Mr. S£im Citrus

Yeah right; like we don't all know it's the Memphis Eel... let's not delude ourselves here...

Eh... what? It's been less than thirty days since December 31st of 2002?

Absolutely; anybody who watches MTV deserves what they get. And "The Humpty Dance" is the most sampled song of all time...

Huh! You're almost in time to miss me...

.... They always come back... :: marks out ::

I apologize to everyone for no-showing; as I told Mark, this has been a very bad week for me to try and write. In fact, the last five days have served to remind me that there's really no such thing as time off in the military. It's probably for the best, though; I've gone soft after three years of shore duty, and I might as well start mentally preparing myself for the workload I'll face when I go back to sea. If I'd have had any idea that it was going to be that bad, I would have asked for the show off in advance; but, I didn't and the bottom line is that it's nobody's fault but mine. Sorry to let you down, fellas.

Sailor

WAVE TV.com: Powerball Winner Robbed Again What's this guy's malfunction? Who the fuck besides Ted DiBiase walks around with a bag full of money?

Before you hit Johnny with any more chairs, you should know that I'm responsible for jobbing you out... :: does crotch chop ::

He'll help if your looking for blocks; Camby isn't a scorer, and only a mediocre rebounder (for a center), but he's sixth in the league in blocked shots; that's damned impressive, especially considering that he's already missed some games this season.

Has any other player ever left a game with tonsilitis before?

Johnny deserves credit for writing that; I presented the idea, and he totally ran with it.

Well, go ahead and PM me; I'm always looking for suggestions. Quite frankly, I'm starting to run dry on ideas.

Thanks; I was starting to wonder.

Oh, are people actually reading this?

Waitaminute... Stryke is a cruiserweight?

Eh, screw it; I'm tired of waiting for the US Title match, so you guys get no pub... =============== SWF Smarkdown HOLT report January 16, 2004 Miami, Florida at American Airlines Arena Report by Arthur Davis of Orlando, FL Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - Aecas beats JT Playa by submission in 0:06 with a dirty look; I wasn’t sure, but I think Playa may have actually pissed himself! - CIA beat English Dragon in 4:14 with the Via Rail. - Ced Ordonez beats Xcalibur in 6:50 with Cross Lightning. Ced had some obvious ring rust in this match. - Todd Royal and Landon Maddix upset Déjà Vu in 9:22 when Royal made Kross submit to the Wrath of Todd. - Ann Onita beat Arianwyn Rivenstone by submission in 4:45 with what was described as a Greco-Roman step-over muff-lock. The rest of the crowd was really into this match, but I’m not sure why. But then, I’m not sure how that ‘muff-lock’ would beat anybody, but damn if Rivenstone wasn’t screaming for all she was worth… - Tom Flesher beat Stryke in 11:31 with Ego Buster. Storm: - Gloria Estefan performed the National Anthem. I came down from Orlando to see this match, and I gotta tell you, she’s big in Miami. - Funyon got into the ring after the US Title match and recognized SWF Legend Longdogger Pete as being in attendance. He stood up and accepted a standing ovation. It was kind of funny, because Ricky Williams of the Miami Dolphins was sitting right next to him, and Funyon didn’t even mention it! - Wild and Dangerous celebrated their win at ringside with a couple of people who looked like they were probably Wildchild’s parents. - After Storm went off the air, Funyon got back in the ring and told us that we were all in for a special treat tonight. He told us that tonight was Ejiro’s last night in the SWF as he was leaving to pursue his rock and roll career (which got a surprisingly loud cheer!). As a reward for how much Ejiro has accomplished, Justice and Rule had been awarded a rematch against Wild and Dangerous for the Tag Team Titles! If Justice and Rule win the belts back they will be listed as Undefeated Tag Team Champions, and the titles will then be vacated. He also let us know afterwards that this match would only be seen on the soon to be released “Justice and Rule: Here Comes The Law!” DVD. Justice and Rule come out much to the dismay of the audience, and then Wild and Dangerous come out to a huge pop. You’ll have to look real close when this DVD comes out because I think Johnny almost tripped coming out to the stage. I’m not going to even try and transcribe everything that happened in this match, you’ll just have to go get the DVD, but I’ll tell you this much, the crowd was absolutely hot! In the end, Judge goes for a Super Kick to Johnny Dangerous but Johnny ducks, and Ejiro is nailed instead. The look on Judge’s face when he hit Ejiro was worth the price of the ticket alone. Wild and Dangerous finally wrap this one up with a Dangerous Drop, and Wildchild makes the pin. After Wild and Dangerous leave the ring, Ejiro comes back in. I don’t think he had any idea what happened! LOL! Judge gets mad at him for not coming in and saving him, and ACTUALLY slaps Ejiro across the face! Ejiro turns to leave the ring, but Judge grabs him by the arm and spins him around to start screaming some more! After a minute Ejiro finally gets mad and shoves Judge back, and the crowds went bonkers! Ejiro and Judge trade licks for a few seconds before Judge finally gets the better of him, and pins Ejiro down in the corner with I SWEAR it was at least fifty stomps to the chest! I almost shat a brick when Wildchild and Johnny come racing back down to the ring, and take Judge down. They get about two hits in each before Judge makes bail and leaves the ring with his tail tucked between his legs! Ejiro is about to leave the ring as Wild and Dangerous celebrate, but Wildchild stops him, inviting him back into the ring, and extending his hand. Ejiro looked at him skeptically for a few seconds, and finally accepted his hand, and the crowd went berserk as these two perennial rivals buried the hatchet in the middle of the ring. Wild and Dangerous actually allowed Ejiro to leave the ring last, and he went to the back with the entire arena chanting his name. Biggest Pops 1) Wild And Dangerous 2) Danny Williams 3) Ejiro Fasaki (off the air) 4) Longdogger Pete 5) Linchpin Most Heat 1) Michael Craven 2) Judge Hearford 3) James Matheson 4) Va’aiga 5) Charlie Matthews

