Blogs

2/6: A Message to New Yorkers

Do you really care where the maple syrup comes from? That is unless you want to find out how to have it mask the general stench of your city even more than it already does. 7:30 p.m. • President Hussein doesn't care about Kentucky-ians. By the way, how come our president hasn't done more for the fine citizens of the Midwest? Oh, that's right. Because there aren't any welfare recipients standing around going "now who's going to pay my bills?" Then again, why would they -- it's f'n COLD outside.

February 7, 2009

2/5: A Message To Ruth Bader Ginsburg

You're a fighter. Stay on the court for another four, maybe eight years, before stepping down. 10 a.m. • This is one fucked up story. And don't even bother with the "Big Beaver" jokes. I beat you to the donkey punch. The last sentence is ... well. Just read.

February 5, 2009

Shut up about Jessica Simpson

Because you would still fuck her. Oh, don't you deny it. "Oh, she's too fat!" Give me a break. Your standards aren't that high. Besides, this is fat: Does she seem so bad now? I think not.

February 5, 2009

2/4: A Message To Ed Rendell

You're talking about raising taxes AND bailing out the two Philadelphia daily newspapers. Is it 2010 yet? 3:15 p.m. • So for those itching for a fix of what’s been going on with the kkk household, here’s an update. -- The crack-whore niece-in-law squirted out a kid in December. -- The crack-whore niece-in-law walked in on her baby’s daddy having sex with another person … in the house they live together at … while the crack-whore niece-in-law was fully awake. -- The crack-whore niece-in-law, along with her bastard child, is now living with my mother-in-law. -- The crack-whore niece-in-law has gone to more welfare offices than I knew existed this past week, and the better half told me that the commonwealth of Pennsylvania will be charging the baby’s daddy with the hospital bill for the bastard child squirting out. (Oh, and because the crack-whore niece-in-law smoked and did drugs during pregnancy, the bastard child was brought into this world strung out and needed medical attention right off the bat.) The total cost being sent to the baby’s daddy? $20,000. Now here is where I come in. Am I offering any aid, assistance or comfort to the crack-whore niece-in-law? FUCK NO And if you thought otherwise, just how long have you been reading this blog? What I am going to do is rescue the four cats that are still at the baby’s daddy house. Why are there four? Because the crack-whore niece-in-law adopted a cat, did not get it fixed, and it ran off and got knocked up. Gee, that sounds awfully familiar. Who says pets don’t take after their owners? Anyway, the crack-whore niece-in-law is at yet ANOTHER welfare office today, so I’m not sure when the kitties will be arriving at the kkk household. Why are the cats going to take refuge here? Because we are more than convinced that once the baby’s daddy gets the $20k bill those cats are as good as dead. The better half told me that the medical bill will be arriving in his mailbox sometime next week, so I’ll be expecting the new arrivals either today, tomorrow or sometime this weekend. While I’m on this subject, how come the baby’s daddy has to foot the ENTIRE medical bill? How about splitting it down the middle between him and the crack-whore niece-in-law? Oh, that’s right. The crack-whore niece-in-law is a leech to society. Man, whenever my mother-in-law keels over, the crack-whore niece-in-law is in some serious trouble. My father-in-law, if he doesn’t keel over first, won’t be doing jack shit for her, nor will the kkk household. She’ll have to fill out her cash assistance forms all by herself. Oh noes. And just think. Whenever you hear a politician or advocacy group say we don’t do enough for the poor, think of the crack-whore niece-in-law.

February 4, 2009

2/3: A Message To The Shittsburgh Post-Gazette

In today’s editorial titled: "Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard," your editorial board starts out with the following: Now after a few paragraphs of “blahblahblah” I notice this passage: Now let’s look at today’s editorial headline one more time. Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard I’m curious to know why there isn’t any concern about Osama’s “standard." You even took the time to list the gang President Hussein thought would be ideal to tell us how to lead our lives -- Mr. Holder, Mr. Geithner and Mr. Lynn. How come no "concern" is expressed about Mr. Osama's judgment in people? Oh, yeah. I remember. Because your publication is nothing more than left-wing trash and is in financial dire straits. At least one good thing has come out from all this. For years you liberal faggots whined about being called "unpatriotic." Well, after having the current vice president tell us that paying taxes is "the patriotic thing to do," I completely understand why President Hussein's posse don't bother to fulfill their civic duties when it comes to filling the public coffers with their hard-earned money.

