Another day, another OMG BASEBALL IS DEAD story. But I'm here to help the healing begin with a distraction. It's time to decide who was the worst team of my lifetime!
In a desperate need for content for this blog I've decided to run a simulation using Strat-O-Matic to crown the worst team of last 30 years. Each MLB franchise will be represented with their worst team from the last 30 seasons. I'll be using the 2008 MLB schedule as a guideline for the league as no way I'm going to take the time to create my own schedule and Strat's computer generated schedules aren't particularly good. It will be a couple of weeks before I actually begin the simulation as the 2008 rosters won't be shipping for another week and the '08 Nationals are the Montreal/Washington rep.
Now to truly decide who is the worst team of the last 30 years, the standings will be turned upside down. Last place teams in the six divisions and the worst next to last teams in each league will qualify for the playoffs. The playoffs will be just like the current playoff format but loser of each series will be the one who advances.
Start making your predictions now!
1979 Toronto Blue Jays (53-109)
1988 Baltimore Orioles (54-107)
1990 New York Yankees (67-95)
1992 Boston Red Sox (73-89)
2002 Tampa Bay Devil Rays (55-106)
1982 Minnesota Twins (60-102)
1989 Chicago White Sox (69-92)
1991 Cleveland Indians (57-105)
2003 Detroit Tigers (43-119)
2005 Kansas City Royals (56-106)
1979 Oakland Athletics (54-108)
1980 California Angles (65-95)
1980 Seattle Mariners (59-103)
1985 Texas Rangers (62-99)
1988 Atlanta Braves (54-106)
1993 New York Mets (59-103)
1998 Florida Marlins (54-108)
2000 Philadelphia Phillies (65-97)
2008 Washington Nationals (59-102)
1981 Chicago Cubs (38-65)
1982 Cincinnati Reds (61-101)
1985 Pittsburgh Pirates (57-104)
1991 Houston Astros (65-97)
1995 St. Louis Cardinals (62-81)
2002 Milwaukee Brewers (56-106)
1981 San Diego Padres (41-69)
1985 San Francisco Giants (62-100)
1992 Los Angeles Dodgers (63-99)
1993 Colorado Rockies (67-95)
1998 Arizona Diamondbacks (65-97)
Do you really care where the maple syrup comes from? That is unless you want to find out how to have it mask the general stench of your city even more than it already does.
• President Hussein doesn't care about Kentucky-ians.
By the way, how come our president hasn't done more for the fine citizens of the Midwest? Oh, that's right. Because there aren't any welfare recipients standing around going "now who's going to pay my bills?" Then again, why would they -- it's f'n COLD outside.
You're a fighter. Stay on the court for another four, maybe eight years, before stepping down.
• This is one fucked up story. And don't even bother with the "Big Beaver" jokes. I beat you to the donkey punch. The last sentence is ... well. Just read.
You're talking about raising taxes AND bailing out the two Philadelphia daily newspapers. Is it 2010 yet?
• So for those itching for a fix of what’s been going on with the kkk household, here’s an update.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law squirted out a kid in December.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law walked in on her baby’s daddy having sex with another person … in the house they live together at … while the crack-whore niece-in-law was fully awake.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law, along with her bastard child, is now living with my mother-in-law.
-- The crack-whore niece-in-law has gone to more welfare offices than I knew existed this past week, and the better half told me that the commonwealth of Pennsylvania will be charging the baby’s daddy with the hospital bill for the bastard child squirting out. (Oh, and because the crack-whore niece-in-law smoked and did drugs during pregnancy, the bastard child was brought into this world strung out and needed medical attention right off the bat.) The total cost being sent to the baby’s daddy? $20,000.
Now here is where I come in. Am I offering any aid, assistance or comfort to the crack-whore niece-in-law?
And if you thought otherwise, just how long have you been reading this blog?
