Angel_Grace_Blue

Promo - Better Late Than Never It's a bright, sunny day, and Chris Wilson is walking down the street. Doo-wah-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-doo KA-BLAMO! From out of nowhere, Ted Polack, also known as mother fucking Thoth, rushes out, knocking Wilson to the ground. "YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU ARE INVOLVED IN AN INTERNET-BASED WRESTLING FEDERATION! STOP ACTING LIKE THIS IS SOME IMPORTANT SHIT!" Thoth screams. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of Chris. Literally. Wilson craps himself from the assault. GOdrea also joins in, because FUCK CHRIS WILSON. Seriously. Fuvolution. It is back, and better than ever.

Zing~! And also SPICY BURNSAUCE~!

Edited for accuracy

The Main Event (non-title) El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix © Durr...Mags never loses. Unless he does. Lethal Lottery Match (Pool A) Stryke and Wildchild (1-1) vs. The Asian Underground (Akira Kaibatsu © and Michael Cross) (2-0) Hmm. I will have to go with WC and Stryke, if only to frustrate the bookers. Lethal Lottery Match (Pool C) Insane Luchadore and Kevin Coyote (2-0) vs. Ced and Laberinto (0-2) Luchayote. Lethal Lottery Match (Crosspool) Rush Hadrian and Todd Cortez (1-1) vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and Zyon (2-0) The Hollywood Zionists. Oh. Other Zyon...still those guys. Lethal Lottery Match (Crosspool) Drunk and Disorderly (Amy and Bruce ©) (1-1) vs. Jay Hawke © and Arch Griffon (0-2) Blorkle...Hawke's a solid writer, as amz Toxx. Blank and Arch are both lumpy, lumpy men. DnD with their +15 damaged livers (Note, I've got no clue about dungeons and dragons, I'm just basing that on things I've heard used to make fun of it.) Opening Bout Christian Fury vs. Ghost Machine 2.0 Fury is angry, and robots do not know human emotions, so, the cold, calculating steelyosity of GM2.0

FUCKING YES! AN OCTOPUS > STRYKE AWESOME!

Also, what are the running odds that Kibs fucks off and gets high/simply forgets he's doing this?

John Parr - "St. Elmo's Fire"

Shit, the March 12 show should be awesome.

Anyone else imagine James as a gnome-like guy that lives in either a cave or perhaps a hollow tree? He's very Tom Bombadilian-ish. Or not.