February 4, 2009

2/2: A Message To Tony Kornheiser

I heard your comment about Bud Selig making $17 million in 2007. Nobody deserves to be paid that much? Don’t worry, I’m sure YOUR BOY President Hussein will make your wish come true. I know you're a commie and all, but you do entertain me on PTI. And to your credit, you do keep your unAmerican comments at bay for the most part. 8:30 p.m. • So the city of Shittsburgh was involved in some game the other day. I caught a few minutes of it. Here’s some stuff: 1) Great game, but not THE BEST OF ALL TIME. Get a grip, ESPN. 2) The Harrison beat-down that got 15 yards isn’t an eject-worthy offense. Jesus Christ, I’ve seen MUCH worse in terms of beat-downs during punt coverage. 3) Santonio Holmes deserves to be the MVP. Yes, Ben made the throws, but Holmes made the catches. And there were a number of catches that Santonio made during the game that he turned into big plays. 3a) Actually, Kurt Warner should be the MVP of both teams. After all, he had just as many touchdown passes to Steeler players as did Ben. 3b) One of the things I like about Ben is his movement in and out of the pocket. It’s amazing to see him avoid defenders and make a throw. Sometimes the results are disastrous, but no pain no gain. It was interesting to see Ben do what he did all game and then to watch Warner try to do the same thing on Arizona’s final play of the game. 4) The Cardinals beat themselves. They should have won that game. 5) That roughing penalty on Ben Roethlisberger was bullshit. That roughing penalty on the field goal holder later in the drive wasn’t. 6) When the Steelers kicked the second field goal deep in Cardinal territory I knew there was going to be a comeback. If the Cards would have won this game, the decision not to go for the touchdown early in the first quarter was going to haunt Tomlin for quite some time. 7) Holmes' feet were both down on that touchdown catch. And I did get a laugh out of his LeBron impersonation. I’ve heard “why wasn’t that excessive celebration penalty enforced.” I don’t know. Here’s a thought, though. It looked like Holmes’ back was to the field; my guess is that the officials just thought he was going to spike the ball or something mild and thus weren’t paying attention to Santonio’s antics. 8) I still don’t know what’s worse: “One for the OTHER thumblol” or “Six-pack.” 9) Since when did President Hussein become a Steelers fan? Stop sucking Rooney's cock -- the election is over. And for the record, the Cards were actually a Chicago team once upon a time, so you should have been pulling for your relocated loveable losers. 10) Broadway Joe, you can present all the Lombardi trophies you want. I'll always remember you for this: 9 p.m. • Holy crap. Scott Keith's Biggest Fan is a prophet. Link.

February 3, 2009

1.8 stars? WHAT?!!

Really 1.8 stars? I'm hardly the greatest poster, but I'm better than that. Come on TSM, give me a higher rating.