What I am going to do is rescue the four cats that are still at the baby’s daddy house. Why are there four? Because the crack-whore niece-in-law adopted a cat, did not get it fixed, and it ran off and got knocked up. Gee, that sounds awfully familiar. Who says pets don’t take after their owners?
Anyway, the crack-whore niece-in-law is at yet ANOTHER welfare office today, so I’m not sure when the kitties will be arriving at the kkk household. Why are the cats going to take refuge here? Because we are more than convinced that once the baby’s daddy gets the $20k bill those cats are as good as dead. The better half told me that the medical bill will be arriving in his mailbox sometime next week, so I’ll be expecting the new arrivals either today, tomorrow or sometime this weekend.
While I’m on this subject, how come the baby’s daddy has to foot the ENTIRE medical bill? How about splitting it down the middle between him and the crack-whore niece-in-law? Oh, that’s right. The crack-whore niece-in-law is a leech to society. Man, whenever my mother-in-law keels over, the crack-whore niece-in-law is in some serious trouble. My father-in-law, if he doesn’t keel over first, won’t be doing jack shit for her, nor will the kkk household. She’ll have to fill out her cash assistance forms all by herself. Oh noes.
And just think. Whenever you hear a politician or advocacy group say we don’t do enough for the poor, think of the crack-whore niece-in-law.
In today’s editorial titled: "Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard," your editorial board starts out with the following:
Now after a few paragraphs of “blahblahblah” I notice this passage:
Now let’s look at today’s editorial headline one more time.
Drop Dasschole: The health nominee is not up to Osama's standard
I’m curious to know why there isn’t any concern about Osama’s “standard." You even took the time to list the gang President Hussein thought would be ideal to tell us how to lead our lives -- Mr. Holder, Mr. Geithner and Mr. Lynn. How come no "concern" is expressed about Mr. Osama's judgment in people? Oh, yeah. I remember. Because your publication is nothing more than left-wing trash and is in financial dire straits.
At least one good thing has come out from all this. For years you liberal faggots whined about being called "unpatriotic." Well, after having the current vice president tell us that paying taxes is "the patriotic thing to do," I completely understand why President Hussein's posse don't bother to fulfill their civic duties when it comes to filling the public coffers with their hard-earned money.
I heard your comment about Bud Selig making $17 million in 2007. Nobody deserves to be paid that much? Don’t worry, I’m sure YOUR BOY President Hussein will make your wish come true. I know you're a commie and all, but you do entertain me on PTI. And to your credit, you do keep your unAmerican comments at bay for the most part.
• So the city of Shittsburgh was involved in some game the other day. I caught a few minutes of it. Here’s some stuff:
1) Great game, but not THE BEST OF ALL TIME. Get a grip, ESPN.
2) The Harrison beat-down that got 15 yards isn’t an eject-worthy offense. Jesus Christ, I’ve seen MUCH worse in terms of beat-downs during punt coverage.
3) Santonio Holmes deserves to be the MVP. Yes, Ben made the throws, but Holmes made the catches. And there were a number of catches that Santonio made during the game that he turned into big plays.
3a) Actually, Kurt Warner should be the MVP of both teams. After all, he had just as many touchdown passes to Steeler players as did Ben.
3b) One of the things I like about Ben is his movement in and out of the pocket. It’s amazing to see him avoid defenders and make a throw. Sometimes the results are disastrous, but no pain no gain. It was interesting to see Ben do what he did all game and then to watch Warner try to do the same thing on Arizona’s final play of the game.
4) The Cardinals beat themselves. They should have won that game.
5) That roughing penalty on Ben Roethlisberger was bullshit. That roughing penalty on the field goal holder later in the drive wasn’t.
6) When the Steelers kicked the second field goal deep in Cardinal territory I knew there was going to be a comeback. If the Cards would have won this game, the decision not to go for the touchdown early in the first quarter was going to haunt Tomlin for quite some time.