Edit: 5/3/06 - Minor stuff Preliminary Question: And lo, Jesus did descend from the Heavens, and he thus spake, "Go out and...wait? Jimmy the Doom? You've got to be shitting me. Aw, fuck that." Wrestlers Name: Jimmy the Doom Nickname: The Straight-Bread Sensation; Straight-Breader Height: 6’5” Weight: 230 Hometown: Doomopolis, Doomtopia Age: 32 Face/Heel: Face Stable: Ring Escort: Lois the Unethical Weapon(s): Bag of oranges (Or other produce, though tomatoes, kiwi fruit, etc. won't be used), towel-wrapped bar of soap (If you've seen Full Metal Jacket, you know what I mean. If not, meh, don't use this one then) Basically, really idiotically stupid stuff. Maybe a piece of fruitcake, or a pumpkin. Yeah... Quote: "Your doom will come swift and strong, like a river. A river of doom!" (This explains a lot of his low charisma rating). - Speaking note: Jimmy's above quote is one of the few complete sentences he can say in proper English. Otherwise, he speaks in crazy foreigner talk. Looks: Appearance - Lanky as hell. Has about a seven foot wingspan. That 230 above might be true if he’s got a pocket full of rocks or something, but you don’t want to look too skinny. Very short black hair with a gigantic Rollie Fingers/Snidely Whiplash handlebar mustache. Or moustache. Maybe both. He’s also got a beard that grows around his chin, but can’t actually cover it, as if his chin were a monk’s head. Clothing - His in-ring attire consists of black wrestling boots that come up just above the ankle, long white socks that end at the knee, a pair of tight cut-off black jean shorts that only reach to mid-thigh and look like Caveman Chris (Or Johnny Damon) hacked them off with primitive flint tools. Along with the cut-offs, he wears a black t-shirt with an off-center, ironed-on image of a sharkasaurus (That's a T-Rex with a great white shark for its head). To the ring and backstage, Jimmy the Doom wears all manner of hats, particularly lame ones. A cossack hat that looks to be made with skunk fur, alpine hats, Tam O’Shanters, beanies with propellers, stovepipe hats, a second-hand deerstalker, whatever you want. Just so long as it isn’t anything remotely cool, like a fedora, derby, bowler, etc. Backstage attire also includes a leather vest with a lot of fringe hanging at the bottom, sleeve-holes, and on the back across Jimmy’s shoulders. Additionally, he wears glove-less fingers (The opposite of finger-less gloves. Usually kept on with some form of tape). Ring Entrance: The arena lights go out suddenly and two columns of hooded druids/monks/acolytes/Jedis march down the ramp and to the ring, chanting “Doom” the entire time. They place themselves against the crowd barriers, facing the ring, but leaving a gap from the entrance ramp open. The lights come back on, the chanting stops immediately, and Boots Randolph’s “Yakety Sax” plays over the speakers. Jimmy the Doom and Lois the Unethical walk down the ramp, and like, do stuff. Or get in the ring. As long as the first bit about the druids and the song are in, have fun with the entrance. Also: For big matches (Title/feud/PPV), the druids will probably be so numerous they stretch from the top of the entrance ramp down to the ring. Feel free to have a few catch fire in fancy pyrotechnic displays. They’re just druids. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 5 (I’d put Jimmy as being able to lift the upper-end of the 200 pound spectrum, and getting up to 300, and maybe a little more, at the very beginning of matches, or under the most dire of situations). Speed: 5 (He can move fairly well, particularly for a guy that’s 6’5”, not so much when you consider he’s easily eligible for Cruiserweight matches. Going to the air is an option, though perhaps not one that Jimmy uses as often as he probably could) Vitality: 9 [Doomtopian life hardens people, makes them tough. Not so much no-selling (Though that does happen), as just bouncing right back up after a big move.] Charisma: 1 (He can talk, it's just that with the exception of a few select phrases, he has horrible syntax and grammar, also known as 'crazy foreigner talk'. As such, most people basically tune him out.) Style: Mostly a striker, due to earlier training (See notes), and his ability to take a beating helps him come out on top of many duels. Quick enough to use the ropes semi-frequently, and a nearly-average knowledge of mat wrestling. Also, due to his ability to withstand a lot of punishment, he won't waste time circling, looking for an opening. He won't attack before the bell, or anything, but Jimmy the Doom doesn't like waiting around. Signature moves: 1. Jimmy Bomb - Two-handed choke lift sit-out powerbomb. Back in Angelous and Molock’s days, twas called the Anarchy Bomb, and for a WWE reference, Albert’s Baldo Bomb was used. 2. Hand of Doom - a sharp, jab-like throat thrust, often used to set up grabby-type moves (Like the Jimmy Bomb, or Doomsday) 3. The 73.5267.1094Q80.16 - After a whip into the turnbuckles, Jimmy rushes in after and flips him/her to the mat with a headlock takedown. For the smaller folk, mostly. (And, yes, 73.52677.1094Q80.16 is the international calling code for Doomopolis, Doomtopia.) 4. Flying Front/Snap Kick (Steve Blackman in da heezy! If ye be under 6’, there’s a good chance you’ll get kicked in the face, rather than the chest/stomach as intended. Not that Jimmy cares, it’s just that he’d prefer to give you that feeling of getting shot in the chest with a twelve gauge) 5. Doom Driver - Inverted cradle brainbuster 6. Head vice (You wouldn’t think a damn head squeeze would ever get a submission victory, and you’d be right. But still, it’s...honestly, it’s lame, but what part of Jimmy the Doom isn’t?) 7. Yak Kick - Get it straight. This is not a Yakuza kick. The yak is a revered, sacred, nearly royal animal to the people of Doomtopia. The Yak Kick is a crane kick, stolen straight from Karate Kid. 8. Jimmy-Plex - A corkscrew German suplex, and that doesn't make any sense, so I'll elaborate. With either Jimmy or the opponent coming off the ropes (Or both), or Jimmy ducking a clothesline, he grabs on a front (or side) waistlock, slides around/behind, lifts the opponent, continues to move in the same direction (Say he grabs the left side, he'll move towards the right to get directly behind, and once lifted, keep going right) and often releases the opponent, though it's not uncommon for Jimmy to hang on (Though he won't bridge or roll through). Also, sometimes Jimmy will manage to lock in a single or double chickenwing as opposed to a standard rear waistlock. 