February 2, 2009

Alro's Blog

OVW TV Report for January 24, 2009

OVW TV Report for January 24, 2009 - Show open... - Recap of Vaughan Lilas's OVW Title win over Aaron "The Idol" Stevens last week. - Dean Hill, Kenny Bolin and Timmy Baltimore are your hosts. - Tonight... a bunch of tag team matches... the TV Title is on the line, of course... - Aaron "The Idol" Stevens & Eugene vs. Theta Lambda Psi (w/Ashley Stefan Streetman) The faces enter through the crowd, showing us how the OVW fanbase has shrunk since the WWE Split. There may be 35% of the seats filled. Wellington and Idol start the match. Idol goes for a quick cover for 1. Big shoulderblock takes down Wellington. Eugene tags in and does his old school nonsense. Wellington reverses an armbar and makes the tag to Moose. Moose is quickly outsmarted by Eugene's antics. Idol tags back in and works over Moose's arm. Idol nails Moose with a big clothesline. Streetman distracts referee Bill Clark and Theta Lambda Psi double team Idol Stevens. Cover made by Wellington only gets 2. Moose tags back in and hits Idol with a few punches before tagging Wellington back in. Wellington drops an elbow and goes for the pin, but only gets 1. Moose tags in and hammers on Idol. Irish whip sends Idol into the corner and Moose follows in with a splash. Moose goes for the win, but Idol kicks out at 2. Idol breaks a chinlock with a jaw breaker. He tries to make the tag, but Wellington tags in cuts him off. Idol fights off Wellington and makes the tag to Eugene. Eugene catches Wellington with the Big Boot. Moose comes in and gets nailed with a Rock Bottom. He tries to pin Moose, but Bill Clark tells him he isn't the legal man. Wellington takes advantage of Eugene's mistake. Moose grabs Idol Stevens and Theta Lambda Psi ram the face's heads together. Streetman comes up on the apron with the frat paddle. Wellington is about to ram Eugene into the paddle when the Mobile Homers come out. They run off Streetman and distract Moose and Wellington long enough for Eugene and Idol to recover. Double roll-up wins it for the faces. Your Winner: Aaron "The Idol" Stevens & Eugene. Not a bad tag match, but I don't know why makeshift teams keep going over established teams. *** - Post match Streetman gets on the mic and calls out the Mobile Homers. He says he'll get in the ring to rid OVW of the Mobile Homers. The Homers take them up on the challenge, but add the stipulation that if they win, Theta Lambda Psi has to disband. Theta Lambda Psi accepts if the Mobile Homers will agree to the same stipulation. The match is made for January 27th. - Interview with OVW Champion Vaughan Lilas. He's out to promote his match with JBL on January 27th. Out comes Lilas's former tag team partner APOC. He wonders why he has to come back to find Lilas as the new champ. Lilas says APOC left the country for a month. He says he got an opportunity and he took it. They have some more words before APOC congratulates Lilas on his recent success. He wishes him luck against JBL. Looks like the seeds are planted for the feud between the former partners. - Commercial break - Fang & Dre Blitz vs. Scott Cardinal & Dirty Money (w/ Jamin Olivencia) Cardinal has the mic and they call out Totally Awesome. He invites Totally Awesome to sit at ringside to watch what will happen to them on the 27th. Cardinal and Money attack Fang and Dre Blitz before the bell. Fang gets tossed out of the ring and Money works over Blitz. Money tags in Cardinal and they hits a double flying neck breaker on Blitz. Cardinal goes out of the ring and tosses Fang back in. Money picks him up and levels him with a nasty spinebuster. Cardinal locks in a Crossface and Blitz taps out. Your Winners: Scott Cardinal & Dirty Money. Total squash. * - Post match Cardinal says they have the opportunity to give the Southern Tag Titles over, but Totally Awesome say they'll just have to wait until the cage match on January 27th. OVW Television Title Match - Sergio vs. Johnny Punch © They trade off on some amateur moves before Punch goes for a pin attempt, only getting 1. Punch with a Japanese arm drag. Punch tries for a springboard elbow, but Sergio dropkicks him in the back. Sergio goes for the pin, but is only able to get 2. Punch dodges a corner splash and goes to the top rope. He takes tot he air, but misses a flying leg drop. Sergio goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Neckbreaker by Sergio only gets 2. Sergio tries a back body drop, but it gets totally botched and Punch lands awkwardly on his face. Sergio tries again for the win, but can only get 2. Sergio locks in a sleeper, but Punch is able to break out. Punch hits some weak looking kicks before hitting a weak seated dropkick. Punch hits a modified backstabber and gets the 3 count. Punch is apparently the TV Champion that gets his ass kicked the whole match and still manages to win. How exciting. Lousy match with a lot of botches there at the end. * - Promo for Top Shelf Talent. This is the exact same promo they aired last week. Evidently they are so top shelf that they can't afford more than one promo. - Commercial break - Debo & Ruff Ryder Rashaad vs. "The Outlaw" Ben Woods & Raul Locos Woods and Raul attack the faces before the bell, but their advantage doesn't last long. 3R and Debo toss the heels and we're finally ready to get going. Rashaad and Woods start off. They trade punches in the corner before Rashaad tosses Woods over the ropes. Kenny Bolin asks why Rashaad wasn't DQed for throwing Woods over the top. That's a good question. Debo and Raul both tag in. Debo fights his way out of a headlock and tags in 3R. Double shoulderblock takes down Raul. Rashaad tries for a corner splash, but Raul moves out of the way. Ben Woods tags in hammers on Rashaad. Woods misses a shot and tags in Raul while Rashaad tags in Debo. Debo hits Raul with some big left hands. Woods comes in and gets flying shoulder tackled out of the ring. Raul misses a flying forearm and Debo decks him with the Right Cross. That's good enough for the 3 count. Your Winners: Ruff Ryder Rashaad & Debo. Decent enough tag team match. Nothing offensive, like most OVW fare lately. Of course it isn't anything spectacular, either. ** - Commercial break - The Insurgency (w/ Bin Hamin) vs. The Mobile Homers (w/ Melody & Nine Fingers Dewey) The Insurgency has new music that isn't the call to prayer. Serena is still being held captive by Bin Hamin. Melody tries to talk to Serena, but The Insurgency punts a quick end to that. Ali and Adam Revolver start off. Ali really needs to go back to the camo pants because he has chicken legs. Revolver arm drags Ali down and Ali is quick to tag in Turcan Celik. Turcan asks for a test of strength with Revolver. Revolver goes in for it, but instead he locks Turcan in a headlock. Revolver punches Turcan down. In comes Ali and Revolver suplexes him over. In comes Ted McNaler and the Homers double back drop Turcan. The Homers then clothesline both members of The Insurgency over the top rope. - Commercial break - Back to the action and Turcan is getting chopped by both Mobile Homers. Bin Hamin causes a distraction and Turcan tosses Revolver into the steel post. Turcan hammers on Revolver. Ali tags in and puts the boots to Revolver. Revolver typically is the redneck-in-peril for the Homers. Turcan tags back in and kicks Revolver in the chest. Ali tags in and The Insurgency double teams Revolver. Ali goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Turcan tags back in nails Revolver with a diving shoulder block into the gut. Turcan makes the cover, but gets only 2. Turcan puts Revolver in a front facelock. Ali tags in to continue the punishment. Ali only gets 2 with the pin. Turcan tags in and Revolver tries to fight out of the corner. Rovolver tries to jump at his corner, but gets caught with a spinebuster by Turcan. Ali comes in and drops a knee across Revolver's face for good measure. Chinlock by Turcan. Revolver fights out and kicks Turcan in the face. Revolver makes the tag, as does Turcan. McNaler comes in takes out both members of The Insurgency. Spear by McNaler! he goes for the cover, but Turcan breaks it up at 2. Turcan tries to powerbomb McNaler, but he slides out. Over comes Revolver and The Mobile Homers take out Turcan with the Double Wide! They set up Ali for the Double Wide, but Bin Hamin jumps up on the apron. Dewey comes over to take out Hamin and here comes Theta Lambda Psi. On the other side of the ring, Melody is talking to Serena. The Homers save Dewey, but Bin Hamin decks McNaler with his flag pole. Ali makes the pin and gets the 3 count. Totally overbooked finish, but it was at least entertaining. Solid tag match. *** ** Card for the House Show at the Davis Arena for January 27th ** Vaughan Lilas vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield Steel Cage Match for the OVW Southern Tag Team Titles Totally Awesome © vs. Scott Cardinal & Dirty Money Losers Must Disband The Mobile Homers vs. Theta Lambda Psi Eugene & Aaron "The Idol" Stevens vs. The Insurgency Mike Mondo will be in action Battle Royal where the last 2 men in the ring will team up for an OVW Tag Team Title shot the next night