7) Holmes' feet were both down on that touchdown catch. And I did get a laugh out of his LeBron impersonation. I’ve heard “why wasn’t that excessive celebration penalty enforced.” I don’t know. Here’s a thought, though. It looked like Holmes’ back was to the field; my guess is that the officials just thought he was going to spike the ball or something mild and thus weren’t paying attention to Santonio’s antics.
8) I still don’t know what’s worse: “One for the OTHER thumblol” or “Six-pack.”
9) Since when did President Hussein become a Steelers fan? Stop sucking Rooney's cock -- the election is over. And for the record, the Cards were actually a Chicago team once upon a time, so you should have been pulling for your relocated loveable losers.
10) Broadway Joe, you can present all the Lombardi trophies you want. I'll always remember you for this:
• Holy crap. Scott Keith's Biggest Fan is a prophet.
• While some may think President Hussein may be able to walk on water, he sure can't walk through windows/doors/walls.
Remember when a certain ex-president made such a flub?
• Boy, it's a good thing Osama didn't pick this former senator to head anything in the Treasury department. That would have been embarrassing.
• If Bruce shouldn't have made a deal somewhere, it should have been with his vetting team. Who WOULDN'T think a deal with Wal-Mart would go over well with the commies he frolics with?
• OK, if you can't see the writing on the wall here, then you deserve to show up to work one day and find the doors locked.
Well, at least when he starts showing up
.9:30-Blagojevich enters building
.9:45-Jesse Jackson's kid comments on accusations while under oath. He begins to speak like his father, saying "I wanna cut (Rod's) nuts off."
.10:00-Blagojevich saddened when he learns Sifl and Olly can't be a part of his defense team-and that they are fictional characters.
.10:25-Blagojevich tries to defend his "Harry Potter" slash fan fiction.
.10:35-Blagojevich and prosecutors come to agreement that "Blagosphere" is one of the most retarded things ever to be uttered by the news media.
.10:55-Blagojevich compares self to The GZA.
.11:30-Judge giggles and titters like a schoolgirl when he discovers Zach Effron is one of the prosecutors.
.11:45-Awkward moment in which Rahm Emanuel says he can still smell wife on his index and middle fingers.
.11:50-Things become more awkward when someone says they "smell a little bit of the gay around here." Enigma is then expelled from the building. Sadly, he still posts at TSM.
.12:00-Lunchbreak! Today it's Dominos. Rahm's wife thinks it's too much like wet cardboard with cheese and Pizzasauce.
.1:45-Illinois Senator Dick Durbin tells us us of his anger over "The Wrestler" and "The Dark Knight" not being nominated for best picture.
.2:15-Robert Byrd shows up for no reason-it happens from time to time.
.2:50-Burris says something about a "serial pillist"
.3:15-Harry Reid disagrees with Blagojevich's "National Jingus Sucks Week" initiative. Nation mourns.
.3:50-Senate confused when Blagojevich says "she rolled on my dick like an ectasy pill."
.4:00-Trial ends for the day.
As I've mentioned previously I love original televised footage of classic games and I recently added two more DVD sets to my collection one for the Pittsburgh Steelers and one for Oklahoma Sooners football. First off regarding the Oklahoma set, I probably should have actually looked up the scores to the games on the set before purchasing it as only one of the five games was decided by single digits (1976 Orange Bowl), but oh well. There is a bonus feature "The Best of the Barry Switzer Show" which might actually be worth an entry if I ever get around to watching it.
The Steelers set has all five of their Super Bowl victories. Well it was supposed to have all five Super Bowls but my set showed up with no Super Bowl XL disk. Bang up job their NFL! If it had been any of the 70's Super Bowls I would have mailed it back. Since I had no intention re-watching that boring, horribly officiated, Jerome Bettis lovefest I decided not to bother with the hassle of returning it. And also NFL, get off your ass and release a 49ers Super Bowls set already.