9. Majestic Cradle - A flying, top rope la majistral cradle (Learned from the amazing Villano IV who can cradle anyone from anywhere) Common moves: 1. DDTs (Of nearly all sorts) 2. Bulldogs (See above) 3. Tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop (It’s a bit of a crowd deflater, what with the hope of an awesome tilt-a-whirl move. Plus, the end result is so mundane, it fits in the common moves section) 4. Basic (and advanced) kicks (He is a martialy arts trained striker, or whatever the hell I say down below) 5. Headbutts (You’d better believe that with a vitality of nine, his head can take a lot of punishment, so this is a cinch. All manner of headbutts, including the tornado or discus headbutt) 6. Palm thrusts (Don’t forget the double palm thrust, which often looks like a shove, and sometimes is one, but usually it isn’t. It’s usually a palm thrust with both hands instead of one) 7. Flying body scissors takedown (Were it done in an internet chatroom, it’d probably be called a glomp, if I’m not mistaken. Pouncing tackle that nearly always looks like a hug, especially against a big guy who doesn’t go down immediately. Or at all.) 8. Simple body splashes that aren’t someone’s finisher 9. Dropkicks (As long as they aren’t too flippy-floppy and such) 10. Suplexes 11. Submissions for Dummies (Anything an idiot could figure out. As in, “Hey, that joint does not bend in that direction. It would hurt were it made to bend that way.” Bear in mind this could easily include bending fingers. Doomtopia doesn’t boast much of an education system) 12. Corkscrew flying elbow (Running, not from the top ropes. Both standard and back elbows) Rare moves: 1. Death Submission (The move Gary “Deadly Sadness” Black used to beat Foul Arnold during their sixth match in ‘98, which, incidentally, was only the second match Foul Arnold lost in that epic series. You know the one.) 2. Russian Knife (Douglas “Crusher Doctor” Perkins’ finisher from 1987-93 and the ‘96 World Shootout). 3. Chicken Fists (Eastern Graham nearly killed Spectral Bryant at Sudden Force 02 with this.) 4. Boston Monkey Blow 5. Mad Monkey Torture of the Carnage (This is the deadliest, most prestigious move The Warring Monkey School of martial arts teaches, and as such, only eight people currently alive know it. Think of it as far more devastating than an atomic bomb. Yeah, Jimmy the Doom can use it, but he’d really rather not. As such, PM if you plan on even teasing it for further details) Finishers: 1. Doomsday - Combination strikes, ahoy! From an arm wringer, Jimmy lands either a knee or kick to his opponent’s stomach for a good doubling over, followed with rising knee to the face, enough kicks to the back of the legs to send the opponent to his/her knees (Or possibly simply sitting down), and a nifty roundhouse to the back or front of the head. 2. Doom Factor - An X-Factor of DOOM! Also, just because, if the person is too big (In which case, Jimmy would probably look for something else to finish off the match, but, whatever), he'll go Thoth Scum Gale all up in your face and flip off the top rope. And stuff. 3. Jimmy's Jump - This can be one of two things. Either a 540 splash, and if you know your angles and degrees and such, you know that means Jimmy lands head-first on the person. Pete 'n' King should probably sell it like he botched something very badly, but he didn't. The second version, if you don't think the first can be done without snapped vertebrae, is a 450 headbutt. So, yeah... Notes: This is in regards to the druids: They will not attack anyone. Ever. You can punch every single one of them in the testicles before you get into the ring, if you go outside the ring, or after the match, and they’ll just fall down. They probably won’t even help each other up in such an event, or even acknowledge it has occured. This is in regards to Lois the Unethical: She will not get involved at all. She's similar to the druids, only different. You can have her read a book, knit a sweater, whatever. And yes, the only reason she doesn't get involved is because I forget that she's there and I don't want to edit her screaming for Jimmy in the match. Jimmy (And Lois) is straight-bread. That is, he is furiously anti-sandwich, as well as anything else that results in bread not remaining pure and plain. No butter, jellies, peanut butter, etc. Even toast is taboo among straight-breaders. Bio: Jimmy the Doom was born in Doomopolis, Doomtopia, and that's totally a real place. He grew up in the slummiest section of the capital city, right next to the capitol building. As a kid, he was mugged often, and in turn, did a bit of mugging himself. However, he soon realized that mugging people was wrong, so he decided to hustle people in various activities. However, he was beaten many, many times for this. However, these beatings made him tougher, so he was able to fight back. However, I'm not sure what I was talking about. Anyway, Doom trained martial arts under Prykzwietz Norris at The Warring Monkey School, and he kicked a lot of ass. And whatnot. Doom did some stuff, ate a waffle this one time, and that waffle inspired him to become a professional wrestler. How? The waffle sucked [All waffles (And pancakes) suck, admit it], Jimmy complained, and the chef was a former pro wrestler and beat Doom with a frying pan. Yes. Name: Lois the Unethical Nickname: The Panic Ogre Height: 5’9” Weight: 163lbs. Hometown: Little Doomton, Doomtopia Age: 29 Face/Heel: Tweenery, but with heavy face leanings (Not all by way of being associated with Jimmy the Doom, though) Quote: "When you step into the ring with Jimmy, you're DOOMED!" Looks: Long red hair left to hang loose. Let's see, what else...a black body suit type dealie with the Doomtopian flag emblazoned on the front (The Doomtopian flag is a light blue hexagon, with two yellow chevrons, and above the uppermost point, four crimson diamonds, and below, a green sea monster. It's a weird flag.) She's actually rather plain looking, which, you know, is shocking considering this is the world of professional wrestling and all. And I don't mean plain by wrestling diva/valet standards, but by normal human standards. And stuff. Ring Entrance: If coming to the ring by herself for whatever reason (Which, honestly, probably will never happen, unless I think of something, or whatever), Lois is accompanied by the Doomtopian National Anthem, "Hail, Hail, Doomtopia", which is not only the longest anthem, but song in general to exist, as just about every facet of Doomtopia is included in the anthem. It's also kind of like a Wikipedia entry in that Doomtopian citizens can send in suggestions for inclusion to the anthem. As such, it's constantly growing and changing. If you want to type out lyrics for it, PM me and I'll make some shit up, unless you want to make some shit up for it yourself. Stats: _____ Strength: 1 Speed: 7 Vitality: 4 Charisma: 8 Lois doesn't do much in the way of wrestlefication, but she can kinda handle herself, at least against what few other women are in the fed. Except for, you know, the actual wrestlers. Moves and such: Desert Yak Kick (Just as the desert yak differs from regular or 'common' yaks, so does Jimmy the Doom's Yak Kick differ from Lois the Unethical's Desert Yak Kick. Hers is a whipback kick.) Ranas and the like Finisher strengthliness: Hail, Hail, Doomtopia - Flying piledriver (Okay, this is kind of complicated, and probably not even possible, but damn it, if that didn't stop Ash Ketchum it sure as hell won't stop me. So, there are a few different versions of this move. The first could be called a 'tornado' piledriver. Lois is on the top rope, opponent is facing her and very close to the buckles. Lois either headscissors first, or jumps then headscissors, pulling the opponent around and down to the mat. The other has a similar set up, only the opponent is facing away from Lois. Then she jumps, turns around, scissors, and down to the mat. It's kind of like a sunset flip powerbomb, only not. And it's not a sunset flip powerbomb because I say it's not.)

