undertaker DVD next, but I'm not reviewing the first HiAC until Badd Blood is posted later this month. Til then...
Before too much longer, I'll discuss my rating system, and how I write these.