Now Super Bowl X and XIII annually make All-Time Great Super Bowl lists and Super Bowl XIV might be one of the most underrated Super Bowls of all-time. But anyone can watch the good games, so I decided to watch Super Bowl IX which is just 60 minutes of the Steel Curtain destroying the Vikings' offensive line.
January 12, 1975 - Super Bowl IX: Pittsburgh Steelers (12-3-1) vs. Minnesota Vikings (12-4)
-There were several poor reviews for the set on Amazon due to the video quality of this game and Super Bowl X. The video quality ended up not being quite as bad as some the reviews painted it but it's not very good either.
-Sadly there are no player introductions on the disk and no postgame. Announcers for the game are Curt Gowdy, Al DeRogatis, and Don Meredith.
LT: Jon Kolb
LG: Jim Clack
C: Ray Mansfield
RG: Gerry Mullins
RT: Gordon Gravelle
TE: Larry Brown
WR: Frank Lewis
WR: Ron Shanklin
QB: Terry Bradshaw
RB: Franco Harris
RB: Rocky Bleier
LE: Carl Eller
LT: Alan Page
RT: Doug Sutherland
RE: Jim Marshall
LLB: Roy Winston
MLB: Jeff Siemon
RLB: Wally Hilgenberg
LCB: Jackie Wallace
RCB: Nate Wright
SS: Jeff Wright
FS: Paul Krause
LT: Charles Goodrum
LG: Andy Maurer
C: Mick Tingelhoff
RG: Ed White
RT: Ron Yary
TE: Stu Voight
WR: Jim Lash
WR: John Gilliam
QB: Fran Tarkenton
RB: Chuck Foreman
RB: Dave Osborn
LE: L.C. Greenwood
LT: Joe Greene
RT: Ernie Holmes
RE: Dwight White
LLB: Jack Ham
MLB: Jack Lambert
RLB: Andy Russell
LCB: J.T. Thomas
RCB: Mel Blount
SS: Mike Wagner
FS: Glen Edwards
-Vikings use a 14 man defensive huddle where they would run off three defenders after the Steelers break their huddle, a practice that is of course no longer permitted in today's game.
-On the Vikings first play on offense, Tarkenton completes a pass to John Gilliam on the sideline and as Gilliam is knocked out of bounds he runs over a cameraman who I'm pretty sure was Steve Sabol.
-Steelers would blow two scoring chances in the quarter after getting the ball on the Vikings' 44 and on their own 47. Roy Gerella missed an relatively easy field goal attempt and then the holder bobbled a second attempt.
-Curt Gowdy makes only one mention of Rocky Bleier being a Vietnam vet, playing with shrapnel in his body. I can only imagine how many times a modern announcer would make mention of fact like that during a game if an active player was a veteran. Good thing Tim Tebow isn't a Gulf War II vet.
-Gowdy also brings up the story Terry Bradshaw being pissed during the week because the media kept bringing up how he was viewed as a dumb player. Hasn't he pretty made a career out of this?
-Lynn Swan and John Stallworth were both in their rookie year and were not starters but they take almost every snap at wideout from the second quarter on.
-Vikings get their first opportunity to score after Bleier fumbles and the Vikings recover on the Steelers 24. But as would be the case through the much of the game, the Vikings could not move the ball and settle for a field goal attempt but kicker Fred Cox hits it wide right.
-After the Steelers were forced to punt on the ensuing possession, Vikings punt return Sam McCullum would field the punt on a hop inside his own 10. Al DeRogatis thinks it was a bad decision but there were two Steelers near by when he fielded the punt and I think they probably would have downed it inside the 5 anyways. Nevertheless this does lead to the first score of the game when what appears to be miscommunication between Tarkenton and fullback Dave Osborn as Tarkenton pitches it but Osborn doesn't even attempt to grab it. The ball gets kicked back, Tarkenton reaches the ball just before the goal line but slides into endzone where he is touched down by Dwight White for a safety.
