The Agent of Oblivion question of the day

[Agent of Oblivion 0]

What would you do if you stepped outside, and there was a gigantic fucking lion a few feet away from the front of your house/apt that had clearly been waiting for the door to open?

[Jingus 0]

Run back inside and shit my pants, though not necessarily in that order.

 

Also, depends on which door. The front door is a giant wooden monstrosity which could hold off even the superlions from The Ghost and the Darkness. The side and back doors are almost entirely constructed of glass, the sort which practically shouts an open invitation to masked psychokillers in slasher movies everywhere. A decent-sized lion could probably leap right through that shit. I'd be forced to keep running and take up a secondary position somewhere in the house, probably barricade myself into a bedroom or something. I would be sad about my housecats being stuck out there with a suspiciously sentient-seeming lion which is going all This Time It's Personal. But hey kitties, he's your kin, you deal with him.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

Keep still. His visual acuity is based on movement.

[Brett Favre 0]

Give it a lariat.

[Retard Girl 0]

offer my cat in exchange for my life.

[At Home 0]

Get eaten

[King Cucaracha 0]

Apologise for the wait, as I hadn't heard the doorbell because I was in the shower.

[Maztinho 0]

Likely, shit myself, squeal like a pig then get torn to shred when the advice of standing still comes to me only after the lion has pounced and is using my shoulders like a cat uses a couch.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

Call up the Tin Woodsman and the Scarecrow; engage in surly musical number.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I'd merge with it.

[Angle-plex 0]

Kick his ass.

[Hitler Cubano 0]

Is there really any other truthful answer to this question than "Die."?

[Nighthawk 0]

Call up the Tin Woodsman and the Scarecrow; engage in surly musical number.

 

Surly?

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

Got get my shotgun and kill it. then make a rug out of it.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Keep still. His visual acuity is based on movement.

 

You are not Sam Neill and this, sir, is not Jurassic Park.

[King Cucaracha 0]

And besides that, the question specificies that the lion "has clearly been waiting for the door to open". So in the time you take to open the door, take a step and realise there's a lion there waiting, you're out of time anyway. This isn't a lion of instinct. This is a cold blooded fucking lion. He's not going to wander over to the next door and hope there's a meat source waiting there. He wants you. He knows you're in there and he's just waiting on you. You did something to piss off that lion.

[daileyxplanet 0]

Hope the lion eats me from the bottom up so I can say my prayers.

[Angle-plex 0]

maybe you fucked the lions wife and he's pissed.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

And besides that, the question specificies that the lion "has clearly been waiting for the door to open". So in the time you take to open the door, take a step and realise there's a lion there waiting, you're out of time anyway. This isn't a lion of instinct. This is a cold blooded fucking lion. He's not going to wander over to the next door and hope there's a meat source waiting there. He wants you. He knows you're in there and he's just waiting on you. You did something to piss off that lion.

 

How do you know that the lion is waiting there to kill you? Maybe he's waiting to take you to Narnia.

[Gary Floyd 0]

Challenge it to a Freestyle Rap Battle.

[King Cucaracha 0]

And besides that, the question specificies that the lion "has clearly been waiting for the door to open". So in the time you take to open the door, take a step and realise there's a lion there waiting, you're out of time anyway. This isn't a lion of instinct. This is a cold blooded fucking lion. He's not going to wander over to the next door and hope there's a meat source waiting there. He wants you. He knows you're in there and he's just waiting on you. You did something to piss off that lion.

 

How do you know that the lion is waiting there to kill you? Maybe he's waiting to take you to Narnia.

 

Gah! See, people tell me I should be more trusting and not jump to conclusions. Maybe they're right after all...

[Jingus 0]

Did this come to mind for anyone else?

 

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

The lion is Jesus, and he's come to save my dirty godless soul.

 

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

I'd run inside and grab my nine...

[Boner Kawanger 0]

*blows weed smoke in the lion's face*

 

Wisdom.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Check paws for thorns in hope of making a new friend.

[Lei Tong 0]

 

Followed by two blood-curdling screams (from the cut & lion, respectively).

[Smues 0]

Let the lion in the door, because he was waiting because it's freezing outside and he's a warm weather animal. He goes inside to warm up, I get my wife and pets out of the place, then auction off the rights to shoot it. I know I could get big money up here for a lion kill!

[Sideburnious 0]

Let it in the house but hope it didn't have muddy paws.

[Obi Chris Kenobi 0]

There's a Lion waiting to fuck me outside my front door?