Yeah, we should have her on and ask her how she feels about her kid writing fake wrestling matches, among other things.

Yeah, I guess I should have PMed you, but I figured that I did say I'd be up for another one in chat, and also, you've got to have last week's hosts. Or not. Somethingery.

There's a ton of stuff I could have said to be super-southern, including 'mash', as in "Did you mash that button?" instead of "Did you push the button?", fixing to do something, as in "I am fixing to punch you in the fucking face." and other vernacularosities. And colloquialismsery. With goblins.

Pronounced southern accent? Bullshittery, Zed. I could have layed on a really thick accent, but didn't. I didn't even say "y'all".

Ash Ketchum in general = bad And Pete, I totally do not get that reference. Ever.

Whooo! And stuff.

Stolen? I doubt it, Sarah. Mustangs are notorious for running free. This horse is obviously no different.

MAIN EVENT SIX-MAN TAG El Luchadore Magnifico©, Jay Hawke© and The Crimson Skull vs. Wes Davenport, Landon 'La Cucaracha' Maddix© and 'The Icon' Max King© Tough call. Team Daveport because Muzz is Muzztacular. LETHAL LOTTERY (Cross-Pool) Stryke & Wildchild (1-0) vs Insane Luchador & Kevin Coyote (1-0) I'll go with the Wyld Stallyns or whatever. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH DOUBLE THREAT "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu© vs Zyon Zyon to win, and then Akira wins the rematch, and we keep doing this for a year. ULTRAVIOLENT TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Michael Cross vs. The Masked Crusader The non-sexual Maskosaurus. LETHAL LOTTERY (Pool B) Christian Fury & Mistress Sarah (1-1) vs. Ghost Machine 2.0 & Matt Myers (0-1) Teh ANGERFUL~! Mistress thing. OPENING MATCH LETHAL LOTTERY (Pool C) Rush Hadrian & Todd Cortez (1-0) vs. Jimmy the Doom & Manson (2-0) The Gnomes. Never bet against The Gnomes.

Considering this kid's team won the game 79-43, I don't think the other team really had much of a chance to win it. Also, he was the team's manager, not an actual player, but the coach wanted to put him in for the last home game.