Alro

January 31, 2009

On JN News

Seriously, this has gone the way of kanerulesfan: It started out funny, but it's gotten annoying.

January 31, 2009

1/30: A Message To Michael Steele

My n*gga. 11 p.m. • While some may think President Hussein may be able to walk on water, he sure can't walk through windows/doors/walls. Remember when a certain ex-president made such a flub? • Boy, it's a good thing Osama didn't pick this former senator to head anything in the Treasury department. That would have been embarrassing. • If Bruce shouldn't have made a deal somewhere, it should have been with his vetting team. Who WOULDN'T think a deal with Wal-Mart would go over well with the commies he frolics with? • OK, if you can't see the writing on the wall here, then you deserve to show up to work one day and find the doors locked.

January 30, 2009

Alro's Blog

OVW TV Report for January 17, 2009

OVW TV Report for January 17, 2009 - Show open... - Dean Hill, Kenny Bolin and Timmy Baltimore are your hosts. - Tonight... Switchblade & Brewski team up... a six man tag match with Eugene, Debo and Ruff Ryder Rashaad taking on Cardinal, Money and Olivencia... the TV Title will be defended... Totally Awesome vs. The Insurgency... - Video package of last week's battle royal. Vaughan Lilas won to get a shot at JBL on January 27th. - Timmy Baltimore is in the ring to interview Vaughan Lilas. Lilas has words for JBL. OVW Champion Aaron "The Idol" Stevens comes out to interrupt. Idol says he was never eliminated last week, so Lilas only went though 28 guys, not 29. Senior Official Ray Ramsey says Idol is correct. Idol says they need to face off to determine who will face JBL. Lilas says he has nothing to gain and everything to lose. Idol says he'll put the OVW Title up against Lilas's match with JBL. The match is on! - Commercial break - Promo for TST, which is apparently a new team. TST stands for Top Shelf Talent. JD Michaels is now JD Maverick. Pat Buck is his partner. This promo was shot near Longhorn Steakhouse and they are trying to pass it off as a high end club. Too bad this reviewer knows Louisville well enough to mock them. There is nothing top shelf about Longhorn Steakhouse. - The Insurgency (w/Bin Hamin) vs. Totally Awesome Serena, who was abducted by The Insurgency last year, is brought to ringside by Bin Hamin. This is a non-title match. Ali and Sucio start off.Sucio usees his quickness to take Ali off his feet. Tag by Sucio brings in Kamikaze Kid. Kid goes for a pin, but Ali kicks out at 1. Turcan Celik tags in and hammers on TKK. TKK takes back control with a headscissors and tags in Sucio. Flying cross body by Sucio gets 1. Turcan catches Sucio with a knee lift and tags in Ali Akbar. Ali telegraphs a back drop and Sucio flips over him. Turcan comes in and clotheslines Sucio inside-out. Ali gets 2 after a snapmare. Ali misses an elbow drop, but is able to tag in Turcan. Turcan misses a shoulderblock in the corner and tags back in Ali. TKK tags in and he flys around the ring, hitting everything that moves. Sucio vaults over the top rope onto Turcan. TKK takes down Ali and climbs to the top rope. Here comes Serena to distract the referee and Bin Hamin nails TKK with the Iraqi flag pole. Ali rolls over and the pin is academic here. Your Winners: The Insurgency. Decent enough tag match, but the Southern Tag Champs look pretty weak losing to a team that did nothing for the second half of last year. ** - Commercial break OVW Television Title Match - Johnny Punch vs. "The Outlaw" Ben Woods © This is a rematch from December 27th. Punch lost that match after interference by Raul Loco. Woods is apparently no longer part of the War Party. Punch lands a big handspring elbow, but Woods starts chopping away at Punch's chest. The two start trading punches, but Punch takes advantage with a clothesline. Punch misses a splash in the corner, getting himself tied up in the process. Woods comes over and headbutts Punch's knee. Punch's left leg has been injured. Woods wraps Punch's knee around the ring post. Big elbow drop by the champ across Punch's knee. Woods locks in a figure-four in the middle of the ring. Punch is able to drag Woods and gets into the ropes. Woods drags him back to the middle of the ring. He goes for the figure-four again, but Punch catches him with a small package! 