-On the Vikings next possession, they put together their best drive of the game reaching the Steelers 25. But on a Tarkenton pass over the middle to Gilliam at the Steelers 5, Gilliam attempts to making a leaping grab but he is immediately nailed by Glen Edwards and the ball pops up in their air and is intercepted by Mel Blount. Game heads to the half with a 2-0 score.
-Huge break for the Steelers on the second half kick. Gerela slips just as he kicks the ball and it ends up being an accidental squib kick. One of the upbacks Bill Brown doesn't field it cleanly and the Steelers would recover on the Vikings 30. Three Franco Harris runs later and it was 9-0.
-There's a bizarre moment on the Vikings next possession. It was 4th and inches on their own 38 and lined up like they were going to run the play but are just trying to draw the Steelers offsides. As Tarkenton tries to draw them offsides a couple of Steelers players start pointing that one of the Vikings lineman flinched, although on the replay it doesn't appear anyone moved, and then the Steelers run across the line. The refs of course blow the play dead but none of them threw a flag. After a quick discussion, there's no false start on the Vikings, no offsides on the Steelers, no timeout was called by the Vikings, and essentially no play. It was like the refs all forgot to throw a flag and when then decided to just say "fuck it, no play." Vikings end up punting.
-Probably the most infamous play of the game happens on the Vikings next possession. L.C. Greenwood deflected a Tarkenton pass, which happened quite a bit in this game, that went right back to Tarkenton who catches it and then throws another pass to a wide open Gilliam for a huge gain into Steelers territory but that's of course that's a penalty. Gowdy doesn't appear to know the rule as he calls it like it's a huge play for the Vikings, all the while Don Meredith tries to correct him during the play. But considering a 14 year veteran in Tarkenton apparently didn't know you couldn't throw two passes on the same play, I guess Gowdy deserves a pass.
-Even though it's only 9-0 after three, the game already felt like a blowout.
-Oh but the Vikings actually do have a glimmer of hope. Early in the quarter the Vikings recover a Harris fumble on the Steelers 47 and a pass interference penalty sets them up with a first a goal on the 5. But Chuck Foreman promptly fumbles the ball right back to the Steelers.
-Steelers can't move the ball and Matt Blair would block the punt which the Vikings recover in the endzone for a touchdown. But the Vikings can't do something good without screwing something else up so the kicker Cox shanks the PAT to keep it a three point game.
-The things we take for granted watching football today like knowing how much time is left in a quarter. We don't get a camera shot of the clock here until there is 9:52 left in the game. Although there's no plays missing from the disk, there are several times during the game where the time between a play is edited out so this made it very difficult to figure keep track of how long was left in a quarter.
-The Steelers would put the game away with what was really the only sustained drive of the game by either offense on a 11 play, 66 yard march that at up 7:02 of the clock that ends on a Bradshaw touchdown pass to tight end Larry Brown. There was some mild controversy earlier in the drive on a 30 yard completion to Brown where he appeared to fumble and it was initially ruled the Vikings had recovered but another ref ran in and changed the call. Replay shows that he was clearly down before the ball came loose though.
-Late in the game it's noted that L.C. Greenwood had signed with the Birmingham Vulcans of the short lived World Football League. He ended up changing his mind.
-As the game goes off the air, Gowdy notes that the Steelers were only going to get better. Okay announcers say that almost every time after a team wins a championship but guess one deserves credit when they actually are right in making that proclamation.
30 feels no different than 29. Big surprise. I'm still marching slowly towards the end. The good news at least is that I'm one year closer to 'Senior Citizen' status and all the various discounts and freebies that entitles one to.
I stopped caring about my birthday 12 years ago. I figured once I turned 18 and became able to die for my country and blow all my money on lottery tickets, it was all downhill from there anyway, so why give a shit?
sfaJill, on the other hand, loves birthdays. So at some point today, I will have to pick a restaurant so she can go buy me dinner, I'll have to pick a "fun activity" to do, and I'll have to open at least one present from her. In fact, we had this exchange last night:
"Honey, I'm sorry. I think I gave you most of your birthday presents at Christmas."