Hey, the Internets are serious business. Edit: Just read the editified card, and morp @ being booked when I asked JJ in chat when he mentioned he was booking to not book me (You know, instead of asking one of the actual, legitimate bookers). Oh well. Time to fire up the writing machine! And the bribe-o-matic so what I write wins.

You should check out Abdominal, then. I'll upload a song or two later. He "flows like a motherfucker". Edit: I've got nothing else to do, so here's a sample: Abdominal - "Abcapella" DJ Format featuring Abdominal - "Participation Prerequisite" I might do some more later (If people would like to hear them of course).

Because nobody else did it, I will: Wrestlers Name: Matt "<Insert Thing Here>" Myers Height: 6'3" Weight: 221 Hometown: Honolulu, Hawaii (Origonally from New Haven, Connecticut) Age: 23 Face/Heel: Hyper Active Super-Face Stable: None! Ring Escort: None! Weapon(s): Anything ringside, but if he happens to stumble across his trusty wallet-chain, HELL YES! Quote: No real quote, will usually make fun of the way his oponent looks, or something to that affect. Looks: Basic Looks/Outside Of The Ring: Meh, whatever. It doesn't really matter. Ring Gear: Whatever to fit his current gimmick. Ring Entrance: Whatever song you want, but no pyro, and the lights do not change in any way. Myers is not good enough to get dim lights or explosions. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 4 (Can pull of a few power moves, but would rather stick to arm drags, scoop slams if anything other than flying moves. His strength is similar to the amount of Christian; he can lift people that weigh up to 250 Pounds) Speed: 8 (What the...Which way did he go? His judo kicks are similar to Tajiri, very swifts and making a big impact sound and same for his high-flying moves. Has qualities of Rob Van Dam, Tajiri, with a smidgen of Billy Kidman) Vitality: 2 (He can take somewhat of a beating, but a finisher will put him to rest.) Charisma: 6 (He's so fricken' over! People love Matt Myers!) Style: Matt Myers wrestles kind of like a cruiserweight, as he uses both high-flying moves and he has some technical moves up his sleeve. Also, Matt Myers will resort to martial art moves to get him trough matches, such as any martial arts kick, punch, or combos, such as spinning kicks and punch/kick combos, he often uses a swift kick to any body part to get out of a hold or submission Signature moves: 1) Corkscrew Moonsault. Sometimes will use this as a finisher in matches 2) 450 Splash. If Myers misses this, he'll be down for a bit 3) Diamond Cutter 4) Basically an evenflow DDT, all expect it's good enough to use as a finisher sometimes 5) Dragon Sleeper hold, but Myers usually sweeps the legs of his oponent, and hooks them as well, so they fall to the mat, making it very hard to move around 6) Formerly known as Death Myers Driver I, Matt Myers scoops his oponent up into a Death Valley Driver Position, and then pushes his oponent over into a tombstone piledriver, and then slams them down. Even with a 4/10 strength, Matt can pull this off, just very quickly and not as affective if it was to someone lighter Common moves: 1) Leg Drop 2) Moonsault 3) Spinning Wheel Kick 4) Super Kick 5) Running Powerslam 6) Spinebuster 7) Powerbomb 8) Russian Leg Sweep 9) Tornado DDT 10) Flying Cross-body 11) Belly-To-Belly Suplex 12) Frogsplash Rare moves: 1) Shooting Star Press 2) Gorilla Press (Usually Done to smaller oponents that are less than 200 pounds) 3) TKO (Usually a last resort, but can be done when driven to the edge in matches. He usually does this one and only one, and it’s usually a complete desperation attempt) Finishers: 1) Basically a Ki Krusher 99, Matt catches his opoennt in a fisherman's suplex position, pulls them up into the air, and then turns them on to their back and slams them down in a piledriver type move. Very devistating 2) For people who he quite can't pick up with the above, Matt kicks them in their gut, as they double over. Now this is where it gets kind of confusing. Matt gets on their neck so he's facing the way they are facing, grabs the arm and hooks them as if he was to do a pedigree, and jumps into the air and slams their head and neck on to the ground. So it's basically a pedigree with Matt facing the other direction 3) Black Mist (The traditional black mist. Also comes in other colors) Myers, well, Myers sucks. Those signature moves up there? You can ignore them if you want, or use them and give them a fitting name. And whatnot. So, yeah...it's Matt Myers.

Could edit the previous post, but meh.

I skimmed as well. Hope everyone likes the biology edition of my match. Spike v Laberinto = MOTY. Not candidate, but the clear cut winner.

That sounds like possibly a good idea, but also like a really bad Valentine's day card.