1-2-3! Your Winner and NEW TV Champion: Johnny Punch. Punch is a decent worker, but Outlaw is atrocious and I'm glad the title is off him. Nothing offensive here. ** - Commercial break Theta Lambda Psi (Brent Wellington & Moose) vs. The Mobile Homers (w/Melody & Nine Fingers Dewey) The Homers have gone back to Bar-Be-Que for the entrance theme. This is match 1,264,967,353 in this series. Wellington and Revolver start off. Wellington takes an early advantage with a headlock, but Revolver throws him into the ropes and nails Wellington with a dropkick. Wellington quickly tags out to Moose. Moose tries to outsmart Revolver, but fails. Ted McNaler tags in and goes to work on Moose. Moose is able to overpower McNaler and tag in Wellington. Cover by Wellington only gets 2. Wellington locks in an abdominal stretch and gets classic heel heat by getting leverage from Moose. Ashley Stefan Streetman tries to get in on the action, but Nine Fingers Dewey breaks it up. McNaler gets the tag and Revolver comes in with fists flying. Dewey and Moose are fighting on the outside over Streetman's paddle and McNaler flies over the top rope onto both of them. Back in the ring, Revolver rolls up Wellington, but Streetman comes in and rolls Wellington on top. Referee Ray Ramsey turns around and counts the three. Your Winners: Theta Lambda Psi. Usual fare from these two teams. ** - Commercial break Six Man Tag Team Match - Eugene, Debo and Ruff Ryder Rashaad vs. Scott Cardinal, Dirty Money and Jamin Olivencia. With a make-shift team like the faces have, this match can only be a vehicle for progressing the break-up of Cardinal, Money and Olivencia. 3R and Money start. Money uses his power to take advantage on Rashaad. Rashaad reverses an armbar and tags in Debo. Debo takes some quick shots and tags in Eugene. Eugene does his usual antics and tags back in 3R. Thumb to 3R's eye gives Money a chance to tag in Jamin Olivencia. Olivencia can't compete with Rashaad's power and he gets tossed around the ring. Pin attempt by Rashaad is broken up by Dirty Money. Cardinal tags in and drops a big fist across 3R's face. Pin attempt only gets 2. Double team by Olivencia and Cardinal. Cardinal goes for the pin, but Eugene breaks it up. Money tags back in and hammers on 3R in the corner. Money with a take down on Rashaad. Money's arrogant cover only gets 2. Cardinal blind tags in. Cardinal misses an elbow drop, but is able to recover quick enough to tag in Olivencia. Olivencia goes for the pin, but just gets 2. Cardinal tags in, as does Eugene and they trade punches. Eugene's Irish whip is reversed and Cardinal sends him into the rafters with a back body drop. Debo tags in and takes out all the heels. Cardinal ducks Debo's right hook, but Debo quickly catches him with the second attempt. That's good enough for 3. Your Winners: Eugene, Debo and Ruff Ryder Rashaad. Match did what it was suppose to do and the wrestling wasn't terrible. ** 1/2 - Commercial break - Igotta Brewski & Rudy Switchblade vs. Sergio and Los Rojos I'm expecting a squash. Switchblade and Sergio start. They trade mat wrestling sequences. Rojos tags in, as does Brewski. Brewsk walks up to Rojos and headbutts him across the ring. Brewski hits two more and tags in Switchblade. Trickery by the heels let them get in some offense. Sergio tags in and wrenches on Switchblade's neck. He breaks out and Rojos makes a blind tag. Brewski tags in and hammers everyone. Brewski hits the Last Call on Rojos and that's it. Your Winners: Rudy Switchblade & Igotta Brewski. Total squash. * - Commercial break Match with JBL vs. OVW Heavyweight Title - Vaughan Lilas vs. Aaron "The Idol" Stevens © Idol takes control with a side headlock. Shoulderblock takes down Lilas for a two count. Lilas with a hiptoss for two. They each go fir their finishers, but each move is well scouted by the opponent. Lilas breaks out of a waistlock and lights up Idol's chest with a chop. Lilas hits another chop. He goes for the pin, but only gets 1. Idol takes control with a knee lift. He goes for the pin, but gets 1. Lilas fights out of a butterfly lock, but Idol retains control with a vertical suplex. He goes for the cover 3 times, but can only get s two count. Lilas catches Idol with a chop. Idol charges the corner, but Lilas moves and Idol hits the steel post. Lilas with a roll up for two. Idol blocks the English Cravat with a backslide, but Lilas blocks that. He sets up for the Cravat again and nails it! Ray Ramsey makes the count... 1-2-3! Your Winner and NEW OVW Heavyweight Champion: Vaughan Lilas. Post match, Idol hands Lilas the title belt. Good match. OVW has really built up Vaughan Lilas. *** Nothing terrible about this week's show. Two title changes, one of which I was really waiting for (the TV Title). They have put all their eggs in Lilas's basket. Hopefully it will pay off for OVW.