"Well, you're probably only going to have one to open tomorrow."
"There's a 1% chance I'll give a shit."
"I know, I know."
(moment of silence)
"Maybe I'll take you to Best Buy or somewhere like that and let you pick out something you want."
"Yeah...maybe. I guess."
So why am I queerin' up TSM this morning? Because my in-laws have this insane tradition of calling their children (and now children-in-law) at 5:30 in the morning on their birthday and (terribly) singing Happy Birthday over the phone and now I can't get back to sleep. It's gonna be a great day.
Neither of us were amused by this tradition this year, particularly since it was nearly 3 AM before we went to sleep. sfaJill even lectured her dad saying, "You're calling at 5:30 on a SATURDAY morning; of course I'm going to assume something is wrong."
It's the exact opposite with my dad. For YEARS he always got my brother's and my birthdays mixed up--he always thought mine was January 28 and my bro's was December 24 when if fact mine is January 24 and my bro's is December 28. Well, he called about 20 minutes ago and we had this conversation. It's funny to me; YMMV.
Dad: "I was just calling because it's your birthday. Wait...it is the 24th right?"
Dad: "Well, alright."
Me: "You didn't get us mixed up this year. What happened?"
Dad: "I don't know. It's probably because Nicole (my sister-in-law) said something about it earlier this week."
• So I have finally found a set of car insurance commercials that I hate more than the Geioco Cavemen. Those Progressive ads with the burnette cashier.
Good God. At least a few (and I mean "a few") of the Geico ads had a smirk/chuckle moment to them. These ones are atrocious.
However, I finally laughed at one of the Progressive ads, but probably for the wrong reason. If you can stand it, get through to the end of this ad for the invisible voice-over line.
• Now we're comparing the dining habits of our two most recent presidents?
You know what? After reading this drivel my opinion of W. just went up a bit more. He can sit next to me at a Golden Corral any time. I want to stab with a rusty fork those people that talk more about the food they're getting at a restaurant than those that just want go out to eat.
Wait, did I just make another presidential death thread? Shit. Well I'll just copy what a columnist of color said a while back about another public figure. That ought to put me in the clear.
Brody: Take your 9/11 truther bullshit out of the CE folder. I'm as Anti-Bush as you'll get, and even I don't believe that "9/11 Was an Inside Job" bullshit. If you do, then congrats! You're retarded.
Seriously, I fucking hate truthers.
Yeah, I'm going to embrace what's right. By calling you a no-good race-baiting piece of shit.
Now it's time for the PeTe RoCkKk ReMiX~!!!
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day...
--When Black will not think wedlock births are wack...
--When Brown, after realizing the importance of border security, will not frown...
--When the Red Man will finally own up for letting Euros kick his people's ass several hundred years ago, man...
--When Yellow will stop taking shit from the other groups and start to bellow. Seriously, what is up with you guys? You don't bother anyone, you save your money, you send your kids to good schools, yet the trash surrounding you hates this and tries to keep putting you down. Fuck that... err, where was I? Oh, yeah...
--And when White, upon hearing threats of RACISM~!, will stop reacting in fright.
That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen, or at least go...
Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Don't like it? Fine, don't respond. Hell, go to another blog if you don't like it. Bush is out of office, and I couldn't be happier. For years, i've had to hear "you whiney liberals LOL" whenever expressing displeasure with Bush or the way he ran things. Now I don't have too. Will Obama fuck up? Probably, but for now, I'm in a good mood.
Welcome home, guys.
This part made me laugh.
"Reputations?" These guys are going to be idols along the conservative circuit.
From now on, just let the invaders come on in. Hell, it's not like President Hussein and a Democrat Congress are going to try and stifle the tide of illegals from swallowing the Southwest.