Hey Mike... do you ever get tired of being wrong? Danny retains, and I'm impressed; I continue to fail to understand why you think you can't write that well... The HOLT report will go up some time after the whole show has been posted.

Bleh; that was entirely too much match to stuff into 6000 words. Between Johnny and myself, we probably had to take about two thousands words out just to make the limit.

We couldn't do that angle anymore, anyway; it was based entirely on conditions that no longer exist.

Yeah, it's late; sue me... ============ SWF Smarkdown HOLT report January 12, 2004 Indianapolis, Indiana at Canseco Fieldhouse Report by Dennis Tarwood of Glenview, IL Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - Manson destroys Daredevil in 0:18 with Consequences. - Ann Onita beat Landon Maddix in 8:33 with the Triple C. - CIA and Aecas beat Xcalibur and English Dragon in 6:45, when Aecas hit Dragon with the Executioner. - Johnny Dangerous beat Todd Royal in 13:26. Todd seemed to be in control, and was going for the Trinity, but Johnny rolled through on the stalling suplex and countered into the MI Slam to get the pin. Smarkdown: - Favorite sign in the crowd: Ejiro Fasaki = The Stan Stasiak of the SWF. - Thugg and Judge got into a heated argument after the tag team match, and had to be separated by officials. We wanted to see them tear each other apart, though, and got a good “Let Them Fight” chant going. - The Unnamed continued to beat on Dace and Janus after the show went to break, until Wild and Dangerous came out to make the save. Strangely enough, though, the Trinity didn’t seem too grateful, and they got into a staredown with Wild and Dangerous. - Danny took a few minutes after the match to soak in the cheers from the fans. A guy at ringside handed him a sign, which he held up for all the rest of us to see, reading, “5-0. He’s better than you, Fasaki, and just proved it… AGAIN!” Biggest Pops 1) Danny Williams 2) Tom Flesher 3) Wildchild 4) Grand Slam 5) Linchpin Most Heat 1) Ejiro Fasaki 2) HVT/Judge 3) Va’aiga 4) Michael Craven 5) John Duran

.... I don't see it. If you don't know the first thing about writing, I must suck on ice, because you're waaaay better than me! I'm not the least bit surprised that you're the champion; I've had you pegged as the best, or second-best writer in the fed the whole time I've been here. I'm only surprised it's taken you this long.

You're kidding, right? You're going to come back as a wrestler who's even more boring than Ejiro?