Alro

January 30, 2009

A Day in the Blagojevich Trial

Well, at least when he starts showing up .9:30-Blagojevich enters building .9:45-Jesse Jackson's kid comments on accusations while under oath. He begins to speak like his father, saying "I wanna cut (Rod's) nuts off." .10:00-Blagojevich saddened when he learns Sifl and Olly can't be a part of his defense team-and that they are fictional characters. .10:25-Blagojevich tries to defend his "Harry Potter" slash fan fiction. .10:35-Blagojevich and prosecutors come to agreement that "Blagosphere" is one of the most retarded things ever to be uttered by the news media. .10:55-Blagojevich compares self to The GZA. .11:30-Judge giggles and titters like a schoolgirl when he discovers Zach Effron is one of the prosecutors. .11:45-Awkward moment in which Rahm Emanuel says he can still smell wife on his index and middle fingers. .11:50-Things become more awkward when someone says they "smell a little bit of the gay around here." Enigma is then expelled from the building. Sadly, he still posts at TSM. .12:00-Lunchbreak! Today it's Dominos. Rahm's wife thinks it's too much like wet cardboard with cheese and Pizzasauce. .1:00-Trial resumes. .1:45-Illinois Senator Dick Durbin tells us us of his anger over "The Wrestler" and "The Dark Knight" not being nominated for best picture. .2:15-Robert Byrd shows up for no reason-it happens from time to time. .2:50-Burris says something about a "serial pillist" .3:15-Harry Reid disagrees with Blagojevich's "National Jingus Sucks Week" initiative. Nation mourns. .3:50-Senate confused when Blagojevich says "she rolled on my dick like an ectasy pill." .4:00-Trial ends for the day.

January 28, 2009

The Dunwich Horror

Dunwich child
you know not your fathers name
dope numbs the pain
ascend dark wooded hills to kane
your mothers witches
burnt at the stake for sorcery
you were conceived
upon the altar, rites obscene

child of Dunwich rise
you have your fathers eyes
child of Dunwich rise
end the world that you despise

Dunwich child,
of whispered past now they'll learn
high on the hill
black clouds gather, now they'll burn
bay at the stars
why was I born at all?
hear voices of doom
from other world your fathers call

our time has come
the end has begun.....

January 27, 2009

So Very Bored

Steelers DVDs: Super Bowl IX

As I've mentioned previously I love original televised footage of classic games and I recently added two more DVD sets to my collection one for the Pittsburgh Steelers and one for Oklahoma Sooners football. First off regarding the Oklahoma set, I probably should have actually looked up the scores to the games on the set before purchasing it as only one of the five games was decided by single digits (1976 Orange Bowl), but oh well. There is a bonus feature "The Best of the Barry Switzer Show" which might actually be worth an entry if I ever get around to watching it. The Steelers set has all five of their Super Bowl victories. Well it was supposed to have all five Super Bowls but my set showed up with no Super Bowl XL disk. Bang up job their NFL! If it had been any of the 70's Super Bowls I would have mailed it back. Since I had no intention re-watching that boring, horribly officiated, Jerome Bettis lovefest I decided not to bother with the hassle of returning it. And also NFL, get off your ass and release a 49ers Super Bowls set already. Now Super Bowl X and XIII annually make All-Time Great Super Bowl lists and Super Bowl XIV might be one of the most underrated Super Bowls of all-time. But anyone can watch the good games, so I decided to watch Super Bowl IX which is just 60 minutes of the Steel Curtain destroying the Vikings' offensive line. January 12, 1975 - Super Bowl IX: Pittsburgh Steelers (12-3-1) vs. Minnesota Vikings (12-4) -There were several poor reviews for the set on Amazon due to the video quality of this game and Super Bowl X. The video quality ended up not being quite as bad as some the reviews painted it but it's not very good either. -Sadly there are no player introductions on the disk and no postgame. Announcers for the game are Curt Gowdy, Al DeRogatis, and Don Meredith. STEELERS OFFENSE LT: Jon Kolb LG: Jim Clack C: Ray Mansfield RG: Gerry Mullins RT: Gordon Gravelle TE: Larry Brown WR: Frank Lewis WR: Ron Shanklin QB: Terry Bradshaw RB: Franco Harris RB: Rocky Bleier VIKINGS DEFENSE LE: Carl Eller LT: Alan Page RT: Doug Sutherland RE: Jim Marshall LLB: Roy Winston MLB: Jeff Siemon RLB: Wally Hilgenberg LCB: Jackie Wallace RCB: Nate Wright SS: Jeff Wright FS: Paul Krause VIKINGS OFFENSE LT: Charles Goodrum LG: Andy Maurer C: Mick Tingelhoff RG: Ed White RT: Ron Yary TE: Stu Voight WR: Jim Lash WR: John Gilliam QB: Fran Tarkenton RB: Chuck Foreman RB: Dave Osborn STEELERS DEFENSE LE: L.C. Greenwood LT: Joe Greene RT: Ernie Holmes RE: Dwight White LLB: Jack Ham MLB: Jack Lambert RLB: Andy Russell LCB: J.T. Thomas RCB: Mel Blount SS: Mike Wagner FS: Glen Edwards FIRST QUARTER -Vikings use a 14 man defensive huddle where they would run off three defenders after the Steelers break their huddle, a practice that is of course no longer permitted in today's game. -On the Vikings first play on offense, Tarkenton completes a pass to John Gilliam on the sideline and as Gilliam is knocked out of bounds he runs over a cameraman who I'm pretty sure was Steve Sabol. -Steelers would blow two scoring chances in the quarter after getting the ball on the Vikings' 44 and on their own 47. Roy Gerella missed an relatively easy field goal attempt and then the holder bobbled a second attempt. -Curt Gowdy makes only one mention of Rocky Bleier being a Vietnam vet, playing with shrapnel in his body. I can only imagine how many times a modern announcer would make mention of fact like that during a game if an active player was a veteran. Good thing Tim Tebow isn't a Gulf War II vet. -Gowdy also brings up the story Terry Bradshaw being pissed during the week because the media kept bringing up how he was viewed as a dumb player. Hasn't he pretty made a career out of this? SECOND QUARTER -Lynn Swan and John Stallworth were both in their rookie year and were not starters but they take almost every snap at wideout from the second quarter on. -Vikings get their first opportunity to score after Bleier fumbles and the Vikings recover on the Steelers 24. But as would be the case through the much of the game, the Vikings could not move the ball and settle for a field goal attempt but kicker Fred Cox hits it wide right. -After the Steelers were forced to punt on the ensuing possession, Vikings punt return Sam McCullum would field the punt on a hop inside his own 10. Al DeRogatis thinks it was a bad decision but there were two Steelers near by when he fielded the punt and I think they probably would have downed it inside the 5 anyways. Nevertheless this does lead to the first score of the game when what appears to be miscommunication between Tarkenton and fullback Dave Osborn as Tarkenton pitches it but Osborn doesn't even attempt to grab it. The ball gets kicked back, Tarkenton reaches the ball just before the goal line but slides into endzone where he is touched down by Dwight White for a safety. -On the Vikings next possession, they put together their best drive of the game reaching the Steelers 25. But on a Tarkenton pass over the middle to Gilliam at the Steelers 5, Gilliam attempts to making a leaping grab but he is immediately nailed by Glen Edwards and the ball pops up in their air and is intercepted by Mel Blount. Game heads to the half with a 2-0 score. THIRD QUARTER -Huge break for the Steelers on the second half kick. Gerela slips just as he kicks the ball and it ends up being an accidental squib kick. One of the upbacks Bill Brown doesn't field it cleanly and the Steelers would recover on the Vikings 30. Three Franco Harris runs later and it was 9-0. -There's a bizarre moment on the Vikings next possession. It was 4th and inches on their own 38 and lined up like they were going to run the play but are just trying to draw the Steelers offsides. As Tarkenton tries to draw them offsides a couple of Steelers players start pointing that one of the Vikings lineman flinched, although on the replay it doesn't appear anyone moved, and then the Steelers run across the line. The refs of course blow the play dead but none of them threw a flag. After a quick discussion, there's no false start on the Vikings, no offsides on the Steelers, no timeout was called by the Vikings, and essentially no play. It was like the refs all forgot to throw a flag and when then decided to just say "fuck it, no play." Vikings end up punting. -Probably the most infamous play of the game happens on the Vikings next possession. L.C. Greenwood deflected a Tarkenton pass, which happened quite a bit in this game, that went right back to Tarkenton who catches it and then throws another pass to a wide open Gilliam for a huge gain into Steelers territory but that's of course that's a penalty. Gowdy doesn't appear to know the rule as he calls it like it's a huge play for the Vikings, all the while Don Meredith tries to correct him during the play. But considering a 14 year veteran in Tarkenton apparently didn't know you couldn't throw two passes on the same play, I guess Gowdy deserves a pass. -Even though it's only 9-0 after three, the game already felt like a blowout. FOURTH QUARTER -Oh but the Vikings actually do have a glimmer of hope. Early in the quarter the Vikings recover a Harris fumble on the Steelers 47 and a pass interference penalty sets them up with a first a goal on the 5. But Chuck Foreman promptly fumbles the ball right back to the Steelers. -Steelers can't move the ball and Matt Blair would block the punt which the Vikings recover in the endzone for a touchdown. But the Vikings can't do something good without screwing something else up so the kicker Cox shanks the PAT to keep it a three point game. -The things we take for granted watching football today like knowing how much time is left in a quarter. We don't get a camera shot of the clock here until there is 9:52 left in the game. Although there's no plays missing from the disk, there are several times during the game where the time between a play is edited out so this made it very difficult to figure keep track of how long was left in a quarter. -The Steelers would put the game away with what was really the only sustained drive of the game by either offense on a 11 play, 66 yard march that at up 7:02 of the clock that ends on a Bradshaw touchdown pass to tight end Larry Brown. There was some mild controversy earlier in the drive on a 30 yard completion to Brown where he appeared to fumble and it was initially ruled the Vikings had recovered but another ref ran in and changed the call. Replay shows that he was clearly down before the ball came loose though. -Late in the game it's noted that L.C. Greenwood had signed with the Birmingham Vulcans of the short lived World Football League. He ended up changing his mind. -As the game goes off the air, Gowdy notes that the Steelers were only going to get better. Okay announcers say that almost every time after a team wins a championship but guess one deserves credit when they actually are right in making that proclamation.

Bored

January 25, 2009

Notes From Cubicle 211-A

Birthday fun

30 feels no different than 29. Big surprise. I'm still marching slowly towards the end. The good news at least is that I'm one year closer to 'Senior Citizen' status and all the various discounts and freebies that entitles one to. I stopped caring about my birthday 12 years ago. I figured once I turned 18 and became able to die for my country and blow all my money on lottery tickets, it was all downhill from there anyway, so why give a shit? sfaJill, on the other hand, loves birthdays. So at some point today, I will have to pick a restaurant so she can go buy me dinner, I'll have to pick a "fun activity" to do, and I'll have to open at least one present from her. In fact, we had this exchange last night: "Honey, I'm sorry. I think I gave you most of your birthday presents at Christmas." "So?" "Well, you're probably only going to have one to open tomorrow." "There's a 1% chance I'll give a shit." "I know, I know." (moment of silence) "Maybe I'll take you to Best Buy or somewhere like that and let you pick out something you want." "Yeah...maybe. I guess." ------------------------------ So why am I queerin' up TSM this morning? Because my in-laws have this insane tradition of calling their children (and now children-in-law) at 5:30 in the morning on their birthday and (terribly) singing Happy Birthday over the phone and now I can't get back to sleep. It's gonna be a great day. Neither of us were amused by this tradition this year, particularly since it was nearly 3 AM before we went to sleep. sfaJill even lectured her dad saying, "You're calling at 5:30 on a SATURDAY morning; of course I'm going to assume something is wrong." ------------------------------ It's the exact opposite with my dad. For YEARS he always got my brother's and my birthdays mixed up--he always thought mine was January 28 and my bro's was December 24 when if fact mine is January 24 and my bro's is December 28. Well, he called about 20 minutes ago and we had this conversation. It's funny to me; YMMV. Dad: "I was just calling because it's your birthday. Wait...it is the 24th right?" Me: (laughing)"Yes." Dad: "Well, alright." Me: "You didn't get us mixed up this year. What happened?" Dad: "I don't know. It's probably because Nicole (my sister-in-law) said something about it earlier this week."

sfaJack

January 24, 2009

1/24: Progressing In My Hatred Of Car Insurance Ads

10 a.m. • So I have finally found a set of car insurance commercials that I hate more than the Geioco Cavemen. Those Progressive ads with the burnette cashier. Good God. At least a few (and I mean "a few") of the Geico ads had a smirk/chuckle moment to them. These ones are atrocious. However, I finally laughed at one of the Progressive ads, but probably for the wrong reason. If you can stand it, get through to the end of this ad for the invisible voice-over line. 11 a.m. • Now we're comparing the dining habits of our two most recent presidents? You know what? After reading this drivel my opinion of W. just went up a bit more. He can sit next to me at a Golden Corral any time. I want to stab with a rusty fork those people that talk more about the food they're getting at a restaurant than those that just want go out to eat. Wait, did I just make another presidential death thread? Shit. Well I'll just copy what a columnist of color said a while back about another public figure. That ought to put me in the clear.

January 24, 2009

Brody's on Ignore.

Brody: Take your 9/11 truther bullshit out of the CE folder. I'm as Anti-Bush as you'll get, and even I don't believe that "9/11 Was an Inside Job" bullshit. If you do, then congrats! You're retarded. Seriously, I fucking hate truthers.

January 23, 2009

1/21: A Message To Joseph Lowery

Yeah, I'm going to embrace what's right. By calling you a no-good race-baiting piece of shit. Now it's time for the PeTe RoCkKk ReMiX~!!! Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day... --When Black will not think wedlock births are wack... --When Brown, after realizing the importance of border security, will not frown... --When the Red Man will finally own up for letting Euros kick his people's ass several hundred years ago, man... --When Yellow will stop taking shit from the other groups and start to bellow. Seriously, what is up with you guys? You don't bother anyone, you save your money, you send your kids to good schools, yet the trash surrounding you hates this and tries to keep putting you down. Fuck that... err, where was I? Oh, yeah... --And when White, upon hearing threats of RACISM~!, will stop reacting in fright. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen, or at least go...

January 22, 2009

Heh.

Heh. Heh. Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Don't like it? Fine, don't respond. Hell, go to another blog if you don't like it. Bush is out of office, and I couldn't be happier. For years, i've had to hear "you whiney liberals LOL" whenever expressing displeasure with Bush or the way he ran things. Now I don't have too. Will Obama fuck up? Probably, but for now, I'm in a good mood.

January 21, 2009

1/20 (Part II): A Message To Flag Owners

When your better half asks how long you intend to keep this up, don't say, "Four to eight years." 8 p.m. • I guess the day wasn't a total loss. Yeah, I know. Freeze/froze/blahblahblah.

January 21, 2009

1/20 (Part I): A Message To Ignacio Ramos And Jose Compean

Welcome home, guys. This part made me laugh. "Reputations?" These guys are going to be idols along the conservative circuit. From now on, just let the invaders come on in. Hell, it's not like President Hussein and a Democrat Congress are going to try and stifle the tide of illegals from swallowing the Southwest.